Thankful Thursday - Post Thanksgiving Contentment

The degree of thankfulness in your heart depends on what you focus on.  

What you focus on is determined by how you spend your time/money & 

what you think about.

Thankfulness has everything to do with satisfaction and contentment.

"...you will me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." 

- Psalm 16:11b

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

- Psalm 103:1-5

Did the week of Thanksgiving spur actual thankfulness in your heart? Or did it represent a hurried massive dinner followed by a mad rush to stand in line for hours at your local department store? 

Was it full of family time? Or was it just another week on the calendar of a million things to do?

My goal is NOT to make anyone feel guilty - by any means! (If that were the case, someone would need to gently remind me to take a look at my OWN life.)

I just think it's good to reflect on the correlation of what we say and what we do.

We celebrate THANKSGIVING. We get excited about holidays.

Shopping is not bad - but shouldn't we balance it with giving of our time, selves, possessions?

Work and chores are definitely essential - but we also must schedule in and prioritize free time, rest time, and family time. Actual face-to-face conversations. I know, it is somewhat of a foreign concept. But, seriously. It's crucial.

Personally, my level of contentment and thankfulness skyrockets when I acknowledge God for what He has already blessed me with, rather than constantly seeking MORE. All I want is more of HIM. There will always be something else to do or somewhere else to be or something new to buy.... but the thing that lasts is a real relationship with Jesus. 

So what are YOU thankful for today??

I am thankful for --

- A calm morning in front of the fireplace with my journal
- A surprise trip to Portland to visit friends and family for Thanksgiving (my mom and aunt screamed and my sister-in-law cried when I walked in unannounced... it was perfect!)
- A night with dear friends and encouraging conversations
- So much quality time with my best friend this week (which included making new journals!)
- A great meeting with a Professor yesterday who had great things to say about my semester writing project... what a blessing to be encouraged in one of the things that I am most passionate about!
- Christmas music. Christmas trees. Christmas lights. Christmas socks. Need I say more?
- God's plan that is GOOD and will continued to be revealed little by little...

"Steady My Heart"

This song by Kari Jobe fits in nicely with my post from Tuesday... 

this video has the lyrics. 

So full of TRUTH! Steady my heart. 

{Click HERE to watch it on youtube}

This is how I am steadying my heart this morning. 

Thank you, Jesus, for a calm morning! 

Such a beautiful thing.

- Simplified -

I've had to sit here for a few moments (or possibly quite a bit longer... ah, the plight of a writer.) with a very white, very blank page. Armed with a free coffee, Bible nearby, calming Christmas music playlist... even a window seat in the coffee shop. 
And I've still got nothing.

It has clearly been quite a while since I've sat down to write for anything outside of school work - even to journal. (Shocking, I know.) I can think of a myriad of different things to update you on, questions I've been mulling over, excerpts from books I've been reading... but then I realized, that's not what is really on my heart. 

That's the way it usually works for me; I can sit down with one idea of what I think I will write about, but as soon as my fingers start moving across the keys, God changes the direction of my heart and I see what He has really put there for me to share. 

Christmas is by far, off the charts, 100%, absolutely, my favorite time of year. There are so many reasons why I love Christmas. But many know better than me, that the joy of this season does not negate the burdens and trials that pay no heed to trivialities like the time of year. They don't care that you are trying to celebrate LIFE and FREEDOM. They don't come at convenient times, if it were that such a thing even exists.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; 

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

- Jesus (John 10:10)

I hear about the woman who was just diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread to her brain.

I think about my childhood friend who was just diagnosed with a serious congenital heart defect and must undergo open heart surgery immediately. 

I am reminded of constant financial struggle in the lives of families very dear to me.

I am surrounded by students who are overwhelmed at the end of a semester.

I recall points of shame and guilt in my own life and know that it is not from the Lord.

... and my heart is heavy.

No matter the struggle, the worry, the pain, the affliction... there is always hope. 
And His hope does not disappoint us.

"Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Romans 5:3-5

Hope...

Even when we don't understand it. 

Even when it doesn't make sense.

Even when we don't have the answers.

Hope in CHRIST will never disappoint in the end.

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Which brings me to what is really on my heart... life simplified. It is incredibly easy for my focus to shift from the beauty and sovereignty of Christ to my own futile worries and fears. It is in those times, that we need to take a step back, a deep breath, and a moment to acknowledge just how Almighty and Powerful God really is. I have to remind myself over and over again that just because I am thrown off kilter by the events of life, God is not the least bit surprised. "Trust me, Child," He says.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

It takes faith to choose trust, surrender -- offering up every ailment, fear, concern, sadness and pain to the Creator who made you to live in a healthy, whole, completely fulfilling relationship with Him.

