Don't Despise the Process.

^ This was a lesson that I learned my intern year at Teen Mania Ministries.

Don't despise the process, because it is in that time that God is interacting with your heart.

Anybody else feel like you're in a constant state of "process" and not a whole lot of anything else? I think I've pretty much pitched a tent and made camp in "process" and won't be allowed to move on until I have accepted and learned and applied all 592 lessons I seem to be currently learning. I don't even know what 'state' I would be in if I weren't in process... but that's probably the whole point.

We're all in process. We're all learning and growing and hopefully being "transformed by the renewing of our minds" on a regular basis. It is natural and easy to despise the times of processing because it is HARD. [Can I get an "amen!?"] Our selfish selves want to run far, far away from anything that pushes/strains/challenges us. Processes can be uncomfortable and sometimes not very fun.

So why not despise them?! Because of the result. Yeah... now we're getting to the good stuff.

The process of cooking = a delicious meal.
The process of getting to know somebody may result in a new friend.
The process of weeding is a nice looking yard.
The process of a 6 hour drive is seeing my family.
The process of studying generally results in a favorable test grade.

When you think about processes in that sense it helps to see the positive results. Somewhere along the process a change occurs... that change is what brings growth. (I understand that the opposite can be argued as well and sometimes change is not good and processes may result in something worse than the beginning. Just go with me here.) Growth is what develops character and maturity. So really, if you feel like you're constantly "in process," it's probably just God maturing you. In a little while you (and I) will be able to look back and see where we've come and all the change that has happened and how every part of that has been a part of creating the PERSON that we are.

So the next time you find yourself in the middle of a grueling, but inevitable, PROCESS: keep a soft, teachable heart and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus... He is just shaping you into who He wants you to be.

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"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"For physical training has some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Just be intentional...

I lived with Heather Murphy for two years, which means I learned a LOT about being intentional. That woman is the queen of intentionality. I'm really glad that this part of her rubbed off on me. :) It is a concept that can (and should) be applied to your relationship with God, relationships with other people and personal growth. I want to be purposeful about pursuing my own self development and not falling into sin or believing lies.

What does it look like to be intentional?

- Consistency
- Perseverance
- Deliberate
- Know your goals/desired outcome/what you're working towards ("Begin with the end in mind" - I'm pretty sure that's from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey)
- Authenticity... be real with yourself AND the people around you
- Have a plan! You can't just assume that something will change/happen when you are doing nothing. What are you going to do to stay healthy or to communicate well or to grow in leadership?

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Side note: I tend to be overly analytical (I'm sure I'm not the only person who deals with this tendancy) so it's easy for me to get wrapped up in questions - what is this supposed to look like? what am I supposed to say? what is the other person thinking? etc, etc. It's important to remember that life is a PROCESS. It doesn't always come out right at first, but we can push through, learn a lesson, and try again. I cannot expect myself to "follow the plan" everytime because that is unrealistic. I will fail, but that doesn't make me a failure... grace is crucial.
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What do you need to be more intentional with in your life? Are you actively pursuing your own growth or just hoping that it will happen along the way?

Simplicity.

These thoughts on simplicity tie in with what I wrote on Monday night about REST. It's an uncomplicated concept that I tend to complicate the heck out of. What are my motives? How should I be spending my time? I can't just do NOTHING, so what is restful and productive? This type of internal questioning is ridiculously typical for analytical thinkers, such as myself.

What does it look like to live a simple life? Not one in pursuit of pleasing the people around me, but in an earnest pursuit to honor God in all I say and do. A life filled with peace and calm and serenity, not anxiety or worry or fear. A simple life is not complicated with extremely busy schedules and chaotic calendars, but remembers to slow down and enjoy the little things.

I've been thinking about some of these "little things" that bring me joy... I want to remember to allow these things to stand out even on a busy day and remind me to live simply.

• Seeing a shooting star
• Holding a sleeping baby
• Popcorn
• Thunderstorms
• Cooking a delicious meal... or dessert
• An encouraging conversation with a friend
• The feeling after a good, hard run
• Finding an old picture that brings back memories
• Sitting by the fireplace
• Watching snow fall

My Weakness = His Strength

Took a hot bath tonight to relax (and try to get the campfire smoke from life group tonight out of my burning sinuses...) and now I'm just reading through the Psalms. I just love soaking in truth. There are passages that I have read at least a thousand times, but my mind becomes weary and I lose hope... until I'm reminded again that "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:25-26) What powerful words! Even when everything around me falls apart and is misunderstood and tiresome, God is the STRENGTH of my heart. My tendancy is to feel overwhelmed if I struggle with an issue for, oh, about 5 minutes. My heart is so weak... what a comfort to be reminded that GOD (my shelter, deliverer, redeemer, creator, friend...) is the strength of my heart. Thank you, Jesus.

WB.

WB = Writer's Block

I don't generally suffer from traditional writer's block when I blog... when I hesitate to write it's either because I have so many things on my mind that I just can't decide on a topic... or because there are so many things on my mind and I know that by writing about them I will have to FACE them and sometimes that's just HARD.

