Have You Found the Formula?

Even after the realization that I am constantly on the search for the great big formula of life (Not the math kind. I hate math. More like rules.), which has never been a fruitful search, I still find myself back in the same place. I understand that any formulas that may exist in the areas of life that I look for them (pretty much everything) are not grounded in truth and therefore, ineffective.
Nonetheless, I still search...

A formula for how to help a friend in the midst of crisis. A formula for balancing ministry and taking care of myself. A formula for finding my identity in Christ and not any other person or thing. A formula for making decisions - big or small.

A formula for the perfect coffee to creamer ratio... okay, I guess this last one will just come with practice.

Basically, I want to do the right thing and I want somebody to tell me exactly how to do it. It's the whole uncertainty factor that makes me nervous.

What if I do something wrong? What if what I end up doing is not what God intends?

What if.... whatif...whatifwhatifwhatif.

These "what ifs" drive me crazy. [Anybody with me?!]

It is this uncertainty factor that requires FAITH. 

If I was certain about the outcome of every decision and the exactly perfect path for my life, then where would my need for a Savior come in? Why would I need to depend on the Lord?

I love coming to that place where I've done all I can do. I've got nothing else to give. I'm at the end of myself, and I am forced to rely on God. I'm reminded again that I do not have all the answers, nor am I expected to. That frantic moment of: "BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!"

The formula is that there is no formula. At least not the kind I seem to be looking for.

There are definitely guidelines, though.

Love God. Love others. [Matthew 22:37]

Doesn't get much more basic than that!

Everything else falls into place.

"When we play it safe, we squeeze God out of the formula. If we go only where we know and do what we're certain will succeed, we remove our need for God. Whenever we respond to God's invitation, our need for God becomes heightened. Whenever we take on a God-sized challenge, self-sufficiency is no longer an option." Chasing Daylight, Erwin McManus (p. 82)

"One of the wonders of uncertainty is that it is the environment in which God invites us to be creative." (McManus p. 77)

"He promises we can be certain about who He is and we can be certain about our relationship in Him, but how the journey plays out is full of uncertainties - the end of the story is not, though." (McManus p. 73) Praise the Lord!!!

The WORD

You know, sometimes you just need to let TRUTH speak for itself.

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,

and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,

and it you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

 

For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come
knowledge and understanding.

He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those
whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and
protects the way of his faithful ones.

Then you will understand what is
right and just and fair - every good path.

For wisdom will enter your heart, and
knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

Discretion will protect you, and
understanding will guard you."

 

Proverbs 2:1-11

 

Ever wonder about "God's plan for your life" or what direction you should take?

Abide in HIM and He will give you wisdom. He will "guard your course" and "protect your way." Call out for insight & search for wisdom... "then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

 

I'm completely convinced that everything we keep looking for and striving for will either COME or become INSIGNIFICANT as we learn to abide more and more fully in God. 

Relevant Mag Article: "The Myth of Perfect Dating"

Check out: "The Myth of Perfect Dating"

I have a lot of catching up to do in response to all of these awesome articles I keep finding! :)

For now, just wanted to post it to share...

I'm still preoccupied with writing about other random things for school. The past four days have been about gang violence in schools, the next four days will be on the Appalachia English dialect, and the following five days will be about the book Nervous Conditions and the effect of colonialism in Zimbabwe.

Apparently I am going to leave college with a ton of random knowledge. :)

Have a great day, friends! I can feel the nearness of summer where I will sit in coffee shops and write 'til my little hearts content, about the things that I want to write about! Glorious.

Some thoughts for this Friday afternoon...

I'm thinking about quite a few things today, but they are too scattered to sufficiently produce a coherent single-subject post. Thus, my favorite: a list. A quick update for you & a release of my desperate need to just write something. Scratch that, I have a whole heck of a lot of writing to do... but it all revolves 

1. I love that it's Friday today, but I will REALLY love Wednesday the 15th at about 7:00 pm even better because by that point I will be completely done with school for three whole months! I could cry, I'm so excited. 16 pages to write, give or take a few.

