Love. True Love.

What's the big idea anyways? Everyone must understand LOVE considering how often we throw around that powerful little four letter word.

But what do we DO with the power of that word when we say things like:

"I love pizza!"

"I love coffee!"

"I love sleep!"

I mean really, we sure love a lot of stuff. 

What's the difference between the list above and this one:

"I love my husband!"

"I love my best friend!"

"I love Jesus!"

In the first list, let's call it "lower tier kind of love," I can love something, but not care about it. I love coffee, but I don't represent it, or advocate for it, do not possess feelings for it, and my "love" may change from day to day. And that's okay. (except that I'm pretty sure I will love a good cup of coffee any day. ;-) )

The second list, which I will refer to as "upper tier kind of love," is a completely different story. This kind of love is based on a decision, not feelings or emotions or a whim of the day. This love compels me to respond and act in a certain way. Upper tier kind of love creates a deep relationship between the lover and that which is loved, a bond or union that tears the deep places of your heart when it is torn apart.

It's the kind of love that can bring both joy beyond measure and inexpressible sorrow. The thing is, in order to experience the fullness of LOVE, we've got to experience both: loving through the beauty & the pain. It's an all or nothing, full package deal. We miss out on the fullness of love when we choose to detour the hard stuff.

Today is Good Friday - the day that we remember Jesus' death on the cross. 

What a day to examine the many aspects of true love. Not pizza or coffee or beautiful sunny days kind of love, but real, intimate, relational love. The kind of love that we were MADE to experience. 

I'd suggest reading the full story found in Matthew 26-28. The story doesn't end with his brutal death on the cross, but climaxes three days later at the joyful resurrection-- His love made COMPLETE. He endured the cross, but all the while knew that the time would come for wholeness and restoration. Beautiful. 

"...Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

Jesus is our example of how to love.

Robert Coleman describes Christ's love as this: "He gave all he had-- nothing was withheld, not even his own life. Love is like that. It is always giving itself away" (Master Plan of Evangelism, p. 54). 

He gave despite the fact that we are so unworthy of this kind of sacrificial love. 

He gave despite what it cost him: His LIFE on the cross. He clearly did not draw the line with turning water into wine and healing the sick. Not to negate those things, but those are not all he gave. He didn't stop there. He didn't stop anywhere. His love is unfailing.

Imagine if we were to love people with this kind of love? 

Surrendering our heart to God and giving everything we've got. 

Thoughts on Overcoming Guilt & Shame: Living in a Guard Your Heart Culture, Pt 3

.... Overcoming the shame & guilt of the "guard your heart" mentality...

The heart of the matter:

The very real hurt that comes out of our own brokenness and the abundance of broken relationships. 

The "I wish I didn't do that" or "I should have been smarter" or "If I could only take it back."

The depth of hurt that comes from loving and then losing, wishing and hoping that often ends in disappointment, giving all and receiving nothing, doing what you promised you'd never do...

Recognizing the connection between all of this mess and the cure all phrase I have been taught my whole life: Just guard your heart and it will save you from a world of hurt. Just guard your heart and God will bless you. Just guard your heart and the end result will be a pure heart, mind, and body, and the marriage of your dreams. 

The problem with that is the ambiguity -- What does it even MEAN to guard my heart? unrealistic expectations -- It's all up to me to maintain my righteousness, and independence from the Lord -- I can somehow be pure apart from the Lord. 

Striving for purity on your own is assuming that God is uninvolved and cares only about how your present yourself on the outside-- i.e. "doing the right thing"/works based. 

God is completely, intricately, and intimately involved. He cares about the condition of your heart more than you will ever know. "God doesn't want something from us. He simply wants us" (C.S. Lewis). He doesn't want whatever you think you can show for yourself. Thank goodness for that, because we've got NOTHING. He does want your willingness to follow Him and enter into the greatest, most fulfilling love relationship of your LIFE. 
He just wants you; He wants your heart. 

The premise of what I have been processing for a year now is just this: the "guard your heart" culture created in me the idea that I must protect myself. And when I mess up, then I lose my "status" as pure, with no hope of being at the same level of purity again.

I may be alone in this, but that pressure was enough to cover me up to my neck with fear of failure, until I was swimming in the murky waters of insecurity, pride, fear of man, and a whole lot of works-oriented thinking, rather than confidence in the Lord and the freedom found in His grace.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." 

Psalm 51:10

The purity in my heart does not stem from my own creation or wisdom or actions, it is completely 100% from God. He is the one who restores brokenness and creates pure hearts. Through HIS mercy alone am I considered pure, and this is not solely dependent on how I feel about myself or what my relationships look like. I make mistakes and mess up all the time; it's the grace of God that covers those things and restores me to righteousness.

