Live Simply?

What does it mean to live simply... but not be lazy, waste time, or never challenge yourself?

I guess that depends on my idea of what it means to "live simply." I'd say... or rather, the dictionary says... simple: uncomplicated, modest, not ornate or luxurious, not elaborate or artificial. Those are all things that I want to describe my life. [Can life really be uncomplicated?! Yes, that's what I want!] Is it possible to live simply? Maybe not all of the time, but is it possible for "simple" to be characteristic of how you live in general? SHOULD it be?

I think I'm being faced with that ambiguous and wordy question. If you read this blog fairly regularly, then that question makes perfect sense right about now! The first half of the semester was FULL. That's saying a lot coming from me because I generally LIKE "full" - but this kind of full, for whatever reason, turned out to be a little more harsh than I'm used to. I had to cut back. But, surprisingly, even after I cut back in my schedule/responsibilities, I still felt overwhelmed and exhausted and lethargic and emotional. Finding no clear reason why I felt this way, I went to the doctor. This is also saying a lot coming from me because I RARELY go to the doctor! I just felt like something was "off" - some kind of vitamin deficiency, like anemia, or maybe something with my thyroid. Well, it turned out to be nothing. The results came back normal, which is what I was afraid of. I knew that if they came back normal, that would mean this is how I am naturally dealing with stress (which is not okay) and I would feel like a crazy-person! I know that I'm not a crazy-person, but clearly SOMETHING needs to change. I'm keeping a journal to record how much I eat, sleep, exercise and drink water. That way I can ensure that I'm following through with all of the "basics."

Even after all that, though, there still is the question of what more do I need to stop doing? I want to be healthy and take care of myself, but I still feel like I don't have enough time to do so. I am focusing on so many different things right now that I don't feel like I'm doing WELL in any of them. I need to choose what are my TOP priorities - only a few, not 10 - and focus on those.

I'm used to being heavily involved in pretty much everything. Ever since middle school I have always been very busy. Up until now, I would tell you that I thrived off of having a full schedule. Now, all I want is to rest.

Robbie - my old youth pastor - told me yesterday to do what I love and say no to everything else. It is OKAY to not be involved in 25 extra things... and work 27 hrs/week... and go to school full time. I don't know why I feel the need to fill up my life with so much!

How does GOD want me to spend my time right now? This is a significant question, because it's easy to get wrapped up in how I think everyone ELSE thinks I should spend my time. I don't live to please other people. (at least, I'm not supposed to...)

WELL. Those are my mixed up thoughts. I'd love some feedback. :)
Mostly, I'd just love some prayer. I want to be who God wants me to be and that may look different than the image of "success" that I create on my own.

[Thankful Thoughts]

This morning I'm thinking about thankfulness and I'm thinking about my thoughts.... and how thankfulness positively affects my thoughts, which positively affects my attitude and actions. It's so simple really. (coming from someone who overcomplicates most of my life!)

What are you thankful for today?

Today I am thankful for TRUTH.
I'm reminded of Global Expedition's declaration of a world changer:
{this is what I desire for my life!} 


Today, I will live honorably through my thoughts, actions, and speech. I choose to be full of faith; I will not only be a hearer but a doer of the Word of God. I will serve before I demand, I will love and not hate, and I will give before I take. Today, I choose to make a difference in this world and to be a part of something bigger than myself. I choose to dedicate my life to prayer and ask God for His miraculous power and the courage to do the impossible. I will make Godly relationships a priority in my life as I esteem others higher than myself. Today, I will live my life in such a way that I will Change the World.

I know that God is in control and He holds my life in His hands... so I can place my trust FULLY in Him.
His love for me will never fail; it is not based on my merit or belief or demeanor.
The JOY of the Lord is my strength, regardless of my circumstances.
 
"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
- 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
 
I'm thankful for the beautiful fall weather and the changing colors of the trees. I'm thankful for a wonderfully supportive and encouraging community of friends and family. I'm thankful for two awesome days in a row watching Channing and Gannon - I'm inspired by Channing's faith. I'm thankful for a moment of peace. I'm thankful for wisdom. I'm thankful for who God made me and who He IS making me into. I'm thankful that even when lies creep into my mind, I can stand on the Truth. I'm thankful that it will be Thanksgiving in four weeks - and I'll be spending the holiday at HOME with my family for the first time in 5 years!