2. REI garage sale this Saturday. Hoping to score some cheap chacos and gear for Panama! Bring it!

3. I posted a link to an interesting article from Relevant Magazine on Facebook a couple days ago called "Stop Waiting For Him to Ask You Out." I merely shared the article and asked for thoughts, which brought in a number of responses! I enjoyed reading through everyone else's thoughts and look forward to writing my own thoughts in response to the article. If you haven't read the article, I recommend it! And check back soon-ish for a post HERE about how it challenged what I grew up thinking about relationships, which tended to be more rule-driven and included a lot of fear. 

4. I'm feeling thankful for God's provision, as even when - especially - when I have no plan, He continues to work. His faithfulness endures, even when I fail. It is good for my heart to rest in His promises and grow in the confidence that HE is my provider. My ability to pay bills or fund a mission trip or raise a team of monthly supporters or finish college, actually has nothing to do with my ability at all. If that were the case, none of these things would happen. 

5. I'm excited to chat with my co-leader for Panama in a few minutes and start discussing plans for our team this summer!!! I can't wait to finally be done with school so that preparations for Panama can take a higher priority. 

6. I was reminded this week of Casey Johnson's definition of guarding your heart that has stuck with me for several years. "Guarding your heart" is essentially not allowing your thoughts to go farther than he has led. Meaning, if he says "Thanks for being my friend," you don't translate that to "Will you be my wife?" I know it sounds ridiculous, but let's just be real... it happens. There is beauty in simply living in the moment and enjoying the HERE and NOW, without getting all worked up about the would-be's and could-be's. Quit over thinking. Quit analyzing. Just accept joy for TODAY as a sweet gift from the Lord. 

Monday Morning Mercies

It's a new day... new week... new mercies.

{Feeling inspired this morning.}

The stress of school will come to an end (in 16 days, to be exact).
Preparations for Panama will come together (65 days to go).
Working hard to raise a team of monthly supporters for when I join staff with Cru in August (too many days to start a countdown).

Often, the things we worry about today will work themselves out if we just work hard and wait it out. Three weeks from today, I will be done with school, no matter how well I do on my remaining assignments. It's probably going to be a crazy three weeks, but after that point I will be done!

Prioritizing means that you choose what to focus on now... what is urgent AND important. Some of those priorities may change everyday.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

So thankful for this truth that sustains my soul. Each day there is a new refreshment of Jesus' love that fills me up so that I don't have to be consumed by the worries of the world.

Also thankful that my life & identity are not defined by my failures. Everyday there are missed opportunities or ways that I should have responded differently or burdens heaped on and carried, rather than released.

Finding joy in knowing that there is a bigger picture... even if I don't know exactly what that is. I can still have confidence that there IS a plan. :)

Monday mornings can be hard. If you've been on facebook yet today - or really, any social media - you probably saw someone's post about experiencing the Monday morning blues. It's hard to wake up early. Hard to go back to work or school. It's hard to think about the demands that come with starting a new week. That is all true, but it doesn't have to effect us so drastically if we choose to change our perspective and not take any day for granted. You can enjoy Monday just as much as you enjoy Friday... or at least, see purpose in it. ;-)

Far too often I hear myself say that I need to just "make it through" a day; how many missed opportunities have I had to be a blessing or learn from an experience because I had that attitude?

EACH day brings new opportunities.

We have the choice to either embrace or ignore them.

What will you choose today?

The Airport Story to Beat ALL Airport Stories

A few of the girls on my team with
kids from the island we visited.

Last summer I helped lead a mission trip to Panama. Then I went back to the ministry's headquarters in Texas, picked up another group of students, and went back to Panama. From the time I left home on this adventure at the beginning of June to the time I returned, I tallied up a total of TWELVE flights. That's a whole lot of navigating airports, turbulance, security check points, baggage fees (blech), safety demonstrations as the plane starts to back up, and overly expensive snack purchases.

I have all kinds of airport stories from last summer. Most of them revolve around the fact that I was traveling with 60 teenagers. Do you know how hard it is to get so many fifteen-ish year olds from point A to point B and then try to explain to a flight attendant that, "No, I will NOT let anybody get on the plane until ALL 60 are here... yes, I'm serious."

