Weird, weird, weird...

Well hello again. :)
It's nice to be back in blog world... I was really starting to love writing everyday.

It's also nice to be back in BOISE.
As I mentioned on Friday, I made a quick road trip to Las Vegas this weekend to see a friend get married and visit some family (Aunt, Uncle + Cousins). You can check out my vacation pictures here: Weekend in Vegas Pictures. I met up with a good friend, Brianna, in eastern Idaho and we drove the 10ish hours south to Vegas together. We were both INCREDIBLY blessed by my family there! It was so fun to see them and get a quick tour of this wild and crazy city. I will never again complain of traffic in Boise. That was a nightmare! I told Bri that once we got to the resort we were going to park the car and not move it the rest of the trip because driving in that city made me want to cry. I felt much better once we arrived safe and sound, showered, and ate some ice cream.

Now it's back to non-vacation life, which is just weird. (hence my silly title for this post) Do you ever stop to think about life and get overwhelmed by how strange it all is?! I sure do. Probably more often than I'd like to admit. I generally feel like there are 9842345533 things that I'm supposed to do in one day. Then there's prioritizing - trying to figure out which one of those 9842345533 things I should do first, second, third, and so on. It's a little crazy that I still feel like that even though I'm out of school... I've been on vacation twice since then and I still don't think it's really sunk in that I'm not in school. I've been so busy! Maybe I just need a couple days to rest, read, cook, drink coffee, go for a hike... just do something I love rather than something just to feel good about accomplishing an item on a list. That's one of the many downfalls to my natural way of thinking - it's hard for me not to find my worth in how much I do. Another downfall, I tend to freak out when my life isn't structured and I don't know what the future looks like. So it appears there are many "downfalls" and probably stupid lies/fears that I need to knock out of my system.

God is not a God of chaos or confusion but of PEACE. Even when life is weird, I will rest in His peace.

This Weekend...

So I know that I won't be blogging this weekend because I'm going on a trip and I'm not even planning on taking my computer. :)

I've deemed May my traveling month: the first weekend of May I flew to the east coast to visit two friends, Heather and Emily (picutred on the right side over there), and go to the Baltimore Acquire the Fire event. Such a great time! Last week I drove over to Portland to visit family and friends for 5 days. Early tomorrow morning I'm headed to Pocatello, ID to meet my friend, Brianna, and then we are both going to drive down to Las Vegas, NV for a quick weekend away. I really do love traveling... but I think for the sake of my bank account I'll just stay home for the month of June. :)

I'm pretty sure I'm all set for tomorrow... made a couple awesome mix CDs for the long drive, lemon drops/twizzlers/pretzel m&m's/fruit for snacks, got my sunglasses fixed (I will be seeing a LOT of the sun this weekend! At least the 1 day that I'm in Vegas, I will. haha), packed my bathing suit to sit by the pool, got a charger for my camera... and I get to see my Aunt Karen, Uncle Steve, cousin Sarah and her two sweet girls - Talynne and Addison. I'm so excited!

I'll only be driving by myself early tomorrow morning and late Monday night... but if you think about it, just pray for safety, wisdom in making decisions, and alertness as we drive. I'll report back on Tuesday after I've recovered! Have a GREAT weekend!

Dare to Dream

Dream... and don't let fear of failure or insignificance stop you. Dream so big that people give you funny looks and think you might be a little crazy. Sometimes, you have to dream big enough that even YOU think you're crazy.

Who do you want to be and why do you want to be that? What do you want to do with your talents, skills, passions? How are you going to make a difference? What do you need to do to get there?

Doing nothing will never accomplish anything... so be proactive in getting there!

Why settle for the mundane routine of blah blah blah?
LIVE.

...and whatever you do... just keep on dreamin'...

D.E.C.I.D.E.

Sometimes you just have to decide. I have written many posts over the last year and a half of blogging on making decisions. Mostly, because it's a part of life and I just write about LIFE. Making decisions are possibly one of the parts of life I dread the most... but they are inevitable, nontheless. Decisions range in everything from what to wear, what to drive, how to spend money, how to use my time, how to save money, what to study, how much to study, where to live, who to pursue relationship with, what to read, what to say......... I could go on. Everyday we make decisions. There are times when a decision may take months to make and then finally requires a response and then I brace myself for the repurcussions of what I decided. My personality is not one that typically makes decisions easily. I like to know what other people think and what will the aftermath be, weigh the cost/rewards. [My interns from Teen Mania know all about this - I am ALL about making pros/cons lists.] 