So Much to Say!

Well... I think I'll write another list, because I have so much to say today!

1. Yesterday was extremely relaxing and JUST what I needed! It consisted of morning Bible Study with some wonderful friends, soup + BSU football game at Jake's house, went to the ski shop to buy his new ski boots, carved pumpkins [see photo below], cooked dinner together - delicious pasta w/ italian sausage, a LOT of peppers and ragu sauce, talked on his front porch, went home and spent time w/ Robbie, Jamie & Josiah - they just got back from vacation, then went to bed on time.


Mine is on the left and Jake's is on the right... he named his Larry. I think mine looks like it's laughing! :)

2. I loved yesterday because it was random and spontaneous and restful. I realized on Friday that I'm getting frustrated with my tendency/need to fill up every single moment of every single day with something that I have to do. It makes me tired. There are times when I really enjoy being busy and having a full day... but it must not be right now. I want relationships to be a priority, but I don't want them to be a chore. I don't want to feel guilty for taking the time to take care of myself - eating healthy meals (generally takes longer than microwaved food/fast food/not eating at all), exercising, going to bed on time. I want to have down time where I can just relax at home and watch a movie or go for a walk in the park or actually sit down and WRITE something. (I bought a website domain in August with the intention of writing devotionals... and I haven't done ANYthing with it.)

3. I just bought a plane ticket for my dear friend, Nicole's, wedding in January! So excited! I'm kind of an a roll with plane tickets... one a week for the past three weeks! I love traveling and visiting family and friends. :)

4. Halloween is next weekend... this is usually not a monumental holiday for me. I'm not against Halloween as far as fun parties, dressing up, and trick-or-treating. I'm just not real big on party games/dancing, wearing crazy costumes, or even candy. I'm more of a CHRISTMAS kind of person. :) Well, CRU is having a big Halloween party next weekend and you can't be the one who DOESN'T dress up because then you'll definitely stand out. One of the differences between Jake and me is that I will dress up in a subtle costume, with no hope of winning the costume contest, but he would wear some big-crazy-definitely-gonna-stand-out kind of costume. :) I told him yesterday that we have different perspectives of what "awesome" means as far as what we should dress up as... haha. It's okay, I think we'll work through these differences. ;-)

If you have any easy duo costume ideas - let me know!

5. We're supposed to have our first big freeze this week! There's a 'special weather statement' and everything. Little known fact about me: I am fascinated by weather. I'm pretty excited for the cold weather to settle in. Winter is coming! :) 

6. Perfectionism = legalism. There is no freedom there. I'm learning to fully surrender every notion of who I think I am supposed to be and truly live in the grace of God and walk in FREEDOM. I am doing my best and that's all I can do. My identity is found in Jesus and NOT my success in school or what people think of me. Those things don't matter.

Praying for an eternal perspective and confidence to be bold!

Excited!

This week has been UP and DOWN (emotionally) a lot... which isn't totally normal for me, but this definitely has been a different kind of season in life anyways. So I guess I shouldn't try to predict what's going to happen next. :)

I titled this post "Excited!" because even though life is just weird and a little over my head in a lot of ways (ok, definitely a LOT over my head)... I am so completely excited about what God is doing in my heart! Yes, refinement is uncomfortable and maybe even painful at times. But that's all a part of the process. And the process is beautiful. I know that God has awesome, amazing, incredible plans for my life... things that are beyond all I could ask or imagine. I've just been getting EXCITED about those plans this week! I love the ways that He reminds me of His love... His affection for me that fills every empty space and mends every broken piece. He is healing and restoring me every single day as I take steps of boldness and obedience!

I think it's fairly common that insecurities creep up in "new" seasons of life. Sometimes they're things that you think you already know or have overcome in a different season, but now you have to face them in this new place you're in. Well, I'm definitely in a new place and definitely facing insecurities that I either thought I had already conquered or I didn't even know I had. It's a weird, vulnerable place to be... in being honest with yourself and other people.