My last two flights of the summer - by myself - were incredible. I volunteered to get bumped from an overbooked flight. (I figured I had been gone for two months, what was a few more hours?!) This meant I was given a $400 ticket voucher (that I am still itching to use!), food vouchers, and "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to move you to first class." Okay. I will sacrifice. I flew from Dallas to Minneapolis, and Minneapolis to Boise. And I slept the whole way. Walking through the airport I could go wherever I wanted and didn't have to count heads every 30 seconds. Such freedom.

Last weekend I attended a conference in Portland for new interns/part-time staff for the ministry of Cru. My plan was to fly there on Friday afternoon and then drive back on Sunday with a few friends. My flight was at 3:00 and I got dropped off at the airport around 1:30. I had a few moments of nervousness that morning because I realized that I never got an email to check in 24 hours in advance, and I usually do.

That should have set me off PRIOR to heading to the airport, but I didn't do anything about it. I was too busy making sure my linguistics test and a half million other things were finished before I left town.

So I arrived at the airport and kind of chuckled to myself as I realized that I couldn't even remember what airlines I was flying! How silly of me.

My solution to this dilemma was to simply try every airline's kiosk. :)

[The Boise airport is very small and rarely crowded, so I wasn't too worried.]

After checking multiple airlines and seeing "we have no record of your reservation" on the screen at every single one, my heart SANK.

Ok, time to problem solve. How do I just not have a reservation?!

I went up to the counter and explained that I had a ticket for the 3:00 flight to Portland, but I wasn't able to find the reservation at the computer. She stared at her computer for a minute and announced that I did not have a seat on any flight leaving Boise that day. Awesome. My response? "Well, I need to get to Portland today... How can you help me with that?" She explained that it would be cheaper for me to get online and purchase the ticket there. Then I realized that probably a better question would be: "are there any SEATS on a flight to Portland this afternoon?" There was ONE seat open on the 3:00 flight and we had 20 minutes to book it.

Challenge accepted.

I moved away from the counter to buy the ticket online, and while I looked it up, I called my mom to ask about the charge on her credit card. Who goes to an airport without a ticket expecting to fly out?! Of course I thought I had a ticket... I remembered finding a great deal for $70 and telling my mom about it. What in the world happened?! Did I really just think I bought a ticket and not actually get it?!

WHO DOES THAT?

Then I started to cry. And couldn't stop. Purely out of frustration. It probably didn't hurt my case in getting sympathy from the Alaska Airline representatives, though.

My mom didn't answer, so I texted her and said, "call me asap."
That's a sure-fire way to get a response from your mother. :)

I went back to the counter with questions a few times and they were incredibly calm and helpful. Travelocity was not showing the 3:00 flight, so the airline's rep just told me to purchase a ticket for the 6:30 one and he would move me up because he could see that there was still that one seat. I proceeded to buy the ticket and kept messing up the billing address -- increasing my frustration level. By the time it was purchased and they were working to print my boarding pass, I had FOUR minutes to get everything finalized or I was not getting on the flight. Nevermind the fact that it cost more than twice the amount of the ticket that I thought I purchased weeks earlier.

She handed me the boarding pass, called out, "Gate C2, good luck!!" and I raced through security. I am still in awe that I would go to the airport thinking I had a ticket and find out I had NOTHING. Seriously?!

That was insane. So much for enjoying traveling by myself and avoiding the chaos of getting 60 teenagers through the ticketing counter, security, and onto the plane.



Jessica & me in Portland. So excited that I get to work with
this incredible woman!

My first realization was that Satan clearly is not happy about me joining staff with Cru to minister to college students on campus as there have been many points of opposition in the process, despite my complete confidence that this is where God is calling me next year.

Also, when life is crazy and overwhelming, it's easy to "drop the ball" with important tasks. Whether I just never went back online to purchase the ticket after finding it, or I didn't complete the process of buying it online, this is likely a result of being tired and not thinking clearly.
(Currently working on an ad: "Needed: Personal Assistant" to ensure that I always arrive at the airport WITH confirmation number in hand...)

