Choose to {Love Life}, Regardless...

There is truly so much to love, so much to be thankful for.

Find what you LOVE... whatever makes you feel alive, what gives you energy, peace, joy, what makes you excited, what you dream about... find those things, and do them. 

As often as there are things in life to love and be thankful for, there are just as many things to despise and regret and grow weary of. 

Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that, "...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! [Be of good courage!] I have overcome the world." My translation -- Yes, life is hard. But don't be afraid because you have an everlasting Hope that has already won the battle of life and death. HE is your advocate. You have no reason to live in the bondage of fear.

I'm not trying to ignore those hard things in life that we just don't understand. I don't want to negate the struggles that come up in life. It's definitely not okay to ignore emotions or tensions. 

But sometimes I'm pretty sure we hold onto the stress, worry, fear, fill in the blank ____, just a little too long. Then it becomes a part of us. It gets harder and harder to get rid of over time and the line between lie and truth becomes gray and blurry. Sometimes we just get confused and paralyzed and so we (for whatever reason) decide to sit in the midst of that gray, blurry mess and all the while the stress, worry and fear continue to build.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like an AWFUL life. 

I don't say "awful" as in "I'm so far removed from such things and have certainly never experienced that...." because that would be a lie. We've all been there. I don't think we always even know how we get there, but it happens.

Again, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you  may have LIFE, and have it to the full" (John 10:10, NIV). 

or "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." (NLT)

or "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." (NKJV)

Jesus didn't come to Earth as a baby over two thousand years ago, live a perfect life, die on the cross to pay the wages of our sin, then raise from the grave three days later, all so we could live fearfully and fretfully. No way! 

Sometimes when I find myself in that gray, blurry mess, I think God says, "Don't you realize everything I've put around you to enjoy? Don't you see the blessings?" Not that He is disappointed, but that He urgently wants me to recognize the life that is to be lived abundantly, EVEN in the midst of a crazy, broken world. 

We can look around us everyday and see immense, heart-wrenching brokenness. Just turn on the TV or open a newspaper, for goodness sake. 

But dwelling on the brokenness is not the abundant life that Jesus came to offer. 

How are you TRULY loving life lately? 

Do the things you enjoy. 

Spend time with people who encourage you and spur you on to pursue your dreams. 

Celebrate everything that life has to offer, the sweet little things that so often get overlooked. They're everywhere.

{Part Two}

"Give it Time" - Tyrone Wells

Check it.

Read my post from earlier today...

Then listen to this song...

"Give it Time" on YouTube [Click this link.]'

Remember: It's just a season. "This too shall pass." 

The words...

When the world is on your shoulders
And the wind is getting colder
And you cannot seem to find your peace of mind

You start to feel like nothing matters
One more fall and you might shatter
Everyday you find a mountain you can't climb

In all of these things you've been through
The dreams that you said goodbye too
You wonder where this leaves you now (ohh)

As long as you keep on fighting
I swear there's a silver lining
You're gonna see the sun come out

You gotta give it time, gotta give it time
You're gonna be alright
You gotta give it time, gotta give it time
And you've got the rest of your life

With the darkness finally fading
You can start another painting
Fill the day with all the colors of your life
We show up and do our best
We never know what happens next
I hope it's easier with me right by your side

As long as we keep on fighting
I swear there's a silver lining
We're gonna see the sun come out

We gotta give it time, gotta give it time
We're gonna be alright
We gotta give it time, gotta give it time
And we've got the rest of our lives

When your past holds you back
So you can't move ohhh
I hope you know
That there's a new path you can choose 

[positionmusic.com]

Seasons, Expectations & Surrender

We all know that we will experience different seasons in life. It's inevitable. It's natural. Seasons change. People come and go. New experiences and milestones emerge on the horizon.

I often have very specific expectations for what I think a particular season is supposed to look like. The problem with that is... I very rarely know what things are "supposed" to look like. :)

This is where surrender comes in. 

It's not a once in a lifetime kind of deal.

It's an every day, every moment, every new season kind of deal.

The need to surrender emotions, fears, doubts, expectations. 

Not ignoring or discarding them aimlessly.... but learning how to appropriately and effectively acknowledge and experience them, and then continue to move forward. Working through those emotions and unmet expectations are all a part of the process of being refined. 

Being made new daily. 

