Yep... my silly heart. My last post was all about TRUSTING the Lord. I DO. I do trust the Lord. I am so glad that my life is not dictated by the feelings in my heart, because it is so inundated with fears. Fear of man, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of rejection... my goodness!
--> It's late at night at the end of the week, so this is more sharing my current string of thoughts with you rather than a put together coherent message.
Really, the fact that fears continue to push at my heart is just another blatant sign of my desperate need for God! He KNOWS my weaknesses and fears and meets me where I am with everything I need in that moment.
Psalm 103:8 "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, ABOUNDING in love."
In a particular instance this afternoon, I just didn't know what was RIGHT. I didn't know the motivations of my heart so I didn't know how to answer the question. Then I just felt ridiculous (Ok, "insecure" is probably a more accurate description... unfortunately) and couldn't get ANY words out. I realize that's ambiguous. The point is this: communication is hard! (especially when you can't communicate within your own self! It's not a matter of resistance to self disclosure. It's a matter of "what the heck am I even thinking right now?!")
Sooo... I'm just going to ask the Lord to open my eyes to what's in my heart. HE knows! :)
Oh Kailene. Yes. That is all I'm going to say. I hear youuu. Let's skype again soon please.
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand this post, Kailene. So many times I feel incapable of saying what I want/describing how I feel/speaking my thoughts, because I don't even understand that myself. I often find myself asking the Lord to help me understand ME ...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, good post. Love you!