I used to leave those "guard your heart" conversations with a running list in my head of everything it probably meant to guard my heart:
- Chick flicks are bad.
- Dates are bad.
- Holding hands? Flirting? Out of the question.
- Talk to a boy? Maybe. (But I was too scared for that to be an issue anyways.)
- Read every book about relationships and contentment and purity that I can get my hands on.
Essentially, as long as I am in control, then I will not fall into sin or cause anyone else to stumble. You know what else will NOT happen? Love. It's really hard to love people if I don't talk to them or am hung up on following the rules I just outlined in my journal. If I am consumed by fear of the "unknown" or making the "wrong" choice. These things steal the enjoyment and freedom that is possible in relationships. Not just romantic relationships.
Boundaries are critical, yes, and there definitely is a line between legalism and apathy/indifference toward sin. That's not what I'm discussing in this series. I'm addressing the legalism side of the pendulum that creates works-oriented mindsets and lack of surrender.
“It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work
out? Ah yes, but what if it does.”
Peter McWilliams
This go-to Christian phrase - guard your heart - is generally an exhortation expressed to young people in hopes of preventing sin & heartbreak. It is easily received, though, as a "Christian rule" or just another "good thing to do." If often leads to the question: "What do I need to do in order to guard my heart?" It is motivated by works. Then we often start to build up walls around our hearts. It makes sense, right? We're told to guard and protect at all costs, and that's exactly what a wall does. Think of historical walls like "The Great Wall of China" or biblical walls like in the Battle of Jericho. These walls protect land and people from outsiders that may be harmful.
But at what cost? What does that kind of "protection" actually do to our hearts?
I think that sure, it blocks off the bad, but also good. We're so afraid of something going wrong that we miss out on what God has for us in the midst of fellowship with one another.
“There is no
safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your
heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure
of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an
animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all
entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But
in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not
be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The
alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The
only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers
and perturbations of love is Hell.”
― CS Lewis, The Four Loves
I think that we've had it wrong all this time.
We need to stop focusing on guarding our own hearts. It doesn't work.
We need to turn to Jesus and hold our heart openly and completely to Him.
Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything [relationships, the future, marriage, dating vs. courting, setting rules, etc], but in everything, by praying and petition [through seeking the Lord, rather our own abilities], with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
When we turn to God with our hearts, He brings peace.
The opposite, me holding onto my own heart, tends to be rather chaotic.
"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love - that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary's cross, though 'legions of angels' might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." (Passion and Purity, p.85, Elisabeth Elliot)
Love like Jesus. Freely. Painfully.
Entrust your heart to Him & let go of control.
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