Good Friday

It's Easter weekend! If you've been reading the past few posts, then you know that this week has been a week from you-know-where. I didn't have class today, but of course my lesson in imperfection continued with not waking up to my alarm this morning and being late to work.

Over and over again, I've messed up, made mistakes, fallen short, fallen hard, struggled to get back up again, acted out of emotion, been distracted... then I wake up the next morning and do it all over again! [I realize that I've been told many times this week that I need to stop trying to be perfect and not be concerned about disappointing people... if you are someone who has reminded me of these truths, thank you. Truly. Sometimes it takes a lot of reminding for me to actually have that "Aha!" moment.]

So anyways, this morning, after being frustrated that I overslept and was late, that's when it hit me: I am not perfect... and what better time to drill this truth into my head than Holy week! Jesus came to earth, lived a sinless life, was brutally beaten and mocked, put to death on a cross, and then ROSE from the grave three days later (just as He said He would!) ... for all of my imperfections. Yes! I am not saved because I serve at the church and get good grades and am a great friend to everyone I meet... or anything else. I am saved ONLY by His grace. Nothing else. It's not about me, yet I still strive so diligently to meet those fake standards. Grace has no standards. It's a gift, not based on merit.

I don't know about you, but that thought is seriously blowing me away right now.

Now the downside. We have an enemy, Satan, who does not want us to live in the freedom of the grace of God. He wants us to be in bondage to sin and lies. And you know what?! He is making me angry!

I went to The Pursuit's Good Friday service tonight. [I've been looking forward to it all week; to have a set apart chunk of time to fix my eyes on Jesus and remember His grace. Experience His grace.] Pretty much as soon as I sat down in my seat I was distracted. Watching other people... watching the band.... thinking about any number of random things. I kept catching myself, though, and would think, "No, I want to think about Jesus. Get back on track." Then something else would pop into my head (or my field of vision) and I'd lose it. I felt like those distractions were hindering me from truly stepping into the presence of God. I didn't just FEEL like it... they were. I started to get frustrated and almost just got up and left. Then I realized what was REALLY going on.

The Enemy was getting in my head and feeding me these lies and trying to make me aware of anything but Jesus. He didn't want me to fix my eyes on the Cross and be comforted by grace. He wanted me to feel condemned and judged and ashamed. As soon as I realized the foot hold I gave Satan in my thoughts, I began to cry. I was so filled with anger! I just started to speak truth and write it out in my journal: "This is NOT who I am. I am free and I do know the truth. I will not give up! I will NOT give up! You have not won. Jesus is victorious in my life and in this world."

So many lies, struggles and temptations have been thrown at me, but I recognize this for what it is: a battle. It's hard and I am exhausted, but Jesus Christ has already fought the battle and He won by conquering death! THAT, my friends, is what I'm celebrating this weekend. Thank you, Jesus, for your GRACE.