No ifs, ands, or buts. All the time, in every situation, He responds to the plea to create a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit. He doesn't respond with, "Well, you messed up BIG this time. That means you receive a smaller dose of purity today." He restores completely and does not view you as anything less than His son or daughter, made completely whole in Him.

Paul teaches of this HOPE in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, If anyone is in Christ [all believers], the new creation has come: the old is gone, the new is here!" That person is a new creation. Praise God! Go read the whole chapter in light of living for eternity and the confidence we have in Christ. 

What has been your experience with the guard your heart culture?

I'm all about setting boundaries and not putting myself in unwise situations and appropriateness in relationships. But I also know that, while those things are good, I tend to swing the pendulum so far to one side so that I am completely consumed by fear. Fear that if I fail, then I've ruined my testimony for Christ and my own self-image. Fear that leaves God out of the picture, and relies solely on my own self. It is THIS fear that produces guilt and shame, and is NOT from the Lord. 

My heart in writing this is not to say that freedom in relationships means do whatever you want and then ask for forgiveness later. (Paul addresses that mindset in Romans 7) 

My heart IS to share my experience, in hopes that others can relate. We were meant to live in the freedom and confidence from Jesus, and not in condemnation. Paul says in Romans 8:1 that there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

Enjoying Life in the {MIDST}

*We (meaning I) interrupt this series on the "guard your heart myth" to bring you "life in the here and now"...

"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. I will say it again: REJOICE!" Philippians 4:4

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Always a reason to rejoice. Always a sweet piece of life to enjoy...

EVEN in the midst of chaos, stress, tiredness, confusion, high demands, busy schedules, and especially, brokenness. 

{He makes beautiful things out of us broken, weary people.}

Inspired by Kelle Hampton's post from yesterday, and a recent conversation with a friend about celebrating what I do accomplish, rather than condemning myself to failure when my "to do" list is not completely checked off at the end of the day... I am going to focus on how God is moving in the midst of all the aforementioned craziness. 

This inspiration coincidentally coincides with the traditional "Thankful Thursday"... which I have neglected to write in quite a few weeks. *Ahem* Probably related to my dire need to focus on such a topic NOW.

What are you celebrating today?

What are you praising God for providing?

How is the Lord moving, teaching, guiding, and shaping your life?

All things to be thankful for!

[I wish I had great pictures to emphasize these thoughts, like Kelle does.]

Even in the midst of a dozen balls dropping and rolling around obnoxiously at my feet as I struggle to maintain the slightest bit of sanity and productivity, I have much to be thankful for...

SO thankful for the deeply intense ways that God is growing & stretching me. Yes, it feels like it's all at once, but hey! It's so great! Struggle is part of the process of maturing and becoming more refined. So, bring it on. :)

SO very thankful for how God is providing financially for my summer overseas on the mission field & for next year when I will be on staff with Cru. Seriously, He is blowing my mind with how everything is coming together. 

Loving the fun I'm having with the kids I nanny... baking cookies, afternoon hikes, trips to the library, writing plays, and making art fairs. Really, I have the best job.

Thankful for just FUN times with my best friend -- painting mugs at Ceramica. Sometimes you need to drop every task and [temporarily] forget about the pressing deadlines and JUST do something for fun. It was incredibly relaxing. I love that when I texted her and said, "I need to do something light-hearted and fun..." She said, "Ceramica? Now?" So blessed by friendship.

Also-- this may seem less exciting and personal and inspirational, but I got an A on my Linguistics midterm. This is with the Professor and subject that last semester, I failed all three tests. I think it's safe to say that this A is a miracle! ;-)

I get to see my lovely Momma in FOUR days! So thankful for the opportunity to go visit my parents, grandparents & friends over spring break next week. Excited to meet with friends and tell them about what I'm doing with Cru next year AND to help serve at Easter at the Theater -- the Easter service for a new church plant, Freedom, in SE Portland. 

See? Even in the MIDST of it all... so much to celebrate & be thankful for. 

Living in a "Guard Your Heart" Culture: Pt 2

I know that this is basic sentence structure in the English language here, but the phrase "guard your heart" directly implies that YOU will do the guarding of the heart. This also directly implies that it is YOUR responsibility. YOU must protect your heart and not let anything bad happen or fall into sin. It is up to YOU; good luck!

I used to leave those "guard your heart" conversations with a running list in my head of everything it probably meant to guard my heart:

- Chick flicks are bad.
- Dates are bad.
- Holding hands? Flirting? Out of the question.
- Talk to a boy? Maybe. (But I was too scared for that to be an issue anyways.)
- Read every book about relationships and contentment and purity that I can get my hands on.

