Learning? Life? What?

Sometimes life is so confusing. I'm just being honest. I do love life and I know that the Lord is growing me and teaching me and I love serving at an awesome ministry like Teen Mania... but there are so many things that I just don't understand.

I started this blog, because I thought it would help me to identify the lessons that the Lord is teaching me and help me to recognize and share specific areas of growth. I know that I haven't blogged all that much... but trust me, I think about it often. I want to share what I'm learning. I want to teach you the things that the Lord has put on my heart. But I seem to be having this issue with communication lately. It's been holding me back. [Preface: I am fully aware that Satan is just trying to hinder my effectiveness in the Kingdom and stop me from sharing life with others. But regardless...] This is how I described it recently in my journal: "It's like when you feel like you have to throw up, but nothing comes up. My mouth moves, but nothing of any significance comes out. My heart is overflowing, but my thoughts are just confusing." The past couple weeks in accountability (I meet on Tuesday nights with a group of 4 other women), as I share an idea or concept, this thought inevitably crosses my mind at some point: "What in the world are you even saying right now?!" It's kind of ironic, because for accountability we're reading a book about self-talk... hmm... maybe I should look more into that.

Maybe I'm just in process. I'm in the process of making decisions and figuring out details for my life in August. I'm in the process of the spring in ATF Ops (spring = overtime). I'm in the process of online classes, textbooks, and tests. I think being 21 years old in itself is just a process - some basic processes (such as learning about cooking and cleaning and time/money management) and some complicated processes (asking questions like "Lord, when will you send my husband?" and "How do I deal with my broken family?" and "What am I supposed to do in August?!", etc, etc.).

In conclusion, I know that I'm learning things; I just can't really pin point what they are... and I know that sounds odd... I don't understand it either. :) I don't understand a lot of things. I just know that I need to trust.

Everyday, Lord, teach me to trust.