I felt like Nemo this morning from the beginning of the kids' movie "Finding Nemo" - "First day of school, first day of school!" I have been SO excited to start classes this semester. Partially because I am taking interesting classes and partially because I thrive on a schedule. I love routine! Yesterday I enjoyed a perfect last day of summer that included sleeping in, a mini "retreat" up to Discovery State Park to sit by the river and spend time with Jesus, 2 loads of laundry, grocery shopping, accountability via skype with Heather + Emily, a starbucks coffee date with the lovely Kayla, and prep for classes (good thing I decided to check my email - I found a reading assignment due today for one of my lit classes!). After I found that assignment and read through the syllabi that were posted... that's when nerves settled in. YES, I was excited, but I also realized how much I'm taking on this semester. I know that I'll be fine, but reality set in that I have to schedule a large chunk of reading/studying on the weekends now and I can't fill it completely with fun stuff. I'm taking 2 english classes, 2 communication classes and 1 philosophy class. There will be a LOT of reading. (but, really, I'm okay with that.)
The biggest difference between starting classes a year ago and starting classes today is confidence! I know where all of my classes are without getting confused by a campus map. I know where to find parking (theoretically). I even know PEOPLE on campus! I saw two guys from my communication theory class last semester who recognized me and chatted for a minute. I remember last year I felt so ALONE walking on this huge campus with thousands of other, strange people. It's nice to have an added boost of confidence.
Currently, I'm just killing time because one of my classes was canceled due to a power outage in the business building. If my laptop wasn't so heavy, I'd take a walk right now - it's beautiful outside. I think I might seriously injure my shoulder due to the weight of my bag. This can't be a good sign on the first day of class - maybe it'll just build up muscle instead?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Issues of the Heart
"Jesus is the only one who can satisfy the deepest desires of our hearts. And yet, most of us turn to everything but Him in a desperate attempt to find the approval we crave."
- Leslie Ludy, Set Apart Femininity
Can you relate? As women, we have this innate desire to be found lovely and affirmed in who we are. This God-given desire is intended to be fulfilled completely by God. Even so, we often are far too concerned with what "that" guy thinks about our new outfit or making sure we maintain a perfect report card or appearing like we have it all together all the time. At the same time, how easy is it to simply say "Jesus is my everything!", then turn around and seek fulfillment from something or someone other than Jesus? We need to train our minds to dwell on TRUTH and become so consumed by it that we no longer are distracted by the lies thrown at us daily.
Personally, I feel like this concept is one that I continuously have to return to as I check my motives in, well, everything. Why do I want to wear this? Why do I want to go there? Why did I just say that? I'm a very analytical person anyways, sometimes to a fault, but it's a good thing in this sense. I get so frustrated when I recognize that I've given in to the same old lie AGAIN. This lie that I need to create some kind of attractive personality to receive attention and affirmation from someone else. The lie that I need to be something that I'm not. The lie that if I don't receive said attention or affirmation, than I am less than.
How SELF focused is that?!
I want my thoughts and actions to line up with what I know to be true. Jesus will give me all the attention I need as He is just WAITING for me to wake up and spend time with Him. He loves to give good gifts to His children and provide what we need and bless us with the desires of our hearts, when we delight in Him. He promises to complete the work He began in me... He will NOT give up on me! He will never leave me nor forsake me.
How do you train your mind to dwell on truth? First, KNOW TRUTH - read the Word. Recognize lies and get them out of your head - YOU have control over your thoughts and can decide what to allow in your mind. Choose to think on what is right, true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. (Philippians 4:8) If the thought does not fit one of those pieces of criteria, then toss it out. SPEAK TRUTH. It's clearly not enough just to KNOW truth, you must repeat it until it has become a part of who you are. LIVE truth. Decide to believe that the Word is true and choose to live it out. Spend time with people who have made the same decision so you can encourage each other. Know that if you decide to live Truth, you are choosing to live against the natural flow of our culture and you WILL come up against hindrances. But in John 16:33 Jesus reminds us that "in this world [we] will have trouble. But take heart! [He] has overcome the world!" We have a HOPE that will not disappoint us.
Help me to see people the way you see them and show love and speak truth with pure motives.
- Leslie Ludy, Set Apart Femininity
Can you relate? As women, we have this innate desire to be found lovely and affirmed in who we are. This God-given desire is intended to be fulfilled completely by God. Even so, we often are far too concerned with what "that" guy thinks about our new outfit or making sure we maintain a perfect report card or appearing like we have it all together all the time. At the same time, how easy is it to simply say "Jesus is my everything!", then turn around and seek fulfillment from something or someone other than Jesus? We need to train our minds to dwell on TRUTH and become so consumed by it that we no longer are distracted by the lies thrown at us daily.
