So today I cried because I felt loved. And then I laughed at myself because I honestly, don't remember a specific time that that has happened. YES, I have felt loved many, many, many times in my life. But CRIED tears of JOY because I suddenly felt so loved? I typically don't cry tears of joy, anyways- (I don't know if this is a bad thing or not.... ) When I cry it's usually because I'm frustrated or sad or angry or overwhelmed. But today I cried because I felt LOVE.
Love is such a strong, intense emotion.
This is also significant because I have been fighting off stupid little nasty lies for the past couple weeks that the amount of love that I'm "receiving" was diminishing. It's obviously NOT diminishing in any sense. Just loneliness, lack of local friends, lack of words of affirmation (or any type of conversation, really), definite lack of quality time, and missing terribly a handful of teen mania friends... all of that just piled up and seemed to suck the FEELING of love right out of me!
Oh, Lord - thank you for your faithfulness! Because the truth is: I AM LOVED!
Last night a girl from my life group, Marissa, invited me to go apple picking this morning with her sister and a few other women. I was THRILLED to be invited to do something! It was so much fun -- quality time! Finally! And even life group last night was awesome... every week I talk to more people and become more comfortable. I know that community is important. I am so grateful that I'm slowly but surely fitting into one.
When I got home from school I noticed that I had 3 comments from my last post - I haven't had comments in ages! I don't even expect that I have a large circle of readers at all... but it was just encouraging that people choose to read this blog. Because it's ME... my heart. So... that makes me feel loved, too! (This is when I cried.)
Something came over me and I just recognized God's love in all of this. I know that God doesn't ONLY love me on good days. But today really was an awesome day: the kids were good this morning, I went apple picking w/ new friends, I found a Dutch Bros coffee place AND had a giftcard, I got 100% on my quiz, I had a great workout at the gym... it was just a really good day. I hope I remember His love on the bad days, too... but those are few and far between.
I'm so grateful for the many blessings in my life... and the fact that I'm "surrounded" (all over the country) by so many people that I love - and they love me, too!
If this was on facebook I would "like" this, but no can I not only like it can I "love" it? or would that be mockery, because believe me, that is not how I intend it. God is so so so GOOD! I'm so happy for you Kailene!
ReplyDelete~Alisa Riddick
Non serious comment: "You are surronded!!" *cue guitar and drums in the auditorium ... Sorry, but that came to mind as soon as I read that you were surrounded. :)
ReplyDeleteSerious comment:
Strangely enough,(because, well, you know how often I CRY ... not very often) I experienced something similar to this yesterday ... probably because we're in similar seasons in life.
But anyway, I had missed a call on my cell phone, and when I checked it, it was a friend calling to see if I wanted to come over and have dinner with her family ... and I started to cry too! My mom asked me what was wrong ... I said "Nothing," and when she asked me why I was crying, all I could say was it was because I was happy. The invitation touched my heart so much ... a reminder that I have good friends here, not just on the other side of the country, or Texas. :) I've been reminded a lot recently of the good friendships I have with people from TM, but it was also good to know there are friends close by that I can sit and be ME with.
So yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from ... And I'm so glad you feel loved, and I hope you have many loved and blessed days in the future.
Love you!
oh Kailene! i know this feeling all too well. I have been living in KY for about 2 years now and still have not been able to find a good friend who is kindred spirits with me!
ReplyDeleteit can be such a challenge at times. Just last week i was feeling so depressed. benjamin and i are the youth pastors at our church and sometimes i feel like i am useless! even though i know that is a lie :]
i was hating my job and just wanting to be home and be a wifey and a mommy! but refreshing myself in the truth this week has brought so much joy to my heart!
which is much needed all the time!
remembering that there is joy and peace in the midst of a storm (like when jesus walked on water and saved peter immediately when he called out to him) or even in a desert.
i think a key i just letting someone, that you know who cares about you, know what you are going through so they can encourage you!
or just reading a great friend's blog like yours.
thank you for sharing your heart. it is gold (because of jesus of course :] )