Sooo... WHEN will I ever learn?!

Alright, people.
This is getting a little ridiculous.

God is SO specific and intentional in how He interacts with, teaches, and directs us. I truly believe that and definitely see evidence of it weaved all throughout my life. I absolutely LOVE when I can see how He specifically works in my life or in other people's lives.

My struggle is in that I know I've been enduring a particularly difficult season for the past month or so and the weight of the struggle is definitely wearing me down. The great part is that I can clearly see how I have drawn nearer to the Lord through this time... I have been purposeful in seeking Him and standing on truth and cherishing the blessing of community. The not-so-great part is that I feel like I can SEE what I'm supposed to be learning in the midst of the struggle... but I must not be "getting" it because I just. keep. struggling... and enduring.

I chose to quit a smaller than part-time childcare job because my schedule was too much to handle. I am trying to decide whether or not I need to drop a class - partially because I don't have the time to put into it and partially because I am consistently doing poorly on assignments and our midterm is tomorrow - so I'm nervous. I got my British Literature midterm back today and I failed it. Literally. I am processing foreign emotions and trying to understand my own heart and trying to understand the Lord's Will in all of it. I had a cold for a week... and I rarely get sick. I have to practice patience like crazy when working with a 4 and 7 year old early in the mornings.

I know that sometimes life is just hard. It's only a season. This will NOT last forever.

When I got my Brit Lit test back today and saw the grade I just wanted to laugh and my first thought was, "Seriously, Lord?! I must have more to learn (and I don't mean about literature!)."

The resounding message of my life right now is DEPENDENCE. What does it mean to depend on God fully... to trust in Him with everything I have.... to lean not on my own understand, but acknowledge Him in all my ways? I think that this highly correlates to identity. I rely on HIM to determine who I am, not on anything I conjure up in my own successes or failures. (or what grades I earn, how much money I have, what people say/think about me, etc, etc.) What does it look like to DO this tangibly? Well, clearly, I have no idea. :) But I know that it has to do with being grounded in truth, surrounding yourself with a community of Believers, and taking your thoughts captive. When I get that test back with the horrible grade on it that I studied for hours on I don't allow it to change my identity in any way based on the type of thoughts that I allow myself to think on.

And not giving up. We PRESS ON toward our goal. So that's what I shall do. :)