Part Two: Actively Waiting

I've been meaning to write a follow-up after re-reading my Thursday post (For When You Just Don't Know What To Do) a few times and realizing how desperate I sounded. Nothin' like a little raw emotion & confusion. :) I've been reading, praying, and talking and I've pulled together a few more thoughts -- probably a little more stream-of-consciousness-esque -- to draw some kind of conclusion about this idea of wading through the "unknown."

When you don't know something, the only thing you want at that point, is to know. But simply TRYING or HOPING to know, bring very little progress in actually knowing. We can muster up everything we've got and still end up with nothing. 

No direction. No insight. No clearly laid out path. 

http://www.scoutiegirl.com/2012/07/the-next-right-action.html

I talked on Thursday about being paralyzed in indecision. Essentially, choosing to stay put because I'm too afraid to move ahead in any direction. I want to know not just all options, but the outcome of each, so I can then determine which one is best. I like to make informed decisions. 

Reality is, I want to have every detail figured out so I can avoid making a mistake at any point along the way. 

Pshh. At least is sounds good. 
Wouldn't that be nice?

While that may be the reality of how I wish life worked... it is actually veeeery far from real life. Even when we think we have everything figured out in order to make a wise decision, things always change along the way; something unexpected comes up and we're forced to make room for this new information and change whatever necessary to accommodate the unexpected. It's inevitable. We'd be smart to plan FOR the inevitable, rather than assume that plan A will be carried all the way through.

"All great change is preceded by chaos." - unknown

Change is inevitable. And prior to change, even GREAT change, is oftentimes a mess of chaos. It's okay and good and natural... because life is messy & I don't have it all figured out.

So what does all of this have to do with waiting and not knowing?

Yesterday, as I was again re-reading my last post and trying to make something of it, I thought of the idea of "actively waiting." Purposeful waiting. Intentional waiting. The word "active" implies that the subject is DOING something during the process of waiting... in this case, waiting on the Lord for answers & direction. 

Seasons of waiting are not all about ignoring the questions and hoping that one day you will somehow "just know." I'm not saying that things can't just naturally fall into place, but I am saying that there are some things we can do in the meantime to be intentional about seeking wisdom in order to move forward...

• Pray.
• Ask for wisdom/counsel from others. 
• Journal/process/reflect.
• Refer to God's Word.
• Make a list.
• Sleep on it.
• Gather more information.

There are lots of things to act on in the "waiting" of the unknown...

But even more than all of that... sometimes you just have to move into the unknown, without fully knowing. [Oh brother... now I'm going to have to mull over that thought for a few days and write a part three.] Sometimes moving forward means that you don't have all the answers, you don't know what it's going to look like, but you give it a shot anyways.... all the while trusting that the Spirit of God living in you directs your steps (whether you're aware of it happening or not). 

Whew. There are some more thoughts for ya... thank you Brianna & Sarah for your feedback via facebook on that last post -- your words encouraged my heart this week.

For When You Just Don't Know What To Do

It's kind of like when I'm at the ice cream shop... you know, the birthplace of all good life lessons.

Do I want something fruity or something chocolatey? That decision will determine the type of toppings I choose and the other complimentary flavors that I will potentially add on the side. Sometimes I just stand there because I don't know what I want. It's not a life changing decision; I can always come back the following week and choose the opposite flavored concoction. But boy can I get myself worked up over a silly decision like what kind of ice cream to get and then end up standing there like an indecisive fool. I end up paralyzed in my indecision. As if, "I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to stand here and wait for divine inspiration" is a better option. 

It's okay not to know what to do [referring to real life now...not ice cream], but is standing there doing nothing really the most effective response?

I realize that it's not fair for me to compare dessert options with major life decisions. I get that. When choosing ice cream, it's probably okay to just pick a random option and go with it. It's silly to take a long time and weigh the pros and cons of each flavor option. (not that I haven't done that before) 

But when it comes to LIFE, what do you do when you just don't know what to do? When it feels like your mind is BLANK and your emotions are fuzzy (at best)? When your thoughts rest on each side of a massive pendulum constantly swaying back and forth, sometimes quickly and other times so slow it's barely visible... one thing appears to be true, but then five minutes later the opposite sentiment rings out and presents itself as truth. 

