[Always HOPE]

I saw this as I drove home from school the other day... immediately those clouds caught my attention and made me think of that "silver lining" cliche phrase. The sun was blocked, but it shone brightly around those clouds and was still beautiful. Somtimes my view is blocked. I don't understand. I don't see how things are going to work out. BUT. There is always hope. There is always the silver lining.

I just did some research on this phrase "Every cloud has a silver lining" and found it's an old proverb that means that every negative situation can produce something positive; similar to "there's a light at the end of the tunnel" (My youth pastor used to say that to me ALL the time!). It's interesting to me that both of these well-used phrases compare light with hope. I know that Jesus is the light of the world... and HE is my HOPE.

John 16:33 "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Jesus is my hope... and He has overcome the whole world!!! Victory!

How this all ties in with me - I do love my life. I love where I'm at. I am content in this season. I am so in love with Jesus. But there are troubles... mostly revolving around finances w/ school and such. I really have surprised myself with how I've been handling this confusion - walking in peace - thank you, Lord, for growth!

But take heart, Kailene! Your Savior has already overcome.

"The End of Me"

The more adult responsibilities that I have... the more I feel like a mere child.

Why does it seem like everyone else understands the details of maintaining a solid budget, paying for college, planning your future, etc, etc... but I have no idea what I'm doing?!

I know that I keep posting on my blog and facebook about how much I LOVE it here - which I do! - so I don't want this to just sound purely emotional... but sometimes life is just hard. What do you do when you're completely stumped? Hmm... "I've come to the end of me." Isn't that a song or something? I've done all that I can do. I'm making the best decisions that I know how to make. But Lord Jesus - I need your wisdom to guide me! Well, friends, I suppose this is where complete dependence would fall in. Even when I really don't know what's going on - I just don't know what to do - I know that I am not alone.

I just love people.

I was reminded today just how valuable relationships are...

the solid and healthy and trustworthy kind.

Just because life changes and we all go through different seasons; it's good to know that you still have sometime consistent. I feel so blessed to know that even though I moved away from Texas (and Oregon), there are still people who care about me. Isn't that a wonderful feeling? Just to know that you are not alone. We were created to live in community; to support and help and love and encourage one another.

I feel like I'm really not formulating any coherent thought or concept here... that's always frustrating... but I really just want to say that I love people and I am so grateful for the genuinity that I see in the friendships that I have. They are few and far between... I know that I'm blessed.

Let the games (I mean studies!) begin!!!

Well folks, today was my first day as a student at Boise State University!!!

I'm now a Bronco.

And it's true... the football field is BLUE. I had no idea, but everytime I told someone that I was transferring to Boise State they said something about the blue turf. It's very exciting. But I actually haven't seen it in person yet. :)

(Sorry - the placement of those pictures is ridiculous... but I can't figure out how to place them where I want.)

I had a wonderful time visiting friends and family in Portland the past few days... I found this great bag at the Saturday Market downtown with Taylor, I hung out at my sister's house with ALL of my family - SO FUN!, I met with w/ Benita for coffee and heard all about her trip to India, I played on the new wii with my mom and brother, saw my older brother - I haven't seen him in over 3 years!, I went to church with Tim and Jill Whitehead - it was extremely refreshing to sit and chat and eat german pancakes with her... I just LOVE that woman! Basically... it was a FULL trip and definitely wore me out.

I'm so excited to get settled back into a schedule again that I forgot to be nervous about my first day of school. :) Either that or today is just an example of how the Lord has changed my life and I've learned to trust Him. While I was on campus I saw a flier for Intervarsity - it's a Christian club similar to campus crusade or anything else like that... they meet on Friday nights and I am very much looking forward to checking it out this week!

Tomorrow will be a big day... I'll be at school from 10:30-4:30. I'm even going to pack a lunch. :)

As of a couple of hours ago I am officially unpacked, organized and settled into my new room. In case there was any doubt, I still really REALLY love it here. The weather is absolutely beautiful. Jamie is such a good friend and Robbie helps me with important things like cars, money, boys... it's great. ;-) I love that my life is peaceful. I'm definitely looking forward to filling up my schedule... but I love this time of rest. I have time to think and write and read and pray. I'm incredibly grateful.

