FB Official

I guess if it's on facebook, that means I can FINALLY talk about it on my blog!

More posts than you know have been extremely vague (at least I meant them to be) in the past several months. Well, since January. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my blog is not my journal and what  ANYONE can see it. So I'd either just save it for my journal or try to be as ambiguous as possible. 

I kind of want to just keep being vague because I don't really know how to start this lovely little story. I'll just try to hit the key points... and hopefully leave out anything that resembles a soap opera. :)

.......................

You may or may not know the whole story; if anything, you probably know bits and pieces. This is the most up-to-date story of where I'm at:

So I'm dating a guy named Jake. :)

We met last January because he came to my college life group... and then we had a class together that semester, which means we spent a LOT of time together. He started pursuing me and was VERY confident and I was VERY excited and VERY much scared out of my mind. A lot happened in the next few months, but I decided in May that it was not going to work out and we could not continue in a relationship. (Whatever that meant - we were dating... and we were exclusive.... but we didn't call it anything. So that's confusing. Yes, I ended our "non" relationship.)

The next 5 months were full of a LOT of different emotions for me. I see SO much purpose in that season it's ridiculous. God truly is sovereign and so, so purposeful in our lives! I needed to step away from the possibility of being in a relationship with a man, so I could be reminded of what it means to be in relationship with God and completely depend on Him. (That's the short story, but I could seriously talk for hours and not cover everything that God has done in me recently.)

So the past several weeks I've been processing through my feelings. (really this has been happening off and on for a long time...) I've talked a lot to my good friend, Molly, who happens to be married to Jake's best friend, which means she brings a very interesting perspective. :) She asks some great questions! After I realized where my heart really is, we discussed the possibility of me having a conversation with Jake to let him know where I'm at. Jared, Molly's husband, gave some great advice: if you've ever seen the movie Dumb and Dumberer, then you probably know the scene where the guys says, "So you're sayin' there's a chance?!" That's really all I wanted to convey - I'm just saying that I'm open to there being a chance. (which is drastically different than the last message I gave him!) I had NO idea how he'd respond, and honestly thought that I was just going to do what I decided to do and would see little to no change. I didn't even know that I was making the "right" decision. I just knew that I had enough reasons TO have the conversation, and I'd worry about the rest later.

Well, we had that conversation and clearly things went well!

I am choosing to enter into this relationship without fear obstructing my view. I just want to "see what happens," rather than getting caught up in trying to figure out what WILL happen before I even agree to really get to know him. I have new perspective about SO many things (people pleasing, relationships, making decisions, following the Lord, etc), which is part of what will make me respond differently this time. This is not at all what I expected to happen a week ago - but it did happen and I feel complete peace. It truly seems as though this is a "natural" progression, which is not something I felt before.

Mostly, this whole relationship thing is extremely NEW to me.

I think it'll take a while for the shock to wear off. :-) I'm even surprised at the decisions that I made all on my own - just between me and the Lord - not consulting every friend I have all across the country. Though I value those friendships, the more diverse advice I get, the more my head spins.

All of that to say... now you can pray for Jake and me. :)