{I just pray that TRUTH would reign, Lord.}

That Thing That Makes You Come ALIVE

Monday, as I posted, was kind of a blah day. I haven't been feeling well for several days now (mostly just groggy, lethargic, unable to focus and super tired - probably allergies??) and I was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of homework I needed to get done.

My first major blessing of the day was that Jake brought me some allergy medicine and a hazelnut latte! What a great guy! :) It was at least 20 minutes out of his way and I didn't want him to feel obligated, but it made me feel so valued that he still decided to stop by anyways.

My second major blessing of the day was going to Molly's "d" group (Discussion Group - small groups w/ Campus Crusade). I am so glad that I decided to go because the Lord used it to show me again what passions He has placed in my heart. There were two other girls who came and we studied the Word and talked about life and how you can be SURE that you are saved and got to know each other... I LOVE THAT! When we left I felt so fired up... THIS is what I'm supposed to do. My attitude from the day was completely turned around. The next morning I saw one of the CRU staff meet with three girls in a row as I sat and worked on homework. I want that job!

It's so exciting to SEE + FEEL the direction that you are supposed to go so clearly. Just open your eyes and experience life. Don't get caught up in the cultural stream of "this is where you need to be in order to be successful." That's bogus. Who cares about worldly success anyway? I want to be found faithful in the eyes of the Lord and I believe that He will lead me in that. It's okay if you don't know what you're going to do with your life... just keep seeking and walking in obedience and BELIEVE that God will answer your prayer!

A New Week...

This weekend was GREAT... I couldn't have asked for a better 3 days in a row! It was especially awesome realizing that for so long I was frustrated with having so many BAD days in a row... thank you, Lord, for a nice little change of pace as far as that goes! I don't have enough time to include details of everything from this weekend, but it included: the most successful shopping trip of my life, coffee & Bible Study w/ some lovely friends Saturday morning, my first dinner date w/ Jake at The Macaroni Grill [awesome!!!], pumpkin bread/tea/good conversation with my wonderful friend, Liz, a FULL day at The Pursuit working with the kids, and hosting Jared, Molly & Jake for dinner last night [I made Pasta w/ Pesto and Cream Sauce - delicous!].

BUT... in the midst of all of that goodness, I barely got ANY homework done... which really sets my week off on the wrong foot. Not only that, but this morning was the third morning in a row that I have woken up EXTRA groggy. I don't necessarily feel sick, just so tired! [I really hate when I just feel "off" and don't know why...] Unfortunately, this dumb tiredness is really getting in the way of my efforts to pound through as much school work as possible... because I have not been successful thus far. :(

I think I need to find some balance... and obviously manage my time better. But I don't want to cut quality time with PEOPLE out of my life either.  

Mostly, I just feel lethargic and want SO badly to sit in a coffeeshop all day to read and write about nothing that has to do with any of my classes.

MORE Than Conquerers!

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No in all these things we are MORE than conquerers through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39

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Doesn't that make you excited?! These verses just now came to mind as I sat down to write... because it makes me EXCITED that God truly works all things together for the good of those who love Him and that no trouble or stress or terrible situation or unthinkable tragedy could EVER separate me from the love of my heavenly Father.  

I think I'm in a new season... well, I guess I know I am. The first six-ish weeks of school were incredibly difficult, yet fruitful. I've had a few extra days off from school + work to play catch up. I dropped a class, which opened up my schedule. I struggled fervently through that specific refining process that I was in (and will continue to be in different ways) and then I saw breakthrough! I saw the lies and the fear and decided to move beyond it - this brought me to a new understanding of what it truly means to trust the Lord. I knew I needed to make some kind of change fast when I realized I was putting so much trust in other people that I would follow them before I even considered seeking the Lord. Ouch! BUT - the Lord is GOOD and GRACIOUS and I am made new!

There is HOPE. For we know that in the midst of those struggles and hardships... that is not the end! We are MORE than conquerers, which means we will come out on the other side of the struggle and hardship by the grace of God. His love never leaves us. No matter how distant you may feel. He is ALWAYS by your side and pulling you through.

Lookin' Back

[Apparently I'm not really into finishing words that end in "ing" today...]

Can I just take a moment to say that GOD IS GOOD!?!

[Thanks.]

