It's About Time.

It has been FAR too long. Remind me not to stay away [from writing] so long ever again. I enjoy writing tremendously and foregoing blogging AND journaling for almost three weeks just makes my heart sink. I thought it was because I didn't know WHAT to say or HOW to say what I wanted to say... but I need to be disciplined to push through those times because it is probably in those moments of life that God really wants to work in me and shape me. Instead, I was stubborn. Typical. ;-)

School started last week and I'm still in the funk of figuring out my drastically different schedule, getting used to new classes and professors, and settling into a nice groove for the next 4 months. I really enjoy being a student and I think my classes will be interesting. I'm super excited about my Personal Evangelism class at the Biblical Studies Center!

I'm in one of those times of life where... I feel a little crazy. :)
I'm excited about what God is doing in my life, but scared at the same time.
I understand some of the things I'm learning in Him, but there is so much more that I just don't understand at all.
I know that I'm surrounded by such a wonderful, godly community, but at the same time feel independent and aloof.
I can think of about 100 things that I need to become more disciplined in and learn about, but can't seem to make headway on a single one.

Here are the lyrics to a song that we've been singing a lot at church by Matt Redman, "Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us


Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
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Even in the confusion and "figuring out" of life, He IS with us. He is forever faithful. He quiets my heart and rejoices over me with singing. His love endures ALL things and will never, ever fail.

Today, I am thankful for His grace. He is so worthy of my trust, and yet I still doubt. Give me faith, Lord, and help me in my unbelief!

Thoughts @ Midnight

It is just now 12:00am and I've been sitting here cozy on my bed with my robe, slippers, and chamomile tea (my favorite) ... just gearing up for a night to write. I have been so "out of it" lately when it comes to writing and I'm not sure what my deal is, but I was ready tonight. Then... I decided to check facebook and made lunch plans for tomorrow, straightened up my bedroom, poked around on pinterest, caught up on other friend's blogs... and now it's midnight and I just want to go to sleep!

Maybe I wasn't so ready to start writing.
Or maybe I'm avoiding whatever it is I should be writing about.
Or maybe my fingers just didn't feel like typing. (I mean, let's not overthink this. ha!)

Even still, I want to post something before I go to sleep... so I will write!

This is what my bedside table currently looks like. I just think it is very "me" -
reading multiple books, journal, Bible, tea... I love it. :)

I think I feel overwhelmed with the amount of things I want to do/learn/grow in/talk about/process/understand. [How do you even prioritize such things?] I think I feel so overwhelmed with these things that I'm ignoring the fact that I feel overwhelmed. This is quite the dilemma.

I'm looking forward to going to church tomorrow morning a lot. I haven't been to church since a Christmas Eve service in Portland two weeks ago, and I haven't been to MY church (The Pursuit) since the Sunday before that. It's been FAR too long!

My dear friend, Brianna, is coming to visit tomorrow... she is staying until Thursday and then we're flying out to California together for our friend, Nicole's, wedding. I am so excited for this trip and time with sweet friends!

Classes and a more full work schedule start the week after I get back. The part of me that loves "routine" is looking forward to it and the part of me that loves to sleep in is not.

Lately, change = fear. Intense fear. Fear is paralyzing. But perfect love casts out all fear. (1 John 4:18) Fear cannot exist where love does. So what happens when I am fearful? I do not allow myself to experience God's love the way He intends it. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. Wow.

2012 Resolution

I don't generally pay too much attention to the hype of new year's resolutions. I am pretty open to making necessary changes in my life at any point in the year... I don't have to wait until January 1 to be proactive. Not that new year's resolutions are BAD, by any means. Over the past few days, though, I did think of one big thing that I want to focus on this year: Health - physical, spiritual, emotional, mental. Everything. I want to learn how to maintain a balanced lifestyle and sleep well (quality & quantity), eat well, and get plenty of exercise. (Just trying those things only has been overwhelming the past couple months!) I also want to focus on healthy relationships and healthy mindsets - filling my mind with truth, seeking first the Kingdom of God... so really, this resolution is all about priorities. First things first. Balance. My experience lately has been that I focus too much on one or two areas, that every other area suffers. (i.e. focus on eating/sleeping/exercising, but then I struggle with doing well in school and having consistent quiet times.) It has GOT to be possible to be balanced in all of those areas at the same time, right?! I know that I work well on a schedule, so time management is probably the first tool I should apply.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions... I'd be happy to hear them!

