The Return of [THANKFUL Thursday]

I haven't written a "Thankful Thursday" in a long time - but I think today is a great day to remind myself (and you!) of all the reasons why I should choose to walk in joy today and everyday! God is so good!

(I got a package in the mail yesterday - thanks, Mom!! - with pictures from our mini family reunion back in August. This is me with all of my siblings! Together again!)

1. I now have THREE sources of steady income. :) They all have to do with childcare and none of them are highly substantial... but I feel like a pretty hard worker nontheless.

2. Living in the city means that everything is much closer together and I'm spending WAY less on gas! Woo hoo!

3. I think I will include "living with the York's" every week... because they all are such a blessing to me. And Josiah is SO fun and cute! AND - Jamie and I are going to start having some women over (mostly from her life group and other ladies from church) on Friday nights to cook! I'm really looking forward to this!

4. I'm just learning so, so much.... the Lord is faithful to my heart.... trust, patience, perseverence... He's continuing to make me more and more into a pure, confident woman.

5. Kerinda & Marty Miller (the family that I nanny for - Gannon and Channing's parents) invited me to come see Tyronne Wells (Kerinda's brother!) with them when he comes to Boise - he's a great musician that I just discovered because Gannon turns on his CD all the time. I am so blessed to work for such an awesome family! I know that their appreciation is sincere.

6. I'm thankful for skype! Whether it's my weekly "meeting" (haha) with Heather and Emily on Monday nights or video chatting with my brother or randomly chatting with another dear friend -- it is just so nice to stay connected with people!

7. I'm thankful to all of the people who read this blog - which truly is a portrayal of my life & my heart in this season - and offer such encouragement.

I wish...

I wish I had an allotment of money that I could use to buy plane tickets and travel all over the country every weekend to see my dearly missed friends. I feel like everyone who really knows me lives at least 5 states away.

And... even though it's okay to miss people, I'm feeling a little convicted because I just remembered a conversation I had with Shandi a while ago... "Don't store up treasures on earth -- including people." Yes, I treasure relationships that I have with people, truly, but if I treasure them to the extent that I desire them more than I desire fulfilment in Christ there's an imbalance.

[Teach me to be content, Father. I want to be fully satisfied in you - Wash me in YOUR love!]

So yes, it would be great if I could go to Virginia or Texas or Washington or Kentucky or Oregon or Pennsylvania or Montana or California or Illinois or Florida to be refreshed by these wonderful, blessed relationships... but I don't want to just sit pining away for, well, for whatever I would be pining away for in that situation. I want to be fully content, overjoyed even, with the unconditional love of my Savior.

I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again: transition is just so WEIRD. I love life, but I really don't understand.

"Miss you"

This morning Gannon and I dropped Channing off at school and she went to his side of the car to say goodbye, like she always does. Then she told him that she'd miss him, like she always does. About two minutes later Gannon asked:

"Why is Channing sad?"

"What do you mean? Channing isn't sad."

"But 'miss you' is sad."

"You're right, Gannon. 'Miss you' is sad."

Then I grabbed a notebook and wrote that conversation down. What a smart boy. Missing people IS very sad. :(

It's Monday!!!

[For some reason I just heard that "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!" song that you hear at basketball games in my head when I said, "It's Monday." It's kind of funny, but don't you feel like that at the beginning of some weeks?! Sometimes I just have to give myself a pep talk. :) Here comes the week!]

Today I have NO class! Yay! On the other hand, the REASON I don't have class, is because I have midterms this week... so after 3 major tests and a paper, I'll definitely be ready for the weekend again. :) I have a feeling this will be the first week I'll have to lose sleep over homework. Ahh. I made it so far... oh well, such is the life of a college student, right? (Except MOST college students don't wake up at 5:30 in the morning to make breakfast for two kids and play "Just Dance" on the wii before school starts.... just sayin')

Anyways - to celebrate this day off from school and trying to park at BSU and driving downtown and in an ATTEMPT to enhance motivation in the area of studying and writing a paper on two indigineous people groups in the Arctic Tundra (thrilling, I know.)... I'm spending the day at this AWESOME coffee shop in Eagle called Rembrandts. [rembrandtscoffeehouse.net] If you're ever in town... I will take you here. :) Not only is the coffee/food absolutely delicious, it's in an old chapel and has VERY cool furniture and art, but they also only purchase fair trade/organic coffee from around the world and support local and global needs. To top it all off... I had a giftcard! (I LOVE giftcards! What a treat!)