It blows me away to look back in both the distant and not-so-distant past and see clearly how God has been shaping me in every situation. His plan far outweighs the seemingly impossible struggle at the time. When you can look at who you are now and see that because of His grace you are different than you were then... yeah, that's a miracle. He is making me BOLD - something that I wrote an insane amount about this summer. I see the reality of this verse: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). I do believe that what God starts He will finish as we are obedient and choose to surrender.

I don't know about you, but this makes me excited!!! It's kind of fun to "look back" and see growth.... it's probably a sign that I'm on the right track. ;-)

Feelin' Sleepy...

I went to bed on time last night... kind of. I was only a LITTLE late. But the amount of tiredness I have felt so far this morning definitely exceeds what I should feel for only being a little late to bed. It really doesn't help that it is raining outside, which just makes me want to curl up with a soft blanket and a good book and eat soup for lunch. And maybe take a little nap. And watch Pride and Prejudice. Ahh, the perfect day! Instead, my first of four classes starts in 5 minutes, I need to work on two essays and get caught up on reading, and I'm hoping to make it to life group tonight.

Well, I guess I should go get some coffee. Sorry for the lack of insight and wit in this post today. ;-)

Some Much Needed Refreshment -

I am so grateful that God has blessed me with a few refreshing days in a row... that hasn't happened in a LONG time!

- On Friday I got everything done on my list of things to do (That's always refreshing for me!)
- Friday night I enjoyed a nice drive (except for the nausea part) up to McCall with my dear friend, Lindsay
- I had a wonderfully relaxing time at the CRU Fall Retreat, met some new people, heard from a great speaker, absolutely loved being in the mountains, and was so proud of Jake for speaking/sharing his testimony on Saturday night
- Sunday morning I slept in, did laundry & ironing, cleaned, and went to church (I love calm, slow-paced mornings...)
- Besides going to church, I just stayed HOME. What a rare blessing.
- This morning I got coffee with my friend, Kayla, and just enjoyed some good conversation. I love that girl!

I feel ready to take on the week... not because I have everything done that I need to or because I'm looking forward to spending another full day at school tomorrow or figuring out how/when to get my car fixed or buying plane tickets for upcoming trips or any of the other number of things that happen to be on my mind... I feel ready to take on the week because of enjoying a few days of refreshment and being reminded yet again that I do not have to have it all together. Okay, now take a deep breath and say that to yourself. ;-) We do not have to have it all together. Why do we think that we do? It is a complete lack of trust and surrender on my part when I try to figure it all out just to appear to be in control.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

Enjoyment

*Felicia, this one's for you! We've had many conversations in the past year about enjoyment and whenever I see it play out (or NOT play out) in my life, I always think of you.

What does it mean to truly enjoy life?

There are SO many hundreds of things that pull our attention one way or another: family, friends, job, volunteer responsibilities, classes, homework, grades, random expectations (either legitimate or perceived), financial planning/recovery, health, etc, etc, etc. It could be anything. In my experience, which is not extensive by any means, it's when I get wrapped up in all of those things and try to make sure I'm right on track with "where I'm supposed to be" that I stop enjoying life and start to become anxious and legalistic.

[Read: 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Bam.]

So, what does it mean to truly enjoy life? Do what you love. Be yourself. Remember to find peace and joy in the LITTLE things. I love the little things! Sometimes it's a nice reminder to write a list of some "little things" that you enjoy. Then, when you find yourself getting caught up in the mess of those big things that weigh you down, pick one to enjoy.

Some of my little things are... sitting by fireplaces, reading a book for fun, taking a bubble bath, cooking dinner, watching one of my favorite movies with my favorite popcorn and some hot chocolate, going for a walk, looking through old photo albums, getting ice cream with friends, going for a drive, journaling, finding new music that I love, a video chat with a friend who lives far away...

Sometimes you just need to take a step back and look at the big picture. This situation likely does not determine the rest of my life. I'm in it to learn and persevere to build character and become a stronger woman... but God does not want us to wish every day away because it seems unbearable. Yes, life is hard. We all know that. But we can choose to enjoy it. It's NOT wrong to take the time to do what you love!

