"Oh, oh, we NEED each other!"

-- Thank you, Sanctus Real.

Whenever I think of accountability, I think of that fairly recent song by Sanctus Real called "We need each other".

Check out the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPm1sk-utjQ

The band discusses the heart behind the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73OBPYGJoXU

I am very passionate about the topic of accountability because I love relationships! I enjoy sitting down for coffee with an old or new friend and just talking about life - the struggles, joy, pain, passions, dreams, fears, insecurities... all of it. I tend to be very open about life now, but I definitely wasn't always this way. It wasn't necessarily that I didn't want to be vulnerable, it was that I honestly didn't know how. I didn't know what it looked like to share my heart and have a constructive conversation that brought everyone involved closer to the Lord. I tried to be open and real with people who were close to me, but, more often than not, that attempt resulted in frustration on my part for feeling incapable of adequately expressing my thoughts/emotions. My tendancy was to think that, "I don't know how to say what I want to say, and I know I will end up frustrated, so I will just stay quiet." That was the enemy working to keep me from being vulnerable because he knows just how valuable and important it is! He worked hard to keep me silent. "Nobody will understand anyways... Nobody else wants to hear what is really on my heart... It's not that important, I'll just get over it by myself." -- ALL lies! But all very common lies that people believe.

My perspective began to change my first year out of high school as I started a year-long internship in east Texas at Teen Mania Ministries. I lived in a room with five other girls, met with my core advisor once a week and my resident director once a month. I was invited to join an accountability group that met once a week and was led by two amazing leaders who wanted to be involved in my life (and still do!). I worked in a somewhat stressful environment (customer service was a rude awakening for this girl who hates conflict of any kind...) and had a supervisor and manager who were always there for me. I felt like I was pouring out my heart on a daily basis! It was good training... pushing myself to learn what it means to be open. I had a conversation via skype with one of my mentors from that first year in Texas and after I had spent a good forty-five minutes explaining struggles and fears and the current condition of my heart, she stopped me and said, "Kailene, it's pretty amazing to me to listen to you share right now because I remember when we first met and I would ask how you were doing you would clam up and say you didn't even know how to answer that question!" It's so exciting to see the massive amount of growth I've experienced in this area of my life. Praise God!

The Bible touches on the subject of accountability as well:

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

"Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25

"See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:12-13

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

What does it mean to "sharpen" one another? To "spur one another on toward love and good deeds"? What does it look like, practically, to confess sins, pray for and encourage one another?

Vulnerability is a choice. It's a choice to be open about the reality of my sin and the fear in my heart and NOT listen to the voices that tell me to just keep my mouth shut. What do you do when you feel torn between what you feel (fear) and what the Word says? You cling to what you know is true. Every time. If you aren't sure which voice is the voice of truth and which is fueled by fear or lies... it's worth it to find out. Ask a trusted leader and ask God. As we talked about yesterday here, the Bible IS the Truth and can always be trusted. If the voice/urging you hear in your head does not line up with the Bible... then it is not truth. (See Philippians 4:8)

Accountability starts with being vulnerable, and continues to strengthen as you are open to growth and change. Change is hard and often despised. How will we grow if we never change? Change is a necessary part of life... you might as well embrace it now! It's hard to feel like you've just aired all of your dirty laundry and then hear about what needs to change in your life in order to "clean things up a bit." A good friend who seeks mutual accountability will not judge, will seek the Lord on your behalf, and will look for ways to challenge and encourage you.

I'm so grateful for my friend, Molly, who helps hold me accountable to a biblical standard of truth. We have this great mutual friendship where we can encourage each other and call each other out. I know that she has my best interests at heart and I truly want the best for her. Sometimes that means speaking the truth in love, even when it's hard. There is a deeper level of trust in my relationship with Molly because she has proven worthy of that trust and the deep things of my heart. This morning we met at Starbucks early to have our quiet times together... thank you, Lord, for a friend who desires to know You more and encourages me to do the same.

Accountability isn't about chiding each other when you fall short. We all will fall short. It's not about judging someone else's sin. We all sin. It's about living life together. It's about laughing and crying together; experiencing every aspect of life and supporting each other through it.

Just like that Sanctus Real song says, life ALONE is "bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely." We were meant to live life TOGETHER!