Good Coffee & a Great Convo.

I get SO excited about sharing life with people.
Being REAL - honest, genuine, caring, accountable.
I love, love, love relationships that truly lead me back to the Lord and remind me to walk humbly, in purity, and continue to trust Him in ALL circumstances.
This morning I met up with a dear friend, Grace, at one of my favorite coffeeshops. We sipped our coffees and just talked about life - where the Lord is taking us, struggles, victories, etc. She is such a beautiful woman of God! I left feeling tremendously encouraged and refreshed.
THIS is why God created community and desires that we live life TOGETHER.
It's not always easy... relationships can be confusing, consuming, and frustrating. When we learn how to work together, appreciate differences, communicate effectively and care deeply for one another... that changes everything. It's about being intentional.

Coffee is good... but sweet conversations like this with friends are GREAT.

Rewind that and Switch it!

Going into a week feeling unprepared (aka - my homework isn't done) makes me feel sick to my stomach everytime. I hate that feeling! Last night when I was with Jake I made a harsh comment about how I wish this week were over and it hasn't even started yet... ONLY because I would rather not push myself to get homework done, or deal with the consequences when it's not done up to par, or done at all. :-/ I realized very quickly how that statement sounded (selfish, prideful, ungrateful, etc) and said, "Wait. I don't want to be like that and wish days away..." This week will be great and I have so much to be thankful for - I just need to make a little attitude adjustment. Each day contains joys and struggles, both of which are blessings.

I love seeing my thought processes laid out like that, but it's even cooler that I said it all out loud so Jake could hear it, too. After I tried to take back what I originally said and replace it with truth, I kind of laughed and said, "Well, you just witnessed me processing my thoughts in action!" I'm so glad that it didn't take long for truth to chase out the lies. It is so COMMON for people to wish for "tomorrow" - whatever tomorrow may hold, but I want to be content in the here and now and recognize the Lord's hand in each area of my life, whether it seems pleasant at the time or not. This week is surely not purposeless and I do not want to miss the many opportunities I will have to choose joy and share the love of Christ!

The Value of TALKING

I just LOVE healthy communication! Mostly, because it generally leads to healthy relationships, which I am also passionate about. Being in a fairly new relationship (when do I stop calling it "new"?), I am learning everyday about healthy communication and how that affects us.

My natural tendency when things get hard is to put up walls, run away, stop talking completely... basically, I just shut down. Those are all the opposite of healthy communication, in case there was any question in any of your hearts. :) Clearly, I have a LOT to learn and grow in!

I love seeing the value of talking things out when I hear truth gently weaved in throughout the conversation and my heart is quickly directed back to Jesus. I could have easily just kept my mouth shut and continued down that spiral of fear and bitterness... just opening my mouth opens up my heart to hear truth and receive grace.

Sometimes it feels silly to talk about things or say what I'm thinking out loud, but if I don't say it... then he won't know it! I heard a really great sermon series by Craig Groeschel, Pastor of Life Church, called "The Vow." (highly recommend checking out this series: http://www.lifechurch.tv -- Click there and I believe you can watch all 4 parts.) One of the things I remember most is this: "If you think something good, say it." I've been trying to be intentional about doing that. When I like or appreciate something that Jake says or does, I want him to know it. I've seen how just this basic communication has opened our eyes. It is SO cool to me how God designed us to be in relationship with each other so purposefully!

The value of talking means that I recognize that it is crucial that I open up and respond rather than shutting down or withdrawing or ignoring it. I want to keep growing in healthy communication and not RUN from it!

Ready... BREAK!

That is how "breaks" from school usually start... here comes Thanksgiving break and it's generally full of traveling, catching up on school work, visiting 563 friends and family members (it seems like that many!), eating a lot more than I should, probably a little shopping and movie viewing, and not much sleep. Not the kind of "BREAK" that I need. Especially going home to Portland, I never have a moment to BREATHE, nevermind blog or enjoy a little R&R. THIS break, though, began wonderfully.

I went with Jake this weekend to visit his parents and it was more relaxing and wonderful than I could have even imagined! His mom is a great cook, so we ate REALLY well. I learned how to make stuffed shells! They celebrated my birthday with me w/ an ice cream cake (including the candles and singing), gifts, chocolate and EVEN a nice little walk in the snow with the dogs. I love that it snowed! Saturday night we met an old friend of Jake's at Applebee's and I had an awesome time talking with his friend's wife - I just LOVE meeting people who I connect so well with because of our passion and love for God! I had such a great time. I am so very grateful for my little get-a-way to prepare for the next week...