Today I walked the kids to school in the rain - finally able to get my rainboots, winter coat and scarf out! Love it! - and now I'm back sitting by the fire and drinking coffee. I truly love this! Tonight I get to enjoy good conversation with a friend. What a great day this will be!

How are you enjoying life today?

I think it's a list kind of day!

1. It's rainy and getting a little chilly outside - I love it! Definitely ready for winter to be here. Time to get out sweaters and scarves and carmel apple cider!

2. I am about to head to a class that I am NOT prepared for - I don't love that so much! But really it just makes me smile, because this experience fits nicely along with the exact thing that God has been teaching me. I've always said that I learn through repetition and hearing something over and over again... I guess this is just an example of that. Another reminder that my identity is not found in what I do or how well I do it; God's love is not based on earthly measurements of success/failure; and I need to stop worrying about what other people think! Lord, please PLEASE help me learn this lesson soon!

3. I overslept this morning... and now I just want to take a nap.

4. I don't normally have a "verse of the day," but I thought it would be a good idea for today. This is the truth I'm clinging to: Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

5. Between yesterday and today my blog traffic has SKYROCKETED! I've had over 100 views. I wonder if this has anything to do with the big news I shared...  ;-) 

FB Official

I guess if it's on facebook, that means I can FINALLY talk about it on my blog!

More posts than you know have been extremely vague (at least I meant them to be) in the past several months. Well, since January. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my blog is not my journal and what  ANYONE can see it. So I'd either just save it for my journal or try to be as ambiguous as possible. 

I kind of want to just keep being vague because I don't really know how to start this lovely little story. I'll just try to hit the key points... and hopefully leave out anything that resembles a soap opera. :)

.......................

You may or may not know the whole story; if anything, you probably know bits and pieces. This is the most up-to-date story of where I'm at:

So I'm dating a guy named Jake. :)

We met last January because he came to my college life group... and then we had a class together that semester, which means we spent a LOT of time together. He started pursuing me and was VERY confident and I was VERY excited and VERY much scared out of my mind. A lot happened in the next few months, but I decided in May that it was not going to work out and we could not continue in a relationship. (Whatever that meant - we were dating... and we were exclusive.... but we didn't call it anything. So that's confusing. Yes, I ended our "non" relationship.)

The next 5 months were full of a LOT of different emotions for me. I see SO much purpose in that season it's ridiculous. God truly is sovereign and so, so purposeful in our lives! I needed to step away from the possibility of being in a relationship with a man, so I could be reminded of what it means to be in relationship with God and completely depend on Him. (That's the short story, but I could seriously talk for hours and not cover everything that God has done in me recently.)

So the past several weeks I've been processing through my feelings. (really this has been happening off and on for a long time...) I've talked a lot to my good friend, Molly, who happens to be married to Jake's best friend, which means she brings a very interesting perspective. :) She asks some great questions! After I realized where my heart really is, we discussed the possibility of me having a conversation with Jake to let him know where I'm at. Jared, Molly's husband, gave some great advice: if you've ever seen the movie Dumb and Dumberer, then you probably know the scene where the guys says, "So you're sayin' there's a chance?!" That's really all I wanted to convey - I'm just saying that I'm open to there being a chance. (which is drastically different than the last message I gave him!) I had NO idea how he'd respond, and honestly thought that I was just going to do what I decided to do and would see little to no change. I didn't even know that I was making the "right" decision. I just knew that I had enough reasons TO have the conversation, and I'd worry about the rest later.

Well, we had that conversation and clearly things went well!

I am choosing to enter into this relationship without fear obstructing my view. I just want to "see what happens," rather than getting caught up in trying to figure out what WILL happen before I even agree to really get to know him. I have new perspective about SO many things (people pleasing, relationships, making decisions, following the Lord, etc), which is part of what will make me respond differently this time. This is not at all what I expected to happen a week ago - but it did happen and I feel complete peace. It truly seems as though this is a "natural" progression, which is not something I felt before.

Mostly, this whole relationship thing is extremely NEW to me.

I think it'll take a while for the shock to wear off. :-) I'm even surprised at the decisions that I made all on my own - just between me and the Lord - not consulting every friend I have all across the country. Though I value those friendships, the more diverse advice I get, the more my head spins.

All of that to say... now you can pray for Jake and me. :)