"Lady in Waiting" - Part 1

Hello Friends!

I just started reading a book called "Lady in Waiting" by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. The subtitle is "Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right." This struggle of "waiting for Mr. Right" has, for some reason, been on the forefront of my mind recently. Therefore, I am very much looking forward to getting into this book and seeking TRUTH about my life as a godly, single woman. There is more purpose to this time of life than just waiting to get married. I know that to be true, but I want that also to reflect in my thoughts, actions, and motives. I want to be diligent in seeking the Lord and growing as much as possible in this unique season I'm in. So... I'm going to include you on this journey with me and blog about what I learn in each chapter. :-)

I just finished the first chapter: "Lady of Reckless Abandan."

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Complete Surrender. Whole Devotion.

Undivided Attention. Focused Gaze.

...

Elisabeth Eliott said that "our hearts are lonely 'til they rest in Him." I will not suddenly be complete when I enter into a committed relationship with a man; I am made whole when my heart is fully surrendered to the Lord. "You were not created to complete another, but to complement." When you look to a career, marriage, or motherhood to complete or fulfill you, you will only find disillusionment and dissatisfaction. "Forsake the famililar and comfortable in order to receive God's best for [your] life."

Is your relationship with Jesus one of sacrifice or convenience?

Do you view Him as the ONLY One who will fulfill you completely?

Do all aspects of your life reflect this unwavering devotion that you have in the Lord? (work, school, relationships, thoughts, attitude)

The "It's Not About Me" Epiphany

It is SO incredibly wonderful living with Ms. Jamie York. I know I've said this before... but for real, this woman is such a blessing in my life! It's great not just because we can gang up on Robbie and make fun of him for eating 6 tacos AND all the ice cream (although, that is pretty fun!), but because we just have spontaneous conversations about EVERYTHING.

They've lived in Boise for a little over a year and still don't really feel connected. (That doesn't offer too much hope on this whole "transition" business I've been dealing with!) So we've talked a LOT lately about relationships and making friends. We are both great friends, but neither of us REALLY have many other friends... after hearing an awesome sermon at The Pursuit yesterday about being a missionary where you're at, Jamie had the "It's not about me" epiphany. I remember the first week of my GI year when I had this epiphany for the first time.... it just completely changes your perspective on life when you STOP thinking about yourself and start to focus more on loving and serving others.

So we realized that we both have kind of been living in that mindset of "I need friends because I want to feel comfortable and accepted and loved, etc, etc." When what we REALLY should focus on is "how can I reach out to my neighbors? how can I serve those in my church? How can I show love to the people within my sphere of influence - NOT just to get something out of it?

This doesn't mean that we just shouldn't have friends and we should only focus on other people all the time.... but Jamie and I have each other.... and we both have solid friendships with women all across the country. So we can cherish the friendships that we have - even if they're not right in front of our faces - and still live the life that God has called us to live here in Boise.

The Return of [THANKFUL Thursday]

I haven't written a "Thankful Thursday" in a long time - but I think today is a great day to remind myself (and you!) of all the reasons why I should choose to walk in joy today and everyday! God is so good!

(I got a package in the mail yesterday - thanks, Mom!! - with pictures from our mini family reunion back in August. This is me with all of my siblings! Together again!)

1. I now have THREE sources of steady income. :) They all have to do with childcare and none of them are highly substantial... but I feel like a pretty hard worker nontheless.

2. Living in the city means that everything is much closer together and I'm spending WAY less on gas! Woo hoo!

3. I think I will include "living with the York's" every week... because they all are such a blessing to me. And Josiah is SO fun and cute! AND - Jamie and I are going to start having some women over (mostly from her life group and other ladies from church) on Friday nights to cook! I'm really looking forward to this!

4. I'm just learning so, so much.... the Lord is faithful to my heart.... trust, patience, perseverence... He's continuing to make me more and more into a pure, confident woman.

5. Kerinda & Marty Miller (the family that I nanny for - Gannon and Channing's parents) invited me to come see Tyronne Wells (Kerinda's brother!) with them when he comes to Boise - he's a great musician that I just discovered because Gannon turns on his CD all the time. I am so blessed to work for such an awesome family! I know that their appreciation is sincere.

6. I'm thankful for skype! Whether it's my weekly "meeting" (haha) with Heather and Emily on Monday nights or video chatting with my brother or randomly chatting with another dear friend -- it is just so nice to stay connected with people!

7. I'm thankful to all of the people who read this blog - which truly is a portrayal of my life & my heart in this season - and offer such encouragement.

I wish...

I wish I had an allotment of money that I could use to buy plane tickets and travel all over the country every weekend to see my dearly missed friends. I feel like everyone who really knows me lives at least 5 states away.

