Choose to {Love Life}, Regardless...

There is truly so much to love, so much to be thankful for.

Find what you LOVE... whatever makes you feel alive, what gives you energy, peace, joy, what makes you excited, what you dream about... find those things, and do them. 

As often as there are things in life to love and be thankful for, there are just as many things to despise and regret and grow weary of. 

Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that, "...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! [Be of good courage!] I have overcome the world." My translation -- Yes, life is hard. But don't be afraid because you have an everlasting Hope that has already won the battle of life and death. HE is your advocate. You have no reason to live in the bondage of fear.

I'm not trying to ignore those hard things in life that we just don't understand. I don't want to negate the struggles that come up in life. It's definitely not okay to ignore emotions or tensions. 

But sometimes I'm pretty sure we hold onto the stress, worry, fear, fill in the blank ____, just a little too long. Then it becomes a part of us. It gets harder and harder to get rid of over time and the line between lie and truth becomes gray and blurry. Sometimes we just get confused and paralyzed and so we (for whatever reason) decide to sit in the midst of that gray, blurry mess and all the while the stress, worry and fear continue to build.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like an AWFUL life. 

I don't say "awful" as in "I'm so far removed from such things and have certainly never experienced that...." because that would be a lie. We've all been there. I don't think we always even know how we get there, but it happens.

Again, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you  may have LIFE, and have it to the full" (John 10:10, NIV). 

or "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." (NLT)

or "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." (NKJV)

Jesus didn't come to Earth as a baby over two thousand years ago, live a perfect life, die on the cross to pay the wages of our sin, then raise from the grave three days later, all so we could live fearfully and fretfully. No way! 

Sometimes when I find myself in that gray, blurry mess, I think God says, "Don't you realize everything I've put around you to enjoy? Don't you see the blessings?" Not that He is disappointed, but that He urgently wants me to recognize the life that is to be lived abundantly, EVEN in the midst of a crazy, broken world. 

We can look around us everyday and see immense, heart-wrenching brokenness. Just turn on the TV or open a newspaper, for goodness sake. 

But dwelling on the brokenness is not the abundant life that Jesus came to offer. 

How are you TRULY loving life lately? 

Do the things you enjoy. 

Spend time with people who encourage you and spur you on to pursue your dreams. 

Celebrate everything that life has to offer, the sweet little things that so often get overlooked. They're everywhere.

{Part Two}

"Give it Time" - Tyrone Wells

Check it.

Read my post from earlier today...

Then listen to this song...

"Give it Time" on YouTube [Click this link.]'

Remember: It's just a season. "This too shall pass." 

The words...

When the world is on your shoulders
And the wind is getting colder
And you cannot seem to find your peace of mind

You start to feel like nothing matters
One more fall and you might shatter
Everyday you find a mountain you can't climb

In all of these things you've been through
The dreams that you said goodbye too
You wonder where this leaves you now (ohh)

As long as you keep on fighting
I swear there's a silver lining
You're gonna see the sun come out

You gotta give it time, gotta give it time
You're gonna be alright
You gotta give it time, gotta give it time
And you've got the rest of your life

With the darkness finally fading
You can start another painting
Fill the day with all the colors of your life
We show up and do our best
We never know what happens next
I hope it's easier with me right by your side

As long as we keep on fighting
I swear there's a silver lining
We're gonna see the sun come out

We gotta give it time, gotta give it time
We're gonna be alright
We gotta give it time, gotta give it time
And we've got the rest of our lives

When your past holds you back
So you can't move ohhh
I hope you know
That there's a new path you can choose 

[positionmusic.com]

Seasons, Expectations & Surrender

We all know that we will experience different seasons in life. It's inevitable. It's natural. Seasons change. People come and go. New experiences and milestones emerge on the horizon.

I often have very specific expectations for what I think a particular season is supposed to look like. The problem with that is... I very rarely know what things are "supposed" to look like. :)

This is where surrender comes in. 

It's not a once in a lifetime kind of deal.

It's an every day, every moment, every new season kind of deal.

The need to surrender emotions, fears, doubts, expectations. 

Not ignoring or discarding them aimlessly.... but learning how to appropriately and effectively acknowledge and experience them, and then continue to move forward. Working through those emotions and unmet expectations are all a part of the process of being refined. 

Being made new daily. 

Being made more and more into the likeness of Jesus. 

Fighting against the natural desires of the flesh and choosing holiness.

Precious diamonds are formed under pressure, too.

"Diamonds are crystals of pure carbon that form under crushing pressures and intense heat. They mostly form in the Earth's mantle, the layer beneath the crust or surface layer, at a depth of about 150km" (Natural History Museum).