A little starbucks break.

Well... my mom and I just went to her storage unit and sorted through all of the boxes that I packed up a few years ago. It was like CHRISTMAS! I found my winter jacket, a sleeping bag, all kinds of picture frames, a bookshelf that I painted with my Aunt, and lots of other random things that I'm sure will help fill my new room and make it feel more ME.

I posted pictures on facebook of my trip from Texas to Idaho. You can check them out here: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/album.php?aid=2045158&id=1455660166

So I've been hearing and talking about this concept of "processing change" for the past few weeks. Mostly because I'm in the midst of experiencing a massive amount of change. In just about EVERY area of my life. Actually, I really can't think of anything that didn't change. But what does that mean? What does it look like to process through all of this change? What should my end result be? I'm sure it will just take time. Probably a lot of time. But when I think about it too much.... I just feel overwhelmed. And I've only just begun. Really, I feel like I've just been on vacation after vacation since I left Texas. That alone can sometimes be exhausting... visiting a lot of people, random sleeping/eating habits, no routine (I LOVE routine...), a million and a half hours of driving, which means almost as much time spent singing to myself in the car and searching for a decent radio station (that's tiring in itself ;-)).... needless to say, it's been a CRAZY couple of weeks. So maybe this whole "processing" thing will get easier and come more naturally when I can actually breath in the next few weeks....

I guess I shouldn't rush these things.... an allusion to my last blog post. ;-)

Thanks for reading, you faithful readers. I sure do love writing. Enjoy!

Officially an Idahoan... almost :)

Well... it's official now... I have my Idaho license plates! I'm now an Idahoan. No... they're not actually on my car yet... but hey - you have to take these things one step at a time. Let's not go overboard. ;-)

One step at a time. How often do we rush things in our culture/society/stage of life? Fast paced everything... cars, cell phones, computers... everything. We want it all and we want it NOW. How little we know about life. And how little we trust the perfect timing of our Creator when we try to manipulate relationships or time and come up with our own way that seems better and faster.

I am fully confident that "my way" will end me nowhere... and fast. All I am responsible to do is walk in obedience to the Lord everyday in every decision and then I don't need to worry about anything. (Sounds simple, right? It's not. To obey even when you don't know the outcome; to walk in faith even when it's not what you want... it's all about trust.) When I take my life into my own hands, that's when I start to worry - "how am I going to pay for this?" - that's where most of my worries tend to fall. Oh Lord, help me to trust in You - with where I live, who and when I marry, how I pay for... everything, and whatever else may try to sneak up on me. I want to be a carefree woman - not because I don't care, but because my cares have all been cast on you... and all that remains in me is pure joy.

(and all of that came out of a post of my new ID license plates... oh I love how the Lord speaks to my heart!)

Overwhelmed much?

[I think all this change is really catching up to me...]

Jamie York (my friend that I just moved in with) gave wise advice when she reminded me to take advantage of this time to relax. It's okay to rest! I took two naps on Friday and watched two movies today. I never do either of those things - at least not TWO in one day - but it really has been nice to just take a few days to let it all soak in.

Just pray that I will actually be able to process through the many thoughts sitting in my head right now...

I feel like I have a million things to blog... but most of those things probably just belong in the safety of my journal. :) Besides... I think I have some kind of writer's block and I don't actually know what to blog about today.

On a more positive note... Robbie and Jamie have a CUTE 1 year old son, Josiah, and I think we're going to be GREAT friends...

My goal for tomorrow is to figure out how I'm paying for classes & fees at BSU -- that will surely be fun and exciting. :-/

What?! It's only been a WEEK?!

Well, hello there! It feels like it's been forever... this week has been SO jam-packed. Just to think - a week ago today I had just packed up my car to the brim and went to Sam and Lisa Hasz's house to stay my last night in Texas. Since then I've driven a lot a lot a lot of miles (and I've seen a lot a lot a lot of cornfields and sunflowers and mountains and lightning...), I visited with my good friend, Brianna, I moved into my new room in Boise, ID (just finished unpacking and putting things on the walls tonight!), I changed over my bank account to Idaho, I went to orientation at BSU and registered for classes, I got a job, I spent a couple days in McCall, ID and enjoyed the mountains, the lake, and lots of sleep... and I think I about covered everything.