I also thought I'd share this picture of Josiah, Robbie and Jamie's son - the family that I live with right now. I watched him for a few hours yesterday when Robbie and Jamie were both working at the church. His head is a little blurry because he kept moving; I'm pretty sure he's sticking his tongue out in concentration. I promise I did not teach the child to stand on his toys. But I did take a picture of it... because I think he's pretty talented. And awfully cute. And the best distraction from homework. I love this kid! :)

Busy Life Does NOT Equal SUCCESS

Somehow, I think mostly stemming from American culture, we believe that the busier we are, the more successful other's deem our lives. The more we can handle (or seem to handle) a jam-packed schedule of school, work, activities, volunteering, WHATEVER - the "better" a person we are. I just turned in a paper yesterday for my American Literature class about this idea of perfectionism birthed in the young people of America by pressures and demands placed on them to do well, compare themselves to their peers, and fill their lives with THINGS. I know that when I was younger, I was ALWAYS busy: sports, scouts, church activities, volunteering at the school, trying to get As... and not all of it is in vain; I'm not saying that these things are WRONG. They just become "wrong" when we place that need for success (or just to be deemed successful by the people around us) above living a fruitful, God-fearing life.

Over the past month I've been transitioning into a VERY different season of life - if you couldn't tell from all of these crazy blogs. ;-) My lifestyle is completely different now than it has been the past few years. It's easy to think: "I'm not working enough," "My schedule isn't full enough," etc. But after hearing a sermon about 4 weeks ago on busyness and writing this paper last week, I'm reminded that my purpose in life doesn't come from how much I can pack into a day and still survive. That shouldn't be my goal. Because if other people look into my life and think that I don't have a real job or I'm not taking enough credits this semester or I don't have enough of a social life or whatever else they may come up with, it really doesn't matter.

I would so much rather live a simple life. A life that is full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness & self control. A life that appreciates REST and RELATIONSHIP - with God and people around me. A life that is not so rushed that I forget the little things. I want to have time to keep learning and growing on my own - especially in this awesome season that I'm in. I don't want to get caught up in trying to meet the status quo, that I neglect spiritual, physical, and emotional health.

Here it is...

Here they are, ladies and gentleman! My new non-snowboots! I'm waiting to wear them until it gets a little bit cooler... I don't want my feet to suffocate or anything... they're used to flip flops. The part I can't figure out (don't laugh at me... well, you can if you want) -- So they fit so snugly around my leg that they're only comfortable to wear with leggings, but isn't "the style" to wear then over jeans? I don't think I can fit my jeans in there. Oh gosh. This will take some practice. ;-)

Today...

So today I cried because I felt loved. And then I laughed at myself because I honestly, don't remember a specific time that that has happened. YES, I have felt loved many, many, many times in my life. But CRIED tears of JOY because I suddenly felt so loved? I typically don't cry tears of joy, anyways- (I don't know if this is a bad thing or not.... ) When I cry it's usually because I'm frustrated or sad or angry or overwhelmed. But today I cried because I felt LOVE.

Love is such a strong, intense emotion.

This is also significant because I have been fighting off stupid little nasty lies for the past couple weeks that the amount of love that I'm "receiving" was diminishing. It's obviously NOT diminishing in any sense. Just loneliness, lack of local friends, lack of words of affirmation (or any type of conversation, really), definite lack of quality time, and missing terribly a handful of teen mania friends... all of that just piled up and seemed to suck the FEELING of love right out of me!

Oh, Lord - thank you for your faithfulness! Because the truth is: I AM LOVED!

Last night a girl from my life group, Marissa, invited me to go apple picking this morning with her sister and a few other women. I was THRILLED to be invited to do something! It was so much fun -- quality time! Finally! And even life group last night was awesome... every week I talk to more people and become more comfortable. I know that community is important. I am so grateful that I'm slowly but surely fitting into one.