Personally, I feel like this concept is one that I continuously have to return to as I check my motives in, well, everything. Why do I want to wear this? Why do I want to go there? Why did I just say that? I'm a very analytical person anyways, sometimes to a fault, but it's a good thing in this sense. I get so frustrated when I recognize that I've given in to the same old lie AGAIN. This lie that I need to create some kind of attractive personality to receive attention and affirmation from someone else. The lie that I need to be something that I'm not. The lie that if I don't receive said attention or affirmation, than I am less than.
How SELF focused is that?!
I want my thoughts and actions to line up with what I know to be true. Jesus will give me all the attention I need as He is just WAITING for me to wake up and spend time with Him. He loves to give good gifts to His children and provide what we need and bless us with the desires of our hearts, when we delight in Him. He promises to complete the work He began in me... He will NOT give up on me! He will never leave me nor forsake me.
How do you train your mind to dwell on truth? First, KNOW TRUTH - read the Word. Recognize lies and get them out of your head - YOU have control over your thoughts and can decide what to allow in your mind. Choose to think on what is right, true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. (Philippians 4:8) If the thought does not fit one of those pieces of criteria, then toss it out. SPEAK TRUTH. It's clearly not enough just to KNOW truth, you must repeat it until it has become a part of who you are. LIVE truth. Decide to believe that the Word is true and choose to live it out. Spend time with people who have made the same decision so you can encourage each other. Know that if you decide to live Truth, you are choosing to live against the natural flow of our culture and you WILL come up against hindrances. But in John 16:33 Jesus reminds us that "in this world [we] will have trouble. But take heart! [He] has overcome the world!" We have a HOPE that will not disappoint us.
Help me to see people the way you see them and show love and speak truth with pure motives.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Lord, Are You There?
I'm having a hard time writing today. I've become so passionate this summer about writing and the probability of including this long term in what God has called me to do. This is the third post I've started writing this afternoon, though, and it's just not flowing. I do love to write. I'm not really sure what I'm missing in this endeavor: passion? vision? discipline? Seems to me like it's vision... I definitely am someone who likes to have a plan completely laid out before I start something and understand "what it looks like" before I take the leap of faith. (I guess that's slightly contradictory, right?) This tendency of mine has been a hindrance in the past and I see it creeping back again. I so desperately want to be obedient in following Jesus, but how do I do that if I don't have instructions besides love God and love people. HOW do I love God and love people in light of the passions He has buried deep inside of me? I suppose, to sum it up, I'm WILLING, but lacking understanding.
As I mentioned last night, I saw "The Help" twice this past week and feel greatly inspired. I love that Skeeter wrote boldly about a taboo subject and didn't back down when it was uncomfortable or even dangerous. Her courageous dreams turned into actions and cultivated a change in the way people thought. She saw a problem and used her talents and connections to SPEAK UP. She had a message to communicate and so she did... she didn't wait for approval (she never would have gotten it). <-- [That alone is incredibly profound! "She had a message to communicate AND SO SHE DID. Shoot. How many people have a message to communicate, but still remain in their little bubble of safety and comfort? A lot of Christians do.] The subtitle of the movie explains it well: "Change begins with a whisper." I like that a lot. Baby steps are an important part of the process of learning to walk and run. Conversely, babies can't just hold onto the coffee table in hopes that one day they will automatically start to walk with ease. There is a process that involves shaky legs and falling a lot and getting help from someone who already knows how to walk. In all living things there is a process of growth. Why do I assume that I can just jump right to grown? Don't despise the process!
As I mentioned last night, I saw "The Help" twice this past week and feel greatly inspired. I love that Skeeter wrote boldly about a taboo subject and didn't back down when it was uncomfortable or even dangerous. Her courageous dreams turned into actions and cultivated a change in the way people thought. She saw a problem and used her talents and connections to SPEAK UP. She had a message to communicate and so she did... she didn't wait for approval (she never would have gotten it). <-- [That alone is incredibly profound! "She had a message to communicate AND SO SHE DID. Shoot. How many people have a message to communicate, but still remain in their little bubble of safety and comfort? A lot of Christians do.] The subtitle of the movie explains it well: "Change begins with a whisper." I like that a lot. Baby steps are an important part of the process of learning to walk and run. Conversely, babies can't just hold onto the coffee table in hopes that one day they will automatically start to walk with ease. There is a process that involves shaky legs and falling a lot and getting help from someone who already knows how to walk. In all living things there is a process of growth. Why do I assume that I can just jump right to grown? Don't despise the process!
