I need a bedtime again.

Christmas break has wrecked me... I did so well all semester going to bed by 10:30. Now, it's 11:40 and I'm very tired... but just really don't want to go to sleep. Do I feel like I'm going to miss out on something?! Whatever it is... I just keep staying up late. Late night is when my mind really works overtime. Yes, I use my brain all throughout the day, but it's at night when those wheels seem to turn extra fast.

Tonight my thoughts are coming and going so quickly I can't even decide what to write about!

Why couldn't I decide to ponder the deep things of life early in the morning so I would be more awake and alert? Instead, I sit here and literally, these are some of the things that have gone through my mind since I started typing:

1. I can't believe that it's 18 degrees outside and there's no snow on the ground.
2. I'm SO looking forward to tomorrow... I'm going to my favorite coffeeshop to hang out w/ a friend from my life group and do plenty of reading and writing. (my favorite things!)
3. Last night I had a good conversation w/ Robbie & Jamie about relationships. I learn so much from them. I have so much to learn. Oh, relationships....
4. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve... and I'm going to wear my new brown and teal flannel shirt. I'm pretty stoked.
5. Is it possible to really look forward to a conversation and really... NOT look forward to the same conversation? Yeah, that's confusing.
6. My brother has a girlfriend and I REALLY need to meet her.
7. I wish plane tickets were free. Gosh, I have a list of about 15 places that I'd like to travel to this week. [Thank the Lord for video chat!]

Okay, now I think I'm just adding things that I've thought of since starting that list. This could go on all night since apparently my mind is just going to keep on running!

I'd better put an end to this rambling and listen to some calming music and... pray. Then sleep sometime this week. Yes, good plan. :)

A Quick Recap...

It seems like FOREVER since I last blogged. I'm glad to be back!

I spent 9 days in Portland and had a BLAST visiting with friends & family. It really was one of my best trips "home" since I moved away. I was able to just enjoy myself and not be concerned with what everybody else thinks... it's a bummer that I didn't get to hang out with a couple people that I would have liked to, but I can't feel GUILTY for that! I see last week as a major breakthrough in my "people pleasing" tendancies. Thank you, LORD!! I just love seeing growth happen right before your eyes. :)

We ate out at all of our favorite restaurants: Olive Garden - celebrating Grandma's birthday, Red Lobster - my brother worked there a year and a half ago and STILL gets a 25% discount!!, Red Robin - my all time favorite, and Yan's - the BEST Chinese food. I went with my brother, mom, and grandparents to see the new Narnia movie, which I LOVED! I think those movies are some of my favorites. I really should read the books... ;-) Kyle and I found a tree farm near our grandparent's house and chopped down our own tree this year... that is definitely a tradition I'd like to keep from now own! It was so great! I spent a super fun evening with 3 of my closest friends from high school - Lindsay, Benita & Taylor. We baked a TON of sweets and laughed the whole night... it was just like "old times." :) Kyle and I went to Solid Rock's 11pm Christmas Eve Service at the Arlene Shnitzer concert hall in downtown Portland! This is one of our favorite Christmas traditions. We saw some great friends and the service was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! We drove down to Eugene to spend a day with family there. It was so fun to see cousins, nephews, brothers, sister, aunts, grandparents, parents, and even a 2nd cousin. :) My aunt's house was beautifully decorated, we played a game of Apples to Apples - my favorite!!, we ate a delicious spaghetti dinner, opened a few presents and just enjoyed each other's company. My sister and I got each other the same picture of us in a frame! It was so funny! Kyle and I spent the night w/ the Whitehead family - Tim, Jill, Hunter, Farleigh & Maggie. They are very much like family to us and we had such a great night with them playing games and watching movies!

Whew - that was my Christmas vacation! The good thing is... I still have two and a half weeks until school starts! I plan to spend this week reading, resting, shopping (yay for giftcards!) and playing in the SNOW that we're supposed to get all day tomorrow!

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, too! :)

School's out!!!

I just finished my last final exam of the semester and am greatly looking forward to all of the books I'll read, hours I'll sleep, friends and family I'll spend time with... and my trip to Oregon!