When I got home from school I noticed that I had 3 comments from my last post - I haven't had comments in ages! I don't even expect that I have a large circle of readers at all... but it was just encouraging that people choose to read this blog. Because it's ME... my heart. So... that makes me feel loved, too! (This is when I cried.)

Something came over me and I just recognized God's love in all of this. I know that God doesn't ONLY love me on good days. But today really was an awesome day: the kids were good this morning, I went apple picking w/ new friends, I found a Dutch Bros coffee place AND had a giftcard, I got 100% on my quiz, I had a great workout at the gym... it was just a really good day. I hope I remember His love on the bad days, too... but those are few and far between.

I'm so grateful for the many blessings in my life... and the fact that I'm "surrounded" (all over the country) by so many people that I love - and they love me, too!

My New Big-Girl Boots

So I got myself some tall black suede boots this weekend. (I really did try to take some good pictures of them... but with my measly camera phone, I just couldn't do them justice. So you'll just have to imagine)

I was a little nervous... I wasn't sure if I was trendy enough to wear boots that weren't meant for the snow. Or that I would know how to wear them and what to wear them with. (such a dilemma) I decided to take a risk.

But don't worry... the tag is still on them and I have the reciept, just in case. ;-)

I am, in fact, going to be 22 years old soon, and I felt like this was a nice move toward adulthood. Yes, I know that I AM technically an adult.... but I think, as with most everything, it's a transition. (a long one) And one that I'm in the middle of!


When I went downtown with some people from my college group on Friday night I felt so young (I'm not sure why... that's probably some insecurity that I'll have to process through later. But for now, I'll just be excited about boots)... but these boots... oh yes, they make me feel grown up. And maybe a little bit trendy.

The funny thing is... I haven't even worn them out of the house yet. :-)

I simply LOVE downtown!

On Friday night I went out to eat downtown with some new friends from my college life group at The Pursuit. *Note: This is the FIRST social event that I've partaken in SINCE moving to Boise (w/out Jamie). It was a pretty big deal. I was VERY excited to go out on the town! We went to a restaurant called Bitter Creek... let me just tell you, the food was DELICIOUS! It may have partially been because by the time we finally ate it was pretty late in the evening and I was starving, but the Chicken Pesto sandwich on focaccia bread called "Wiseguy" w/ real Idaho potatoe french fries was taaaaaasty!!! I was very impressed.

I had the privilege of carpooling with Sandy who gave me the grand tour of that area of downtown on our way there... I love it! So many shops and restaurants and cool coffee shops! I will definitely spend more time down there. I didn't even know that part of town existed. (I'm still pretty new here, okay?) And there's a Saturday market! I didn't even know!

This trek downtown reminded me of my random love for restaurants with quaint patio seating and white lights strung overhead. I just think that's so beautiful. As far as I can remember, I've only eaten in one restaurant like this - but it was inside the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, TN and I was there with some of my youth group for a church youth convention. So that hardly counts. But someday... someday, I'll go to one of those stunning litte restaurants with the pretty white lights. It makes me think of what Italy must be like. (I've never actually been there... so it's just a personal theory I have...) So romantic and peaceful. Heck, why settle? Someday I'll just go to Europe!

A Few Things I've Learned as a Nanny...

(I still don't know that I technically qualify as a "nanny" -- but it's the best word I can think of for someone who is specifically hired by a family to watch their kids everyday.)

1. Mom's never sleep. I don't know how they do it. Kerinda (Channing & Gannon's mom) told me that Gannon woke her up at 6:30 this morning... on a Saturday... after a looooong week. Oh yes. My heart went out to this woman. Then I remembered to thank the good Lord that I don't have a 3 and 6 year old in my life yet to wake me up at all hours of the night and tonight I get to sleep peacefully. [My time will come...]

2. Children epitomize the phrase "your eyes are bigger than your stomach" -- today Gannon wanted rice for lunch and he wouldn't touch his other food until the rice was made. He was very concerned that I didn't know how to make it like his mom does. Then I put some on his plate, he ate 4 bites and was suddenly full. This is not his first offense. (ha!) I have to stop believing them when they try to tell me what/how much they will eat!