Essentially, as long as I am in control, then I will not fall into sin or cause anyone else to stumble. You know what else will NOT happen? Love. It's really hard to love people if I don't talk to them or am hung up on following the rules I just outlined in my journal. If I am consumed by fear of the "unknown" or making the "wrong" choice. These things steal the enjoyment and freedom that is possible in relationships. Not just romantic relationships.

Boundaries are critical, yes, and there definitely is a line between legalism and apathy/indifference toward sin. That's not what I'm discussing in this series. I'm addressing the legalism side of the pendulum that creates works-oriented mindsets and lack of surrender.

“It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah yes, but what if it does.” 

       Peter McWilliams

This go-to Christian phrase - guard your heart - is generally an exhortation expressed to young people in hopes of preventing sin & heartbreak. It is easily received, though, as a "Christian rule" or just another "good thing to do." If often leads to the question: "What do I need to do in order to guard my heart?" It is motivated by works. Then we often start to build up walls around our hearts. It makes sense, right? We're told to guard and protect at all costs, and that's exactly what a wall does. Think of historical walls like "The Great Wall of China" or biblical walls like in the Battle of Jericho. These walls protect land and people from outsiders that may be harmful.

 But at what cost? What does that kind of "protection" actually do to our hearts? 

I think that sure, it blocks off the bad, but also good. We're so afraid of something going wrong that we miss out on what God has for us in the midst of fellowship with one another.

     “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” 

      ― CS Lewis, The Four Loves

I think that we've had it wrong all this time.

We need to stop focusing on guarding our own hearts. It doesn't work.

We need to turn to Jesus and hold our heart openly and completely to Him. 

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything [relationships, the future, marriage, dating vs. courting, setting rules, etc], but in everything, by praying and petition [through seeking the Lord, rather our own abilities], with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

When we turn to God with our hearts, He brings peace. 
The opposite, me holding onto my own heart, tends to be rather chaotic.

"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love - that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary's cross, though 'legions of angels' might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." (Passion and Purity, p.85, Elisabeth Elliot)

Love like Jesus. Freely. Painfully. 

Entrust your heart to Him & let go of control.

Living in a "Guard Your Heart" Culture - Pt 1

I can easily second Emily Maynard, from Prodigal Magazine, when she says, "I grew up in a Christian culture where the idea of 'guarding your heart' was not just in vogue, but an obsession." It was plastered on brightly colored journals, quoted throughout books geared toward teens, creatively strewn across a cute picture of a heart on a mug or a magnet. Everywhere you looked, this was the overwhelming message. I'd like to sit down for coffee & chat with the first person who decided it was necessary to impart this little nugget of wisdom to the mass of confused, attention-crazed teenagers.... 

"Guard your heart," they say.

We quickly write down this simple phrase in a journal to reflect on later as if it mysteriously holds the power to make us spiritually pure. We learned very quickly that this is the key to success. This is the wisdom that you pass along to any peer struggling with contentment or purity or seeking attention from anywhere other than the Lord. The answer to any of these struggles? Guard your heart, friend. That's all you need to do. 

Then five minutes later, we question, "Wait a minute... what does that even MEAN?" I'm supposed to guard my heart to prevent heartache, remain pure, and then, presumably, I will know the exact right time & person to suddenly open it up to? I mean, that's a whole lot of pressure. That's a whole lot of room for mistake. That's a whole lot of room for "missing the mark." 

"Missing the mark" is the definition of sin, of which there IS surely grace.

But somehow, we lose sight of grace - and the source of grace - when it comes to purity. Brokenness in relationships is a deeply personal pain, and the hurt we feel makes it hard to think that we will ever be made whole. As in, "I gave part of my heart to him and since we're not going to get married, I can never get it back. I now have less love to give & less of me to share."

Our hope for a life of purity goes right out the door at the end of a hopeful relationship.

We think that the source of grace comes from our own ability to appear pure-hearted and abstain from sinful acts of lust. Once we "miss the mark" in either of those areas, we aren't sure where to turn.

Growing up I heard from a number of Christian women who spoke of marrying the one person they ever dated, experiencing the beauty of their first kiss at the altar during their wedding ceremony, and only holding hands with that ONE man that they married. In my mind, that was the epitome of purity. I thought, "One day I want to speak to girls and give the same testimony of how I, too, chose not to give my heart away before the right time!" 

Sure, it's a nice thought. But when is the "right" time? What if what I think is the right time really isn't the right time? And if that is the picture of purity, what happens when my life doesn't look like that? What happens when I chose to date and invest in a relationship, and then NOT marry him? [I don't think that these Christian women intend to imply this as the standard of purity. I do think that that is often the message received.]

I'll tell you what I felt like happened: I suddenly had no hope of purity. Because of that choice to not marry the first man I dated, I could no longer preach that same message and share that same testimony of marrying the only man who's hand I had ever held. 