As much as I have been excited about Christmas for a long time now, I still can't believe that it's only a week and a half away... let the festivities begin!

A little dreaming when I should be sleeping... for real

It's almost 12:30 in the morning as I type this and I know that I should be sleeping, but I am just not tired! This is actually very rare for me... I have trouble staying awake past 11:00 usually. :)

I was just laying in bed and after about 2 minutes realized that I was not going to fall asleep anytime soon and I don't want to waste this valuable thinking time... so I decided to blog!

I had coffee this morning with a new friend! (Praise God for new friends!) She came to life group for the first time last week and we discovered that we both just moved here in August and we're both nannies - my response was, "Let's be friends!" (I don't like to beat around the bush or anything... ha!) I had a SUCH a good time chatting with her!

As we were talking I mentioned Chicago (my favorite city) and kind of jokingly mentioned moving there to go to Bible College after I graduate from BSU... now that I've thought about it some more, I don't think that it was really meant as a joke. I think I could actually see myself doing that. How fun would it be to move to Chicago on my own and go to Moody Bible College! I could go to the art museum on the weekends and go ice skating in Millennium Park in the winter. I don't know why, really, I just LOVE that city. I would have to save a lot of money to pay for Bible College or find a generous donor. Then I would have to find a steady job to cover living expenses.

(Nevermind that for now, though - you can't worry about the details of money when you're only dreaming. In that case, I'll just pretend like it's all free. hehe)

When I was talking with my friend this morning I just got excited with the freedom of knowing that I really can do ANYTHING! I can move anywhere. I'm not tied down anywhere or limited by relationship status, family obligations, or anything else. I just need to finish my Communications degree at BSU and find a lot of money. (lottery? just kidding.)

It's just exciting to think about. I don't have to just stay in the same place and work a boring job and settle for the life that seems easiest. [Note - this doesn't include the here and now... maybe right now is just a season of rest? I'm going to school and watching a couple really great kids. It's okay that this season is different... but it won't ALWAYS be like this. I actually enjoy a fast paced lifestyle.]

Why not go on a little adventure and see what God has in store?

Wow.

I finished reading the book "Redeeming Love" today and watched "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" -- both are extremely clear, straight-to-the-heart analogies of God's love. I'm so overwhelmed!

No matter how often I stray from the Lord or doubt His love or lack trust... He always pursues. His love for me & you will never diminish. He won't relent until He has our all!

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDwW-Ae8hgQ <-- "You Won't Relent" - Misty Edwards @ OneThing]

"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to peices but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:1-3

Thankful-Thankful-Thankful [Thursday]

Hellloooooo & Welcome to the weekly edition of Thankful Thursday. Actually, I just randomly heard someone say "it's Thursday" and I thought... "It's Thursday.... THANKFUL Thursday!" I always get excited about this day of the week. No matter what kind of day I'm having, I just know that it's so good for me to take a quick break and recognize the many blessings that fill my life. Thank you, LORD!

First of all - This is a picture of my brother, Kyle, and me Christmas Eve 2007. It pretty much sums up our relationship right there -- posing in front of the Christmas tree with ornaments on our ears. I can't wait to hang out with my way cool brother!!!

1. I have friends. I know that I've posted a lot about this... but I really am thankful for the fact that I have FRIENDS. Community is so important - I love just DOING life with other people.

2. I have FAMILY and I get to see all of them in less than two weeks! It will be so great to go "home" for the holidays and cram a lot of quality time with a lot of people into one short week.

3. The countdown to the end of the semester is ON... 1 class down (as of 45 minutes ago) and 3 to go! The end is so close I can taste it...

4. Starting in January I'm going to start watching Channing & Gannon 3 afternoons a week! This is a recent addition to the "what is my life supposed to LOOK like?!" concern I've been mulling over for a while now... In making the decision to work more hours w/ this fabulous family, I couldn't think of any reason NOT to: it will help there to be more stability for the kids, I love that the hours are set (something I can plan on every week to be the same - my organized self loves this!), I'll be making more money, it's not stressful or complicated (where as starting a new job probably would be), I would have time to work on homework there if I need to.... this really is a great opportunity and the Lord just worked it out to fit perfectly in my life and theirs! See? God provides!

