Last night Jamie stopped by my room to say goodnight before she went to bed and we ended up talking for about 20 minutes... and in the course of that conversation I realized the root of much of my stress and anxiety these last two weeks: PRIDE.
[That's always a fun conversation. Not!]
It was one of those times where we were talking about this and I kept thinking, "Oh, I do that... yep, guilty of that, too... wow, this woman just nailed it on the head!" We weren't even talking about ME necessarily, but I definitely recognized the effects in my own life.
I just moved here, so of course I want to fit in, but at what length? I just spent three years at an awesome internship program called the Honor Academy at Teen Mania Ministries, so of course I want to exercise 5 times a week and have a lengthy quiet time everyday, but am I really a failure when I fall short? I'm supposed to be focusing heavily on school now, so why am I not getting A's? And why do I still not know what I want to do with my life?
I realized that I've just been condemning myself lately for every single mistake and shortcoming. I drastically overslept the other morning (which is not normal) and I thought it was just about the end of the world. I mean, really, that's just ridiculous.
What happened to my eternal perspective?!
One of my favorite lessons that I should probably tell myself at least 438 times a day: "You are not defined by your failures!"
WHO or WHAT defines me? Jesus. He says that I'm lovely. He says that I am dearly loved. He says that He will fight for me. He says that He has some pretty darn good plans for my life. He says that I can rest in His arms. He says I don't have to be troubled or afraid.
And He says all of that to you, too.
:) I definitely learned a lot this week! It was so good to refocus with you! I realized that I was spending a lot of time looking at the here & now but wasn't necessarily focused on what God was doing in all of it, I was allowing myself to get overwhelmed by everything. (did you finish at the HA this August?)
ReplyDeleteHey Diana! What's your email address? Is it on your blog? (I couldn't find it) I think that will be an easier way to communicate rather than JUST each other's comment boxes. haha
ReplyDeleteYes - I finished at the HA this August. I was there for 3 years. :)
I've learned a lot this week, too... but, as stated above, mostly about failure. Because I didn't do too well on my orange block. It happened to be the most social week I've had since I moved to Idaho, so I couldn't deny desserts from these people I hardly know! And with this strange pattern of over sleeping - I had a hard time working out. (I still did 5/7 days!)
diana.lorentz@gmail.com :)
ReplyDeleteI'm back on facebook now, but want to use it as little as possible.