Being made more and more into the likeness of Jesus. 

Fighting against the natural desires of the flesh and choosing holiness.

Precious diamonds are formed under pressure, too.

"Diamonds are crystals of pure carbon that form under crushing pressures and intense heat. They mostly form in the Earth's mantle, the layer beneath the crust or surface layer, at a depth of about 150km" (Natural History Museum).

These jewels require "crushing pressures and intense heat" in the process of refinement. Our hearts are the same way. The pressures and trials and struggles will lead us to something greater, something better. I also love the correlation of time and depth that are necessary to expose beautiful diamonds after this process. It is not quick or trivial.

How can we expect to be made fully mature and complete after very little time and shallow experiences?

God knows what we need, and just like a parent, sometimes it pains Him to watch us endure a difficult time... but that does not negate the fact that He knows and has a purpose.

He sees your heart.

Don't give in to the lie that He has left you in this time.

Grace + Truth + Time = Growth

[Changes that Heal, Henry Cloud] 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." 
James 1:2-4

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." 

Romans 5: 1-5 

Seasons come and go, and each one has a purpose. I've found myself frustrated lately because the two months after I came back from Panama were the most content two months of my life. I was solid. Lovin' life. 

Then, I believe, due to the pressures and brokenness of the world we live in, my heart started to experience more of that suffering that Paul and James talk about. The kind of suffering that produces perseverance, character, hope, and maturity. If those things are the result of this suffering, then I will endure! There is purpose. And there is a new season coming. 

Therefore, we can 
REJOICE 
in the hope that He has given.

**http://www.nhm.ac.uk/nature-online/earth/rock-minerals/diamonds/diamond-formation

Thankful Thursday

Today I should probably just stick to another list... if I do too much "talking" it will probably turn into "ranting" and nobody wants to hear that! As I have been trying to wake up and shake the grogginess out of my head for the last hour and a half I remembered that I needed to post "Thankful Thursday" and my first thought literally was, "but I'm too GRUMPY to do thankful Thursday!" Yes, spoken like a truly mature adult. 

Here's the lesson today 

(which may be the lesson far too often!) -- 

We need to choose to be thankful even when we have to muddle through grumpiness to get there. Don't allow the enemy to steal your joy by focusing solely on the stress, the tasks, the things going wrong, the things to do, etc.

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." Proverbs 12:25

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

-- I'm thankful for my new ski jacket!

-- I'm thankful for the Cru Christmas party tomorrow night!

-- I'm thankful for the opportunity to share tonight the ways the God has worked in my life recently!

-- I'm thankful for this week of house sitting and enjoying the peacefulness of a quiet home!

-- I'm thankful for snow in the mountains... I will soon be SKIING!

-- I'm thankful for accountability across time zones and state lines... and for video chat that allows us to stay in touch!

-- I'm thankful for Christmas movies!

-- I'm thankful for Tyrone Well's new album "This Love" ... it's amazing!

-- I'm thankful for time off work while I finish up the semester... because clearly I would have gone INSANE if I had to be at work at 7am AND try to finish these raggedy papers!

-- I'm thankful for my mom and her generosity!

There we go. Ten things that I am really, truly, genuinely thankful for. It does a grumpy heart good. :)

Monday Morning Musings -- A List For You

A list. Because it has become clear that I only have the ability to focus on one thing for about 5.9 seconds before I feel the need to move onto something else. (preferably, something more fun and exciting... and Christmas-y) HENCE, the reason why my productivity in preparing for finals week (aka - studying for an exam and finishing drafts for two twenty page writing projects. ha!) has been minimal, if I want to use a "generous" adjective. "Minimal" probably doesn't even describe how little progress I've made. 

*sigh*

"This too shall pass!" 

Amen and amen.

1. I discovered apple chips this weekend and they're AMAZING. The bag holds approximately two serving sizes (my measurement, not the bag's) and they're a kind of spendy treat.... so my goal this week is to figure out how to make them on my own! It can't be that hard. Besides, they will probably make a great study snack. 

2. I'm giving a presentation today using a POSTERBOARD. Talk about old school. It's been about twelve years since I've done that. I decided that this is proof that technology has enhanced our lives because I probably would have been done preparing for the presentation in HALF the time. And my knees hurt from kneeling on the floor to write on it. I don't know why I felt like posterboards must be created on the floor and not a table...

