A Relationship Tip for Rule Followers Everywhere

Raise your hand if you're a "rule-follower"!!!!
Yep. That's me. It may sound like a good thing, but trust me, the typical mindsets of a "rule-follower" are not always on track. It's just a part of who I've always been.

Well, I've been learning a lot the past few weeks about how this plays out in relationships...

My conclusion: it is VERY difficult to be a natural rule follower in relationships where it's impossible to simply follow a set of guidelines to reach a desired outcome. That's just not how it works. (unfortunately.) I want somebody to say, "Okay, Kailene - first you do this and this is exactly what it should look like. Then you will move into a phase that looks precisely like this and this is what you do and what you say." Yes! That would be ideal. I can easily do what I'm told, but when it comes to recognizing the fluidity of relationships and just taking things one day at a time... yeah, for some reason that concept just doesn't work in my head. Or maybe it's my heart that creates the confusion. I'm still not sure. There is some part of me that realizes the obvious sense in that concept, but there's another - very large - part of me that thinks it's silly. (aka - hard to comprehend) Relationships are perceived differently by everyone... which creates ambiguity. This would be why communication is KEY. Hmm.

A very wise woman - Sandy Barnes - reminded me yesterday that I cannot be legalistic in relationships. There are some "rules" or boundaries that we set that will not be applicable in all situations. Legalism leads to fear. Essentially, I need to trust. (story of my life! See http://jubilantlife.blogspot.com/2011/02/trust-obey.html) Trust the people around me and trust the Lord who holds my heart in His hands and trust that the Holy Spirit lives in me and gives me wisdom and discernment in every situation. I know the freedom that trust brings, but how often I just fall back into creating my own set of rules for what I think life/relationships are supposed to look like. (which is legalism, which leads to fear... which is not a good place to be)

All that to say: I'm just learning! Thank the Lord for grace.

Oh, the HEART.

Yep... my silly heart. My last post was all about TRUSTING the Lord. I DO. I do trust the Lord. I am so glad that my life is not dictated by the feelings in my heart, because it is so inundated with fears. Fear of man, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of rejection... my goodness!

--> It's late at night at the end of the week, so this is more sharing my current string of thoughts with you rather than a put together coherent message.

Really, the fact that fears continue to push at my heart is just another blatant sign of my desperate need for God! He KNOWS my weaknesses and fears and meets me where I am with everything I need in that moment.

Psalm 103:8 "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, ABOUNDING in love."

In a particular instance this afternoon, I just didn't know what was RIGHT. I didn't know the motivations of my heart so I didn't know how to answer the question. Then I just felt ridiculous (Ok, "insecure" is probably a more accurate description... unfortunately) and couldn't get ANY words out. I realize that's ambiguous. The point is this: communication is hard! (especially when you can't communicate within your own self! It's not a matter of resistance to self disclosure. It's a matter of "what the heck am I even thinking right now?!")

Sooo... I'm just going to ask the Lord to open my eyes to what's in my heart. HE knows! :)

Trust & Obey

I am completely in awe of the LORD right now!

I'm not sure that I really will be able to adequately express the multitude of thoughts/feelings/excitement in my heart right now, but I'll do my best. :)

First of all, God is SO good! His plans are good, His intentions are good, His love is perfectly good, and His timing is always absolutely awesome. He NEVER forgets the details. He knows what matters to me... more than I know what really matters to me! I am incredibly grateful that my life is in HIS hands and all He asks of me is to trust & obey.

[Just to clarify: when I say "all He asks of me..." I don't take that lightly... Trusting in God is simple, but not easy. It's costly, but not cheap. Trusting in Him requires that I live in constant surrender to HIS will and lay down my fleshly desires in order to whole heartedly pursue what HE has for me. It's that simple, but if you've ever tried it, you know it's far from easy.]

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6) Acknowledge (submit to) Him, and He will direct your paths. [I just have to add that later in that chapter (verse 17) it says that the path of wisdom is PEACE. I just love that!]

This portion of scripture is all about dependence. I've spent a LOT of time the past few years studying dependence, which is simply recognizing we NEED Him. It's acknowledging that He really is all we have and our own understanding is faulty, empty, and unstable. We can not make ourselves more dependent on Him, we already ARE dependent on Him. We cannot live, breathe, move... ANYTHING, without Him. When we grow in the understanding that we ARE dependent on Him, we grow in freedom! Yes! That is so exciting to me!

All of that to say: I'm just excited about truth. I'm excited for what God has planned.

A few days of rest... FINALLY!

The peacefulness of this weekend has been incredibly timely. I am SO grateful for a short break: the chance to sleep in, do FUN things, clean my room (It always stresses me out when my room/car is messy, but that is usually the first thing to go! That's what happens when you don't have roommates anymore...), eat real meals, and get some homework done.