A List.
1. First of all, it is after 1:00 in the morning and I can't believe that I am still awake. So much for going to bed early/waking up early to ease the transition of the start of school! I guess I had to take advantage of my last chance to go to a late movie before I have to wake up early and go, go, go all day for real.
2. I saw "The Help" tonight for the second time this week and loved it. I think I left the movie theater more inspired than the first time I saw it. I admire Skeeter's boldness in pursuing her dream and standing up for what is right, despite the consequences. I just see some parallels to my own life, or at least what has been on my heart the last few months. Not just that I want to write, but that God CAN use that dream to influence the masses and effect people's lives! It's pretty awesome - and rare! - to leave the movie theater and feel empowered to go and change the world!
3. Classes start in 5 days and I am SO excited! I have my books, my new Timbuk2 bag (that I scored a deal on, on ebay), a new set of mechanical pencils, and I wrote out my schedule/class locations in my planner so I'm all ready for the first week. :) Not to mention, my plan to spend as much time as possible in the library. My mom's best friend's daughter just got married and they met in the library..... I think I just discovered my new favorite place to study. ;-)
4. Sooo... apparently this is going to be a SHORT list because it's now 1:33am and I need to close my eyes and go to sleep. More to come tomorrow. Hopefully my thoughts will be more organized, too. Until then, sweet dreams. :)
2. I saw "The Help" tonight for the second time this week and loved it. I think I left the movie theater more inspired than the first time I saw it. I admire Skeeter's boldness in pursuing her dream and standing up for what is right, despite the consequences. I just see some parallels to my own life, or at least what has been on my heart the last few months. Not just that I want to write, but that God CAN use that dream to influence the masses and effect people's lives! It's pretty awesome - and rare! - to leave the movie theater and feel empowered to go and change the world!
3. Classes start in 5 days and I am SO excited! I have my books, my new Timbuk2 bag (that I scored a deal on, on ebay), a new set of mechanical pencils, and I wrote out my schedule/class locations in my planner so I'm all ready for the first week. :) Not to mention, my plan to spend as much time as possible in the library. My mom's best friend's daughter just got married and they met in the library..... I think I just discovered my new favorite place to study. ;-)
4. Sooo... apparently this is going to be a SHORT list because it's now 1:33am and I need to close my eyes and go to sleep. More to come tomorrow. Hopefully my thoughts will be more organized, too. Until then, sweet dreams. :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Being VS. Doing
Have you ever had that little nagging thought that something is off or you're doing something wrong or you need to change something? Well, I have. Sometimes it's just me, but usually it's the prodding of the Holy Spirit.
The past little while - several weeks, if I were honest with myself - I have been horribly inconsistent in spending time with God. It's not that I didn't REALIZE this. I knew it... it's just easy to brush it off and find excuses. Tonight, in an awesome discussion at life group, it hit me that I have become so comfortable in DOING ministry, that I've neglected time BEING with my Creator. I've become lazy and lost the passion to just BE with Jesus... and it's so easy to justify doing so because I am so passionate about ministry and I serve at my church all the time and I have godly friendships. But, in the end, what does that all mean if I really don't KNOW Jesus? I'm not taking about blocking out an hour each day to read from a Christian book, write in my journal, read the Proverb of the day, and say a stoic, monotonous prayer. I'm talking about being in constant communion with my Lord and Savior. I'm talking about digging deep in my heart to get out the junk and work through it, rather than shove it all in a corner. I'm talking about interceding for the nations, for my family and friends, for my relationships, etc. I'm talking about getting excited about opening my Bible - fully expectant that God WILL speak to me!
It's not about asking "Do I love God?" or "Do I want to know God?" Yes, of course I do. The real question is - do my actions line up with that answer? Is my life the picture of a woman seeking the face of God so intently that everyday battles don't even phase her? I want that to be me. But I'd better make sure I'm taking steps to get there!
"Your direction, not your intentions, determine your destination."
The past little while - several weeks, if I were honest with myself - I have been horribly inconsistent in spending time with God. It's not that I didn't REALIZE this. I knew it... it's just easy to brush it off and find excuses. Tonight, in an awesome discussion at life group, it hit me that I have become so comfortable in DOING ministry, that I've neglected time BEING with my Creator. I've become lazy and lost the passion to just BE with Jesus... and it's so easy to justify doing so because I am so passionate about ministry and I serve at my church all the time and I have godly friendships. But, in the end, what does that all mean if I really don't KNOW Jesus? I'm not taking about blocking out an hour each day to read from a Christian book, write in my journal, read the Proverb of the day, and say a stoic, monotonous prayer. I'm talking about being in constant communion with my Lord and Savior. I'm talking about digging deep in my heart to get out the junk and work through it, rather than shove it all in a corner. I'm talking about interceding for the nations, for my family and friends, for my relationships, etc. I'm talking about getting excited about opening my Bible - fully expectant that God WILL speak to me!