I felt like overnight I had somehow lost a huge, chunk of my heart and thus had less love to give in the future. That piece of my heart also carried my purity, and presumably, the only chance at "purity" I would ever have. Once it was given that one time, I had somehow used it all up. 

Basically, I was done for. So much for the life of purity and "guarding my heart" that I anticipated living.

The appeal of the "guard your heart" theory summed up: "It offers us a pain free life if we follow the rules, and that sounds really great. It promises us that if we don’t have crushes, or at least don’t admit them, if we never say ‘I love you’ first, if we act detached until the last possible moment before commitment, if we just get married instead of dating, we’ll never have to experience heartbreak and we’ll be okay. It guarantees in a neat, repeatable phrase that we will be in control" (Maynard).

Following a clear set of rules, the blissfulness of marriage rather than the complications of dating, and CONTROL?! Man, this sounds like a great idea to me. But is it reality? It appears that this notion of formulaic and controlled relationships is about as far from reality as Earth is from Pluto. It's a whole different world, and those who live under this assumption will likely experience a brutal wake up call at some point along the way. I know I did.

I'm Just ONE

My Momma does an incredible job of balancing me out.

{Thank goodness. Somebody's got to!}

If there's one thing I learned from her, it's that I can't do it all. And the importance of rest. And how to prioritize. And that it's OKAY to let some things slip... not only is it OKAY, but it's going to happen. Alright, so that is more than one thing. I've learned MANY things from her.

I love that she balances me out in this way, because I tend to be the opposite: I need to do it all, plus some extra, perfectly, in ONE day. Then I wonder why I'm so exhausted? She just tells me to relax and take a nap. ;-)

This week has been a modge podge of thoughts/emotions/levels of tiredness and probably a dose of crazy in there a time or two.

I felt so drained last weekend with every "spare" moment spent analyzing and pulling apart a chapter of rhetorical jargon concerning "attention economies" and "intellectual property."  Moving into the week feeling drained like that made me a little grumpy. 

But THEN I had some encouraging and challenging conversations that reminded me to refocus on what is truly important, and stop getting so worked up over things that don't really matter... especially, in light of eternity. [What are the things that are really going to last? What are the things that matter outside of my own self -- not just that which makes me feel successful or productive? What are the things that I am truly passionate about and called to?] That reminder gave my perspective a 180 degree shift.

The problem is, it didn't last very long. I have about a 36 hour reprieve from the self-induced stress and craziness, then I was right back to where I started. Frustrated that I misplaced my wallet. Overwhelmed with Old English translation that I don't want to work on because I don't even know where to start. Frazzled with tasks that need to be completed in so many different areas of my life, that it takes an insane amount of mental energy to even transition between Panama prep, classes/assignments, campus ministry, relationships, etc, etc, etc.

I decided yesterday that I need to pray for steadfastness. Mostly, I just need to pray. I need strength & perspective. I need Jesus. 

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."
-- Isaiah 25:3

Take the WORLD, and give me JESUS.

Reality is, I am just ONE person. I can't do everything. And I especially can't do everything in one day. I need grace for myself and a realistic perspective of what it means to "be productive." Sometimes, as my mom would say, the most productive thing I can do is take a nap.

Unwelcome Visitors

Nasty attitude. Sweeping discontentment. Overwhelming "to-do" lists. Only a tease of warm weather. Oversleeping. Grumpiness. Too many days missed being still... and knowing that He is God. 

Here we have the list of unwelcome visitors. 

The solicitors that first, maybe, knock gently, then rudely barge their way in at any slightly open door. 

Sometimes we simply need to take charge of what we will allow into our hearts & minds... and what we need to kick to the curb.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 
2 Corinthians 10:5

But then... we have sweet reminders of what it means to {LOVE well & LIVE well.}

[Inspiration Credit: Kelle Hampton's Blog] 

Reminders that come in all shapes & sizes. Reminders that I'd surely miss if I wasn't hungry to rid myself of those unwelcome visitors. Reminders that I hope I acknowledge and appreciate every single day from here on out... reminder like:

The sun rising earlier so I get to drive to work in a brilliant splash of orange, yellow, and red light.

Birds chirping in the crisp, clear morning.

A whole, beautiful hour of hot coffee, cuddles, and reading by the fire with my favorite 6 year old.

Watching things fall into place that you spent at least 48 hours worrying and fretting over. Learning to let go, slowly but surely...

Sweet, encouraging, challenging, truth-filled conversations with people close to my heart. So blessed!

EXCITED about the future -- getting ready for another summer in Panama & preparing for staff with a campus ministry at Boise State next year.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

See how the whole "taking your thoughts" captive thing can change EVERYTHING?!

So thankful for the effects of TRUTH on this weary heart.