3. I'm house/dog sitting this week and last night I swear I heard an alarm go off at 3:08am. Not an alarm clock as in what I ignored three hours later, but something like a smoke detector or security system. I was convinced that either the house was on fire or there was a burglar. I literally jumped out of bed, but half way to the door the alarm stopped and I realized that if somebody WAS in the house, I was NOT going out there to find out! So I went back to bed, turned the lamp on, and stayed there wide awake and freaked out for almost an hour. When I woke up I couldn't decide if it really happened or I had a bad dream. I know I woke up and jumped out of bed, but the alarm just doesn't make sense. It seemed so real and loud at the time, though! Tonight, I'm going to sleep with a baseball bat by my bed.

4. 10 days until Christmas break!!!

5. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get a haircut and do some Christmas shopping. Do I have time to do these things? Probably not. But it's not my fault that the semester ends on December 21st! That is practically Christmas. And it's the day I leave for Portland... so I don't really have the option to wait until I'm done with finals. Maybe that will help with motivation? Do something fun and Christmas-y in the morning and then push through homework all afternoon? Hopefully.

6. Yesterday I got out my Linguistics textbook and made some tasty guacamole to sit down and bust out this assignment. I made it as far as opening my book and reading the first problem 25 times.... and then I scheduled an appointment with the linguistics tutors. Then I closed my book and moved onto my poster board. Productivity at it's FINEST.

7. I want there to be a snowstorm. I know that 95% of Boise is against me in that wish, but I will hold my ground!

8. I love, love, LOVE it when my friends from Panama City and the Darien Jungle instant message me on facebook. I get to work on my Spanish skills (they need some serious attention right now...) and it's a good reminder of the amazing things that God did in my life and the lives of SO many others this summer. AND it makes me excited about Summer 2013!!!

A Little Thankful Thursday Goodness

I am learning lately how much I cannot do on my own.

Sure, I'm an adult and I get to pay bills, fix my car, plan my life, juggle various responsibilities, etc.... but let's be real -- when it comes down to it, I've got nothing. My thoughts sprout and bloom and grow in a million different directions and my emotions change about every 2.7 seconds. My heavens, it gets ridiculous. When it comes down to the nitty gritty - the basis of who I am - I am so in need of a gracious Savior to cover my mistakes.

I cannot love others without God pouring His love into me.

I cannot experience true, everlasting peace without Jesus' own peace filling me.

I cannot speak truth without already building upon a knowledge and foundation of truth.

I cannot be truly thankful, without the Holy Spirit changing my perspective.

[and BOY do I need a softened heart and changed perspective every once in a while. or rather, very often. grateful for a God who is full of GRACE to do so.]

Though thankfulness is not listed in Galatians 5 as a fruit of the spirit, writing about my inability to muster of genuine love, peace, truth and gratitude reminds me of these verses. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit." -- Galatians 5:22-24

These attributes are fruit [products, results] of walking in the Spirit... not of mere human-ness or choice. I cannot do any of them in and of myself; we NEED the Spirit to fill us so that we can be transformed more and more into the likeness of the Son.

So today, despite the end-of-the-semester craziness, trouble sleeping, irrational emotions,  etc, etc... I will rely on the Holy Spirit to soften my heart & change my perspective... and point me toward THANKFULNESS:

I'm thankful for -
... sweet friendships
... making decisions and seeing growth
... time off work (compensated by 10x the amount of school)
... the chance of SNOW 3 times in the 10 day forecast
... Christmas in 19 days
... my identity in Christ
... revelation/insight/ideas
... coffee, coffee, coffee
... scarves. every.single.day.
... reading a novel for FUN

What are you listening to?

We have the option of listening to a million different voices that constantly vie for our attention -- especially in this "digital age." Advertisements, celebrities, social trends, new medical reports, friends, family, even acquaintances... 

It seems that TRUTH can very easily get pushed to the way side with very little consideration.

Probably the most common "outside" voice I find myself fighting against is actually "inside" -- my emotions. 

Do you ever wake up feeling grumpy? (If not, you can probably just stop reading here... )

In the past twelve hours I went to sleep grumpy and woke up even grumpier. 

[Hate when that happens...]

