My Forever Hope

I was stung by the words of a student at Boise State yesterday who responded to the question, "What do you put your hope in?" with: mankind's potential for greatness. So, you're putting your hope in your fellow man? Wow. That is actually heartbreaking to me. People fail constantly. We are bent toward evil and have a sinful nature that pushes us away from God; this is not the type of being that I'd choose to place my hope.

BUT...

I am so thankful that we don't have to stay there, stuck in our sin.

I'm thankful that God has a good PLAN for His people.

I'm thankful that even though our natural instinct may draw us away from God, He continues to pursue us relentlessly. His "love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me" (Jesus Culture, One Thing Remains // music video).

I'm thankful that "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16, NIV)

I'm thankful that my hope & my future are found in Jesus Christ.

I'm thankful that I can claim freedom in Christ as a daughter of the One True King.
Galatians 5; 2 Corinthians 6:18

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I've been thinking a lot about David lately in reading the Psalms. His words are so full of passion and emotion. Not fake emotion, and not overly spiritualized/religious emotion either. It's raw, real, and relatable. For example, take a look at the difference between Psalm 102 and 103:

"Hear my prayer, Lord;

let my cry for help come to you. 

Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress.

Turn your ear to me;

when I call, answer me quickly.

For my days vanish like smoke;

my bones burn like glowing embers.

My heart is blighted and withered like grass;

I forget to eat my food.

In my distress I groan aloud

and am reduced to skin and bones. 

I am like a desert owl,

like an owl among the ruins." 

Psalm 102:1-6

"Praise the Lord, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise His holy name.

Praise the Lord, my soul, 

and forget not all his benefits--

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed."

Psalm 103:1-6

I resonate with the contrast here between the two different thought processes!

I'm not a scholar on the book of Psalms, so I don't know if these two chapters were necessarily written together, but I do know that they were written by the same man. I appreciate that the same man can express such utter depression, sadness, fear, and loneliness, then turn immediately to praising God with everything inside him! 

It sounds to me like a "Yeah, but..." situation.

"Yeah, life is hard, but God truly is faithful to provide; He will never leave us nor forsake us."

"Yeah, you will experience trouble in this world, but take heart, because [Jesus] has overcome the world!" (John 16:33)

"Yeah, you feel lonely, but God still sees you and loves you."

"Yeah, you may not know what decision to make, but God knows what your future holds; it's all under control."

My heart can hold both real emotion and wrestling as well as the desire to trust God, praise Him, and know Him more. This is especially encouraging because David, in all of his very real temptations and struggles, is called by God a "man after His own heart" (Acts 13:22). 

I want that to be true of me. I want to be known by God as a woman who reflects His heart.

I'm thankful that HE is my hope, not whatever I can muster up or find on my own. 

I Quit the "What ifs"

I went on a hike yesterday for two reasons.
1. I love hiking and the weather has been PERFECT for adventures in the foothills.
2. I've been feeling especially antsy for the last week or so and I just needed to get out and have some REAL time with God.

I knew it wasn't just a random hike; I was definitely hoping to get something out of it. I wanted needed to hear from the Lord. I was desperate for the kind of peace that can only come from Him. I was getting too tangled up in my own emotions, which was starting to drive me crazy.

At the beginning of the trail, equipped with my awesome chacos, camelbak hydration pack, and sunglasses, I prayed this simple, straight-from-the-gut prayer: 

"What is it, God? I know I need to hear something from You... what am I supposed to be learning in all of this?"

This is the response that came from that questioning:

Life is full of unknowns. The reality is, we never have complete control (no matter what illusion we try to hold onto). But there are some times that we feel more out of control than normal. It's in those times when you have no idea what's coming next, and the thought of getting caught off guard in any number of life scenarios makes you feel sick.

I realized that I've been playing the "what if" game with just about every area of life. I play the game, try to figure out the end result, make a million different potential paths to get there, and in the end have gained no more control over my life than when I first started. It's pointless. A waste of time. AND, only perpetuates things like pride, selfishness, lack of trust, impatience, and discontentment. (i.e., all of the things I try to avoid)

"What if ___?" (x600 different possible blanks)

"What if I don't make it?"

"What if they don't like me?"

"What if this is not what I expected?"