3. Everything takes longer with young kids. Plain and simple. Eating a meal, brushing your teeth, getting ready for bed... you name it, it's probably going to take longer than you expect. This is fine, now that I've learned to plan for it!

4. Thank the kids for doing WELL! When they say 'please' without being asked or offer to share a toy or resolve a problem on their own or prefer their sibling... pretty much whenever I catch them doing the RIGHT thing, I try to acknowledge it. "Thank you for saying 'please,' Channing; that was a very nice way to ask." Positive reinforcement... I've learned about this multiple times in psychology classes, and I've seen it play out when watching kids.

5. Hold your ground! Last week I gave Channing and Gannon a bath and Kerinda warned me that I might have trouble getting Gannon OUT of the bathtub because he likes to play. So I gave the 5 and 2 minute warnings and then told them it was time to get out. He said, "Noooo! My mom always lets us stay in until the water drains." I looked at Channing and she said, "Well, yes, but he needs to learn how to obey the FIRST time!" Haha! That's right! So I stood by what I said and didn't back down!

All of this on top of random other things... choosing clothes for the day, fixing their hair (we've been spiking Gannon's w/ gel & I've gotten better w/ Channing's ponytails!), when it's okay to change the schedule, etc, etc. I have a feeling this whole experience will be highly beneficial in my life.

Just Blessed.

It's amazing how quickly your perspective can change after connecting with a few good friends.

How many of you know that Satan tries to tear you down with the smallest, most ridiculous lies? How many of you know that usually this works?! If we are not on our guard, he will come in -- and the Bible tells us that he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He does NOT have our best interests at heart. He doesn't even care about the condition of our hearts in the slightest.

But TRUTH, on the other hand...

I have not been forgotten - by God OR people.

I'm not a burden.

I don't need to wish for more or less or better. I can be content with where the Lord has me right now, because I trust that it is best.

I am worth it. I am worth it.

-------------------------------------------

I really had a good day today... I was pretty tired this morning (come to think of it - I had a horrible night's sleep last night. I kept waking up every hour, thinking it was time to get up. I hate when that happens!), but today was a good day. I took my FIRST test as a student at BSU and I got an A! Ah, relief. :) I'm staying fairly well caught up with homework. I had a good workout at the rec center on campus. I skyped with two of my best friends who are just such a blessing to me... then one of my old roommates called me and we chatted for a while. THEN one of my GIs who worked with me last year in ATF sent me a long facebook message with this title, "'Member how we used to have weekly meetings and I would fill you in on my life?" (Funny - our weekly meetings were on Mondays!) then she proceeded to tell me about her life... I feel so honored that she still wants to include me in her life!

So... after a few solid days of feeling more disconnect than love... tonight was more refreshing than you can even know. I thank the Lord for sweet friends and subtle reminders of truth... and HIS love for me.

1 John 4:16
"And so we know and rely on the LOVE God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

Silly Kids

Gannon and Channing were both awake AND dressed by the time I got to their house at 6:30 this morning. Even after two TV shows, a good breakfast, brushing teeth/hair, we were still ready to go 40 minutes before school started. :) They wanted to play tag or go outside and run around... I don't know where all that energy came from... I was still trying to wake myself up. They weren't going for my idea of quietly reading books at ALL. (Oh well, it was worth a try.)

We ended up playing this dancing game on the wii that's very similar to DDR. I figured that would help get some of that energy out before I dropped them off at school. :)

Anyways - they were so funny at breakfast (as always!) - so I thought I'd share these pictures! They're so goofy. Notice Gannon's apple: they both asked for apples, and in my ignorance, I gave them each their own. So they ate bites small enough to just barely break through the skin all the way around... with about 70% of the apple still on the core they announced that they were "done." Now I know to cut it in half and not listen to those little voices that promise to eat it all........ I'm learning all these little tricks now, by the time I'm a mom my kids won't be able to get away with ANYTHING! hahaha :)

It's a perfect night.

I am a blessed girl... skype and pandora on my laptop, a stack of books/Bible/journal, Jamie's fuzzy blanket, and a cup of coffee in my Portland Starbucks mug. Yep. This is my kind of night.

This morning I video chatted (had a video chat?) with my good friend from Texas, Meghan, and her 14 month old daughter, Emma - which was so refreshing!