These jewels require "crushing pressures and intense heat" in the process of refinement. Our hearts are the same way. The pressures and trials and struggles will lead us to something greater, something better. I also love the correlation of time and depth that are necessary to expose beautiful diamonds after this process. It is not quick or trivial.

How can we expect to be made fully mature and complete after very little time and shallow experiences?

God knows what we need, and just like a parent, sometimes it pains Him to watch us endure a difficult time... but that does not negate the fact that He knows and has a purpose.

He sees your heart.

Don't give in to the lie that He has left you in this time.

Grace + Truth + Time = Growth

[Changes that Heal, Henry Cloud] 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." 
James 1:2-4

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." 

Romans 5: 1-5 

Seasons come and go, and each one has a purpose. I've found myself frustrated lately because the two months after I came back from Panama were the most content two months of my life. I was solid. Lovin' life. 

Then, I believe, due to the pressures and brokenness of the world we live in, my heart started to experience more of that suffering that Paul and James talk about. The kind of suffering that produces perseverance, character, hope, and maturity. If those things are the result of this suffering, then I will endure! There is purpose. And there is a new season coming. 

Therefore, we can 
REJOICE 
in the hope that He has given.

**http://www.nhm.ac.uk/nature-online/earth/rock-minerals/diamonds/diamond-formation

Thankful Thursday

Today I should probably just stick to another list... if I do too much "talking" it will probably turn into "ranting" and nobody wants to hear that! As I have been trying to wake up and shake the grogginess out of my head for the last hour and a half I remembered that I needed to post "Thankful Thursday" and my first thought literally was, "but I'm too GRUMPY to do thankful Thursday!" Yes, spoken like a truly mature adult. 

Here's the lesson today 

(which may be the lesson far too often!) -- 

We need to choose to be thankful even when we have to muddle through grumpiness to get there. Don't allow the enemy to steal your joy by focusing solely on the stress, the tasks, the things going wrong, the things to do, etc.

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." Proverbs 12:25

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

-- I'm thankful for my new ski jacket!

-- I'm thankful for the Cru Christmas party tomorrow night!

-- I'm thankful for the opportunity to share tonight the ways the God has worked in my life recently!

-- I'm thankful for this week of house sitting and enjoying the peacefulness of a quiet home!

-- I'm thankful for snow in the mountains... I will soon be SKIING!

-- I'm thankful for accountability across time zones and state lines... and for video chat that allows us to stay in touch!

-- I'm thankful for Christmas movies!

-- I'm thankful for Tyrone Well's new album "This Love" ... it's amazing!

-- I'm thankful for time off work while I finish up the semester... because clearly I would have gone INSANE if I had to be at work at 7am AND try to finish these raggedy papers!

-- I'm thankful for my mom and her generosity!

There we go. Ten things that I am really, truly, genuinely thankful for. It does a grumpy heart good. :)

Monday Morning Musings -- A List For You

A list. Because it has become clear that I only have the ability to focus on one thing for about 5.9 seconds before I feel the need to move onto something else. (preferably, something more fun and exciting... and Christmas-y) HENCE, the reason why my productivity in preparing for finals week (aka - studying for an exam and finishing drafts for two twenty page writing projects. ha!) has been minimal, if I want to use a "generous" adjective. "Minimal" probably doesn't even describe how little progress I've made. 

*sigh*

"This too shall pass!" 

Amen and amen.

1. I discovered apple chips this weekend and they're AMAZING. The bag holds approximately two serving sizes (my measurement, not the bag's) and they're a kind of spendy treat.... so my goal this week is to figure out how to make them on my own! It can't be that hard. Besides, they will probably make a great study snack. 

2. I'm giving a presentation today using a POSTERBOARD. Talk about old school. It's been about twelve years since I've done that. I decided that this is proof that technology has enhanced our lives because I probably would have been done preparing for the presentation in HALF the time. And my knees hurt from kneeling on the floor to write on it. I don't know why I felt like posterboards must be created on the floor and not a table...

3. I'm house/dog sitting this week and last night I swear I heard an alarm go off at 3:08am. Not an alarm clock as in what I ignored three hours later, but something like a smoke detector or security system. I was convinced that either the house was on fire or there was a burglar. I literally jumped out of bed, but half way to the door the alarm stopped and I realized that if somebody WAS in the house, I was NOT going out there to find out! So I went back to bed, turned the lamp on, and stayed there wide awake and freaked out for almost an hour. When I woke up I couldn't decide if it really happened or I had a bad dream. I know I woke up and jumped out of bed, but the alarm just doesn't make sense. It seemed so real and loud at the time, though! Tonight, I'm going to sleep with a baseball bat by my bed.