And all you're left with is a big ball of confusion. And probably a tight knot in the pit of your stomach. No fun at all.

"Not knowing" generally equals "Not moving."

We usually wait until we're confident before moving forward in any decision. We want to be smart, resourceful, consider all options. So when does the "not knowing" go away? Well, whenever you KNOW, I guess.

But HOW do you go from not knowing to knowing?

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Well, those are my thoughts this morning.... I will have to finish a "part two" later, as I am already running late and the day feels like it just began. This week is moving far too quickly! 

Oh Lord, I need your grace. 

A Little List of Everything

I sure have a lot of catching up to do! Sitting here in a Portlandish-cozy coffee shop, sipping my usual hazelnut latte and soaking up the beautiful array of notes in the classical string music coming out of the speakers, I realize how much I miss this -- writing & coffee. 

I have two and a half hours to blog, read mi biblia, pour out my heart in the confines of my journal (just about time for a new one... I'm on the hunt), get my schedule situated for the next couple weeks, check off a few items on my grand 'ol to-do list, and make some progress on a few tasks for Cru. Whew! In the middle of a conversation via text message with a friend she made this observation about me: "you never like too much of either fun and relaxation or routine and business. Got to be a balanced mix of both to make you content." Oh, how true this is!!! Too much of anything throws me off... I thrive living right in a healthy balance of everything. 

After starting out my summer with a quick weekend trip in Portland, then a couple weeks later in Montana, then Texas, Panama, and now back to Portland for a week... I definitely feel ready to be home and settled into some kind of routine. Since coming back to the country, I've felt like my head is just swimming in a tsunami of crazy life-processing kind of thoughts. Short-term, long-term, hopes & dreams, decisions, plans, etc, etc... 

I'm not sure why my brain feels the need to figure it all out THIS week?! 

I think that what I need most is a list. A thankful [Thursday] kind of list - yes, on a Wednesday. This funky overwhelmed mood is nothing a little grateful perspective won't fix.

{Live.Laugh.Love.} Blog

1. I'm so thankful for this FULL summer of friends, fun, learning, experiencing, faith-building, traveling, leading, preaching, and teaching. God is so good!

2. I'm thankful for friends & family who are so incredibly supportive in helping me get to Panama (and covering me in prayer!) and partnering with me financially in my ministry with Cru this year. 

3. I'm thankful for a practically new car since returning from Panama! Everything from replacing the broken side mirror to new brake parts -- who knew my car was capable of driving so smoothly?!

4. I'm thankful for time to catch up with dear, old friends and enjoy good conversation together.

5. I'm thankful for the book The Finishers, by Roger Hershey, that is completely reinforcing what God did in my heart this summer in Panama. "My life for the gospel!"

6. I'm thankful that God provides completely and exactly what we need and when we need it. Even if I think I need something different at a different time. His ways are higher than my ways... and the results are always better. I will trust in Him, even when I can't see what's going on. 

7. I'm thankful for coffee shops... because where would I go to think without them?!

8. I'm thankful that I get to serve God in such a tangible way while I am finishing my degree this year. Well, shoot -- I'm thankful that I'm graduating from college, too! (four months from today I will be preparing for graduation!)

9. I'm thankful that God is faithful.... He's faithful to provide everything I need physically, spiritually & emotionally. He knows my heart. He has plans for my life. He's preparing me for what He has in store for the future, whatever that may be.

10. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry or be anxious. I can be rest my restless heart in God's hands because He's got it all under control. 

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See? I feel better already. I just pray that the junk of the world stops sneaking into my head and clouding my view of Truth. Help me to rest in you completely, Jesus!

All Things for GOOD

Today I'm in a bind. This month, an even BIGGER bind. Sometimes things don't work out the way we think they should... but we are promised that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"(Romans 8:28). 

I woke up to an encouraging text from my best friend. I told her that I feel extra groggy this morning and needed to make coffee & breakfast before I started working on sorting out this dilemma and finding solutions. She said this: "Just remember, you only have to be obedient... do your part and trust God to take care of you." I need more than just coffee this morning; I need Jesus. I need peace, provision, and a reminder of the truth that He works ALL things together for good.

