More than you could ask or IMAGINE...

I feel like I could just write all day long and fill this space with the many things that happen to be lingering in my heart today.

I went to an AWESOME women's retreat yesterday, so I was supposed to work on homework all afternoon today... yeah, that didn't happen. :) I just spent the past few hours sitting outside (I think I got a sunburn) journaling and talking to the Lord. I mostly just asked a lot of questions to God and to myself, of which I was able to answer about one of them. Don't you love that? I know all of the questions to ask, the things to seek out, how to pray nice sounding prayers... but I don't come to conclusions. I ask myself, "What is the Lord teaching you right now?"

*cricket, cricket, cricket* --- No answer. Or maybe it's a thousand answers and I just don't know how to consolidate or even understand them all.

Oh dear. The weirdest thing happened yesterday... I took a nap after the retreat, then went outside on my back porch to have some quiet time. I was sitting there just minding my own business and reading, and all of a sudden I started crying! I don't even know why!!! I tried to think very practically about the situation... but I still got nowhere. Lord, what are you trying to teach me? What is the burden on my heart and WHY can't I figure it out??! I realize that I'm a girl and sometimes girls just cry... but it is just very odd...

Well, I didn't give up. So what am I learning? Continual joy. The expression of joy is completely irrelevant to how I feel or what is physically happening in my life. Yes, I struggle with things. There is junk in my life: I'm not doing well in school - which is very difficult for a recovering perfectionist - and I want to drop a class, I've moving to Idaho in only 5 months - which means there will be a MASSIVE amount of CHANGE, relational conflicts, family concerns, financial worries, etc, etc. I am continuing to learn that my life can be a picture of JOY regardless of my worries, concerns or conflicts. Yeah, there's junk - Jesus says that there will be ("In this world you will have trouble"). But if I look at my life in the right perspective, then I can rejoice because I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance. I am content right now because I know that I'm living out what God has called me to do for TODAY. There is so much joy in serving the Lord and walking in obedience to His commands everyday. His joy makes me complete. I choose not to dwell on the junk, and focus on His glory.