As for those burdens that don't seem to disappear just because you put up the Christmas tree and listen to your favorite Christmas album... God is still good.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. 

Though outwardly we are wasting away, 

yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for 

us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, 

but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, 

but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Amen and Amen.

We all know that life is by no means "easy" or simple." I learn that lesson more and more as time goes on. But I do believe that the burdens on my mind are made light and the pain in my heart is eased when I choose to place my HOPE and TRUST in Jesus. He "simplifies" my life because at the point when I choose to trust, I am no longer the one trying to appease, heal, succeed and figure it all out. I trade my sorrow for His JOY... and joy is simple. light. beautiful. 

What would this look like in YOUR life?

Last week it meant that I put away my school work and took a short walk around downtown to look at all the Christmas lights. It means hot tea and Bible reading when I wake up in the morning. It means praying instead of worrying. It means acknowledging the struggle, but knowing and believing that God is far greater than your struggle.

Thankful [Th]riday

See what I did there? :)

Here we are, a week before Thanksgiving. Your facebook news feed is probably full of all of your friends' daily thankfulness. i.e. "#14 - I'm thankful for my dog." It's November, for goodness' sake. Thankfulness is - dare I say it? - somewhat of a trend. 

I am definitely not saying that it's wrong to do those little daily thankfulness facebook statuses. I'm clearly all about that, since I do it every week! What I'm saying is that I think it's beneficial to be aware of the ebbs and flows of various trends and decide how much you want to allow the trend to control you. Also - some things/ideas that start out as trends, maybe should become habits or lifestyles. Maybe it looks different in different seasons, sure. (you might lose track of the number of facebook statuses if you tried to do that every day forever... "#9873 I'm thankful for spoons to eat soup...")

But are there other ways that you can show gratitude as a part of your lifestyle?

Something that would be characteristic of who you are? 

That way when people look at you, it would be obvious that THAT is a person who is thankful. That person recognizes blessings.

[The purpose of recognizing blessings is simply to give praise to God for all that He gives us. So when I talk about a lifestyle of Thankfulness, maybe what I'm really getting at is.... habitual praise. 

It really is all about HIM anyways.]

Today, I will turn these blessings into praise! Thank you, God, for...

- Thanksgiving break! I am so excited to sleep, have time to work out, spend hours in coffee shops, write, journal, start getting ready for Christmas, skype with my family... it's going to be great!

- Unexpected encouragement. A random phone call from a sweet friend full of positive affirmation and truth. A quick conversation with a respected leader that helped guide healthy perspective. 

- Birthdays! I've had so much dessert and good food this week to celebrate! I just love birthdays. :)

- I'm thankful for my trip to Spokane last weekend... the quality time with friends, the talks on living with Kingdom vision, the pull on my heart to go on missions. Still so much to process!

- An amazing Cru (campus crusade) staff team at BSU.

- A free gym membership at the Rec Center on campus. ("free" meaning, included in the ridiculously expensive tuition that I - and the government - pay every semester) I'm reminding myself that I really am thankful for this so that I'll maybe actually use it sometime soon.

- A great place to live. I am so blessed by this family.

- It's Friday! I'm looking forward to quality time with a lot of friends this weekend.

Monday Morning Musings ...

1. I will probably need about 5 gallons of coffee today. Who wants to deliver a dutch bros kicker to me every hour? 

2. I had the privilege of attending an incredible conference w/ Cru this weekend in Spokane. I didn't necessarily come home with a detailed five year plan (that would have been too easy...), but I did hear some great talks from Roger Hershey (check out: http://www.rogerhershey.com/ to hear some of them), spend some quality time w/ the Cru staff and a good friend, eat breakfast in a fancy hotel, see snow, experience some refreshing times of worship, and a whole lot more... so thankful for the opportunity to go.

3. Okay, so when I say "a whole lot more," I mean there is no other road trip story to top what Stacia, Jessica and I experienced on the way to and from Spokane. Seriously. It involves electrical keys getting wet (in a toilet), giving a quick lesson on driving in the snow, getting lost in Touchet, WA, a very kind police officer who did not write us a ticket (thank you, JESUS), being given our room keys (which turned out to be a room full of Cru guys... that could have been awkward had we not realized that there were already 4 duffel bags in there before we went to sleep... in one of their beds), and then following the GPS home down the more dangerous highway (oops. I successfully avoided a whole community of deer just hanging out on the road, though.) .... we could make a movie with all of the absurd, ridiculous, and hysterical things that happened to us this weekend. I would say that I won't be going on a road trip in a long time, but Christmas in Portland will be here before I know it. Shoot.

