Living in a "Guard Your Heart" Culture: Pt 2

I know that this is basic sentence structure in the English language here, but the phrase "guard your heart" directly implies that YOU will do the guarding of the heart. This also directly implies that it is YOUR responsibility. YOU must protect your heart and not let anything bad happen or fall into sin. It is up to YOU; good luck!

I used to leave those "guard your heart" conversations with a running list in my head of everything it probably meant to guard my heart:

- Chick flicks are bad.
- Dates are bad.
- Holding hands? Flirting? Out of the question.
- Talk to a boy? Maybe. (But I was too scared for that to be an issue anyways.)
- Read every book about relationships and contentment and purity that I can get my hands on.

Essentially, as long as I am in control, then I will not fall into sin or cause anyone else to stumble. You know what else will NOT happen? Love. It's really hard to love people if I don't talk to them or am hung up on following the rules I just outlined in my journal. If I am consumed by fear of the "unknown" or making the "wrong" choice. These things steal the enjoyment and freedom that is possible in relationships. Not just romantic relationships.

Boundaries are critical, yes, and there definitely is a line between legalism and apathy/indifference toward sin. That's not what I'm discussing in this series. I'm addressing the legalism side of the pendulum that creates works-oriented mindsets and lack of surrender.

“It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah yes, but what if it does.” 

       Peter McWilliams

This go-to Christian phrase - guard your heart - is generally an exhortation expressed to young people in hopes of preventing sin & heartbreak. It is easily received, though, as a "Christian rule" or just another "good thing to do." If often leads to the question: "What do I need to do in order to guard my heart?" It is motivated by works. Then we often start to build up walls around our hearts. It makes sense, right? We're told to guard and protect at all costs, and that's exactly what a wall does. Think of historical walls like "The Great Wall of China" or biblical walls like in the Battle of Jericho. These walls protect land and people from outsiders that may be harmful.

 But at what cost? What does that kind of "protection" actually do to our hearts? 

I think that sure, it blocks off the bad, but also good. We're so afraid of something going wrong that we miss out on what God has for us in the midst of fellowship with one another.

     “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” 

      ― CS Lewis, The Four Loves

I think that we've had it wrong all this time.

We need to stop focusing on guarding our own hearts. It doesn't work.

We need to turn to Jesus and hold our heart openly and completely to Him. 

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything [relationships, the future, marriage, dating vs. courting, setting rules, etc], but in everything, by praying and petition [through seeking the Lord, rather our own abilities], with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

When we turn to God with our hearts, He brings peace. 
The opposite, me holding onto my own heart, tends to be rather chaotic.

"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love - that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary's cross, though 'legions of angels' might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." (Passion and Purity, p.85, Elisabeth Elliot)

Love like Jesus. Freely. Painfully. 

Entrust your heart to Him & let go of control.

Living in a "Guard Your Heart" Culture - Pt 1

I can easily second Emily Maynard, from Prodigal Magazine, when she says, "I grew up in a Christian culture where the idea of 'guarding your heart' was not just in vogue, but an obsession." It was plastered on brightly colored journals, quoted throughout books geared toward teens, creatively strewn across a cute picture of a heart on a mug or a magnet. Everywhere you looked, this was the overwhelming message. I'd like to sit down for coffee & chat with the first person who decided it was necessary to impart this little nugget of wisdom to the mass of confused, attention-crazed teenagers.... 

"Guard your heart," they say.

We quickly write down this simple phrase in a journal to reflect on later as if it mysteriously holds the power to make us spiritually pure. We learned very quickly that this is the key to success. This is the wisdom that you pass along to any peer struggling with contentment or purity or seeking attention from anywhere other than the Lord. The answer to any of these struggles? Guard your heart, friend. That's all you need to do. 

Then five minutes later, we question, "Wait a minute... what does that even MEAN?" I'm supposed to guard my heart to prevent heartache, remain pure, and then, presumably, I will know the exact right time & person to suddenly open it up to? I mean, that's a whole lot of pressure. That's a whole lot of room for mistake. That's a whole lot of room for "missing the mark." 

"Missing the mark" is the definition of sin, of which there IS surely grace.

But somehow, we lose sight of grace - and the source of grace - when it comes to purity. Brokenness in relationships is a deeply personal pain, and the hurt we feel makes it hard to think that we will ever be made whole. As in, "I gave part of my heart to him and since we're not going to get married, I can never get it back. I now have less love to give & less of me to share."

Our hope for a life of purity goes right out the door at the end of a hopeful relationship.