4. 10 days until Christmas break!!!

5. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get a haircut and do some Christmas shopping. Do I have time to do these things? Probably not. But it's not my fault that the semester ends on December 21st! That is practically Christmas. And it's the day I leave for Portland... so I don't really have the option to wait until I'm done with finals. Maybe that will help with motivation? Do something fun and Christmas-y in the morning and then push through homework all afternoon? Hopefully.

6. Yesterday I got out my Linguistics textbook and made some tasty guacamole to sit down and bust out this assignment. I made it as far as opening my book and reading the first problem 25 times.... and then I scheduled an appointment with the linguistics tutors. Then I closed my book and moved onto my poster board. Productivity at it's FINEST.

7. I want there to be a snowstorm. I know that 95% of Boise is against me in that wish, but I will hold my ground!

8. I love, love, LOVE it when my friends from Panama City and the Darien Jungle instant message me on facebook. I get to work on my Spanish skills (they need some serious attention right now...) and it's a good reminder of the amazing things that God did in my life and the lives of SO many others this summer. AND it makes me excited about Summer 2013!!!

A Little Thankful Thursday Goodness

I am learning lately how much I cannot do on my own.

Sure, I'm an adult and I get to pay bills, fix my car, plan my life, juggle various responsibilities, etc.... but let's be real -- when it comes down to it, I've got nothing. My thoughts sprout and bloom and grow in a million different directions and my emotions change about every 2.7 seconds. My heavens, it gets ridiculous. When it comes down to the nitty gritty - the basis of who I am - I am so in need of a gracious Savior to cover my mistakes.

I cannot love others without God pouring His love into me.

I cannot experience true, everlasting peace without Jesus' own peace filling me.

I cannot speak truth without already building upon a knowledge and foundation of truth.

I cannot be truly thankful, without the Holy Spirit changing my perspective.

[and BOY do I need a softened heart and changed perspective every once in a while. or rather, very often. grateful for a God who is full of GRACE to do so.]

Though thankfulness is not listed in Galatians 5 as a fruit of the spirit, writing about my inability to muster of genuine love, peace, truth and gratitude reminds me of these verses. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit." -- Galatians 5:22-24

These attributes are fruit [products, results] of walking in the Spirit... not of mere human-ness or choice. I cannot do any of them in and of myself; we NEED the Spirit to fill us so that we can be transformed more and more into the likeness of the Son.

So today, despite the end-of-the-semester craziness, trouble sleeping, irrational emotions,  etc, etc... I will rely on the Holy Spirit to soften my heart & change my perspective... and point me toward THANKFULNESS:

I'm thankful for -
... sweet friendships
... making decisions and seeing growth
... time off work (compensated by 10x the amount of school)
... the chance of SNOW 3 times in the 10 day forecast
... Christmas in 19 days
... my identity in Christ
... revelation/insight/ideas
... coffee, coffee, coffee
... scarves. every.single.day.
... reading a novel for FUN

What are you listening to?

We have the option of listening to a million different voices that constantly vie for our attention -- especially in this "digital age." Advertisements, celebrities, social trends, new medical reports, friends, family, even acquaintances... 

It seems that TRUTH can very easily get pushed to the way side with very little consideration.

Probably the most common "outside" voice I find myself fighting against is actually "inside" -- my emotions. 

Do you ever wake up feeling grumpy? (If not, you can probably just stop reading here... )

In the past twelve hours I went to sleep grumpy and woke up even grumpier. 

[Hate when that happens...]

I didn't go to bed grumpy... but I began to get quite grumpy as I lay there wide awake, trying to go to sleep. I found myself irritated with the most menial, silly things. (All of this happening in my head, mind you.) Then I woke up when my alarm went off and got grumpy all over again because I didn't feel rested. I felt like I just wasted far too many hours trying to get to sleep, not getting restful/productive sleep, and then trying to wake up... I find it ironic that I had so much trouble going to sleep AND so much trouble waking up. Ha!

Can anyone relate to that? Anyone?

A night like that can sure taint my attitude for the next day. Sometimes I let it.

It just depends on what I choose to listen to.

Thankfully, this morning I chose to fix my eyes on JESUS and focus on TRUTH. I made myself coffee & breakfast, turned the fireplace on, sat on the couch with a warm blanket and read my Bible, prayed, and listened to my favorite worship song. (One Thing Remains, Kristian Stanfill)

I prayed for refreshment. I prayed that God would search my heart, see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). I prayed that God would satisfy my heart and overwhelm my soul. I prayed for contentment in Him and nothing / nobody else. 