Tomorrow I'm going to church, eating a mushroom burger at Red Robin, taking my mom to the airport and then resting. :) Maybe after my mom heads back to Portland this won't feel as much like vacation? (It also helps now that I'm completely settled into my room. My OWN room - just had to throw that out there...) I feel like I could journal for 5 days straight and it wouldn't be enough...

I'd also just like to remind you all that the Lord is faithful... oh boy, is He ever faithful! His faithfulness shines through in everything from providing furniture so I don't have to buy any yet, to providing a job with the right hours and the right pay so quickly and easily, to providing remarkable friends who bless my life, to the safety and no speeding tickets after driving all that distance! Thank You, Jesus! This week really has blown me away... so much to take in! I trust that He will continue to pull all of the details together and provide.

This next week is going to be just as BIG as the last - I'm driving out to Portland to visit friends and family. The week after that will be big because it's the first week of school... and the week after that I start my job... oh Lord. This will be a BIG month.

The Beginning of a New Season

I'm writing this as I sit on my hotel room bed in Hays, Kansas after driving for almost 10 hours. That picture is of the sunset tonight... with the GPS system at the bottom. ;-) My mom took pictures... and the people in the car next to us took pictures, too. It was absolutely stunning. This flip phone camera hardly does it justice.

At 7:00am we're heading up to Laurel, MT to see my good friend Brianna - I just checked google maps and we have 13 hours of driving time tomorrow... that's a little discouraging. :-/ And there's a baby crying in the room next to us. [And it sounds like a hurricane outside our room - a storm coming? In Kansas? I watched The Wizard of Oz far too many times as a child...] And I'm just trying not to worry about money. Oh, Lord. Help me have a good attitude and trust you FULLY.

This has been a highly emotional weekend. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would (I tend to be very unpredictable when it comes crying...), but I just feel drained. Between the very late nights, odd eating habits, a wide range of goodbyes, packing up everything I own and cramming it into my Nissan Sentra [barely], Gala, Graduation, conversations... just so many things. My heart is full, but at the same time I almost feel like I'm just in a daze. After talking to Sam and Lisa Hasz last night I realized that I really have a lot to process from my time at Teen Mania. It will be good to journal and think and talk and pray in the next few weeks after I get settled.

I'm thankful for the Hasz's and the Lay's opening up their homes for my mom and I to stay the night... it was very special to spend time with such great friends on my last weekend in Texas. They both were just so hospitable and wonderful! Someday I hope to be like Lisa and Sarah. :)

I am so grateful for the three years that I spent in Texas - but I'm beyond excited about this next season of life. The Lord is faithful!

Just a few things...

1. It's so hot in Texas...
2. 4 days? Really? That's insane.
3. I keep thinking about loading everything up in my car... then I stop thinking about it because it makes this goodbye feel more immediate and because I'm not so sure everything will FIT. Then what will I do?!
4. I haven't cried yet... we're getting to the emotional part... and I'm not really feeling it. But I'm pretty sure it'll hit me at a weird time and I'll just lose it. I don't know. It feels weird. I realize that that didn't make any sense... but I'm just trying to allow you all to share in my confusing emotions. :)
5. I think today is going to be my last day working in ATF Ops. I have completely run out of work - so there's no sense in sitting in the office tomorrow and Friday. I remember three years ago when I started working in ATF Ops... and I've been up here ever since. Hmmm...
6. You know right before you move or go on vacation and you only have random food in your house? That's where I'm at... let's see... what will I have for dinner? Pasta (I ALWAYS have that on hand...) or potatoes or carrots or string cheese. Yep. That's about all I've got. ;-)
7. I really need to drink more water. This is ridiculous.
8. Well... I guess that's all the rambling I have time for today (don't get too excited... I'll be back tomorrow!). I'm just going to go to church tonight and play with some kids and forget that I'm leaving TM.

Have a great night!