Tomorrow is homework day + skype w/ Kelsey + Christmas tree lighting downtown!

Tuesday I fly to Portland to start the hectic part of vacation as I visit family, meet my brother's new girlfriend, see some old friends, endure the RAIN... then it'll be time to head back to Boise. :) SO looking forward to spending time with my family and enjoying some fun family traditions -- popcorn tins, puppy chow, thanksgiving food, movies. It will be great!

After Thanksgiving break there are only THREE weeks left until christmas break! I think the month of December will be a little bit of a reprieve. This semester has been pretty insane... mostly hard - in both good and bad ways. I am so grateful for how I've grown and how the Lord has been working in my life... but I have so much more growing to do! There are some lessons that I just can't seem to "get." I need to remember to allow myself time to "get it." Life is just a series of processes... which, in the big picture, is just the process of becoming refined - more and more like Jesus. So even when I don't see the outcome, I can rejoice because I am confident that God will not give up on me. He's just working on my heart everyday.

This is just a quick update - I know I've been HORRIBLE at blogging consistently. I need to get my thoughts organized and start over again. I know that going into the holidays is not going to help with consistency, but I'll try. :)

Wishful Thinking.

I'm sitting on campus right now with one hour until my next class; grateful for the break.

Really, I'm dreaming about Christmas break (or post-graduation life?! That will be awesome, too.) when I don't have to think about classes or papers or tests and can enjoy the peacefulness of a cozy coffeeshop with a good book or something important to write about. (Ok, so that will probably not define my life after graduation... unless I win the lottery to pay my bills. But maybe on the weekends!) School has just been so easily overwhelming this semester. I hope that tendency ends with the close of finals in just four short weeks. I hope that next semester I do what I can do and just let that be enough, for once in my life.

I've been [at times unsuccessfully] attempting to live healthier (more sleep, exercise, food, water = less stress) and step out of roles/responsibilities that I don't NEED to be in currently. It's really hard! Priorities... balance... it just gets muddled up sometimes.

I guess this is just me wishing again for a "simplified" life. But you know what? Life isn't simple. It's not ever going to be. As much as I try to gain control of my health, emotions, schedule, future, grades, etc, etc forever... there will ALWAYS be something. Yes, I'm choosing to rest right now, but there are a hundred other things that I probably SHOULD be doing or thinking about or preparing for. But that's lame. (eloquent, I know.) I never want to be so consumed by the hundred things that I probably should be doing that I forget to enjoy the things I love to do or the people I love to be with. You have my permission to hold me accountable to that standard, though, because it is a constant battle. What is it that I will choose to give priority in my life today? I feel like only recently (the past couple of years) have I really began to learn who I am: the things that truly bring me joy, make me feel alive, refreshed, excited, energized, curious, appreciative. Those are the things that I want to spend my time on. So what IS this simple life I've been pursuing? And what is up with my desire to label everything?

So life isn't SIMPLE... what IS it? Maybe a more accurate statement is that life isn't EASY, but it can be simple if I choose to trust and obey the Lord as my number ONE... then everything else just falls into place. Ah, yes. I'm pretty sure I overcomplicate about 97% of my life.
----------------------------------

Also - I've discovered pinterest. I want to get some fun Christmas gift/decor ideas. I don't even really understand the website yet. There is just so much to look at!

3 days until Thanksgiving break. Praise the Lord!!!

Birthday Celebrations!!!

I love birthdays... and holidays... and ANY reason to celebrate!!!
I so appreciate all of the sweet birthday wishes yesterday when I celebrated turning 23 years old!

This morning when I got to work, as soon as I walked in the door Channing sang "Happy Birthday" and I opened a HUGE birthday present: 2 movies - "Persuasion" and "Emma" (Kerinda knows me SO well - huge fan of Jane Austen!), a box of my favorite popcorn (Popsecret Homestyle), a box of Apple Cider, and a huge, purple, soft blanket! Too bad I have to wait to use them - I could REALLY go for a movie day right now.

My mom and grandparents sent me some new clothes and a fun cake pan and Jamie made me a super cute magnetic/dry erase board to hang in my room! I had a few friends over last night to eat pie and ice cream, too. It was a very calm, low-key day... these kind of days are very much welcomed in my life!

I'm excited to celebrate my birthday this weekend at Jake's parent's house a couple hours away from here. :)

Unfortunately, the Broncos lost this weekend and it didn't snow on my birthday... but that's okay.

