I should have gone to bed over an hour ago. My day started at 4:50 this morning and moved along verrry, very quickly. and emotionally. Some days just move emotionally. I know that doesn't sound right, but it's just is the way it is. At least in my life.
I really don't understand what the deal is... but the actual process of getting homework done the past couple weeks (okay, so that's "since the first day of this semester") is just not processing. or progressing. or, really happening in ANY kind of timely fashion.
I partially blame the lightning quick speed in which it seems every single day needs to flash by in...
Good News: I got a 20/20 on my quiz tonight, after studying so diligently. :)
Bad News: I still have 40+ pages to read and 2 essays to finish by tomorrow.
Best News: It's now 11:47 and I know that I can only keep my eyes open long enough to brush my teeth and crawl under the covers. So I'm going to do that... and let tomorrow worry about itself. 5:30 is going to come awfully soon. Jesus - multiply my sleep!!!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday's List.
I just couldn't pin point (is that one word or two? or hyphenated? oh well.) a single topic to write about today... and there are a lot of thoughts floating around in my head right now, so here goes:
1. I miss my mom! She laughs at my jokes and reminds me of simple, but profound truths. I love her a lot! I hope the snow melts over the pass soon so she can come visit me.
1. I miss my mom! She laughs at my jokes and reminds me of simple, but profound truths. I love her a lot! I hope the snow melts over the pass soon so she can come visit me.
2. Living for the Lord is a life unlike... well, anything. Not just believing, but actually living out the words in scripture are so foreign to even common-church-going people. I don't want to be that. I want to spout truth in everything I say and everything I do!
3. I made a new friend who reminds me a LOT of my brother. This makes me miss Kyle a lot... and makes me think that there's a good chance I'll get along well with this guy.
Kyle's classic picture pose...
4. We're having baked potatoes for dinner at Life Group tonight - SO excited! Not just for the potatoes, but for the people. Gosh, I love Tuesday nights! YUMMM!!!!! (I couldn't resist finding a photo. hehe)
5. I watched Channing for 12 hrs yesterday because she stayed home sick from school. Today she went to the doctor and found out she has strep... I just read on webmd about preventing strep throat because I do NOT have time to be sick! (Although, a day sleeping and watching movies in bed sounds pretty dang awesome right now) When I carried her to my car so we could pick Gannon up from morning preschool, she breathed a huge breath of hot, germy air into my face... now I need to fight all those germs off!
I love this sweet girl! [Even if that picture looks blurry and crazy.] 
Gannon's new favorite thing to do: build castles w/ his blocks for his superheros to live in. We made this one together and he was SO excited about it! :) 
Gannon's new favorite thing to do: build castles w/ his blocks for his superheros to live in. We made this one together and he was SO excited about it! :) Monday, January 24, 2011
my morning time w/ Jesus.
"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" Proverbs 24:10
Our strength is only small when we are SELF-reliant and not GOD-reliant.
We will always falther when we depend on our own strength.
Oh, how we need Jesus!
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. [...] But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat [trouble, burdens, hard times] comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above ALL things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:5, 7-9
Our strength is only small when we are SELF-reliant and not GOD-reliant.
We will always falther when we depend on our own strength.
Oh, how we need Jesus!
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. [...] But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat [trouble, burdens, hard times] comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above ALL things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:5, 7-9
Sunday, January 23, 2011
What I learned in my first week of school... not from school.
"[a righteous man] will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear." Psalm 112:7-8
That verse pretty much sums up what I learned this week. [The first week of school. A full week of watching Channing + Gannon. The new schedule that I thought was going to be soooo easy. Puh! What little I know...] Note: The verse above is definitely NOT a picture of how I initially responded to the situation, unfortunately. But then I realized my wrong thinking, fixed it and the next day was 100x more peaceful in my heart - not so much circumstantially. Then a day or two later I came across that verse up there and it basically jumped out of my Bible and hit me in the face Friday morning as I ate my breakfast and drank some coffee. It hits home as far as who I want to be and how I should respond. No fear of bad news. A steadfast and secure heart. NO FEAR.
So how does one BECOME that? It's awfully contrary to our natural instincts, that's for sure. No formula or step-by-step process will do the trick. It's all about fearing GOD more than you fear MAN or circumstances. My good friend, Felicia, and I have talked a LOT about fearing the Lord lately because it's something that God has put heavily on her heart.
What does it mean to fear God?
Well. I'm still learning. I do know that we give power to that which we fear, whether it is a healthy fear or unhealthy fear. If I am afraid of a monster under my bed, I've given him power over my actions because 1. I might have trouble sleeping 2. Maybe I'll sleep with the light on 3. I would probably not sleep near the edge of the bed. I know that's a silly example, but it shows that my fear in the monster determines how I act/think. My fear in God also determines how I act/think. It's also important to note that I may fear monsters because they could "get me," but I fear God because I am in awe of His power and might... His grace covers over my sins, and I know that God is not out to "get me."