I'm not really sure which category today would fall under, but I want to write, so I'll just get on that. (This may not be one of my amazing writing days... just FYI)

First of all, I took a nap today and let me just tell you that was a GREAT decision. I could not keep my eyes open all morning and I'm not quite sure if that was from allergies or exhaustion. (maybe both) I watched 4 yr old Gannon from 9:15-2 and we walked to the park this morning. (Good thing to, because if we had stayed home, it's very likely that I would have fallen asleep on their couch.) Then I came home and couldn't figure out WHAT to do. Maybe I should have taken summer classes.... I clearly do not know how to relax. I guess that's what this summer is all about. I'll try to soak it in. I guess. :) So anyways, I slept for a long time, which was absolutely wonderful, then got up for my weekly skype session with Heather and Emily. As Heather put it - "the skype gods were against us." Emily was running late and couldn't make it so Heather and I were going to video chat but my camera wasn't working and then Heather got kicked offline... yeah, it was lame.

Hmm... back to that idea of rest. Yesterday was a prime example of what happens when I don't take care of myself (aka - REST). No need to go into details, but I was grumpy and insecure and overly tired. I was reminded this past semester about the significant need to pay attention to practical needs. Sleep, food, water, exercise, peaceful time with Jesus, simple "down time" ... when those things don't happen as they should, then everything else kinda falls apart. Maybe not drastically, but slowly. I tend to be very self-aware, so maybe it's just more apparent to me when something is "off." It's so easy for me to get caught up in being busy and feeling the need to DO something constantly, etc... but I definitely need to learn to just slow down... rest... enjoy each season of life... it's OK that I'm not in school right now or working full time.

I need to trust that what God has provided is enough and I don't need to act on some kind of false notion of what success looks like.

You know those days...

... when you:
1. Don't drink enough water
2. Don't eat enough food
3. Don't sleep enough the night before
4. Overthink every little thing

You know?

Yeah, that was definitely me today, which resulted in anxiety + crazy emotions  and = exhaustion.

Sometimes you need to work through your emotions and get to the root of the issue and weed out all the junk... and other times you just need to sleep on it. I think this might be one of those times. With that, I'm going to get some much needed sleep. Good night. :)

Seems to be a "list" kind of day...

I love to write lists in general... but I especially love to on days where I have about 10 ideas of what to write about. I'm learning so much I just can't hone in on a single thing to say. With that said, I'll just write about a little bit of everything.

1. This whole "blog everyday" goal for this summer is AWESOME. I knew I loved to write... and that passion has been growing the past couple of years... but just in the last few weeks, my desire to write has been bubbling over. I don't always write the most elegantly worded or wisdom-filled posts, but the goal is just to write. So that is what I will do.

2. Today is the first day it really feels like summer break. Woo hoooo! I have been traveling and working so much lately that this day is so incredibly relaxing. I slept in, did an intense workout with my new roommate - Sarah, went shopping for a Timbuk2 messenger bag - my next big purchase (they didn't have the right color/style... I'm going to wait until I find just the right one.), video chatted (chatted? hmm.. that can't be right.) with a dear friend from Texas and her adorable two year old daughter - Meghan and Emma, and now I'm enjoying the peacefulness of my favorite coffeeshop downtown planning on reading, writing, preparing for the ladies' Bible study starting this Saturday, fixing my budget, and working on some prep for Extreme Life worship (kids' ministry at church).... all while enjoying a tasty vanilla latte in a cute little mug.
This is the BEST kind of day. :)

3. Why do "they" make it SO hard to go to college?! I am in the process of officially becoming an Idaho resident - at least for BSU's records - so that my tuition will be a few thousand dollars less. I thought that that would mean that my financial aid would cover the tuition completely... or at least that's what I had hoped for. Yeah, it doesn't look like that's the case. LAME. I realize that I am still incredibly blessed with two years of free college in Texas and the amount of federal grants that I receive... but it's still not like I have a couple thousand dollars hidden under my bed to pay for classes. I really love being a student... but it makes me sick to think about how much it costs.... and at a state university nontheless! Ridiculous. I can't think about that much longer because it just gets overwhelming! I'll save that for another day.

4. The act of mentally and emotionally "processing" through a particular event is daunting, which is why I'm kind of avoiding it right now. It's hard to be vulnerable with yourself sometimes. (I'm also avoiding working on my budget... which is also daunting, but thankfully requires less vulnerability.) I know that I have learned a lot the past few months and I need to think on those things specifically and make them more concrete in my mind so I can move on and grow. I believe you can learn from just about anything... so I don't want to pass up this massive opportunity for growth.

5. I'm SUPER excited about starting the ladies' Bible study group this Saturday. We're going through a book by Shelley Beach called "The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk." It's mostly with women from my college life group at The Pursuit. Our life group has grown a LOT this last semester and I think it will be so beneficial to have some real-life accountability and be intentional in our growth. I'm very passionate about the subject of self-talk in general - knowing how it affects the way we think/act and what we believe. Understanding my self-talk (learning to take my thoughts captive) changed my life DRASTICALLY. I told everyone at life group that they should still come even if they don't have the book... which means I need to be ready to do a little teaching and really guide the discussion. I hope that people will be responsive and actually TALK. Pray that I will be confident and bold in stepping out in leadership and that hearts will be open to receive truth.

6. Lastly, a Dutch Bros. (coffee) just opened RIGHT by my house and tomorrow they're giving away free coffee. Pretty stoked about this. :)