Then I went to Rembrandt's (coffee shop) and I had a giftcard (double bonus!) where I spent the afternoon getting a TON of homework done. Ah, the sweet feeling of accomplishment. I do love that. I still have much to finish this weekend. But that was a good boost of motivation to get me through it.

THEN I went to the Miller's house to watch Channing and Gannon this evening so their parent's could go out. We had a delicious meal of chicken nuggets, frozen peas, and apples and watched "Imagination Movers" and "High 5" and then played outside before bedtime. I read a bedtime story and a Bible story, then Gannon read a Bible story: "God said, 'UH OH, where did all the fishies go?!'" Oh my word - that kid cracks me up. Later, his Dad told me that last night Gannon said, "Where's Kaween? I love her!" And Channing told me all about her awesome sleepover with her best friend. They're just so great.

And now... I'm at home and I have the house all to myself. So I'm livin' it up on a Saturday night - sitting at the kitchen table with the aforementioned necessities (coffee + fuzzy blanket + books + music + a friend on skype) and enjoying life. Pandora just knows my life today... thank you for making the most awesome playlists.

10 Things to Do BESIDES Homework

My mother would not approve of the nature of this post... but I'm posting it anyways! ;-)

Also - I have no idea WHY I'm posting this because I don't know what else to do with my time besides homework... I don't know. I'm just weird. Or maybe I'm normal... most people don't necessarily enjoy homework, right?

1. People watch. I'm sitting in front of a huge window in the SUB and there are just so, so, so many people on this campus...

2. Eat skittles. My friend Natalie sent me an AWESOME care package last week and it was full of goodies. They can't go to waste!

3. Look up songs on iTunes. I've been listening to air1 (the radio station) and there are just SO many great, new songs out now... I wouldn't want to miss out on these....

4. Clean the house! That's what I did on Wednesday and it brought a definite sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that my homework did NOT bring...

5. Go bowling? Yes... there's a real life bowling alley in the Student Union Building! No... I have not tried it yet. But it's definitely an option.

6. Doodle in my notebook next to my lecture notes. Maybe if they looked PRETTY it would actually make me want to look at them!

7. Go to Target and buy the pair of moccasins that I've been wanting for months (now that it's Fall it actually makes sense to wear fuzzy slipper-like shoes. I'm so excited!) -- Yes... I'm guilty of that one today. :)

8. Call a friend. I really SHOULD do this one because it really would be worth my while. Or even write them a letter. That would be nice.

9. Exercise - If I really am going to finish this homework ever in my life then I will need those endorphins to kick in and provide some lasting energy.

10. Blog and read blogs. :) (This one seems to be my distraction of choice lately!)

Oh dear...

I just had a WONDERFUL week with my friend, Brianna, here visiting: we slept in (well, she did), tried new restaurants, went for a bike ride (until we both got flat tires! Ever heard of a goat head? I hadn't.), sat in a coffee shop (okay many coffee shops... many times. I think coffee shops are my love language.), skyped with our old roommie (Nicole Lira), and one day we just stayed in our pajamas until dinnertime and watched movies... because we're adults and we can do what we want. :)

But she left me this morning. She drove away from Boise all the way back to Montana. How could she do that to me?! (Okay, fine... I'll stop being dramatic)

(I must really be into these parenthesis phrases tonight... ha!)

So Brianna's gone. AND Jamie is on vacation in Maryland.

All I have to say is... it's a good thing I'm introverted and actually enjoy being alone... and have a list of homework that will never end to fill my time. (seriously... it took forever to knock off ONE quiz from my list of homework tonight. So yes, I decided to blog instead of push through. It happens.)

Ready to start WEEK 3?

This week will be my third week of school. One month ago TODAY I drove away from Texas to move to Boise. Since then I've spent a few days in Oregon, started school, started watching a pair of great kids everyday, switched my license plates AND driver's license over to Idaho, been visited by an old Teen Mania roommate, and been to The Pursuit's college group once and Intervarsity (BSU Campus Ministry) once. It feels like life in Texas existed forever ago.