I know that I don't always choose to listen to Truth. "...The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). Sometimes I listen to emotions or criticism from other people or fear or whatever is the trend of the moment. Sometimes I doubt the truth. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26)

But the fulfillment of the SPIRIT of Truth is like none other!

God is jealous for you... He DESIRES to spend time with you. He pursues your heart like no other person can. "My soul finds rest in God alone [...]" (Psalm 62:1).

What voice are you going to choose to listen to today? 

Everything else is meaningless.
HE is all you need.

And Life Goes On...

I was thinking this morning about writing on a random decision making process I went through from this weekend... and I realized that every few months you will inevitably find a post having to do with making decisions in some form or fashion. That's not a sign that I have nothing to say. That's a sign that I'm living life! Life is a constant succession of decisions. Little ones every day that define who I am, what is important to me, and where I'm going; big ones every so often that seem to clearly dictate the path I choose to take in the long term. ("long term" as in, as far in advance as I can even begin to plan.)

My favorite "decision making" verses were conveniently contained in the first couple chapters of Proverbs that I happened to read this morning. *love when that happens.*

"...he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. 

Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path. 

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. 

Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

"Her [wisdom] ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace."

-- Proverbs 2:8-11; 3:5-6, 17 --

{I highly suggest reading all of both chapters... so good!}

The exciting thing about me moving forward in these decisions is that I did it all on my own! It didn't come in the midst of conversation or from another person's persuasion. (These things have gotten me in trouble in the past!) I am even now, as I write this, realizing how critical this is -- I just made two decisions for the next year of my life without concern of judgment from other people!

[Gosh, I love seeing growth & confidence actually play out in real life!] 

"Pursue what God has put on your heart, not what someone else thinks should be on your heart." - Roger Hershey

It all started on a drive home from dinner at The Olive Garden... I don't even remember consciously thinking about planning out my life or making a decision or anything like that. I just remember that when I pulled up to my house, the lingering questions in my mind were: 

"Why not?"

"What's holding me back?" 

I keep saying things like, "I'm going to Panama again next summer! But maybe not. Because I'm not really convinced that that's what God wants me to do. So... we'll see." I have prayed, sought wise counsel, considered my options, and Panama has still weighs heavy on my heart. 

"Step out in Faith and trust God to direct your steps and cover for your mistakes. Faith is not waiting until you know 100% what to do." - Roger Hershey

What am I waiting for? A neon sign? A prophet? A billboard? A letter in the mail?

I love that nugget from Roger Hershey about moving forward and taking steps of faith, and trusting God to "direct your steps and cover for your mistakes." After that drive home, I decided that I've done everything I need to do, now it's time to take the steps of faith and trust that God has my back.

So I applied to be a Team Leader in Panama again this summer!

I was waiting for some kind of sign that had to do with my involvement with Cru (BSU Campus Ministry) for the next year as well. I've been skirting around a decision and gathering information and praying... but still just waiting. Maybe those Olive Garden bread sticks brought on some kind of wake up call in my heart. ;-) 

This decision is more *risky* than a month in Panama. It requires building a greater financial support system. But it has continued to be on my heart... and it just makes sense with where I will be (still a student until next Dec) and the passions that God has put on my heart. So, again, what am I waiting for? 

I'm excited! Living life for Jesus is such an adventure!

Thankful Thursday - Post Thanksgiving Contentment

The degree of thankfulness in your heart depends on what you focus on.  

What you focus on is determined by how you spend your time/money & 

what you think about.

Thankfulness has everything to do with satisfaction and contentment.

"...you will me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." 

- Psalm 16:11b

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

- Psalm 103:1-5

Did the week of Thanksgiving spur actual thankfulness in your heart? Or did it represent a hurried massive dinner followed by a mad rush to stand in line for hours at your local department store? 

Was it full of family time? Or was it just another week on the calendar of a million things to do?

My goal is NOT to make anyone feel guilty - by any means! (If that were the case, someone would need to gently remind me to take a look at my OWN life.)

I just think it's good to reflect on the correlation of what we say and what we do.

We celebrate THANKSGIVING. We get excited about holidays.

Shopping is not bad - but shouldn't we balance it with giving of our time, selves, possessions?

Work and chores are definitely essential - but we also must schedule in and prioritize free time, rest time, and family time. Actual face-to-face conversations. I know, it is somewhat of a foreign concept. But, seriously. It's crucial.