A Blur of Christmas and 2012's Grand Entrance.....

Happy new year! Can you believe that it's already 2012?! The beginning of a new year comes with much anticipation, excitement, and quite a few unknowns. I look forward to making progress in my bachelor's degree in communication/English, nannying for the most amazing family, traveling as much as my bank account will allow, hopefully finding a nice place to live downtown with a dear friend, and so much more. I'm starting the year off right by heading down to sunny California next week for Nicole's wedding - an old roommate from teen mania. This is my first time as a bridesmaid and I am SO excited!


Trips to California and the inevitability of school approaching aside, I can't help but wonder what God is going to do in my life this year. I keep coming back to the idea of PURPOSE. What IS my purpose this year? I am definitely a planner and detail-oriented person... The downside to that is that I feel the need to know everything before it happens. Unfortunately, that is definitely not how life works, especially as a follower of Christ. When I chose to follow Jesus I gave up my right to run my own life. I surrendered every single little part of me to Him. Even still, every now and then I get myself back in this place where I feel the need to plan it all out and take back control of my life.


I skyped with one of my mentors from Texas, Sarah Beth, today and she updated me on life in the office of Acquire the Fire Operations - the place I worked for three years at Teen Mania. My last year there, I spent a lot of time questioning my purpose for being there. I didn't feel like I was doing anything productive at all. She explained to me, a year and a half later, that she sees a clear difference in the atmosphere and comaraderie throughout the office. That means that I was doing something important when I was there, far more important than I even knew.


That realization hit me and made me think that sometimes you don't know the purpose of a season of life until after it has come and gone. Sometimes you don't know the purpose for a long time. I believe that God has purpose in everything He does, so why should I question His plan? Even when I am confused or don't understand, He has complete control and is not caught off guard by any of the curve balls life tends to throw my way.


So... Here's to the beginning of a new year with 365 days of purpose!

Sweet Whispers of Truth

I love the peace that comes from being led by the Spirit. It is so overwhelming! Last night as soon as I set my head on my pillow I heard a "sweet whisper of truth" and it was so amazing to be confident that it was from the Lord because (1) It was very clear and not confusing, and (2) I felt total peace! Conviction is from God and is full of grace; condemnation is from Satan and is full of guilt. I definitely have felt guilt and confusion... those things are NOT of the Lord. The overwhelming peace I felt from the simple prodding of the Spirit on my heart was so clear that there is no way that it is NOT from the Lord.

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41: 13

This image of God taking hold of my hand is so beautiful... God is not distant from us! He wants to guide you and lead you and provide for you. James 4:8 says, "Come near to God and He will come near to you..." When I take my own prideful desire to control out of the equation, it is easy to see how God clearly leads me by His truth and peace.

...Funny how this has been similar in my relationship with Jake: I spent several months trying to be in control and freaking out when I lost it or didn't know what to do (which was often). There was confusion and discord and apprehension because that is not how God intended relationships to work - with Him OR each other. The past two and a half months, as I stepped into this relationship with Jake knowing that I have to be okay with not having all the answers and stop striving. Just be. In letting go of my desire to control, I've seen Jake step up to lead in ways that I never saw before... because I never let him. He is patient, gracious, kind, wise, gentle and knows when to speak truth.

My pride hindered his ability to lead.
Wow.

God created us to be humble in relationships. Jesus, teach me to be more like You.

Drum Roll, Please!

My former house-mate and fellow blogger, Stephanie at "Expecting the Unexpected" - a sweet, new mama of a beautiful 8 week old boy - nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award ... So Cool!!! In case you are a little lost, like I was, the word "liebster" is german for "beloved, dear, dearest, and love." How sweet! :)This is the FIRST ever blog award for Jubilee, and it came at the most convenient time, too. I log onto blogspot often, and usually start writing a paragraph or two, but only sometimes do I end up actually posting what I've written. Maybe I've been focusing on school (yay for the end of the semester!) or maybe I've been too overwhelmed with my own thoughts to even understand what I'm learning and then write it out... maybe I've been lazy, or maybe it's just your typical writer's block. Whatever it is, I know that I love writing and I'm so passionate about becoming a woman of influence (Just started reading that book by Carol Kent, Becoming a Woman of Influence -- [Click HERE to check out the book on amazon!]) AND helping other women become confident, patient, trusting, free from the bondage of fear and full of peace. For that reason, I will continue to write.


