Processing the Process

If you know me well at all you know that I am a processer - I love to talk things out, analyze, and figure out what is happening in my head, my heart and the world around me. One of the things that initially drew me to my friend, Molly, is that she is a phenomenal person to process life with - she asks the best questions to get me thinking.

Sometimes I get tired of being "in process," though. I try to muster up my own peace and confidence so I can feel like I have finally "made it through" the process. Unfortunately, that's not reality. Life is one big process full of hundreds of smaller processes. All of which work together to make us more refined. As we move forward in these processes we are made more into the likeness of Christ. Why would I want to step in the way of God making me who He wants me to be?!

I'm watching the kids this morning and the song "Blessings," by Laura Story came on the radio...

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?"

Life is ALL about the process.

I was reminded this morning of a simple lesson I learned during my internship at Teen Mania Ministries that went something like this: "Don't despise the process. For it is then that God interacts with your heart." Being in process is essentially being molded by God, if I am in complete submission to Him and don't allow my stubborn will to interfere. Jesus LOVES to interact with our hearts.

There is nothing WRONG with being in process. Our fast-paced, success-driven culture sends the message that if we don't have it all together, if we have not "arrived," then there is something wrong with us. We need to do whatever it takes to get ahead of the curve and show the world that we have made something of ourselves. That is not God's model for our lives. "Making something" of myself leaves no room for God to lead me in Truth. Being in process has nothing to do with weakness; it has everything to do with surrender.

In general, processes contain multiple steps and/or phases in order to be complete. Each step has a clear purpose and cannot be skipped, or it will throw off the process as a whole. There is PURPOSE in the phase of "process" that you are in right now.

Don't despise the process. It is a part of GROWTH.

The [BIGGER] Picture

I just heard two songs on the radio (Air1) that got me thinking about PERSPECTIVE... which is a really good thing to think about, because it sometimes gets slightly skewed.

First, I heard Hillsong's "Freedom is Here" and I just love this part:

"And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher"

I've heard this song a few times recently and this part keeps sticking out to me. Everything in my life comes ALIVE as I lift HIM higher! What an image of HOW I want to live! I can relate to this because I've also been on the other side, unfortunately. I know that when my perspective gets skewed, I focus too much on my own self and dwell on whatever frustrations/confusion/stress may be plaguing me at that moment... everything in my life does NOT seem to "come alive." But I have definitely also experienced the opposite. When my eyes are fixed on Jesus, I truly DO feel ALIVE!

The next song that came on the radio was "Outta My Mind," by Anthem Lights.

Feelin' like I got a front row seat
To watch everybody be happy
Can't even paint a smile on my face
It's so hard to not complain
Gotta try not to say
O God, what about me
'Cause I know that's not the way
That I'm supposed to be

(Chorus)
Get me outta my mind and into Your heart
It's not about me, it's not about meSo I'm gonna start
Playin' my part in Your design
Now is the time
Get me outta my mind
Outta my mind
There's a bigger picture on display
And it's starting to come in focus
Causing me to see to see the ones in need outside my little world
Gotta try, just to say
O God, what can I do
Doesn't matter what it takes
I wanna lead them all to You

Chorus

If anybody asks me what have I been up to
This is what I'm gonna say
I've been spending my time, outta my mind
And I'm really lovin' livin' this way

My life is NOT about making myself comfortable and happy 24/7. Life in general is often not happy OR comfortable, BUT, "life" is not where my joy and peace come from. I need to remind myself to get out of my head and return to the heart of Jesus because "it's not about me!" I promise that you will see a definite change in your attitude, demeanor and perspective if you choose to take your eyes off of yourself and focus on the Lord and other people around you.



Sunday night...

... and here comes the week, whether I'd like it or not!

I'm really not sure if I would like this week to start yet. This afternoon I've felt a little bit of that frantic, "But wait! I'm not ready yet! Let me just get a few things in order first!" Alas, I don't think I will have enough time to "get things in order first." (If that is even possible.) This week I return to my normal busy schedule and I'm just not sure if I can take it on right now.... The past few weeks I have had so much to process and I had plenty of time to take it all in and pray and rest and read books by the river (which was lovely). But now I think I have even more to process and I don't feel rested when I wake up because I have weird dreams and there are only a few weeks left of school (meaning, major papers and presentations to prepare for) and I will be getting ready to co-lead a trip to Panama in a month and a half and.... really, what am I going to choose to focus on? I could just work myself into a tizzy and get flustered and frustrated and very quickly become ineffective for the Kingdom and probably make myself sick. I'd rather not. Though, I'll admit, it is getting difficult, I choose to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. He will not abandon me this week, even though it won't be easy. I trust that He will continue to fulfill ALL of my needs. Therefore, I have no reason to fear. He is completely in control and very much aware of the details of my life and the condition of my heart.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stuble and fall; but those who hope int he Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:29-31

'"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.' 

Isaiah 54:10

[even when everything else seems to have either been REMOVED or SHAKEN... His unfailing love remains.]