So I turned on some worship music and opened my Bible... I flipped to Romans 8 as "Your Love Never Fails," by Jesus Culture, started playing. There's a part in the song that just says "you work all things together for good" over and over and over again.... while at the same time I read in verse 28: "in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him."

It happened without me realizing that I was hearing the same truth in two different forms... when it finally "clicked," my heart was immediately encouraged. I "get" it! This message of truth that came so quickly, it's effect runs deep & is so sweet to my soul...

The Nameless Collective, Tumblr

I do need to be obedient and faithful in what God has called me to do... but I am not the provider, the one who brings success, or even the planner (as much as I'd like to think I am). I am learning to hold my plans with open palms... allowing for God to make them into what He wants, which is what is BEST. I don't see the big picture, but He's got it ALL under control. I can rest in the PEACE that comes from surrendering to and waiting on Him. I put my HOPE in His word, that is TRUTH. My hope is not in my own conjured up talents, abilities, or perfect planning... none of that will suffice. God is the one who brings everything together for good, even when it all seems to be a lost cause. He is GREATER than my plans... and STRONGER than my mistakes. He is faithful forever. Praise the Lord!

Preparation at it's Finest

I am a self-proclaimed preparation fanatic. Not only do I generally thrive in the area of preparation, but I also tend to construct multiple lists about how to best prepare prior to the actual preparing. (Did you get all that?)

Yes, I prepare for preparation.

My focus naturally tends to linger on the "checking off tasks" aspect of preparation. As in, "I will know I'm prepared if ___, ____, and___ are all complete by a certain time." I often think in "black and white" in this sense. Either you're prepared or you're not... and I know I'll be prepared if I can just get all the stuff done. If I can say that I read all of that, and am able to teach this part, and have a plan and a back up plan for X, Y, and Z, then I'm ready for whatever may come my way. And boy do I like to be READY. 

What I realized on this beautifully serene & reflective morning is this:

Preparation is less about the tangible tasks, and more about the position of my heart.

The tangible tasks of preparation ARE important, but I don't believe that they are the MOST important. I say this because even if all the tasks are completed at the correct time, if our hearts are not positioned in the appropriate places, then all the work is for naught.

Our effectiveness in preparing for, well anything, is exponentially greater when we humbly come before the Lord FIRST, prior to figuring it all out on our own.

Your head is clear, your heart at peace, your ideas are new and fresh, your perspective shifted, your confidence in the right place... if these INtangible things are not in place, then the tangible tasks of preparation carry far less significance and impact. 

Some of you may know that I am currently preparing to help lead a short term mission trip of mostly high school students to the islands + jungle of Panama NEXT week. (Ah, SO SOON!) There is definitely a lot of preparation that goes into a trip like this. I want the students to get as much out of our month together as possible! I want them to learn more about Jesus and His love for them. I want them to grow in their confidence in the Lord and in sharing their faith. I want them to overcome barriers and obstacles in their lives... things that hinder them from walking in the freedom God intends for them. I want them to have a greater understanding of the gospel and of what it means to live missionally with Kingdom vision. I want God to put a burning passion in their hearts for the people of Panama and those who do not know Him all over the world. I want them to develop vision for their lives in how they can live out this passion & vision. I do have some pretty hefty hopes for my team, but they are not going to get these things solely from a "good program" or my "creatively carved out plan" for the time I have with them.

Their lives are going to be changed by JESUS, not me.

At the end of the trip, they will remember the lasting impact that HE had on their hearts, not the plans that I had. Yes, the purpose of my plans are all to cultivate an environment that welcomes the Holy Spirit to move and provides opportunities for the students to receive from Him & bring glory to Him... but I had better be focusing my preparation on these two things first and foremost:

1. PRAYER -- If God is the one who is going to actually make life change possible in the lives of the students and people of Panama, I'd better be praying!

2. THE CONDITION OF MY HEART -- If my own heart is not in alignment with the Holy Spirit & full of truth, then what will I even have to offer the students on my team? Or the people of Panama, for that matter? If I am not completely FILLED UP, then there will be nothing to POUR OUT. I would so much rather be a catalyst for change, than merely a "program coordinator" or "trip facilitator."