We think that the source of grace comes from our own ability to appear pure-hearted and abstain from sinful acts of lust. Once we "miss the mark" in either of those areas, we aren't sure where to turn.

Growing up I heard from a number of Christian women who spoke of marrying the one person they ever dated, experiencing the beauty of their first kiss at the altar during their wedding ceremony, and only holding hands with that ONE man that they married. In my mind, that was the epitome of purity. I thought, "One day I want to speak to girls and give the same testimony of how I, too, chose not to give my heart away before the right time!" 

Sure, it's a nice thought. But when is the "right" time? What if what I think is the right time really isn't the right time? And if that is the picture of purity, what happens when my life doesn't look like that? What happens when I chose to date and invest in a relationship, and then NOT marry him? [I don't think that these Christian women intend to imply this as the standard of purity. I do think that that is often the message received.]

I'll tell you what I felt like happened: I suddenly had no hope of purity. Because of that choice to not marry the first man I dated, I could no longer preach that same message and share that same testimony of marrying the only man who's hand I had ever held. 

I felt like overnight I had somehow lost a huge, chunk of my heart and thus had less love to give in the future. That piece of my heart also carried my purity, and presumably, the only chance at "purity" I would ever have. Once it was given that one time, I had somehow used it all up. 

Basically, I was done for. So much for the life of purity and "guarding my heart" that I anticipated living.

The appeal of the "guard your heart" theory summed up: "It offers us a pain free life if we follow the rules, and that sounds really great. It promises us that if we don’t have crushes, or at least don’t admit them, if we never say ‘I love you’ first, if we act detached until the last possible moment before commitment, if we just get married instead of dating, we’ll never have to experience heartbreak and we’ll be okay. It guarantees in a neat, repeatable phrase that we will be in control" (Maynard).

Following a clear set of rules, the blissfulness of marriage rather than the complications of dating, and CONTROL?! Man, this sounds like a great idea to me. But is it reality? It appears that this notion of formulaic and controlled relationships is about as far from reality as Earth is from Pluto. It's a whole different world, and those who live under this assumption will likely experience a brutal wake up call at some point along the way. I know I did.

I'm Just ONE

My Momma does an incredible job of balancing me out.

{Thank goodness. Somebody's got to!}

If there's one thing I learned from her, it's that I can't do it all. And the importance of rest. And how to prioritize. And that it's OKAY to let some things slip... not only is it OKAY, but it's going to happen. Alright, so that is more than one thing. I've learned MANY things from her.

I love that she balances me out in this way, because I tend to be the opposite: I need to do it all, plus some extra, perfectly, in ONE day. Then I wonder why I'm so exhausted? She just tells me to relax and take a nap. ;-)

This week has been a modge podge of thoughts/emotions/levels of tiredness and probably a dose of crazy in there a time or two.

I felt so drained last weekend with every "spare" moment spent analyzing and pulling apart a chapter of rhetorical jargon concerning "attention economies" and "intellectual property."  Moving into the week feeling drained like that made me a little grumpy. 

But THEN I had some encouraging and challenging conversations that reminded me to refocus on what is truly important, and stop getting so worked up over things that don't really matter... especially, in light of eternity. [What are the things that are really going to last? What are the things that matter outside of my own self -- not just that which makes me feel successful or productive? What are the things that I am truly passionate about and called to?] That reminder gave my perspective a 180 degree shift.

The problem is, it didn't last very long. I have about a 36 hour reprieve from the self-induced stress and craziness, then I was right back to where I started. Frustrated that I misplaced my wallet. Overwhelmed with Old English translation that I don't want to work on because I don't even know where to start. Frazzled with tasks that need to be completed in so many different areas of my life, that it takes an insane amount of mental energy to even transition between Panama prep, classes/assignments, campus ministry, relationships, etc, etc, etc.

I decided yesterday that I need to pray for steadfastness. Mostly, I just need to pray. I need strength & perspective. I need Jesus. 

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."
-- Isaiah 25:3

Take the WORLD, and give me JESUS.

Reality is, I am just ONE person. I can't do everything. And I especially can't do everything in one day. I need grace for myself and a realistic perspective of what it means to "be productive." Sometimes, as my mom would say, the most productive thing I can do is take a nap.

Unwelcome Visitors

Nasty attitude. Sweeping discontentment. Overwhelming "to-do" lists. Only a tease of warm weather. Oversleeping. Grumpiness. Too many days missed being still... and knowing that He is God. 

Here we have the list of unwelcome visitors. 

The solicitors that first, maybe, knock gently, then rudely barge their way in at any slightly open door. 