My goal? Eliminate all fear that I've placed in people or circumstances and turn it over to God.
I will NOT fear bad news, my heart WILL be steadfast and secure.
That verse pretty much sums up what I learned this week. [The first week of school. A full week of watching Channing + Gannon. The new schedule that I thought was going to be soooo easy. Puh! What little I know...] Note: The verse above is definitely NOT a picture of how I initially responded to the situation, unfortunately. But then I realized my wrong thinking, fixed it and the next day was 100x more peaceful in my heart - not so much circumstantially. Then a day or two later I came across that verse up there and it basically jumped out of my Bible and hit me in the face Friday morning as I ate my breakfast and drank some coffee. It hits home as far as who I want to be and how I should respond. No fear of bad news. A steadfast and secure heart. NO FEAR.
So how does one BECOME that? It's awfully contrary to our natural instincts, that's for sure. No formula or step-by-step process will do the trick. It's all about fearing GOD more than you fear MAN or circumstances. My good friend, Felicia, and I have talked a LOT about fearing the Lord lately because it's something that God has put heavily on her heart.
What does it mean to fear God?
Well. I'm still learning. I do know that we give power to that which we fear, whether it is a healthy fear or unhealthy fear. If I am afraid of a monster under my bed, I've given him power over my actions because 1. I might have trouble sleeping 2. Maybe I'll sleep with the light on 3. I would probably not sleep near the edge of the bed. I know that's a silly example, but it shows that my fear in the monster determines how I act/think. My fear in God also determines how I act/think. It's also important to note that I may fear monsters because they could "get me," but I fear God because I am in awe of His power and might... His grace covers over my sins, and I know that God is not out to "get me."
My goal? Eliminate all fear that I've placed in people or circumstances and turn it over to God.
I will NOT fear bad news, my heart WILL be steadfast and secure.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
.Home Videos.Family.Remembering.
My aunt, Sebastiane, whom we affectionately call Auntie (I just recently found out that it's supposed to be Aunt-T... I'm still not sure why. But we'll stick with Auntie.), sent me this great little package a few days ago with pictures - recent and old, smarties candy, some very cool music, a book, and a DVD w/ two hours of home videos from when I was about 2 - 7 or 8.
I just sat down and watched the DVD and I don't think I've seen any of these videos before!!! It was VERY cool to see how my family interacted then. [I feel so reminiscent. :)] I miss my grandparent's house a lot - they've both passed away. We spent a LOT of time there. I remembered a lot of random, specific things as I watched the video: the clock, china hutch, furniture, picking raspberries in the yard, "swimming" in the hot tub, the slot machine, and so many others. That house is more familiar to me than I thought... I can recall the smell, the color of the carpet, the candy dish, my grandpa's delicious popcorn...
What good memories. :) It's only going to get better from here! I am so incredibly grateful for the blessing of friends and family. Thank God for putting specific people in our for specific reasons.
I just sat down and watched the DVD and I don't think I've seen any of these videos before!!! It was VERY cool to see how my family interacted then. [I feel so reminiscent. :)] I miss my grandparent's house a lot - they've both passed away. We spent a LOT of time there. I remembered a lot of random, specific things as I watched the video: the clock, china hutch, furniture, picking raspberries in the yard, "swimming" in the hot tub, the slot machine, and so many others. That house is more familiar to me than I thought... I can recall the smell, the color of the carpet, the candy dish, my grandpa's delicious popcorn...
What good memories. :) It's only going to get better from here! I am so incredibly grateful for the blessing of friends and family. Thank God for putting specific people in our for specific reasons.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Thankful MONday...
This "Thankful Monday" is to make up for the many, many Thankful Thursdays that I've missed in the past however many weeks.
It's also to remind myself to be thankful when I would rather be grumpy. (that was the first word that came to mind - ha!)
It's ALSO to remind you to be thankful... because "an anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." (Proverbs 12:25) and "a cheerful heart has a continual feast" (Proverbs 15:15b) and it's "good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22). Amen and amen! Another one, just for good measure: "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord" (Proverbs 21:30). He really is in control - over ALL things!
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1. I am SO thankful that the York family is coming back from vacation today! I miss them a lot... and living alone is only fun for about one day. It'll be nice to have some company again. :)
2. The sun came out! Finally! I think part of the reason that I felt so lethargic yesterday, besides the fact that I had two extremely late nights in a row, is that it was rainy and dark and COLD. What a relief to see the clouds break up, the beautiful blue sky peek through, and the sun shine brightly! I can handle the cold as long as the sun's out.
3. Relationships. I am SO grateful for the community of people that God has placed me in for this season. I love getting to know people and being intentional in building friendships. I miss my friendships from Teen Mania, too. We're now spread out all over the country - in their case, I'm thankful for skype to stay in touch with them! (and for weddings that bring us together!)