I didn't go to bed grumpy... but I began to get quite grumpy as I lay there wide awake, trying to go to sleep. I found myself irritated with the most menial, silly things. (All of this happening in my head, mind you.) Then I woke up when my alarm went off and got grumpy all over again because I didn't feel rested. I felt like I just wasted far too many hours trying to get to sleep, not getting restful/productive sleep, and then trying to wake up... I find it ironic that I had so much trouble going to sleep AND so much trouble waking up. Ha!

Can anyone relate to that? Anyone?

A night like that can sure taint my attitude for the next day. Sometimes I let it.

It just depends on what I choose to listen to.

Thankfully, this morning I chose to fix my eyes on JESUS and focus on TRUTH. I made myself coffee & breakfast, turned the fireplace on, sat on the couch with a warm blanket and read my Bible, prayed, and listened to my favorite worship song. (One Thing Remains, Kristian Stanfill)

I prayed for refreshment. I prayed that God would search my heart, see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). I prayed that God would satisfy my heart and overwhelm my soul. I prayed for contentment in Him and nothing / nobody else. 

I know that I don't always choose to listen to Truth. "...The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). Sometimes I listen to emotions or criticism from other people or fear or whatever is the trend of the moment. Sometimes I doubt the truth. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26)

But the fulfillment of the SPIRIT of Truth is like none other!

God is jealous for you... He DESIRES to spend time with you. He pursues your heart like no other person can. "My soul finds rest in God alone [...]" (Psalm 62:1).

What voice are you going to choose to listen to today? 

Everything else is meaningless.
HE is all you need.

And Life Goes On...

I was thinking this morning about writing on a random decision making process I went through from this weekend... and I realized that every few months you will inevitably find a post having to do with making decisions in some form or fashion. That's not a sign that I have nothing to say. That's a sign that I'm living life! Life is a constant succession of decisions. Little ones every day that define who I am, what is important to me, and where I'm going; big ones every so often that seem to clearly dictate the path I choose to take in the long term. ("long term" as in, as far in advance as I can even begin to plan.)

My favorite "decision making" verses were conveniently contained in the first couple chapters of Proverbs that I happened to read this morning. *love when that happens.*

"...he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. 

Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path. 

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. 

Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

"Her [wisdom] ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace."

-- Proverbs 2:8-11; 3:5-6, 17 --

{I highly suggest reading all of both chapters... so good!}

The exciting thing about me moving forward in these decisions is that I did it all on my own! It didn't come in the midst of conversation or from another person's persuasion. (These things have gotten me in trouble in the past!) I am even now, as I write this, realizing how critical this is -- I just made two decisions for the next year of my life without concern of judgment from other people!

[Gosh, I love seeing growth & confidence actually play out in real life!] 

"Pursue what God has put on your heart, not what someone else thinks should be on your heart." - Roger Hershey

It all started on a drive home from dinner at The Olive Garden... I don't even remember consciously thinking about planning out my life or making a decision or anything like that. I just remember that when I pulled up to my house, the lingering questions in my mind were: 

"Why not?"

"What's holding me back?" 

I keep saying things like, "I'm going to Panama again next summer! But maybe not. Because I'm not really convinced that that's what God wants me to do. So... we'll see." I have prayed, sought wise counsel, considered my options, and Panama has still weighs heavy on my heart. 

"Step out in Faith and trust God to direct your steps and cover for your mistakes. Faith is not waiting until you know 100% what to do." - Roger Hershey

What am I waiting for? A neon sign? A prophet? A billboard? A letter in the mail?

I love that nugget from Roger Hershey about moving forward and taking steps of faith, and trusting God to "direct your steps and cover for your mistakes." After that drive home, I decided that I've done everything I need to do, now it's time to take the steps of faith and trust that God has my back.

So I applied to be a Team Leader in Panama again this summer!

I was waiting for some kind of sign that had to do with my involvement with Cru (BSU Campus Ministry) for the next year as well. I've been skirting around a decision and gathering information and praying... but still just waiting. Maybe those Olive Garden bread sticks brought on some kind of wake up call in my heart. ;-) 

This decision is more *risky* than a month in Panama. It requires building a greater financial support system. But it has continued to be on my heart... and it just makes sense with where I will be (still a student until next Dec) and the passions that God has put on my heart. So, again, what am I waiting for? 

I'm excited! Living life for Jesus is such an adventure!