5. Truth! I am so grateful that I have a solid foundation of truth to stand on each day!

6. The past three years at Teen Mania -- I'm thankful that I've grown more confident and bold, that I know what is socially acceptable conversation (some people don't know this...), for all of the relationships with so many wonderful people.... I could go on. I was just reminded this week of how I'm different now because of what God did in my life in the past three years and felt it was worthy to note my gratitude for this.

Reminded of the Lord's FAITHFULNESS...

[Just a little bit of truth that is on my heart this day.]

He is my provider...

He knows my needs, and fills what is empty. He is my All in All... my Everything.

He knows how I receive love and puts people in my life to express that love to me. I know that God IS love and this is from Him. I'm so grateful for relationships.

He sees my heart and understands who I am.

He is slow to anger and abounding in love. Oh yes, abounding in LOVE.

He desires to spend time with me...

God's love is MORE: more than I know, more than I expect, more than I can understand. I'm blown away by this intense, unconditional love.

He knows my desires. He tells me to DELIGHT in Him...

He makes ALL things new.

He fights for me and restores me. He reminds me of what I know to be TRUTH. This truth I can rely on and trust. God does not lie. He is trustworthy.

He sees what worries me and brings peace. Through encouragement, rest, energy, community - He brings peace that surpasses my limited understanding.

I know that I'm not who I was... there's evidence of that in me TODAY: I'm not stressed or overwhelmed or anxious about the end of the semester... I'm not worried about money because of opportunities that God has provided to meet my needs... I'm not insecure about making friends because I see the AWESOME people He has put in my life...

It's all about the little things. :)

Today has been a WONDERFUL day!

After a full day of babysitting yesterday, I slept GREAT. (this helps to start off a wonderful day.)


Then I went to church and hung out with some pretty awesome first graders and we learned that "You can have joy because God keeps His promises." This makes me so excited!!! I love that these kids just GET it. They understand that God is trustworthy. I pray that I would truly have faith like a child.

Then I was blessed by a surprise phone call from Miss. Danielle Mitchell - one of my customer care interns from Acquire the Fire Operations last year. I love this girl! It was so nice to hear from her. She graduates from the internship in a week - I'm so proud!

Then I got to video chat with my good friend, Meghan Crist and her precious daughter, Emma! Skype is SO fun - It makes a world of difference to actually SEE the person's face when you chat. I love that. It's like we're actually hanging out together. :)

Then... burdened by the amount of procrastination I've been doing on my American Lit paper, I packed up everything and headed over to Moxie Java to write it up in style (i.e. "with a coffee."). This must've helped, because I just finished it! What a load off. The best part of my afternoon at Moxie is that a friend from life group works here and she gave me a DELICIOUS Christmas cookie for free! Also - another friend from life group stopped by to work on homework with me. I just love community!

[Just look at that huge Christmas cookie!! Such great motivation for finishing that paper. :) ]

To top it all off, I have more clarity as to what next semester will look like and I'm really looking forward to going home for Christmas in two weeks - both are very exciting things. After a confusing day on Friday (see a couple posts ago), the peacefulness of today has been extremely welcomed. Thank you, Lord!

Wow... I think I could listen to this song all day

Jason Morant - "Love Song"

I suggest you listen to it.

"Where can I go / Where can I run from you / You're everywhere
You know all my thoughts / you see through my ways / And still you come to me"

Thank you, Jesus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_97Bd5W0gU

Follow Up -

In response to my own post from last night:

I know that my PURPOSE as a Christian is to know God and make Him known. In every season of my life, no matter how different each of them look/feel - I pray that this would be my heartbeat. My purpose is to SERVE Him - I am not serving God less just because I'm not at Teen Mania. He can use me in my family, my church, my life group - and those things are just as important as what I did in Texas. I loved mentoring interns/GIs and being a part of their lives - but I can do that HERE, it just takes time to get to know people and get involved. God still uses me today. I need to be obedient to what He has for me HERE, because I do believe that it's important. (or else I wouldn't be here - I could be anywhere right now! But God brought me to Boise.)