Birthdays are a good time to take a look at the last year (WOW.) and the year to come (Oh dear.) and think about who I have been, who I want to be, and all the things that God has done in me. I think some intense journaling is in order at some point in the near future. I don't like to just endure life to "get through" - I want to be intentional about growing and not growing stagnant or complacent. I don't want to be today who I was a year ago, because I am hopefully maturing and growing. I do believe that God will carry on to completion the work He began in me; His mercies are new everyday and He continues to transform me by the renewing of my mind, but do I CLAIM that new identity? Just something to think about. Do I really live as though I am being made new?

A Healthy Perspective

I know that I write on this subject often... there are probably a lot of repeat posts through the history of this quaint blog. But these are the things that the Lord puts most on my heart; the ways that He trains me to be more humble, peaceful, patient, kind, honorable & loving.

Today is a day that I know I need to be very proactive in taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. Today is full, full, full with school... and I don't feel prepared. I hate not feeling prepared. [It's a control thing.] I wish that my papers were longer and more eloquent. I wish I had practiced for my presentations. I wish I studied more (ok, at all) for my philosophy test. I wish I went to bed two hours earlier than I did last night. It's so easy to just get caught up in all the "I wish..." thoughts, right? How unfortunate that we are bombarded with the message that "if only you had this or that or the other thing, THEN you will be successful/beautiful/accepted." I wish I could say those things don't matter to me. Reality is, it's a constant battle. [But a battle SO worth fighting!]

A healthy perspective is a godly perspective. I want to see the world and other people and myself the way that God does. I want my heart to be concerned about the things that concern Him. I want my thoughts to dwell on the things that matter most to Him. I want my actions and my attitudes to reflect those of Christ.

I read this blog this morning: "A Holy Experience" [go ahead and click on the link to read it. if you need a shift in perspective, it is just the thing to read!] I cried because my heart breaks for this precious family. I cried, also, because I'm convicted for the things that consume me and cause anxiety. My dear friend, Rhoni, has said this many times before - and my core advisor at Teen Mania and I talked about it a lot, too - "In light of eternity, what does this really matter?" There are some things that really DO matter in light of eternity, and those are the things I'd like to direct my attentions to! There are so many things, though, that I focus on that make zero difference in the Kingdom of God. I pray that this changes... I know that it is.

So today, as I go through this incredibly FULL and BUSY and potentially STRESSFUL day, I will continue to ask myself the question: "What does this really matter in light of eternity?"

Give me your perspective, Lord.

Trust. [and that's all]

I don't know about you, but sometimes (ok, ok... most times) I just want answers. I just want a formula or a set of instructions or a road map or even a compass pointing me in the right direction... just SOMETHING that will hint at what it is I'm supposed to do. Not just with the rest of my life, but with today. (And next month and next year, and, yeah, the rest of my life, too.)
Sunday was the first time in the five and a half weeks that Jake and I have been in a relationship that I wanted to ask again: "Sooo... what does that look like?" I knew that that's what I wanted to hear, so I tried to reword the question, in hopes of getting the same answer. It didn't work. Jake's a smart guy and he told me that was cheating! ;-) He knows that I want a formula or road map, but he also knows that that's just not how relationships work. He reminded me that we will both continue to seek the Lord and be led by His Spirit. That is how we know if we are on track. It is encouraging to hear from him how he fervently seeks God on my behalf and prays for our relationship and specific conversations that we have. It's about trusting the Lord and each other. Period.

Trust means that I don't need to have all the answers; I don't need to have it all figured out. In reality, I can't have it all figured out! But I am really okay with that. What a lesson in depending on God! (and how awesome that in my relationship w/ Jake I am learning to depend on God?! I'm pretty sure that is what relationships are supposed to look like.) The "[and that's all]" portion of the title of this post indicates that it truly is not about me OR Jake trying to "make it work." It's just about both of us seeking the Lord for wisdom and trusting Him every step of the way. God is faithful to provide for and lead His children. He does not desire for us to wander aimlessly; His plans are GOOD... more than anything we could ask or imagine. 

That being said, WHY would I ever even think about creating my own plans?!  

Worth Fighting For

There are plenty of things in life that seem to be important, but pale in comparison to what is REALLY worth fighting for...

When I got in a car accident (both times) I was told "It's just a car. It doesn't matter."

When I stress out over writing a paper or taking a test my mom always tells me (and just did 2 minutes ago on the phone) "you just need to do my best and not worry about the rest. That's all you can do."

Sometimes my room looks like a tornado just passed through.

Sometimes I overcook dinner or my banana bread turns out funny.

Sometimes I oversleep or say the wrong thing or have a bad attitude.... all in the same day.

... Yes, these things seem MASSIVELY detrimental at the time. But they don't last. I will do my best in school, but it's not always worth fighting for perfect grades. I like to be organized and keep my room clean, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. They don't really matter.  