I figured that the one month mark would be a good time for an update:

1. I'm surviving. :)

2. I really love living with the York family! Josiah (the 16 month old) is a great distraction from homework. Jamie is an amazing friend to me - she even shared her stash of thin mints when I was having a rough day. Robbie shares a lot of wisdom and helps me all the time! Also - I definitely love making my room my OWN. I just put up a bulletin board last night and filled it w/ cards and pictures and memorabilia. I love it!

3. School.... well, I'm getting the hang of it. As of right now, I'm completely caught up in all reading/assignments in half of my classes. The other two classes I still have quite a bit of reading to do. I have great professors and, for the most part, my classes are very interesting. The campus is AWESOME - there's a bowling alley in the student union building and a Chick-fil-A will be opening soon! Next semester I'm going to try to take some online classes as well as on campus classes - this will free up my schedule even more so I can get another job. Sadly, I found out that I misunderstood the cost of tuition for out of state students... this completely caught me off guard. My wonderfully gracious Mom offered to take out a Parent PLUS loan for the remaining few thousand to help with this year. I seriously considered dropping my classes this semester due to the unforeseen cost. I decided to push through and reminded myself that next year will be better.

4. Social? Uh, not really. Like I said at the top, I went to the college group from church last week and Intervarsity at BSU. I'm not super excited about either one... but I'm not going to give up. (Transition takes a LOT of endurance...) I've met a couple people at school and a couple people in both of those groups... but I really just know names. It takes a lot to go from acquaintance to FRIEND. I'm okay with that, though. I've become more introverted than I thought.

On the other hand - I have two of the greatest friends in Virginia and we skype once a week to continue accountability... I am so blessed by them and their commitment to still invest in our friendships even though we're all in different seasons of life. I definitely look forward to the time we get to spend together thanks to technology!

5. I already posted a blog about Channing and Gannon - so you can see below to read about my experiences with those two crazy kids. :) I feel so warmly welcomed into this awesome family! I'm even getting better doing Channing's hair in the mornings! And on Friday Gannon told me he wants me to stay forever. I don't know what his obsession is with that word, but it's sweet. I'm sure I'll have PLENTY of funny stories to share as time goes on...

I love my new job!

For those of you who haven't yet heard - two days after I arrived in Idaho I was hired by a family to watch their kids in the mornings. (EARLY in the mornings... 6:30-9:30am. Plus a few random evenings.) They are a WONDERFUL family!

Today was my third morning watching Channing and Gannon and taking them to school - I love it! Gannon is 3 years old and makes me laugh a lot. He often says to me, "Are you going to stay here forever this day?" (melt my heart, child!) This morning he asked me that and I said, "You're cute, Gannon." He said, "NO I NOT!" So cute. :)

He also loves to turn on music (or the wii!) and dance. I thought we were doing so well today with our morning routine until I went into Gannon's room and he had turned on music and was dancing around his room without any clothes on! (boys will be boys... haha!) I said, "Gannon! It is time to get dressed!" - trying to sound firm. But he could tell I thought he was pretty funny. :)

He also feels the need to repeat after my GPS (Jack) when it gives me directions. He'll be quietly talking to himself in the backseat then... "TURN RIGHT! You're supposed to turn right!" He's such a good helper. :)

Channing is 6 years old and so smart! She's in the first grade and loves to do crafts (which we did BEFORE 7:00 this morning... oh my). I think it's funny that two out of three mornings this week she's asked if she can have candy after breakfast. I respond with, "No, you may not, but thanks for asking." :) I know that she and I are going to be great friends because this is the second day that she's randomly bursted out singing Christmas songs! [Last year my roommate sang Christmas songs just about every other day and we celebrated Christmas/Hanukkah about once a month. It was such a beautiful thing in my life.]

I love doing Channing's hair for school in the mornings... wow - I'm really not used to doing another person's hair! (especially a wiggly 6 year old!) I just barely got the art of doing my OWN hair down like... last year. Well, I'm getting lots of practice in - ponytails, barrettes, ribbons... it's so fun!

Also - Gannon had on Dinosaur pajamas this morning.... since living in Jurassic Park last year, dinosaurs just have a special place in my heart. These sure are some great kids! I'm excited to get connected with this family that loves the Lord and is already so supportive of me. I can tell that this "job" is going to be such a blessing.