4. Going from a rental car that has a button to start the engine instead of a regular key back to my quirky, rickety old Chevy Cavalier.... yeah, that was an awful transition. It was a sad moment leaving the new Nissan Altima behind at Enterprise this morning. Even Gannon didn't like it.

5. Random Fact: I will be turning 24 years old tomorrow. I love birthdays!!! Not even just mine... I just love a good reason to celebrate! A week ago, there was a chance of snow on my birthday. Now, there's not. BUT, miracles can happen! :)

5. In all of the craziness of this weekend I didn't finish my Composition & Rhetoric homework.... or finish studying for my linguistics test that I have in 5 hrs. That was NOT how this weekend was supposed to go. I don't know why I thought I'd have extra time/energy to do that! But staying up to study until 12:30am was also not the best idea... I woke up ten minutes AFTER I was supposed to be at work this morning.

6. Speaking of oversleeping -- I don't remember the last time that has happened, but I know that when it does, I feel so guilty. I get this awful sick to my stomach feeling of guilt. This morning Kerinda just brought the kids to my house and when I went out to the car to bring them inside, she said "we stopped by Starbucks and this is for you!" Even though I was late and threw off her morning and made her late. I feel like every time I have felt bad for something, she shows me the most genuine grace. I was about to cry as she handed me the coffee and said, "you probably need this." Yes, it's true. I have learned so much from this woman about giving and receiving grace. I don't deserve it. I was the one who screwed up. Not only did she not look or sound angry, but she gave me a gift. My mind just doesn't even understand grace like that... but it sure touches my heart in a very profound way. I can't even explain. Thank you, God, for reminders of YOUR grace. I am so overwhelmed.

Thankful Thursday ~ Looking in the Nooks & Crannies

I know that I've said this countless times, but I think it is worth acknowledging again the reality that some days are easier to have a thankful heart than others. Some days it is just plain HARD; it takes a little more time and concentration to see the blessings because you first have to sort through the muck of disappointments, frustrations, emotions, burdens, fears, exhaustion and built up tasks / expectations. All of which could be seen as "blessings in disguise" anyways -- just another tactic of Satan, I believe, is to make us blind to blessings and emphasize the everyday struggles. The truth is, God's plan is sovereign regardless of how much of it I understand.

I was thinking last night as I drifted off to sleep (very easily, as it had been a loooong day) about how it's time for "Thankful Thursday" again... and why can't this blog post always land on the days that thankfulness seems to come easily and beautifully insightful thoughts and exhortations about thankfulness just flow nicely out of my head???

Welcome to LIFE, Kailene. :)

A reminder, yet again, that there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

... always...continually... in all circumstances...

So, we push forward and choose a joyful & thankful heart, regardless of circumstances.

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Today I am thankful for:

- The chance of SNOW in the forecast. I'm such a Northwest girl. 

(except most people here actually hate the snow... so I guess I'm just unique.)

- Peppermint coffee creamer. 'Tis the season!

- The book I am currently reading (more like, slowly making my way through...): "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World -- Finding intimacy with God in the busyness of life" -- love these sweet reminders of what is TRULY important in the midst of a world that teaches otherwise.

- Seeing God's abundant provision in allowing me to attend a conference in Spokane this weekend -- everything from the cost of the actual event, cost of the rental car, managing the details of even reserving a rental car, and a sweet friend to make the seven hour road trip with. 

- Also, for the opportunity to attend this conference! I am confident that it will be a much-needed time to continue processing and praying about the future. I am so excited for God's plan... whatever it may be. 

- I am so very thankful that the kids made an awesome fort in the living room that will *hopefully* entertain them for a couple of hours while I finish blogging and take a chemistry quiz online. We're going to make english muffin pizzas for lunch and then go do something fun this afternoon. But for now, I think we are all enjoying the peace and quiet of a day off. (for them, not me. haha)

- Close friendships all over the place... I am thankful for, and miss terribly, my friends in Virginia, Texas, Kentucky, California, Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, Washington and everywhere else. I am truly blessed by such solid and constant friendships of people who don't even live near me. Thank God for video chats -- one of the greatest technological innovations, in my opinion.