So what REALLY is worth fighting for?

People.
Relationships.
Justice.
Freedom.
Truth.
LOVE.

Why is it that we so often put more energy into fighting for a clean house or more money or perfect grades than into justice and relationships and truth? The first three can be used to project a "better" image of ME - i.e. selfishness. The last three require vulnerability and risk and strength outside of ourselves. That is when it no longer is about me. Now it's about the other person, whether that is working to free a child immersed in the hellish world of sex trafficking (Check out a heart wrenching article on sex trafficking in Portland, OR -- http://www.washingtontimes.com/), showing genuine love in a relationship, or abandoning all to seek the heart of God and surrender to His will. Why are the most fulfilling and significant parts of our lives the things that we tend to shy away from and dismiss?

I never want to run away from the things that I should be devoting my life to FIGHT for. Lord, forgive me for the times that I fight for the things that don't really matter. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NoIJglsGms <-- I'm sure I've posted this song before, but you should listen to it again and read the lyrics. "Love is not a Fight" by Warren Barfield. One of my ultimate favorites. 

Ministry vs. Ministering

As I have been working on simplifying my life to be more healthy & effective, I was reminded of the difference between being IN ministry and ministering to the people around me. I love being in ministry and seeing God work... but you don't have to be IN ministry for God to work in and through you.

For example, I am a nanny for two wonderful kids who have been blessed with godly parents. I spend almost 30 hours a week with these kids; what am I doing to reinforce biblical values in them and teach them about God's love? I have an opportunity to influence their lives! I live with a two year old boy (the most hilarious, sweet and precious two year old ever!) ... what is my role in his life? Do I help train him in the way he should go?

Also, I am a full time college student and I spend a lot of time on campus and surrounding coffee shops. Do I view that time as just something to "get through" and move on or do I view every interaction as an opportunity to share the love of Jesus and build relationships? I cross paths with hundreds of people on campus... what am I going to do with that? Being in college is like being a missionary - it's a whole different culture with so many lost people.

I'm a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, aunt... when was the last time I even prayed for my family? What about a phone call or email? I was placed in this family for a reason.

Ministry is not about leadership positions. It's not about being in the front or out in the open. It's not about what kind of job you have. You are not a "better" Christian if you have the title of Pastor or Minister or Bible Study Leader. God called us to KNOW Him and make Him KNOWN... and that has nothing to do with your job, it has to do with how you live your life and choose to take advantage of every opporunity and relationship. You do not only serve the Lord when you volunteer at church or lead a small group... we have the chance to serve the Lord in how we live life every single day. In the seemingly mundane, there are countless opportunities to reflect the love of God.

Homework MACHINE

--> That is what I need to be in the next few days! Once I get this 10 pg comm paper done, I'll be finished with the class for the semester! [It'll help once I actually start it... eek!] Speaking of the end of the semester, only FIVE, short weeks until Christmas break. Crazy! Five weeks that will contain turning 23 years old, spending 5 days in Portland with my wonderful family for Thanksgiving, working, homework, classes, more homework, probably a lot of blogging/journaling, maybe the start of ski season?, maybe some snow? ... It's gonna be a good time.

I can't believe how fast time is flying by!

Change of Heart....

Probably at any other time in my life I would have told you have summer is my favorite season. I do like things about summer: hiking, camping, pretty much anything that has to do with being outside... but I think I've had a change of heart recently. Probably since moving back to the Pacific Northwest. It'll do that to ya. You think you know who you are... then you move back "home." I love Winter. I love holidays and snow and boots and scarves and the amazingly beautiful red/orange/yellow trees and the crisp, cool air and fireplaces and hot drinks and ice skating. I just love it.

Another change of heart is in the realm of priorities. I wrote in my journal today that a struggle I foresee for the next 12 hours is the temptation to feel guilty for not being more on top of my classes and getting more homework done in the past few days and feeling behind. Yes, that's a problem, but I already know that school is not my number one priority and I do not want it to be. So there's no sense in trying to make it that! Romans 8:1 says that "there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Conviction is from the Lord, but condemnation is from the Enemy. I will not live in light of where Satan leads. I will choose to walk in the freedom that has already been given to me in Christ! Regardless of my grades or status in school or supposed success or even if I turn everything in on time, it will be okay. All of that does not attribute to my identity unless I let it.

I'm so thankful for grace, joy & peace that comes only from the Lord. I can not muster up any of these things to somehow make my life more fulfilling. My life is fulfilling because Jesus provides everything I need and HE is my strength when I am weak.