Personally, my level of contentment and thankfulness skyrockets when I acknowledge God for what He has already blessed me with, rather than constantly seeking MORE. All I want is more of HIM. There will always be something else to do or somewhere else to be or something new to buy.... but the thing that lasts is a real relationship with Jesus. 

So what are YOU thankful for today??

I am thankful for --

- A calm morning in front of the fireplace with my journal
- A surprise trip to Portland to visit friends and family for Thanksgiving (my mom and aunt screamed and my sister-in-law cried when I walked in unannounced... it was perfect!)
- A night with dear friends and encouraging conversations
- So much quality time with my best friend this week (which included making new journals!)
- A great meeting with a Professor yesterday who had great things to say about my semester writing project... what a blessing to be encouraged in one of the things that I am most passionate about!
- Christmas music. Christmas trees. Christmas lights. Christmas socks. Need I say more?
- God's plan that is GOOD and will continued to be revealed little by little...

"Steady My Heart"

This song by Kari Jobe fits in nicely with my post from Tuesday... 

this video has the lyrics. 

So full of TRUTH! Steady my heart. 

{Click HERE to watch it on youtube}

This is how I am steadying my heart this morning. 

Thank you, Jesus, for a calm morning! 

Such a beautiful thing.

- Simplified -

I've had to sit here for a few moments (or possibly quite a bit longer... ah, the plight of a writer.) with a very white, very blank page. Armed with a free coffee, Bible nearby, calming Christmas music playlist... even a window seat in the coffee shop. 
And I've still got nothing.

It has clearly been quite a while since I've sat down to write for anything outside of school work - even to journal. (Shocking, I know.) I can think of a myriad of different things to update you on, questions I've been mulling over, excerpts from books I've been reading... but then I realized, that's not what is really on my heart. 

That's the way it usually works for me; I can sit down with one idea of what I think I will write about, but as soon as my fingers start moving across the keys, God changes the direction of my heart and I see what He has really put there for me to share. 

Christmas is by far, off the charts, 100%, absolutely, my favorite time of year. There are so many reasons why I love Christmas. But many know better than me, that the joy of this season does not negate the burdens and trials that pay no heed to trivialities like the time of year. They don't care that you are trying to celebrate LIFE and FREEDOM. They don't come at convenient times, if it were that such a thing even exists.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; 

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

- Jesus (John 10:10)

I hear about the woman who was just diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread to her brain.

I think about my childhood friend who was just diagnosed with a serious congenital heart defect and must undergo open heart surgery immediately. 

I am reminded of constant financial struggle in the lives of families very dear to me.

I am surrounded by students who are overwhelmed at the end of a semester.

I recall points of shame and guilt in my own life and know that it is not from the Lord.

... and my heart is heavy.

No matter the struggle, the worry, the pain, the affliction... there is always hope. 
And His hope does not disappoint us.

"Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Romans 5:3-5

Hope...

Even when we don't understand it. 

Even when it doesn't make sense.

Even when we don't have the answers.

Hope in CHRIST will never disappoint in the end.

----------------------------------

Which brings me to what is really on my heart... life simplified. It is incredibly easy for my focus to shift from the beauty and sovereignty of Christ to my own futile worries and fears. It is in those times, that we need to take a step back, a deep breath, and a moment to acknowledge just how Almighty and Powerful God really is. I have to remind myself over and over again that just because I am thrown off kilter by the events of life, God is not the least bit surprised. "Trust me, Child," He says.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

It takes faith to choose trust, surrender -- offering up every ailment, fear, concern, sadness and pain to the Creator who made you to live in a healthy, whole, completely fulfilling relationship with Him.

As for those burdens that don't seem to disappear just because you put up the Christmas tree and listen to your favorite Christmas album... God is still good.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. 

Though outwardly we are wasting away, 

yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for 

us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, 

but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, 

but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Amen and Amen.

We all know that life is by no means "easy" or simple." I learn that lesson more and more as time goes on. But I do believe that the burdens on my mind are made light and the pain in my heart is eased when I choose to place my HOPE and TRUST in Jesus. He "simplifies" my life because at the point when I choose to trust, I am no longer the one trying to appease, heal, succeed and figure it all out. I trade my sorrow for His JOY... and joy is simple. light. beautiful. 

What would this look like in YOUR life?

Last week it meant that I put away my school work and took a short walk around downtown to look at all the Christmas lights. It means hot tea and Bible reading when I wake up in the morning. It means praying instead of worrying. It means acknowledging the struggle, but knowing and believing that God is far greater than your struggle.

