Because if I was the omniscient one in charge, I would probably hide in my bedroom and snuggle safely in my comfy chair rather than head out into the crazy world.
Sometimes I make myself laugh. One day I'm all about adventure and independence and blazing my own trail. The next day I freak out at the first sign of something new and unpredictable. I told a friend recently, "I was 100% excited about it, until I remembered that I hate change."
Exhibit A: My gym changed locations.
Really, this is not a big deal. In fact, it's an upgrade from the original place! But the other day when I drove over to the new gym, all ready to get my workout on, I turned off my car... sat there for a minute... and realized that I did not want to go in. I started to feel anxious and think up excuses about not having enough time to exercise before my meeting later that morning.
I should probably just go home. What if all of the ellipticals are taken (my "go to" machine) and I just don't know what to do with myself? What if I don't know where the drinking fountain is and I wander around like an idiot? I know that this place is bigger than the last one; what if I feel alone and just get overwhelmed and lost in there?!
The best part is that they were still finishing construction on the gym, so that location doesn't actual open for another week and a half. I felt like I had just gotten out of taking a big test, and it had nothing to do with actual exercise because I just drove over to the other location. That means it all had to do with working out in a NEW place. The relief I felt about going back to the old, familiar gym is rather embarrassing.
How silly to get worked up about a new gym location, a mile from the old one, where I'm already a member and don't talk to anyone anyways???
I have been traveling by myself since I was seven, helped lead international mission trips, and just recently graduated with my bachelor's degree... you would THINK that I'd be able to handle life change, especially a minor one like going to the gym in a different building.
That situation, simple as it may be, I think points to the condition of my heart in regards to change.
[Maybe my current season of life influenced my response to the new gym location?]
I think it points to the part of my heart that struggles to trust the Lord who happens to be all-knowing even when I feel all-lacking. I know that even if I had the knowledge of what is to come, it could all change in a moment. Planning can create a false sense of security. I'm not saying don't plan; I'm saying don't put all your stock in the plan. If your trust is in Jesus and you believe that His plans for you are good, then there is nothing to worry about, EVER! Living for God is quite the adventure. There are so many opportunities to learn to rely more and more on the Lord.
"She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future."
Proverbs 31:25, NLT
I want to be that woman! Full of strength and dignity, and free from fear of the future.
How do you respond when change pops up? What about when things don't go as planned, or you are moving into a new situation? Do you fear the unknown?
What does that response show about your view of God?
"Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24
"For I am the Lord your God who takes
hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13
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