It's not about asking "Do I love God?" or "Do I want to know God?" Yes, of course I do. The real question is - do my actions line up with that answer? Is my life the picture of a woman seeking the face of God so intently that everyday battles don't even phase her? I want that to be me. But I'd better make sure I'm taking steps to get there!
"Your direction, not your intentions, determine your destination."
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Beauty...
A woman who fears the Lord is found BEAUTIFUL.
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Straight from my journal: "I don't need to get caught up in what I look like, what other people think, or if I'm at all attractive, because I DO fear the Lord and His light shines in and through me - that is what makes me beautiful."
Where do I search for security?
Who do I give power over my thoughts and emotions?
In whom do I place my trust?
I know that I have spent far too much time lately feeding a discontent heart as I compare myself to anyone around me. Whether it's comparing financial situations, appearance or lifestyle differences, there always seems to be SOME way that I am different from everyone else. I haven't felt "comfortable in my own skin" - as they say - recently and I know it is a result of this silly comparison game we have a tendency to play. It's ridiculous, really. Honestly, it wasn't until sometime in the past 24 hours that the truth hit me: Why am I even so bothered right now? It's a GOOD thing that I'm different. I'm strong enough to be who I want to be and stand firm on my own convictions. That is a sign of confidence, not weakness or immaturity or naivety. [Side Note: It's CRAZY how Satan can make something that IS actually confidence turn very quickly into "Wow, you're so immature."] Sometimes it's not even about convictions, but more about not changing who I am to "fit the mold" or appease the crowd. I heard a quote once that went something like this: I want to be so in love with Jesus that the things of the world are shocking and unnatural. Praise the Lord that I see evidence of this in my life! This whole comparison thing is still a struggle in my life... but I love getting excited about TRUTH and I am so grateful that the Lord continues to pour out His love and speak to me through His Word.
My beauty truly is found in the Lord and in my obedience to Him... I don't need to worry about anything else. His plans for me are GOOD and I will rest in that.
------------------------
Straight from my journal: "I don't need to get caught up in what I look like, what other people think, or if I'm at all attractive, because I DO fear the Lord and His light shines in and through me - that is what makes me beautiful."
Where do I search for security?
Who do I give power over my thoughts and emotions?
In whom do I place my trust?
I know that I have spent far too much time lately feeding a discontent heart as I compare myself to anyone around me. Whether it's comparing financial situations, appearance or lifestyle differences, there always seems to be SOME way that I am different from everyone else. I haven't felt "comfortable in my own skin" - as they say - recently and I know it is a result of this silly comparison game we have a tendency to play. It's ridiculous, really. Honestly, it wasn't until sometime in the past 24 hours that the truth hit me: Why am I even so bothered right now? It's a GOOD thing that I'm different. I'm strong enough to be who I want to be and stand firm on my own convictions. That is a sign of confidence, not weakness or immaturity or naivety. [Side Note: It's CRAZY how Satan can make something that IS actually confidence turn very quickly into "Wow, you're so immature."] Sometimes it's not even about convictions, but more about not changing who I am to "fit the mold" or appease the crowd. I heard a quote once that went something like this: I want to be so in love with Jesus that the things of the world are shocking and unnatural. Praise the Lord that I see evidence of this in my life! This whole comparison thing is still a struggle in my life... but I love getting excited about TRUTH and I am so grateful that the Lord continues to pour out His love and speak to me through His Word.
My beauty truly is found in the Lord and in my obedience to Him... I don't need to worry about anything else. His plans for me are GOOD and I will rest in that.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Cowgirl Up!
- A Weekend at the RODEO -
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| Lookin' ready for a rodeo! |
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| Jane, Lindsay & me |
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| The deer at Wallowa Lake - just hanging out in the parking lot! |
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| The lake! |
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| The beach! |
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| And finally... the RODEO! |
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| Those are some REAL cowboys right there. |
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| Ahh, the mountains were absolutely beautiful! It was so fun to be in Oregon for a few days... even if I was still 4 hours away from my family. |
Now I'm gearing up for a few days in McCall to celebrate Rick & Sarah's wedding! Livin' the life, for sure.
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