Thankful [Th]riday

See what I did there? :)

Here we are, a week before Thanksgiving. Your facebook news feed is probably full of all of your friends' daily thankfulness. i.e. "#14 - I'm thankful for my dog." It's November, for goodness' sake. Thankfulness is - dare I say it? - somewhat of a trend. 

I am definitely not saying that it's wrong to do those little daily thankfulness facebook statuses. I'm clearly all about that, since I do it every week! What I'm saying is that I think it's beneficial to be aware of the ebbs and flows of various trends and decide how much you want to allow the trend to control you. Also - some things/ideas that start out as trends, maybe should become habits or lifestyles. Maybe it looks different in different seasons, sure. (you might lose track of the number of facebook statuses if you tried to do that every day forever... "#9873 I'm thankful for spoons to eat soup...")

But are there other ways that you can show gratitude as a part of your lifestyle?

Something that would be characteristic of who you are? 

That way when people look at you, it would be obvious that THAT is a person who is thankful. That person recognizes blessings.

[The purpose of recognizing blessings is simply to give praise to God for all that He gives us. So when I talk about a lifestyle of Thankfulness, maybe what I'm really getting at is.... habitual praise. 

It really is all about HIM anyways.]

Today, I will turn these blessings into praise! Thank you, God, for...

- Thanksgiving break! I am so excited to sleep, have time to work out, spend hours in coffee shops, write, journal, start getting ready for Christmas, skype with my family... it's going to be great!

- Unexpected encouragement. A random phone call from a sweet friend full of positive affirmation and truth. A quick conversation with a respected leader that helped guide healthy perspective. 

- Birthdays! I've had so much dessert and good food this week to celebrate! I just love birthdays. :)

- I'm thankful for my trip to Spokane last weekend... the quality time with friends, the talks on living with Kingdom vision, the pull on my heart to go on missions. Still so much to process!

- An amazing Cru (campus crusade) staff team at BSU.

- A free gym membership at the Rec Center on campus. ("free" meaning, included in the ridiculously expensive tuition that I - and the government - pay every semester) I'm reminding myself that I really am thankful for this so that I'll maybe actually use it sometime soon.

- A great place to live. I am so blessed by this family.

- It's Friday! I'm looking forward to quality time with a lot of friends this weekend.

Monday Morning Musings ...

1. I will probably need about 5 gallons of coffee today. Who wants to deliver a dutch bros kicker to me every hour? 

2. I had the privilege of attending an incredible conference w/ Cru this weekend in Spokane. I didn't necessarily come home with a detailed five year plan (that would have been too easy...), but I did hear some great talks from Roger Hershey (check out: http://www.rogerhershey.com/ to hear some of them), spend some quality time w/ the Cru staff and a good friend, eat breakfast in a fancy hotel, see snow, experience some refreshing times of worship, and a whole lot more... so thankful for the opportunity to go.

3. Okay, so when I say "a whole lot more," I mean there is no other road trip story to top what Stacia, Jessica and I experienced on the way to and from Spokane. Seriously. It involves electrical keys getting wet (in a toilet), giving a quick lesson on driving in the snow, getting lost in Touchet, WA, a very kind police officer who did not write us a ticket (thank you, JESUS), being given our room keys (which turned out to be a room full of Cru guys... that could have been awkward had we not realized that there were already 4 duffel bags in there before we went to sleep... in one of their beds), and then following the GPS home down the more dangerous highway (oops. I successfully avoided a whole community of deer just hanging out on the road, though.) .... we could make a movie with all of the absurd, ridiculous, and hysterical things that happened to us this weekend. I would say that I won't be going on a road trip in a long time, but Christmas in Portland will be here before I know it. Shoot.

4. Going from a rental car that has a button to start the engine instead of a regular key back to my quirky, rickety old Chevy Cavalier.... yeah, that was an awful transition. It was a sad moment leaving the new Nissan Altima behind at Enterprise this morning. Even Gannon didn't like it.

5. Random Fact: I will be turning 24 years old tomorrow. I love birthdays!!! Not even just mine... I just love a good reason to celebrate! A week ago, there was a chance of snow on my birthday. Now, there's not. BUT, miracles can happen! :)

5. In all of the craziness of this weekend I didn't finish my Composition & Rhetoric homework.... or finish studying for my linguistics test that I have in 5 hrs. That was NOT how this weekend was supposed to go. I don't know why I thought I'd have extra time/energy to do that! But staying up to study until 12:30am was also not the best idea... I woke up ten minutes AFTER I was supposed to be at work this morning.