Impact of the Gospel - Days 6+7

I realize that I didn't post yesterday... to be very honest, it was mostly because I had a slightly emotionally draining day and when I came home at 11:00 last night I didn't know what I would write about. I'm still struggling to see... or at least articulate... how the Gospel has impacted me in the past 24ish hours.

A forewarning: I know that this may not sound all that eloquent today. Just saying.

I think what stands out to me the most in how the Gospel has impacted me today/yesterday is realizing and experiencing the effects of brokenness.

This verse from Genesis illustrates the fallen nature of mankind: "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid" (3:10). Adam and Eve took on guilt, shame, and fear in that moment... and each generation since them has dealt with these same emotions. God did not intend for relationships to be broken. The reality of our fallen nature is that relationships DO break, we DO wrestle with feelings of guilt/shame/fear, and we are separated from God because of sin.

[Just like I posted a couple days ago - that separation from God is NOT the end of the story. We DO have hope in Jesus Christ!]

"Therefore, since we have been justified though faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, though whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverence; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -- Romans 5:1-8

What an encouragement these verses are! Paul says it much better than I ever could. :) There is so much that I just don't understand [in life]. I admitted to a friend the other day that I sometimes wish I were not so self-aware because I tend to analyze every single thought that crosses my mind... in case you're not an over analyzer, let me just tell you, it can be exhausting.

BUT - I have hope in the glory of God! So, no matter what happens... all of the things that cause confusion/frustration/pain... I can still trust that God is in control and His plans are GOOD. Brokenness may be an effect of the Fall, but it does not define my future. God's power is so much greater than my own petty frustrations.

Impact - Day Cinco

MULTIPLE ways that the Gospel impacts my life today. The one that stands out most? HOPE.

The story of my life does not end with the reality of my sin OR the shaming voices from the enemy or the world... it ends in HOPE. The only reason I have hope in such a despairing situation (i.e. - the world) is because of the Gospel - Jesus died on the cross for my sins, which MEANS that I do not have to live in eternal separation from God. He is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE, and nobody comes to the Father (God) except through Him. (John 14:6)

Even when my emotions seem to be crazy and confusing and chaotic... He understands my heart, sees my needs, and "fill[s] me with joy in [His] presence, with eternal pleasures at [His] right hand"(Psalm 19:11). For those times when you just feel WEIRD. You can't really identify a whole lot of what's happening in your head and you just want everything to be RIGHT. It is in that moment that He says just you wait! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"(Jeremiah 29:11). Here's another awesome reminder: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"(Joshua 1:9). Praise God! No need to fear. He has given us a HOPE in Jesus Christ who came to SAVE us... and He will be with us wherever we go.

On that note, I think I'll go to sleep. :)

"Impact of the Gospel" - Day 4

Today has been a fairly low-key day. Class was canceled this morning (luckily, ahead of time... so I got to enjoy sleeping in). I only have to watch the kids (that I nanny) tonight for a few hours. I had a phone date this morning with a friend from the Honor Academy, met a friend for lunch at one of my favorite coffeeshops - Rembrandt's, and have had a lot of down time (to read, mostly) besides that. It's really hard to be motivated to hurry up and get work for school done when I know that I have plenty more "free time" in the near future. What's the rush? So, I have somewhat enjoyed the slow pace and peace & quiet for the day.

My "big decision" for today is how I see the impact of the Gospel in my life. I already decided that I am going to go on a short term mission trip for 3-5 weeks at the beginning of the summer. The problem now is deciding WHERE and with WHAT organization. All I know is that I'm going... and I am SO excited to say that!

Option #1:
Panama Jungle trip w/ Global Expeditions as a Team Leader. AWESOME!

[Potential] Option #2:
San Jose, Costa Rica University evangelism trip with Campus Crusade. Also, AWESOME!

Really, the decision is not much of a big deal. BOTH are awesome (as previously stated) and God is fully aware of what is going on and will open doors that need to be open and close doors that need to be closed. Because of this, I can move forward in full confidence that I am in the will of God. [Just typing that brings peace to my heart! Thank you, Jesus!]

The BIG DEAL is that I am excited to GO. This IS the heart of the Gospel...

Jesus instructs His disciples in Matthew 28:18-20: "Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Break my heart for what breaks Your's, Lord. I pray that my desires would align with Your desires. Open my eyes to see the path that you have prepared for me.

"Impact of the Gospel" - Day 3

I'm pretty excited to share how the Gospel impacted my - and someone else's - life today!

I got a text this morning from a friend who is on staff with Campus Crusade and asked if I wanted to join him for a meeting this afternoon with a girl who had expressed interest in having a spiritual conversation with him. After hitting the point of boredom yesterday, this was an answer to prayer! I responded with a hearty, "YES!"

I prayed this morning that God would give us wisdom to know what questions to ask, what to share, how to respond, etc and that our only motivation would be to LOVE.

Billy had a previous conversation with this girl and already established that she understood pieces of the Gospel, but most of it was not clear at all. So, we had the opportunity to share the Gospel in it's entirety to a girl who just wanted to hear truth.