And... even though it's okay to miss people, I'm feeling a little convicted because I just remembered a conversation I had with Shandi a while ago... "Don't store up treasures on earth -- including people." Yes, I treasure relationships that I have with people, truly, but if I treasure them to the extent that I desire them more than I desire fulfilment in Christ there's an imbalance.

[Teach me to be content, Father. I want to be fully satisfied in you - Wash me in YOUR love!]

So yes, it would be great if I could go to Virginia or Texas or Washington or Kentucky or Oregon or Pennsylvania or Montana or California or Illinois or Florida to be refreshed by these wonderful, blessed relationships... but I don't want to just sit pining away for, well, for whatever I would be pining away for in that situation. I want to be fully content, overjoyed even, with the unconditional love of my Savior.

I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again: transition is just so WEIRD. I love life, but I really don't understand.

"Miss you"

This morning Gannon and I dropped Channing off at school and she went to his side of the car to say goodbye, like she always does. Then she told him that she'd miss him, like she always does. About two minutes later Gannon asked:

"Why is Channing sad?"

"What do you mean? Channing isn't sad."

"But 'miss you' is sad."

"You're right, Gannon. 'Miss you' is sad."

Then I grabbed a notebook and wrote that conversation down. What a smart boy. Missing people IS very sad. :(

It's Monday!!!

[For some reason I just heard that "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!" song that you hear at basketball games in my head when I said, "It's Monday." It's kind of funny, but don't you feel like that at the beginning of some weeks?! Sometimes I just have to give myself a pep talk. :) Here comes the week!]

Today I have NO class! Yay! On the other hand, the REASON I don't have class, is because I have midterms this week... so after 3 major tests and a paper, I'll definitely be ready for the weekend again. :) I have a feeling this will be the first week I'll have to lose sleep over homework. Ahh. I made it so far... oh well, such is the life of a college student, right? (Except MOST college students don't wake up at 5:30 in the morning to make breakfast for two kids and play "Just Dance" on the wii before school starts.... just sayin')

Anyways - to celebrate this day off from school and trying to park at BSU and driving downtown and in an ATTEMPT to enhance motivation in the area of studying and writing a paper on two indigineous people groups in the Arctic Tundra (thrilling, I know.)... I'm spending the day at this AWESOME coffee shop in Eagle called Rembrandts. [rembrandtscoffeehouse.net] If you're ever in town... I will take you here. :) Not only is the coffee/food absolutely delicious, it's in an old chapel and has VERY cool furniture and art, but they also only purchase fair trade/organic coffee from around the world and support local and global needs. To top it all off... I had a giftcard! (I LOVE giftcards! What a treat!)

I also thought I'd share this picture of Josiah, Robbie and Jamie's son - the family that I live with right now. I watched him for a few hours yesterday when Robbie and Jamie were both working at the church. His head is a little blurry because he kept moving; I'm pretty sure he's sticking his tongue out in concentration. I promise I did not teach the child to stand on his toys. But I did take a picture of it... because I think he's pretty talented. And awfully cute. And the best distraction from homework. I love this kid! :)

Busy Life Does NOT Equal SUCCESS

Somehow, I think mostly stemming from American culture, we believe that the busier we are, the more successful other's deem our lives. The more we can handle (or seem to handle) a jam-packed schedule of school, work, activities, volunteering, WHATEVER - the "better" a person we are. I just turned in a paper yesterday for my American Literature class about this idea of perfectionism birthed in the young people of America by pressures and demands placed on them to do well, compare themselves to their peers, and fill their lives with THINGS. I know that when I was younger, I was ALWAYS busy: sports, scouts, church activities, volunteering at the school, trying to get As... and not all of it is in vain; I'm not saying that these things are WRONG. They just become "wrong" when we place that need for success (or just to be deemed successful by the people around us) above living a fruitful, God-fearing life.

Over the past month I've been transitioning into a VERY different season of life - if you couldn't tell from all of these crazy blogs. ;-) My lifestyle is completely different now than it has been the past few years. It's easy to think: "I'm not working enough," "My schedule isn't full enough," etc. But after hearing a sermon about 4 weeks ago on busyness and writing this paper last week, I'm reminded that my purpose in life doesn't come from how much I can pack into a day and still survive. That shouldn't be my goal. Because if other people look into my life and think that I don't have a real job or I'm not taking enough credits this semester or I don't have enough of a social life or whatever else they may come up with, it really doesn't matter.

I would so much rather live a simple life. A life that is full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness & self control. A life that appreciates REST and RELATIONSHIP - with God and people around me. A life that is not so rushed that I forget the little things. I want to have time to keep learning and growing on my own - especially in this awesome season that I'm in. I don't want to get caught up in trying to meet the status quo, that I neglect spiritual, physical, and emotional health.