Sometimes we simply need to take charge of what we will allow into our hearts & minds... and what we need to kick to the curb.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 
2 Corinthians 10:5

But then... we have sweet reminders of what it means to {LOVE well & LIVE well.}

[Inspiration Credit: Kelle Hampton's Blog] 

Reminders that come in all shapes & sizes. Reminders that I'd surely miss if I wasn't hungry to rid myself of those unwelcome visitors. Reminders that I hope I acknowledge and appreciate every single day from here on out... reminder like:

The sun rising earlier so I get to drive to work in a brilliant splash of orange, yellow, and red light.

Birds chirping in the crisp, clear morning.

A whole, beautiful hour of hot coffee, cuddles, and reading by the fire with my favorite 6 year old.

Watching things fall into place that you spent at least 48 hours worrying and fretting over. Learning to let go, slowly but surely...

Sweet, encouraging, challenging, truth-filled conversations with people close to my heart. So blessed!

EXCITED about the future -- getting ready for another summer in Panama & preparing for staff with a campus ministry at Boise State next year.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

See how the whole "taking your thoughts" captive thing can change EVERYTHING?!

So thankful for the effects of TRUTH on this weary heart.

"You who are TRYING..."

"You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope."

Galatians 5:4-5

Trying

Striving

Conforming

Performing

Excelling

Compelling

It's all a race to the finish line, right? Or, at least to the end of the week...

Even if I'm not racing with other people, I am definitely racing myself -- for some reason I feel the need to beat my "record" from last week & do more, be better, think smarter, walk faster, wake up earlier, and please every person I meet along the way.

This need for "bigger & better" is definitely cultural, no doubt. But I think it's more than just a result of Western culture. It's also a result of the fallen (sinful) nature of mankind. It comes from this deep root in our hearts to look out for ourselves and come out on top.

Even though it often seems this is our only option - survival of the fittest? - God set a NEW way of doing things when He gave His Son, Jesus. 

Check out Galatians 4:21-31 where Paul explains the difference in living as children of the slave woman and the free woman, referring to Hagar and Sarah. (See also, Genesis 21 for the full story.)

God's new way of doing things relies less on the law and more on His grace, mostly because Paul tells us in Romans 3:23 that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (the law -- the verse goes on to say that we "are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.") There is no way ever that we could muster up righteousness on our own. And yet we continue to strive for it all the time. It's a futile expedition.

Take a look at Galatians 5:4-5 again -- and let the Spirit of Truth revolutionize your world!!!

*with Kailene's amplified notes in brackets

"You who are trying to be justified by law [accepted/approved of/affirmed by following the rules and doing the 'right thing', checking skills/tasks off on a list] 

have been alienated from Christ; [separated, distanced]

you have fallen away from grace [God's grace becomes ineffective when we choose to live by the LAW rather than GRACE. When we don't receive the free gift of grace, we negate Jesus' death on the cross. It's not that grace is no longer offered or that we "lost our chance." This is when we do not live in the freedom of God's grace. See Gal. 5:1]

But by faith we eagerly await [how?] through the Spirit [what?] the righteousness [from CHRIST alone!] for which we hope." [We tend to try to create our own righteousness by living solely by the law -- legalism at it's finest.]

The truth of the Gospel packed in these two verses is more refreshing to my soul than I could even say! I am so thankful for new revelations of truth... and I pray that God's would use His word to speak to your heart, too.

NOTHING, but the Blood of Jesus. All my righteousness, Jesus in me.

1. What can wash away my sin?
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   What can make me whole again?
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
   • Refrain:
     Oh! precious is the flow
     That makes me white as snow;
     No other fount I know,
     Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
2. For my pardon, this I see,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   For my cleansing this my plea,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
3. Nothing can for sin atone,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   Naught of good that I have done,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
4. This is all my hope and peace,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   This is all my righteousness,
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
5. Now by this I’ll overcome—
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
   Now by this I’ll reach my home—
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
6. Glory! Glory! This I sing—
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
   All my praise for this I bring—
   Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
   
   
   [Robert Lowry, 1876]

Persevere! Carry on!

I started my time with Jesus this morning slightly discouraged because I realized that I was 5 days behind on my Bible reading plan... which means I have a whole lot of Exodus and Leviticus to read in order to catch up. Unfortunately, I had limited time this morning and I didn't think that speed-reading through the temple requirements and such (though important!) in Exodus would be what I need to get through the day. So I put that reading plan off to finish later today and flipped over to Hebrews 4. "Randomly."

"There, remains, then a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their [see the first half of the chapter, in particular, verse 6] example of disobedience." (vs. 9-11)

These verses stood out to me for a few reasons...