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On the days that thankfulness is not your first response:

Don't give up! Sometimes it's necessary to look in the nooks and crannies to search out those blessings, because they ARE there. It is well worth the time and energy to look beyond the surface and dig deeper to what truly matters; what is really there. The blessings are not absent, they're just disguised and hard to find. Don't let that stop you. Look in the nooks and crannies of your life and take those blessings as joyful offerings to the Lord in recognition of how He truly does provide and care for you, even in the darkest of times. 

Getting All Caught Up In the Hub-Bub

Sometimes I just get turned around in circles because of the thousands of voices telling me I need to perform better in one area... know more about something else... be a better, more informed citizen... focus on my family... focus on school... focus on Jesus (um, ALL of them? at the same time?)... tithe more / support missionaries and orphans around the world...

Let's get one thing straight first, I am in no way condemning the "goodness" of any and ALL of those things. 

The problem is that I feel like the message typically comes across as doing rather than being. 

[Yes, "faith without works is dead" (see the book of James) -- but works without faith (works for the sake of works) are also meaningless.]

Yesterday I met with a very optimistic academic adviser before my 3:00 class to make sure I was on the right track for graduation. (13 months from now. Definitely counting down.) I think she was more excited than I was and expressed that if I just take a few workshops next semester and as many classes as I can in the summer, I could be DONE with school by the end of August. Ending a whole four months early sounded unbelievable. Due to her hopefulness, I was almost catching onto the idea - "Yeah! I could just really push hard next semester and get done SOONER!"

My first thought: But... I am planning on devoting as much of my summer as possible to missions next summer. When I'm not actually traveling, I will be raising support to go. And possibly raising support for campus ministry next year at BSU.

My second thought: And... last I checked, summer pell grants don't exist anymore. I can't PAY for summer classes and I'm not willing to go into debt. (i.e., compile a massive amount of student loans)

My third thought: There's no way I will be done with school in August. But I'm okay with that.

I had an encouraging conversation with a good friend after class last night and one of the things we talked about was living with an ETERNAL perspective. 

Sure, graduating a tiny bit earlier would be awesome, but not worth giving up time on the mission field. 

Yes, I believe it is important to be a knowledgeable citizen. But the opposite doesn't cost me my identity or dignity.

Yep, I'd pretty much give anything (figuratively speaking) to get above a C on a chem quiz or exam. But the fact that I am bombing that class in no way defines who I am. 
(It simply means that I strongly dislike chemistry.) 

I do need to focus on family/friends (i.e. relationships), classes (I really am so close to graduation, don't want to blow it now!), and, most importantly, JESUS. (I mean, HELLO! Thank you for Your grace.) BUT -- 

The point is: You are not what you do or what you know. You were created for more than just having intelligent conversations and earning a college degree. You were created for relationship with God, and anything outside of that is temporary and fleeting. So let's just keep all of those expectations and "good deeds" in perspective. Give (of yourself, time, finances) with a CHEERFUL heart, not one expecting to receive anything in return or gain standing among God or men.

It is easier than we think to get caught up in the "hubbub" of doing good things and being a good person and fulfilling various religious expectations or duties as a US citizen, but life is not even ABOUT those things. 

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains,but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

*For those of you who got thrown off by the word "hub bub" in the title of this post: It was the first word to come to mind to complete the phrase the way I wanted, but then I doubted my knowledge of it's definition... and then I doubted it's existence. Well, according to thefreedictionary.com (google's first responder), it makes sense AND fits well in this phrase! Go me. Hubbub: "A confused uproar of many voices."

Best Decision I've Made in Weeks...

Taking this little two-day trip was seriously just what I needed! Sometimes you just have to make a decision and go for it. I'm so glad I decided to take this quick trip.

I got a great night's sleep at home Friday night. Then, Saturday morning, picked up my free candy cane mocha from Dutch Bros, filled up the car with gas, got my tires/oil checked (anything over 20 miles is quite the journey for my quirky, little car), and hit the road. Only mere minutes after turning onto HWY 55, I felt a huge burden lifted and breathed a sigh of relief. I'm so glad these plans didn't fall through this time. I love that I'm at a place in life where I can pick up and go away for a couple days and enjoy a little retreat / adventure.

Then I settled in for the two hour drive and sang Christmas songs. 
That's normal on November 3rd, right?

