Put To The Test

Ever feel like you're being put to the test?

That thought in the back of your head, "Hey, I think I learned this recently? What was I supposed to do again? Oh no -- why does my mind always go blank under pressure?!"

I'm not a very good test taker. Mostly just timed and graded tests, which covers about 95% of them. I remember taking tests in my IB Psychology class in the 10th grade. It was probably the hardest and most enjoyable class I had come to yet in my experience as a student. Everyone LOVED Mr. Caro! I spent the entire class period glancing from my test to the clock to everyone else writing feverishly and back to the clock and then to my test again. My heart raced violently, my palms were sweaty and my breathing quickened. Why couldn't I remember anything that I had studied? There was NO way I was getting the test done in time. I tried to figure out how many points I had to get just so I wouldn't get below an 80%. A's were ideal. B's were bearable. But a C? No way. 

I distinctly remember a test day that all of that happened and Mr. Caro walked across the room, knelt by my desk, and asked if I wanted to come in after class to finish the test - I could have as much time as I needed. I let out a big sigh of relief and expressed my gratitude. Luckily I experienced this test anxiety in a psychology class where the teacher was hyper-aware of these things!

Tests can be tricky. That's the point; to see if you can perform / replicate / live out what you already learned. Tests are used to display knowledge and competency. They're used to see if the student is ready to move on to the next level.

I think that's what I see happening in my life right now...

I've blogged excessively about how God changed my LIFE this summer through my trip to Panama - breaking my heart for the Nations, building up my confidence in Him and not in me, trusting in who He says I am and not being swayed by the opinions of others or the limitations people put on me, and simply believing that I am capable of making decisions independently because of the wisdom the Lord has given me.

I came back home loving life and psyched about this year - being in school (and almost DONE!), as a nanny to two great kids, and heavily involved in college ministry at BSU. There is so much to be thankful for and excited about!

But now I see that the time of testing has come...

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 

For in just a little while, 'He who is coming will come and not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.'

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who BELIEVE and are SAVED."
-Hebrews 10:35-39

I see all these little frustrations rising up: failing a major assignment and simply overlooking two others, falling behind in various responsibilities, getting fewer hours of sleep every night, and my car is continuing to fall apart (hard to imagine for those of you who have seen it, I know...). All of these things are undoubtedly frustrating.

It's okay to be frustrated. The question is, how do you choose to respond?

The *funny* thing is, most of those frustrations seems to be rather personal attacks... fixing my car is expensive, which tends to awaken one of my greatest insecurities - financial security/provision. Failing/falling behind... yeah, who doesn't hate that? It makes it hard to ward off the notion that my value is wrapped up in my performance.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
- Hebrews 10:23

This is what it means to "hold unswervingly." I will not be shaken; I will not be moved. The Truth is too deep in me to allow these *measly* frustrations overtake me. I will not be overcome, for "the one who is in [me] is greater than the one who is in the world"(1 John 4:4b). 

How will you respond when the time of testing comes? 

I'm choosing to dwell on the Truth and reject the lies. Being consumed by Truth ensures that there is no room for anything else!