This is why my own relationship with the Lord must be the top priority, or else I will have nothing to give. Even though I feel more accomplished & productive when I can check tasks off my many lists, if I don't prioritize prayer & time to allow God to work in my own heart, then my efforts will not reap the fruit I desire to see.

..........

On a side note: I am loving my time in Texas. There is a warm familiarity about this place, reminiscent of a time of extreme growth in my relationship with the Lord. (By "warm," I probably mean extreme heat & humidity... haha) I am so thankful for this place! I have another week to relax, visit with dear friends, and PREPARE, before I start off my trip! I can't wait to meet my team! 

Be like a lion.

I remember one day four summers ago when I had to make a certain phone call. I don't particularly enjoy talking on the phone anyway, but this one was sure to be a doozy. I knew it could either go really well or really poorly, and there was potential that I would end up hurt. The conversation was not one that I wanted to engage in, but one that I knew was necessary. I made the call. Life went on. So where does the lesson come in to play here?

It was the next day, when I was sharing about the phone call with someone, and his first response was this: "So were you a lion or a lamb?"

"Excuse me?" *confused expression*

"Were you a lion or a lamb... in the conversation. Did you stand up for yourself or back down? Were you bold like a lion?"

Since then, I've continued to ask myself this question. 

Who do I want to be today? 

Or better yet, who do my decisions and actions and words show that I am... regardless of who I wish to be?

I can want to run a marathon, but if I don't train, it's not going to happen.

I can want to have blonde hair, but if I don't take the steps to actually color it, I will always be a brunette (which we all know is better anyways!).

I can want to get a fancy new car (ok, I'd settle for something that simply has all mirrors intact and the gear shift in the right place...), but if I am not intentional about saving money, I will drive my little chevy cavalier forever and ever. Or at least until it dies. 

"...the righteous are as bold as a lion." Proverbs 28:1

I want to be a lion. 

Fierce. Bold. Undaunted by all of life's pressures and concerns. Self-assured. Confident. Courageous.

And where does this righteousness come from???

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God." 1 Corinthians 5:21

Jesus. 

We have no excuse not to be BOLD because it does not come from our own ability. Rather, complete reliance upon and confidence in Jesus results in boldness as HE alone is our righteousness. He provides strength and confidence for the "hey-I-didn't-even-know-I-had-that-in-me" moments. I hope to have many of those in my life. 

Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What are you investing in?

Are you a lion or a lamb?

Who do your actions already show that you are?

http://americann0mad.tumblr.com/post/48237825898, via Pinterest

Perfect Peace

Hello!

I probably have about 55 blog posts with this exact title.

You know why?

We all want peace.

Not in the hippie, tie-dye, bell-bottom craze kind of way...

Not shallow peace that satisfies for a moment...

But the real deal kind of peace. The peace that surpasses all understanding. Peace that exceeds our expectations. Peace that doesn't even seem possible in the unexpected curve balls of life. Peace that sinks down into the depths of your soul and fills every nook & cranny of your heart. All of the dark places that you aren't even aware of... peace that fills even those.

I write about peace because it is always relevant.

It is always a desire... and the world always tries to steal it.

Peace is something that we must fight for.

It doesn't just HAPPEN.

"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." (Psalm 34:14, 1 Peter 3:11)

SEEK peace. PURSUE peace.
This is not a passive pursuit; it requires ACTION and intentionality.

If you pursue peace in anything other than God, you will be sorely disappointed.
At least in the long run.

Peace is a result of ABIDING in Jesus. (John 15)
It is a by-product - or fruit - of walking in step with the Spirit of God (Galatians 5).



Love these prints by French Press Mornings

Trusting in the Lord leads to perfect peace. Keeping my mind - my thoughts & emotions - fixed on Him leads to stability. My desire to control and plan out every moment of my life, leads to frustration and craziness. It's about surrendering every moment... every wish, desire of the heart, fear and uncertainty, to the only One who is CERTAIN in this life. It's about simply letting go, in order to fully love... in order to LIVE LIFE with the complete JOY that God intends.

Worry and fear steal joy, but God promises peace to those who trust in Him!

I am so thankful for PEACE today. :)