I must have my months mixed up! Oh well. That's partly the beauty of going out on my OWN because I get to choose the music, the activities, the food, and how loud I sing the whole drive. ;-)

(After that confession, I'll never find a friend to road trip with!)

I made it to McCall and sat in the corner of a coffee shop in a big, comfy chair. I had an assignment for school due at 4:30 Saturday afternoon, so that was my first priority. Half way through I was so tired I could have put my head down on that big, comfy chair and slept the rest of the day. 

After finishing the assignment I walked around town a little bit... enjoyed the heavenly store filled with Christmas goodies. I think there is seriously something about Christmas that is soothing to me. It's not that I'm obsessed about shopping and, frankly, I hate the hectic-ness of the season. 

What I love is the little things: choosing a Christmas tree, decorating the tree, making cookies, watching cheesy / hilarious / heartfelt Christmas movies, visiting friends and family that I usually only see once or twice a year, the magic of a beautifully serene snowfall, remembering and celebrating the birth of Jesus, beautiful Christmas lights hung all over the city... my brother and I are pretty big on traditions. 

We like to enjoy all of those "little" things. 

I think that those little things are actually the big things.

I know that most people act disgusted or offended or something else equally ridiculous when talk of Christmas comes up before 12:01am the day after Thanksgiving. I can respect that. But seriously... even if by myself, I am so incredibly thankful for two days to enjoy however I choose. Coincidentally, I chose Christmas... I think for good reason. 

I desperately needed some time to adjust my perspective (see Friday's post on feeling swamped...) and get some rest. I just wanted to feel refreshed. McCall is one of the quietest, most peaceful places I have ever been. It was so wonderful. 

Adding the JOY of Christmas to that mix? Just what I needed.

Living in a Swamp

Swamps are sticky and mushy. They are difficult to traverse through. They're thick; it's hard to move. They tend to be dark and gloomy. One of the dictionary definitions is "to render helpless," and "to overwhelm," and "unfit for cultivation" (I think that last one can be literal OR figurative... interesting.). Swamps are wet, yucky and mucky.

This is how I feel today: SWAMPED. Ugh.

It's not really a pretty sight.

[After my recent assignment on "descriptive writing," I definitely could have made that first paragraph much better. Maybe that's why I added the visual image... I am lacking adequate words! ;-) ]

I'm forgetting things that aren't even real. i.e. The whole way to BSU this morning I kept thinking that I forgot to do something that was on my to do list but could not for the life of me think of what it was... as soon as I found a booth to sit in and turned on my computer I checked the list and realized I hadn't forgotten anything after all. All of that for nothing!

Now I'm sitting here with the list of things I have left to do today and my schedule for the next week playing in my mind and I just have no idea where to even start. First things first, right? So does that mean I should do what was due yesterday first, or what is due today? Ouch.

I think I am soon going to hit a wall (at 10:30am. ha!) ... which is why I am so, so, so glad that I know these limits and quirks about myself! I just need to push through today - with a joyful heart - and tomorrow I am treating myself to a trip to the mountains. I will have a lot to do up there - mostly getting caught up on school work. But the beautiful drive and fresh air and even just feeling like I'm "away" is going to be completely worth it. 

I posted on facebook last night that my decision to take this little trip by myself is an example of introversion at it's finest. :) Really,  it's just a matter of knowing what I need and making that a priority. 

I feel like there are literally a thousand thoughts in all different directions racing through my mind... too fast to even do anything about a single one! I just need some time to slow down.

Do you know your limits? What do you do to "recharge"? 

Thankful Thursday -- 'Tis the Season

Happy November!!!

Welcome to the MONTH of thankfulness. 

There is always something to be thankful for. Usually even a LOT of somethings!

Today I am thankful for...

- A morning to sleep in
- A skype date with an old roommate from Texas last night (so much encouragement and tears and truth... I just love her!)
- Holiday drinks at Starbucks
- A chance of *SNOW* on my birthday (!!!)
- Looking forward to a solo road trip to the mountains this weekend... definitely in need of some alone time away
- The way that plans just fall into place
- A ride home for Christmas!
- A free plane ticket to Texas to visit some very dear friends (haven't booked it just yet - but I'll set a weekend, soon!)
- The fact that my car is still running well... it was touch and go there for a while...
- Discipleship group this afternoon... so excited to meet with these sweet girls!
- Reminders of growth in my life
- Making new friends :)

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..." Proverbs 17:22

Have you let gratitude change your perspective lately?

Things are not as bad as they seem... there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.