The awesomeness of my weekend started Friday afternoon when Lindsay called to see if I wanted to go skiing in an hour... YES! I really love skiing... and mountains and snow. It was a super fun group of new friends. I felt very much a part of the group because they all kept telling me that they were glad I was able to come. I had a really great time! This is the only picture I have... Lindsay and me as we're getting ready to go out on the mountain! We matched. :)

Saturday morning I got up early and went to Sandy's house for our book study on Beth Moore's book "So Long, Insecurity." There was only four of us and it was WONDERFUL! I just love getting into the grit of life and speaking truth and encouraging one another... thank you, Lord! In the afternoon I got coffee and walked around downtown with my friend, Jake... we had a really good time together. :-) Then I went home and did an insane workout with Jamie and got some random things done... then watched a movie. I've been wanting to just sit and watch a movie for a long time... it was so nice.

Sunday I slept in! I spend most of my time on Sundays at church - I volunteer in 1st grade for 2nd service and 4th grade for 3rd service, then I attend church 4th service (at 6:15). After church we had some XL Volunteers/friends over to hang out.

Today I slept in, too! I went shopping and found some good deals at Old Navy. This afternoon I've just been working on homework and getting other things done and of course, I skyped with Heather and Emily (we have accountability via skype every Monday night).

The past few days have been so FULL of rest, fun, friends, and even getting a few things done here and there. I feel much more ready to push through this week... with these two crazy kiddos. :) We had a TINY bit of snow last week. I couldn't get Gannon to stop eating it! haha

Balance.

I keep discovering that life is all about this: BALANCE. In everything. Time, relationships, eating, sleeping, etc, etc. It all comes back to balance/moderation. My life tends to slowly creep OUT of balance every now and then. Does yours? Or is it just me? I'd like to think I'm not alone in this dilemma of EXTREMES. Extremely busy.

I heard someone summarize Ecclesiastes 7:18 with "A man who fears God avoids all extremes." That's a picture of balance! Balance has a lot to do with priorities, I think. (I'm still very much figuring out this whole concept.) When my priorities get out of whack... everything else follows suit... by "everything else" I mostly mean my emotions. I think that I'm normally a very calm, rational person... but when I miss out of sleep or meals or precious time with Jesus... my 'rational thinking' seems to be on short supply. Then all I want to do are those things that are most important - stated in the last sentence.

Basically, this is just me processing through how to have a busy schedule (because that's inevitable for now) but not FEEL the craziness of a busy schedule. I want to REST in You, Lord. Help me to keep my priorities in line and keep ALL areas of my life balanced.

How do you define peace?

"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. I will say it again: REJOICE!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:4-7

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Peace.

Peace that transcends (go beyond, exceed, to be above and independent of, surpass) all of our understanding. How do you define peace? Do you seek peace as in comfort, perfection, lack of hurt, pain or trouble? Do you only experience peace when your circumstances or emotions (both of which are fleeting) dictate it?

I believe that God gives us peace in the exact moment and way that we need it, even if we don't realize it.

I love the snow. This morning as I'm running off of way too little sleep, two tantrums from my two lovely kids before school, taking Channing late to school for the first time all year, and stumbling through a ridiculous quiz for my perspectives class (a class that I REALLY need to work on changing my own perspective towards... I've got to stop saying "I can't.") ... the piece of chocolate and hazelnut latte and favorite music helped to calm my heart... but when I saw the SNOW falling outside the coffeeshop window, I felt like it was from the Lord. I love that. I love seeing Him in nature, hearing Him in the encouragement of a friend, seeing His character shine all through scripture... I just love His presence. Psalm 16 says that "in His presence is fullness of joy." God, help me to live in your presence constantly. Help me to keep my emotions/thoughts in check and rely completely on You... for YOUR peace exceeds my understanding of what peace is supposed to look like. I want Your kind of peace, not the kind I create.

Community... it's the place to be.

I just love people. I love having good conversations and drinking coffee and playing games and reading the Word and praying and eating and cooking with people. I love that we were MADE for community. We have what it takes (encouraging words, affection, etc) to SUPPORT one another.

I wrote yesterday about having dinner at my favorite restaurant with my friend, Lindsay. We work together in XL (eXtreme Life - children's ministry at church) as Volunteer Coordinators. We do fun things like write the volunteer handbook and discuss how the Bible is like a hot dog. (or a mirror, or a letter, or a sword.....) But even MORE than that... she is someone that I really connected with fast. We haven't been friends for very long, but we have had GOOD conversations. I am so grateful that we hung out last night... celebrated V-day together... and that our conversation helped me understand my life. You know you've got a good friend when they commit to hold you accountable to something.

THAT, friends, is what the body of Christ is all about.

God really does provide ALL that we need. I am so grateful for the awesome community of believers that He has placed me in here. He sure knows what He's doing!