"No matter what that blank happens to be this moment, is it still worth it to follow me?"- Jesus 

Yes. No hesitation. No matter what fills that blank - no matter what I'm contemplating or worried about at this moment - it's all worth it to follow Jesus with all of my life. I still choose Him over anything else. 

If that's the case, then SO WHAT?
That whole argument makes whatever the "what if" blank is, suddenly irrelevant.
Invalid. 
Null and Void. 

Therefore, Kailene, you need to change your attitude and get over your selfish worrying and complaining!

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?'" Matthew 16:24-26

Yes. He is more than worth it, no question.

Just like in that picture above, sometimes you can't see the whole journey. There are parts that are blocked from your view and you have to keep moving forward in order to see what the path looks like. There are lots of quick turns, ups-and-downs, and unexpected boulders to climb over, but that doesn't mean you won't get to the end. It doesn't mean that the path ceases to exist, but if you don't press on, even with an obstructed view, you will never get to experience the process.

You can't decide how you're going to get over that big boulder that's around the corner until you get right up to it and figure out how to take the next few steps.

Stop getting yourself caught up in the stressful whirlwind of "what if" -- it's not a very fun game, and ultimately, distracts you from your Father God who has it all under control.

Keep pursuing HIM, not all the made up scenarios in your head that haven't even happened yet, nor do you know that they will. Surrender everything. Trust in every way. Believe that He knows what is best for you and will bring whatever that "best" is to fruition.

Real Change: What's your response?

I'm so thankful that God knows about change before I do.

Because if I was the omniscient one in charge, I would probably hide in my bedroom and snuggle safely in my comfy chair rather than head out into the crazy world.

Sometimes I make myself laugh. One day I'm all about adventure and independence and blazing my own trail. The next day I freak out at the first sign of something new and unpredictable. I told a friend recently, "I was 100% excited about it, until I remembered that I hate change."

Exhibit A: My gym changed locations. 

Really, this is not a big deal. In fact, it's an upgrade from the original place! But the other day when I drove over to the new gym, all ready to get my workout on, I turned off my car... sat there for a minute... and realized that I did not want to go in. I started to feel anxious and think up excuses about not having enough time to exercise before my meeting later that morning.

I should probably just go home. What if all of the ellipticals are taken (my "go to" machine) and I just don't know what to do with myself? What if I don't know where the drinking fountain is and I wander around like an idiot? I know that this place is bigger than the last one; what if I feel alone and just get overwhelmed and lost in there?!

The best part is that they were still finishing construction on the gym, so that location doesn't actual open for another week and a half. I felt like I had just gotten out of taking a big test, and it had nothing to do with actual exercise because I just drove over to the other location. That means it all had to do with working out in a NEW place. The relief I felt about going back to the old, familiar gym is rather embarrassing. 

How silly to get worked up about a new gym location, a mile from the old one, where I'm already a member and don't talk to anyone anyways???

I have been traveling by myself since I was seven, helped lead international mission trips, and just recently graduated with my bachelor's degree... you would THINK that I'd be able to handle life change, especially a minor one like going to the gym in a different building. 

That situation, simple as it may be, I think points to the condition of my heart in regards to change. 
[Maybe my current season of life influenced my response to the new gym location?]

I think it points to the part of my heart that struggles to trust the Lord who happens to be all-knowing even when I feel all-lacking. I know that even if I had the knowledge of what is to come, it could all change in a moment. Planning can create a false sense of security. I'm not saying don't plan; I'm saying don't put all your stock in the plan. If your trust is in Jesus and you believe that His plans for you are good, then there is nothing to worry about, EVER! Living for God is quite the adventure. There are so many opportunities to learn to rely more and more on the Lord. 

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, 

and she laughs without fear of the future." 

Proverbs 31:25, NLT

I want to be that woman! Full of strength and dignity, and free from fear of the future. 

How do you respond when change pops up? What about when things don't go as planned, or you are moving into a new situation? Do you fear the unknown? 

What does that response show about your view of God? 

Oceans, by Hillsong // Music Video

"Search me, God, and know my heart; 

test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

See if there is any offensive way in me, 

and lead me in the way everlasting." 

Psalm 139:23-24

"For I am the Lord your God who takes 

hold of your right hand and says to you, 

Do not fear; I will help you." 

Isaiah 41:13