1. We rest because we follow God's example.
2. "make every effort" -- strive, pursue
3. Sabbath-rest, God's rest, that rest -- a particular KIND of rest. This is different than just sleeping in to get more "rest." It is an intentional kind of rest, purposeful.

After last week's post, "Back to Bold," in which I decided on a change, one BIG thing was missing. You see, I can't just decide to be confident and bold and adventurous for Jesus all on my OWN. You know why? Because I get tired and worn out so darn easily. It's annoying.

This morning I had to be at work at 9:30 and my goal was to go to the gym AND spend time with the Lord before I went. I haven't really done that kind of morning routine since I was at Teen Mania... when all of my roommates were doing the same thing. (It's a whole lot different when you don't have a roommate to make sure you get out of bed!)

I got up a little later than planned.... but still had a great workout, then came home to a quiet house and had an incredibly refreshing quiet time. I prayed that God would multiply the few minutes I had and He did. Granted, 9:30 is two and a half hours later than I normally go to work... so tomorrow will be the real test, when my alarm goes off at 4:20! 

The small taste of resting in His peace - His shalom - this morning was worth it. Completely. I pray that it will be the last thing I think about before I go to sleep tonight and the first thing I think about in the morning, so that I don't have time to whine about getting out of my warm bed or press snooze on my alarm. 

Strive for peace. Do whatever it takes. Jesus is faithful and promises that when we seek Him, we will find Him. I am so grateful that I have a foundation of TRUTH to stand on all day long.

It's easy to make a declaration of change (i.e. - my epiphany last week), it's a whooooole different story to actually make a plan and follow through with it. It's about not giving up for anything. Plan with the end in mind and just keep moving forward! 

Back to Bold

I realized something this morning. 
As seasons come and go & phases of life naturally change there is a lot that is out of our control.
But not everything.
Yes, sometimes things change and we just have to adapt.
There are other times, though, where we need to MAKE change.

As I've been fervently trying to get settled into the new semester at school, consequently, I've gotten out of the habit of blogging. Really, writing in general. I haven't been consistent in journaling. And I clearly have not been blogging. I sure do miss it.

At the same time, I've been in this mild funk. (possibly contributing to my diminished desire to write)
I've claimed discontentment as the theme of this season and, therefore, chalk up every emotional dilemma and every weird/blah day to: "well, I'm just struggling with discontentment."
Justification, much?

-----------------

Don't claim your sin as your identity.

Don't get comfortable with struggles and let them cozy up in your heart.

---------------------------

As Paul says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things." Philippians 4:8

This isn't to say: "Deny your sin... forget about your struggles... just ignore them all!" There definitely is reason to pay attention, be on guard. Sin is not acceptable and struggles are very real. Deeper than actions that must be changed, are the thoughts that led to the actions. It all starts with what we allow our minds to dwell on. It's a battle!

We don't always choose the battle, but we can choose how we respond to it.

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish arguments and every pretension [pretend/false thing] that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

I've decided that I'm not going to claim my struggle with sin (i.e. discontentment) as my identity. I'm going to CHOOSE to move right on out of this season. Not walk, RUN.

I'll need a little of this: truth & vulnerability.

And a little of this: coffee in cute, little mugs. Just because. Oh, and probably because in order to get some quality time with the Lord immersed in the two books pictured above, I will need to wake up earlier. So I guess it is realistic. :)

Also, I'm going to quit thinking back to six months ago and wish that I could be in that season of EXTREME contentment and lovin' life. I'm going to be grateful for where the Lord has me right now and all that He has done in my heart in that time! He uses both the good & the bad to mold, shape, and build us into instruments He can use to shine His light and bring Him glory. Why would I wish away that process of perfecting?

Refinement.
It's a new day. God is doing a NEW thing.

'I choose THIS DAY to be bold. No matter how I feel about it. 

Thankful for this simple, but profound realization... why wait?! I don't want to just wait and see when this season will happen to blow over. I see in the scriptures that I can choose what I think about and that my struggle does not form my identity. I am found in JESUS and, thankfully, my confidence comes from Him. I will move forward in freedom, knowing that I am His and He is mine. I am His beloved.

I get frustrated that the views of the world wear [to impair, deteriorate, or consume gradually by use or any continued process] on me. They probably wear on you, too. Your hope is shaky. Your joy diminishes. Your faith is fragile. All in all, you just grow a little skeptical. You start to settle for what seems safe and easy and makes sense. 

That is exactly the life that I want to stay FAR, far away from!

Lord, help us to run from what makes sense to the world and choose to take the path that few walk... to move forward in FAITH, not FEAR.