A Relationship Tip for Rule Followers Everywhere

Raise your hand if you're a "rule-follower"!!!!
Yep. That's me. It may sound like a good thing, but trust me, the typical mindsets of a "rule-follower" are not always on track. It's just a part of who I've always been.

Well, I've been learning a lot the past few weeks about how this plays out in relationships...

My conclusion: it is VERY difficult to be a natural rule follower in relationships where it's impossible to simply follow a set of guidelines to reach a desired outcome. That's just not how it works. (unfortunately.) I want somebody to say, "Okay, Kailene - first you do this and this is exactly what it should look like. Then you will move into a phase that looks precisely like this and this is what you do and what you say." Yes! That would be ideal. I can easily do what I'm told, but when it comes to recognizing the fluidity of relationships and just taking things one day at a time... yeah, for some reason that concept just doesn't work in my head. Or maybe it's my heart that creates the confusion. I'm still not sure. There is some part of me that realizes the obvious sense in that concept, but there's another - very large - part of me that thinks it's silly. (aka - hard to comprehend) Relationships are perceived differently by everyone... which creates ambiguity. This would be why communication is KEY. Hmm.

A very wise woman - Sandy Barnes - reminded me yesterday that I cannot be legalistic in relationships. There are some "rules" or boundaries that we set that will not be applicable in all situations. Legalism leads to fear. Essentially, I need to trust. (story of my life! See http://jubilantlife.blogspot.com/2011/02/trust-obey.html) Trust the people around me and trust the Lord who holds my heart in His hands and trust that the Holy Spirit lives in me and gives me wisdom and discernment in every situation. I know the freedom that trust brings, but how often I just fall back into creating my own set of rules for what I think life/relationships are supposed to look like. (which is legalism, which leads to fear... which is not a good place to be)

All that to say: I'm just learning! Thank the Lord for grace.