This is one of those nights where I know I have a thousand thoughts/ideas/questions running through my mind... and it's hard for me to make sense of it all.
I'm enjoying this season of life I'm in... but at the same time, it's incredibly confusing.
I wish I had answers. Trust is so difficult. But if I believe that God is all-knowing and all-powerful, then WHY is it so hard?! I know that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. Even so, my mind continues to question: what is supposed to be my 'focus' right now? how should I spend my time? what relationships should I choose to invest in? essentially, what does the future have in store? I guess that's what I really want to know... so that I can make the "right" choices NOW.
What am I even afraid of, really?
Lingering fear is like a rollar coaster - it's a constant battle of conquering and succombing.
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Now it's 3:00 Sunday afternoon. And that is the point ^ that I fell asleep last night. :) I put my head down to THINK... and then the next time I opened my eyes it was two o'clock in the morning. The good side to that is that I slept like a ROCK. The not-so-good side is that I woke up for church still in that pensive/contemplative/"want to sit by myself in a coffee shop all day" kind of mood. I'm feeling better now, after a service of Extreme Life (kids' ministry at church) and a free lunch at Fudrucker's with some friends. I'm about to head back to church soon for one more service of Extreme Life and then to actually attend church... but I'm still in that in between state, mentally/emotionally, where I don't want to LOSE everything that I was thinking about because I'm sure it will happen to come up again. I want to process and understand. I want to walk in peace and truth.
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