6. Speaking of oversleeping -- I don't remember the last time that has happened, but I know that when it does, I feel so guilty. I get this awful sick to my stomach feeling of guilt. This morning Kerinda just brought the kids to my house and when I went out to the car to bring them inside, she said "we stopped by Starbucks and this is for you!" Even though I was late and threw off her morning and made her late. I feel like every time I have felt bad for something, she shows me the most genuine grace. I was about to cry as she handed me the coffee and said, "you probably need this." Yes, it's true. I have learned so much from this woman about giving and receiving grace. I don't deserve it. I was the one who screwed up. Not only did she not look or sound angry, but she gave me a gift. My mind just doesn't even understand grace like that... but it sure touches my heart in a very profound way. I can't even explain. Thank you, God, for reminders of YOUR grace. I am so overwhelmed.

Thankful Thursday ~ Looking in the Nooks & Crannies

I know that I've said this countless times, but I think it is worth acknowledging again the reality that some days are easier to have a thankful heart than others. Some days it is just plain HARD; it takes a little more time and concentration to see the blessings because you first have to sort through the muck of disappointments, frustrations, emotions, burdens, fears, exhaustion and built up tasks / expectations. All of which could be seen as "blessings in disguise" anyways -- just another tactic of Satan, I believe, is to make us blind to blessings and emphasize the everyday struggles. The truth is, God's plan is sovereign regardless of how much of it I understand.

I was thinking last night as I drifted off to sleep (very easily, as it had been a loooong day) about how it's time for "Thankful Thursday" again... and why can't this blog post always land on the days that thankfulness seems to come easily and beautifully insightful thoughts and exhortations about thankfulness just flow nicely out of my head???

Welcome to LIFE, Kailene. :)

A reminder, yet again, that there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

... always...continually... in all circumstances...

So, we push forward and choose a joyful & thankful heart, regardless of circumstances.

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Today I am thankful for:

- The chance of SNOW in the forecast. I'm such a Northwest girl. 

(except most people here actually hate the snow... so I guess I'm just unique.)

- Peppermint coffee creamer. 'Tis the season!

- The book I am currently reading (more like, slowly making my way through...): "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World -- Finding intimacy with God in the busyness of life" -- love these sweet reminders of what is TRULY important in the midst of a world that teaches otherwise.

- Seeing God's abundant provision in allowing me to attend a conference in Spokane this weekend -- everything from the cost of the actual event, cost of the rental car, managing the details of even reserving a rental car, and a sweet friend to make the seven hour road trip with. 

- Also, for the opportunity to attend this conference! I am confident that it will be a much-needed time to continue processing and praying about the future. I am so excited for God's plan... whatever it may be. 

- I am so very thankful that the kids made an awesome fort in the living room that will *hopefully* entertain them for a couple of hours while I finish blogging and take a chemistry quiz online. We're going to make english muffin pizzas for lunch and then go do something fun this afternoon. But for now, I think we are all enjoying the peace and quiet of a day off. (for them, not me. haha)

- Close friendships all over the place... I am thankful for, and miss terribly, my friends in Virginia, Texas, Kentucky, California, Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, Washington and everywhere else. I am truly blessed by such solid and constant friendships of people who don't even live near me. Thank God for video chats -- one of the greatest technological innovations, in my opinion.

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On the days that thankfulness is not your first response:

Don't give up! Sometimes it's necessary to look in the nooks and crannies to search out those blessings, because they ARE there. It is well worth the time and energy to look beyond the surface and dig deeper to what truly matters; what is really there. The blessings are not absent, they're just disguised and hard to find. Don't let that stop you. Look in the nooks and crannies of your life and take those blessings as joyful offerings to the Lord in recognition of how He truly does provide and care for you, even in the darkest of times. 

Getting All Caught Up In the Hub-Bub

Sometimes I just get turned around in circles because of the thousands of voices telling me I need to perform better in one area... know more about something else... be a better, more informed citizen... focus on my family... focus on school... focus on Jesus (um, ALL of them? at the same time?)... tithe more / support missionaries and orphans around the world...

Let's get one thing straight first, I am in no way condemning the "goodness" of any and ALL of those things. 

The problem is that I feel like the message typically comes across as doing rather than being. 

[Yes, "faith without works is dead" (see the book of James) -- but works without faith (works for the sake of works) are also meaningless.]

Yesterday I met with a very optimistic academic adviser before my 3:00 class to make sure I was on the right track for graduation. (13 months from now. Definitely counting down.) I think she was more excited than I was and expressed that if I just take a few workshops next semester and as many classes as I can in the summer, I could be DONE with school by the end of August. Ending a whole four months early sounded unbelievable. Due to her hopefulness, I was almost catching onto the idea - "Yeah! I could just really push hard next semester and get done SOONER!"

