Thoughts on Overcoming Guilt & Shame: Living in a Guard Your Heart Culture, Pt 3

.... Overcoming the shame & guilt of the "guard your heart" mentality...

The heart of the matter:

The very real hurt that comes out of our own brokenness and the abundance of broken relationships. 

The "I wish I didn't do that" or "I should have been smarter" or "If I could only take it back."

The depth of hurt that comes from loving and then losing, wishing and hoping that often ends in disappointment, giving all and receiving nothing, doing what you promised you'd never do...

Recognizing the connection between all of this mess and the cure all phrase I have been taught my whole life: Just guard your heart and it will save you from a world of hurt. Just guard your heart and God will bless you. Just guard your heart and the end result will be a pure heart, mind, and body, and the marriage of your dreams. 

The problem with that is the ambiguity -- What does it even MEAN to guard my heart? unrealistic expectations -- It's all up to me to maintain my righteousness, and independence from the Lord -- I can somehow be pure apart from the Lord. 

Striving for purity on your own is assuming that God is uninvolved and cares only about how your present yourself on the outside-- i.e. "doing the right thing"/works based. 

God is completely, intricately, and intimately involved. He cares about the condition of your heart more than you will ever know. "God doesn't want something from us. He simply wants us" (C.S. Lewis). He doesn't want whatever you think you can show for yourself. Thank goodness for that, because we've got NOTHING. He does want your willingness to follow Him and enter into the greatest, most fulfilling love relationship of your LIFE. 
He just wants you; He wants your heart. 

The premise of what I have been processing for a year now is just this: the "guard your heart" culture created in me the idea that I must protect myself. And when I mess up, then I lose my "status" as pure, with no hope of being at the same level of purity again.

I may be alone in this, but that pressure was enough to cover me up to my neck with fear of failure, until I was swimming in the murky waters of insecurity, pride, fear of man, and a whole lot of works-oriented thinking, rather than confidence in the Lord and the freedom found in His grace.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." 

Psalm 51:10

The purity in my heart does not stem from my own creation or wisdom or actions, it is completely 100% from God. He is the one who restores brokenness and creates pure hearts. Through HIS mercy alone am I considered pure, and this is not solely dependent on how I feel about myself or what my relationships look like. I make mistakes and mess up all the time; it's the grace of God that covers those things and restores me to righteousness.

No ifs, ands, or buts. All the time, in every situation, He responds to the plea to create a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit. He doesn't respond with, "Well, you messed up BIG this time. That means you receive a smaller dose of purity today." He restores completely and does not view you as anything less than His son or daughter, made completely whole in Him.

Paul teaches of this HOPE in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, If anyone is in Christ [all believers], the new creation has come: the old is gone, the new is here!" That person is a new creation. Praise God! Go read the whole chapter in light of living for eternity and the confidence we have in Christ. 

What has been your experience with the guard your heart culture?

I'm all about setting boundaries and not putting myself in unwise situations and appropriateness in relationships. But I also know that, while those things are good, I tend to swing the pendulum so far to one side so that I am completely consumed by fear. Fear that if I fail, then I've ruined my testimony for Christ and my own self-image. Fear that leaves God out of the picture, and relies solely on my own self. It is THIS fear that produces guilt and shame, and is NOT from the Lord. 

My heart in writing this is not to say that freedom in relationships means do whatever you want and then ask for forgiveness later. (Paul addresses that mindset in Romans 7) 

My heart IS to share my experience, in hopes that others can relate. We were meant to live in the freedom and confidence from Jesus, and not in condemnation. Paul says in Romans 8:1 that there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.