I spent three years at a ministry in Texas. Most of the programs were based on one year commitments. Usually at this point in the year (fall - early winter), I was pretty confident I knew what I was going to do next (move back home, stay another year, go to college, etc). Then late winter/early spring came the "What the heck, I only thought I knew what I was going to do, but now I have no idea!" phase. This phase was not exclusive to myself. Therefore, right around the same time of year, every intern/graduate intern was a frazzled-praying mess trying to schedule a meeting with the five mentors he or she had accumulated. (It's biblical: "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." Proverbs 15:22) All of a sudden it seemed like there were ten great options and you just wanted to know the ONE path that GOD wanted you to take. This is the phase where a lot of "back and forthing" takes place. Day 1: I'm going to college to be a teacher! Day 2: I want to stay where I'm at! Day 3: I guess I'll just work at McDonald's! Day 4: Maybe I'll live in Africa? And be a teacher? ... You get the picture.
Then came the epiphany. The decision. After many, MANY days of blood, sweat and tears, you FINALLY come to a conclusion. It feels like victory, breakthrough. All of that wrestling is worth it for the gold that awaits: a plan to move forward and new found strength of character that came through the process along the way.
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I haven't been through that process since I decided to leave Teen Mania to finish my bachelor's degree at Boise State over two years ago. I knew that I wanted to finish school, so that was my next goal. I didn't need to answer the question "what am I going to do next?" until I finished that part. So, I've been in school and I love it. God has provided over and over and over and over again. Seriously.
But now I'm at the beginning stages of the decision making process again. One difference is that I'm aware of common decision making phases, so I'm much more calm. I am completely confident that God will open the right doors at just the right time and give me everything I need to move through them. I know that He sees the big picture when I barely see the next five minutes. He's got it under control. My job is to simply trust and obey. If I don't have the answers then I don't need to know yet. And I am OKAY with that. (Today, at least. You might need to remind me tomorrow that I decided to be okay with that...)
The next year and a half is going to be full of transition and I've never been more excited for what lies ahead.
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