All of that being said, I'm so grateful to my friend, Stephanie, who nominated me for this award and I hope that it will be the encouragement I need to buckle down and write! :-)

So here are the rules:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
2. Reveal your top 5 blog picks for this award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog
4. Have faith that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

I'm breaking the rules and only picking 4. :) It's technically my blog, so I can bend them if needed...right?


I am nominating:
Kyle Power - My Brother - Fully Surrendered
Ria Thurston - Beautiful Mama-to-be! - Life as a Wife
Lisa Hasz - I've learned SO much from this amazing mom!!! - Adventures of Hank, JoJo & Boo
Jessica Kim - Lovely WIFE-to-be! - Returning

*Thank you all for writing!* Friends, be sure to check out this wonderful blogs!!

- Steph: I titled this blog before I realized that's how you started out your post. Great minds think alike! ;-)

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On another note - Christmas break is finally here! I am so grateful for a reprieve from the craziness of my typically too full schedule. (I do that to myself far too often.) Although, when breaks like this DO come around, I have to keep myself from becoming restless and remember that it's OKAY to sleep in and watch movies and relax a little. The restlessness just ensures that I don't become lazy for TOO long. It's okay every once in a while... but it will be short-lived. In a week from now I'll be getting ready to fly to Portland for Christmas. Let me tell you, my ten day "vacation" in Portland will be anything BUT restful. That's okay, though - I don't go there to rest, that's for sure! I go there to visit family and friends and have fun downtown, at Mt. Hood, or at the beach. Hopefully I can squeeze in two out of three of those destinations on this fairly long trip home... and I get to spend a couple days in Eugene to see my sister, brother-in-law, nephews and aunt! I guess it's a good thing I have a few days to rest up before my trip. :) I decided to make a few Christmas presents this year... wasn't too impressed with my crafty-inspiration today... hopefully tomorrow will prove to be full of more creativity. :)

Priorities - They happen whether you plan it or not!

On my first night attending Fuel - a Campus Crusade weekly meeting @ BSU - Billie spoke on priorities and how we spend our time. I left with this nugget: the things that I choose to spend my time, energy, and money on are the things that are most important to me. It's interesting to me that it doesn't matter how much I say something is the most important or simply decide that something is my highest priority. I can say, "I love you" from dawn til dusk, but if I don't back up that phrase with quality time and meaningful actions, the words mean nothing.

Sometimes I feel like something should be most important to me, like SCHOOL, for example. Culturally, it is engrained in me that I need to finish my degree as soon as possible (to be successful) and get straight A's (to be successful) and spend countless hours studying (to be successful). Even though I know I operate out of this mindset far too often, I have SO much to say against it!

(1) What is success really?! Do I want to be deemed a "successful, confident woman" by the world's standards of competition, greed, and power or by the standards of a godly woman? One who possesses wisdom, grace, and dignity?
(2) "Success" - no matter how you define it - is NOT where my identity is found, so I need to stop searching for it there!
(3) School is not my number one priority... so I need to stop acting like it is. Yes, I want to do well and be a good steward of the money that the Lord has provided for me to even be ABLE to take classes this semester. But at the same time, I need to recognize that it really is okay that school isn't my number one priority. I don't have to try to hold up this image that it IS (attempting to spend my time that way) when it really is NOT (my time generally does not reflect that) because that will just lead to guilt... feeling like I failed in some way. But I really didn't FAIL anything, because school isn't my priority! I don't know if that makes any sense, but the devil sure is tricky in how he created this false ideal for me to live up to when I don't even really want to! wow. I would much rather spend my time reading (learning & growing), writing, focusing on college ministry, building relationships. THESE are the things that I was created to do and I don't want the silly struggle to appear successful to get in the way of that.

Clearly, I need to get my time, energy and money on the same page as my true priorities. The dictionary defines priorities as:  "something given or meriting attention before competing alternatives." What is given or merits attention before competing alternatives in your own life? Is that the thing that you really want to hold the number one spot?