Billy explained the problem of sin - we ALL sin, which separates us from God. Romans says that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus." BUT, there is HOPE! God made a way out. He sent Jesus, His only Son, to die on a cross... to pay the penalty of our sin. Jesus says in John that He is the "Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father except through [Him]." Through Jesus, we can spend eternity with God! Our admittance into heaven is NOT about how good or religious we are. It has nothing to do with what we do or who we are, only whose we are. When we choose to follow Jesus, we become sons and daughters of God. If we confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised him from the dead, then we will be saved. 

At the end, Billy pointed to the two options on the diagram we were using to go through the Gospel and asked which one she wants. She said, "Well, obviously that one [with JESUS as Lord of her life]!" I could barely contain my joy and excitement! The Gospel made sense to her AND she was certain that she wants it to change her life... it was "obvious" to her.

Shoot, talk about a Gospel impact!!!

This experience makes me think of these verses:

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 1 Peter 3:15

"For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heart? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" Romans 10:13-15

This makes me EXCITED because lives are being changed on campus just because a couple people were obedient to what He called them to do. People are so receptive to even just talk about spiritual things and discuss what they believe... what an opportunity to share TRUTH with those who are LOST and SEEKING! I pray that I would have a soft heart that is obedient to the prodding of the Holy Spirit always. Send me, Lord.

"Impact of the Gospel" - Day 2

This is my "Gospel-Impact" for today: Jesus is my everything.

Pure and simple. 

He has provided financially over and over again - currently, I have free rent so I can save money to move out in a few months. Also - my Dad is paying for my health insurance so I gladly canceled the policy that I had on my own. These two blessings save me almost $400 a month!

He has provided emotionally in ways that I'm sure I don't even know! Today, in fighting this darn loneliness (that sometimes leads to boredom) he placed a dear friend in my path who I got to talk with for a while! That was such a highlight of my day, because God knew that she was JUST what I needed in that moment.

I keep going back to what He told me last night at church: "I notice you." I am so full of joy because God sees my heart. He knows what I am fighting to overcome and He steps in and fights for me when I become weary. When I have run out of ways to "just be okay"... He already has my next step planned and a way out in the works.

He is my Truth, my Comforter, my Peace, my Joy, my King, my Father, my Provider my Savior, my Refuge, my Strength... without Him, I am nothing.

"Impact of the Gospel" - Day 1

Happy, joyous Easter everyone! I hope you had a wonderfully relaxing day filled with CELEBRATION of our RISEN KING!

As an overflow of my post last night, this week I am going to focus on the impact of the Gospel. Each day I will write about HOW I was impacted by the Gospel that day. This just means that I want to focus on how the good news of who Jesus is really does impact my day-to-day life. If you are a follower of Christ, He impacts yours, too. I think that sometimes we are blinded by our own pride, failures, misconceptions, or even busyness that we lose sight of WHO He really is and just how near He is to each of our hearts.

There were two things that stood out to me today:

1. Community

     I am so thankful for the people who God has very purposefully surrounded me with in this (and every) season of my life. I moved in with a new family a week ago and today I felt so included in their Easter traditions. They make me feel welcome and comfortable. Then I got all dressed up (curled my hair and everything!) and went to celebrate Easter and eat dinner with the family that I nanny for and their friends/family. Again, it was SO wonderful to be a PART of something. We ate a delicious meal, enjoyed the beautiful weather and each other's company. Then I went to The Pursuit to celebrate Easter with my awesome church family.

     The Gospel invites community. It is a shared belief that brings people together and creates family. There is something inside each of us that desires to be in relationship with one another and the good news of Jesus is all about LOVE.

2. Intimacy with Jesus

     I just love it when I can sense God speaking directly to my heart! I am currently in a season of both loneliness and extreme intimacy with Jesus. I feel like every time I enter into worship lately, I just cry. Tonight at church, I started crying over some aspects of this loneliness in my life right now and immediately I felt the Lord say: "I notice you. You are beautiful to me." It just reminded me that I must reject this need for approval from other people and recognize that my God truly does see all of my heart and fulfill all of my desires.

I have MUCH to be thankful for!

How about you? How has the Gospel impacted your life today?

Resurrection Sunday: What's on Your Mind?

Tomorrow I celebrate the reality that Jesus Christ, God's Son, died on a cross and rose again three days later... all as a part of God's plan to redeem the world and cleanse us from our sin.

Uh, wow.

It is so easy for me, as a Christian who grew up immersed in the tradition of the church, to overlook the impact of that statement. Does the power and magnitude of the Gospel every shock, awe, inspire you or bring you to your knees in complete and utter reverence of the King of kings and Lord of lords? Don't give the typical "of course it does" answer here. Think about it for a minute. or a day. or a week.

How has the Gospel impacted YOUR life lately?

I pray that tomorrow is not just a normal day, or even a normal "Easter." I don't want to get too caught up in plastic eggs or chocolate bunnies or big dinners that I lose sight of the cross. In fact, I want every day to be that way... eyes completely fixed on the cross. Why should it only be on Easter that we acknowledge the Resurrection? I pray that on every other day the cross would be on the forefront of our minds and dictate our thoughts, actions and decisions.