My first thought: But... I am planning on devoting as much of my summer as possible to missions next summer. When I'm not actually traveling, I will be raising support to go. And possibly raising support for campus ministry next year at BSU.

My second thought: And... last I checked, summer pell grants don't exist anymore. I can't PAY for summer classes and I'm not willing to go into debt. (i.e., compile a massive amount of student loans)

My third thought: There's no way I will be done with school in August. But I'm okay with that.

I had an encouraging conversation with a good friend after class last night and one of the things we talked about was living with an ETERNAL perspective. 

Sure, graduating a tiny bit earlier would be awesome, but not worth giving up time on the mission field. 

Yes, I believe it is important to be a knowledgeable citizen. But the opposite doesn't cost me my identity or dignity.

Yep, I'd pretty much give anything (figuratively speaking) to get above a C on a chem quiz or exam. But the fact that I am bombing that class in no way defines who I am. 
(It simply means that I strongly dislike chemistry.) 

I do need to focus on family/friends (i.e. relationships), classes (I really am so close to graduation, don't want to blow it now!), and, most importantly, JESUS. (I mean, HELLO! Thank you for Your grace.) BUT -- 

The point is: You are not what you do or what you know. You were created for more than just having intelligent conversations and earning a college degree. You were created for relationship with God, and anything outside of that is temporary and fleeting. So let's just keep all of those expectations and "good deeds" in perspective. Give (of yourself, time, finances) with a CHEERFUL heart, not one expecting to receive anything in return or gain standing among God or men.

It is easier than we think to get caught up in the "hubbub" of doing good things and being a good person and fulfilling various religious expectations or duties as a US citizen, but life is not even ABOUT those things. 

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains,but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

*For those of you who got thrown off by the word "hub bub" in the title of this post: It was the first word to come to mind to complete the phrase the way I wanted, but then I doubted my knowledge of it's definition... and then I doubted it's existence. Well, according to thefreedictionary.com (google's first responder), it makes sense AND fits well in this phrase! Go me. Hubbub: "A confused uproar of many voices."

Best Decision I've Made in Weeks...

Taking this little two-day trip was seriously just what I needed! Sometimes you just have to make a decision and go for it. I'm so glad I decided to take this quick trip.

I got a great night's sleep at home Friday night. Then, Saturday morning, picked up my free candy cane mocha from Dutch Bros, filled up the car with gas, got my tires/oil checked (anything over 20 miles is quite the journey for my quirky, little car), and hit the road. Only mere minutes after turning onto HWY 55, I felt a huge burden lifted and breathed a sigh of relief. I'm so glad these plans didn't fall through this time. I love that I'm at a place in life where I can pick up and go away for a couple days and enjoy a little retreat / adventure.

Then I settled in for the two hour drive and sang Christmas songs. 
That's normal on November 3rd, right?

I must have my months mixed up! Oh well. That's partly the beauty of going out on my OWN because I get to choose the music, the activities, the food, and how loud I sing the whole drive. ;-)

(After that confession, I'll never find a friend to road trip with!)

I made it to McCall and sat in the corner of a coffee shop in a big, comfy chair. I had an assignment for school due at 4:30 Saturday afternoon, so that was my first priority. Half way through I was so tired I could have put my head down on that big, comfy chair and slept the rest of the day. 

After finishing the assignment I walked around town a little bit... enjoyed the heavenly store filled with Christmas goodies. I think there is seriously something about Christmas that is soothing to me. It's not that I'm obsessed about shopping and, frankly, I hate the hectic-ness of the season. 

What I love is the little things: choosing a Christmas tree, decorating the tree, making cookies, watching cheesy / hilarious / heartfelt Christmas movies, visiting friends and family that I usually only see once or twice a year, the magic of a beautifully serene snowfall, remembering and celebrating the birth of Jesus, beautiful Christmas lights hung all over the city... my brother and I are pretty big on traditions. 

We like to enjoy all of those "little" things. 

I think that those little things are actually the big things.

I know that most people act disgusted or offended or something else equally ridiculous when talk of Christmas comes up before 12:01am the day after Thanksgiving. I can respect that. But seriously... even if by myself, I am so incredibly thankful for two days to enjoy however I choose. Coincidentally, I chose Christmas... I think for good reason. 

I desperately needed some time to adjust my perspective (see Friday's post on feeling swamped...) and get some rest. I just wanted to feel refreshed. McCall is one of the quietest, most peaceful places I have ever been. It was so wonderful. 

Adding the JOY of Christmas to that mix? Just what I needed.