Another thing is that I can look back on that situation and see how I handled "thinking on my feet" and coming up with a plan quickly. Besides crying, of course. ;-) My first response when I realized I didn't have a ticket like I thought, was to problem solve and ask, "What are my options and which one is the best?" Nothing like a little decision making to stretch my leadership skills.

Thankfulness on Thursday. I mean everyday.

Writing brings me such joy... but in the last several weeks, my time writing has mostly revolved around the history of the English language, from a linguists perspective of course, feminism/classism/racism and pretty much every other ism you can think of, and then some rhetorical analysis thrown in for good measure. Happy three-more-weeks-until-summer-break to me! Aka -- when I can officially begin to write about whatever the heck I want for all of those three and a half sweet months without feeling guilty for not writing for classes. 

This afternoon I am going to spend a few hours finishing up a linguistics exam, which will require a lot of writing and a lot of mental energy, so I decided that it would be acceptable to "take it easy" this morning. 

I'm learning a little bit about that right now. Yes, I'm learning about balance for the 982734872398 time in my life. It probably won't be the last time either. It astonishes me how thick-headed I can be. ;-)

Last night I even watched TV without feeling guilty. Shock. Yesterday I worked from 7-1, went to class, started that linguistics exam, went to another class (three hour discussion on feminism in India), and then went home. I wasn't ready to go to bed, but I sure was drained. Every minute of my day seemed to be full of something productive; I worked hard. It was a little freeing to acknowledge that, and make the choice to just rest.

Now, I would probably never place "watch TV" on a list of my favorite restful things. But it was sufficient. And it was a step toward a life of balance in choosing to take care of myself guilt-free, rather than give in to the feeling that I need to spend every waking moment becoming a more "successful" version of myself. I don't want each day to be a competition against the day before.

Sometimes I act like success is defined by how few hours I sleep at night and how many checks on my list of things to do I can tally up during the course of a day. Busy-ness for bragging rights. 

When, in light of eternity, how many of these things actually matter? 
What are the things that will burn away on the day of judgment, and what things will last forever? 

So back to thankfulness. It is Thursday and I haven't written a "Thankful Thursday" post in eons. At least that's what it feels like. I miss blogging regularly, and I can tell that it does my heart good because without stopping at least once a week to meditate on the things I'm thankful for... sometimes priorities get messed up and my heart becomes weary. 

I've written many times about how when a heart is full of gratitude, there is no more room to be grumpy. I see that in my life constantly. It's all about perspective & what I choose to focus on. "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." Or "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of" (Luke 6:45). What is YOUR heart full of today? Is that what is consuming your thoughts and coming out of your mouth?

Today I'm thankful for the beautiful sunshine and the walk that the kids and I took today.

I'm thankful for a rested body even though I've been getting much less sleep than usual this week.

I'm thankful for the desire I have to WRITE and live out the passions that God has tucked inside my heart.

I'm thankful for opportunities to serve Him through ministering to college students at Boise State.

I'm thankful for the incredibly supportive friends & family that I've been blessed with.

I'm thankful for the motivation and diligence to finish the semester strong... and my entire undergrad career. (come December, anyways!)

I'm thankful for my amaaaazing little brother who is serving God wholeheartedly AND graduating from college in a week! I so wish I could be there.

I'm thankful for God's word that is stored up in my heart and His gentle reminders of truth.

I'm so thankful for God's abundant provision -- financially, emotionally, mentally, physically. He cares for the needs of His children.

I'm thankful that I get to see my momma in a few short days!!!

I'm thankful (and EXCITED!!!) that I get to return to Panama this summer and lead some missionaries in preaching the Word of God boldly and believing Him for miracles in the lives of the Kuna and Embera people groups. I'm thankful for THIS opportunity to continue to experience the love of God, preach truth, grow in confidence, and build relationships.

I'm thankful that I don't have to be perfect. I'm thankful for grace.

My heart is FULL. Even though life seems crazy, chaotic, and sometimes confusing... I acknowledge these blessings. I have so much to be thankful for! Thank you, Jesus, for a change of heart.