I just love this song - "The More I Seek You"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_1YliutzA&NR=1

In other news: It's snowing again this morning and I'm about to go watch Channing and Gannon for a few hours this afternoon.... maybe I'll make another snowman. :)

Post-Teen Mania Ponderings...

I'm sitting on my bed, nibbling on a scrumptious piece of lindor milk chocolate, writing in my journal by lamplight and a string of colored Christmas lights. It's been "one of those days." Not a BAD kind... just a WEIRD kind. Do you ever get to the end of a day and just think, "Huh. Well, I'm not really sure what I did today..." It just feels strange. I did, indeed, do things today: I had a great morning watching Channing and Gannon, I made a snowman (see pictures below), I got my car fixed (Praise the Lord!), I started outlining some ideas for my American Lit paper... and I took a nap. That's about it.

So I started out journaling to analyze this weird-emotional feeling I have... and I came up with this thought: I think I'm still trying to figure out what life looks like outside of Teen Mania.

I'm stuck on this question: What in the world am I supposed to be doing with my life right now?! What was the purpose of today where I sat at the windshield repair shop? For the three years I was at Teen Mania, I had a schedule to follow... rules/guidelines... God-fearing people all around me... so now that I am OUT of that environment, how do I stand on my own? Now that there isn't a person or a program telling me what my life will look like, what will I make my life look like?

I don't want to be lazy, discontent, unfruitful, or ineffective...

Sometimes it all is so overwhelming. I didn't have to think about paying rent at TM or saving for groceries (thank you, food allotment checks!). I knew that by going to work, attending any other required activities, and completing assignments for my classes at Tyler Junior College I was meeting the standard. Now, what is the standard? I thought that I was supposed to focus on school right now - that's one of the reasons why I left TM - then why am I only taking the same amount of classes that I took while I was AT Teen Mania?

I do love it here... there is just so much that I don't understand. Tomorrow's a new day. It's okay not to understand. I will trust and obey. I just don't know WHAT to obey... what are you telling me, Lord?

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...

This week has been so fun! We got home from the snow in McCall just in time for more snow in Boise! Too bad my "snow day" landed on a day that I already didn't have class or work. Oh well! We enjoyed it anyways. Here are some pictures from the first big snow of the season! I do miss Texas sometimes... but this is one of the reasons I love being back in the North. The snow just adds to the celebration of this season as I write Christmas cards, listen to Christmas music, and bake cookies.

Me & my snowman :-)

I just love this picture of Josiah!

Jamie & Josiah ready for our walk to Tully's to get coffee.

Robbie shoveled out my car that night so I could get to work by 6:00 the next morning!

I hope you're enjoying preparing for Christmas! What a wonderful holiday to celebrate and remember the birth of Jesus!

~ Thankful Thursday ~

What are you THANKFUL for today?

Just because Thanksgiving has come and gone doesn't mean that we STOP keeping a heart of gratitude. Gratefulness is healthy. Remember that today as things come up that try to bring discontentment... there is MUCH to be thankful for!

I'm grateful for...



1. Our snow day yesterday! Apparently we're supposed to get a few more inches tonight. Wow! [I'll post more pictures later!] It was such a fun day... and I absolutely LOVE snow, so it was a wonderful surprise to get TWICE as much as they expected. I'm so glad I invested in those snow boots last week... I've already gotten a lot of wear out of them!


2. God's provision - in so many ways, but emotionally and financially are the first that come to mind. God is so good!!

3. The semester is over in 13 days! Then a month off of school and a trip to Portland to see friends & family and to read a lot. Yeah... that's my plan. :)

4. Monday night accountability via skype with two wonderful friends who live across the country. [I wish I could go see them face-to-face.]

5. Fireplaces. I love the homey, cozy feel of fire in a fireplace... especially with Christmas stockings hanging on the mantel.



6. Golden Delicious Apples



7. The peace of God on UNpeaceful days.



8. Random text message/emails/etc with encouragement from a friend.



9. A full night's sleep.



10. My mom! I really miss her a lot. I'm glad she responds to my random text messages... I'm so excited to see her in 16 days!