4. School starts tomorrow! My class schedule and finances are completely messed up (see post below), but there's nothing I can do about it today. I'll go to the registrar's office tomorrow and get everything situated. I should not be surprised at experiencing these "hiccups" to MY plan... rather, I need to constantly learn to trust the Lord in ALL things. His plans for me are good, even if they're not what I expect. I am looking forward to being in school again, though. That Christmas break is just FAR too long.
5. God's Grace. When will my FIRST inclination be to trust the Lord and not become so frazzled and want to quit? In my weakness, He is strong!
It's also to remind myself to be thankful when I would rather be grumpy. (that was the first word that came to mind - ha!)
It's ALSO to remind you to be thankful... because "an anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." (Proverbs 12:25) and "a cheerful heart has a continual feast" (Proverbs 15:15b) and it's "good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22). Amen and amen! Another one, just for good measure: "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord" (Proverbs 21:30). He really is in control - over ALL things!
----------------------
1. I am SO thankful that the York family is coming back from vacation today! I miss them a lot... and living alone is only fun for about one day. It'll be nice to have some company again. :)
2. The sun came out! Finally! I think part of the reason that I felt so lethargic yesterday, besides the fact that I had two extremely late nights in a row, is that it was rainy and dark and COLD. What a relief to see the clouds break up, the beautiful blue sky peek through, and the sun shine brightly! I can handle the cold as long as the sun's out.
3. Relationships. I am SO grateful for the community of people that God has placed me in for this season. I love getting to know people and being intentional in building friendships. I miss my friendships from Teen Mania, too. We're now spread out all over the country - in their case, I'm thankful for skype to stay in touch with them! (and for weddings that bring us together!)
4. School starts tomorrow! My class schedule and finances are completely messed up (see post below), but there's nothing I can do about it today. I'll go to the registrar's office tomorrow and get everything situated. I should not be surprised at experiencing these "hiccups" to MY plan... rather, I need to constantly learn to trust the Lord in ALL things. His plans for me are good, even if they're not what I expect. I am looking forward to being in school again, though. That Christmas break is just FAR too long.
5. God's Grace. When will my FIRST inclination be to trust the Lord and not become so frazzled and want to quit? In my weakness, He is strong!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
In a Moment.
Sometimes change comes slowly, with warning. Other times, something just comes barreling in where it is neither expected nor welcomed and compromises our comfort zone. You know that feeling... everything is going well, life moves along in a predictable sort of pattern, then BAM. It may not even be something drastic or huge, but it usually hits in just the right spot to throw you off.
There are a few specific things that effect me on a much deeper level than any other difficulties: car, finances, school. (I know that's pretty general.) It really comes down to the fact that I don't like to feel out of control. (Lord, help me!) I want to know that my car is reliable, my finances are in order, and I'm pushing through school successfully. If one of these things gets thrown off by whatever force it is that tends to barrel through our lives at the most inopportune moments... I sometimes lose it. Or at least feel like I want to lose it. For example, if I experience problems in situating classes and/or paying for school this semester, it makes me want to drop out all together and forget about it.
Okay, so that's not just an example I pulled out of a hat... I'm living it! I was dropped from two classes that I want/need to take and given a spanish class that I do NOT want... which only equals 10 credits. Tomorrow or Tuesday I need to go to the academic advising/registrar's offices and straighten all of this out.
It just served as a reminder that even if I feel like life is great and everything is in order, that doesn't mean that SOMETHING can't happen in a moment to create some chaos.
How do we prepare for these sneaky little hiccups in our well-planned lives? -- Trust in the Lord and not ____. [Fill in the blank.] Too often I rest assured in the comfortable circumstances of life, rather than fully resting in Jesus. Comfortable circumstances change all the time. Besides, who ever grew by living solely in COMFORT?
There are a few specific things that effect me on a much deeper level than any other difficulties: car, finances, school. (I know that's pretty general.) It really comes down to the fact that I don't like to feel out of control. (Lord, help me!) I want to know that my car is reliable, my finances are in order, and I'm pushing through school successfully. If one of these things gets thrown off by whatever force it is that tends to barrel through our lives at the most inopportune moments... I sometimes lose it. Or at least feel like I want to lose it. For example, if I experience problems in situating classes and/or paying for school this semester, it makes me want to drop out all together and forget about it.
Okay, so that's not just an example I pulled out of a hat... I'm living it! I was dropped from two classes that I want/need to take and given a spanish class that I do NOT want... which only equals 10 credits. Tomorrow or Tuesday I need to go to the academic advising/registrar's offices and straighten all of this out.
It just served as a reminder that even if I feel like life is great and everything is in order, that doesn't mean that SOMETHING can't happen in a moment to create some chaos.
How do we prepare for these sneaky little hiccups in our well-planned lives? -- Trust in the Lord and not ____. [Fill in the blank.] Too often I rest assured in the comfortable circumstances of life, rather than fully resting in Jesus. Comfortable circumstances change all the time. Besides, who ever grew by living solely in COMFORT?
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