I need to learn to not be so preoccupied with the thoughts of others and become more focused on listening to the whisper of the Holy Spirit and obey on the first time. That's what I tell Gannon! "You need to obey on the first time, not the fifth time." He's still working on it, but so am I. I'd like to think that I don't have an issue with obedience, I just have trouble knowing WHAT is the right thing. Well, I'd probably be more apt to understanding WHAT it is God wants me to do if I were less self-focused from the beginning. It's not all about me! I need to seek FIRST His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto [me].

What does that look like?
- Open and consistent prayer. Psalm 62:8 "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Pouring out my heart may be messy and uncomfortable... but I can trust Him at all times. This is seeking FIRST His kingdom - not waiting for me to somehow get my life in order before I include my Maker.
- Meditation. Don't just pour out my heart and then leave. If I'm chatting with a friend and need some advice I wouldn't share the situation and then leave without receiving input. I would pour my heart out and then wait to receive support, help, encouragement, etc. Part of seeking first His kingdom in this process of decision making is soaking in His presence and allowing Him to speak to my heart.

Life is FULL of decisions and there is absolutely no formula to make the right one. Graciously, we have a God who is completely unchanging and His word is TRUTH. I need to learn to seek first His Kingdom in all decisions rather than taking it all into my own hands to sort out.

In Need of Peace

... It's been over an hour since I typed that title... and God has already provided peace. wow. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and now I'm overwhelmed with God's perfect timing and provision. It's 12:20 and I have to wake up in 5 hrs - then I'll be working from 6:30am-4:30pm! (So this will be short.)

I clearly need to change the direction this post was headed in... and I think I'll just focus on thankfulness.

- I'm going on an unexpected, quick trip to Las Vegas this weekend and I was worried about money/hotel/etc... I got on facebook (thank you social networking!) tonight after life group and RANDOMLY saw that my aunt, uncle, and cousins are all going to be there this weekend, too AND have room for us to stay in their time share at a resort! I am beyond blessed. Plus, I feel much safer going to that city knowing that my family will be there. wow.

- I have wonderful, amazing, fabulous friends. Gosh, I'm just so grateful for friends who understand me and turn me to Jesus constantly. I love that after being with them I'm reminded to seek FIRST the Kingdom of God. What a God-glorifying relationship.

- I have awesome housemates. :) I'm so completely grateful for Robbie, Jamie, Sarah and even Josiah.... I definitely feel supported and encouraged.

- I have a job! I'm working a lot of extra hours this week and that will be VERY beneficial come pay day.

- God speaks to me. I love that I prayed tonight on my way home from life group that God would SPEAK to me and He did. I pray that my eyes and ears and HEART would always be open to receive from Him and I would be obedient in my response.

Ahh... what a day.

Gannon was really confused when I got to their house this morning at 6:30. He said, "What are you doing here?" I told him that mom is leaving for work soon. Then he exclaimed, "Well, that was a short naptime! It's already morning?!" ha! Man, that kid kept me laughing all day today. This afternoon he made a fort in the living room with 4 kitchen chairs and about 10 blankets. (I think he completely stripped his bed.) He was SO excited about his creation and pleaded with me to go in it: "PLEASE, Miss. Kaween. Pleeeeease come in my tent!" I told him that I couldn't because it was too small for me. He got this cute grin on his face and said, "Pleeeease! It can be a date!" Oh my word! I was laughing so hard. I remember this adorable

I watched the kids from 6:30am-4:30pm. It was a looong day! But so wonderful. They were awesome... and I made delicious black bean tacos for lunch (for myself. Gannon wouldn't eat something like that. He decided to stick with plain old mac n cheese.) AND finished a book I was reading. awesome.

The best part of this day is that I was home by 5:00 and STAYED home. (Not only that, but I plan on being in bed in less than and hour.) I love being home in the evenings. I made a delicious dinner (which I honestly haven't done in a long time) - angel hair pasta, chicken, corn, peas and cheesy toast. It's pretty much my signature dish. :)

All in all, I am very much looking forward to this summer. Time to rest, think, study the Word, build relationships... it was so nice today to just read a book that I want to read and not have a thousand other things to worry about for classes. I need to take advantage of this time and soak it in. Be refreshed. Sometimes that's hard for me... help me to trust YOUR purposes, Lord.

Back in Beautiful Boise

Honestly, I think that Oregon is more beautiful than Boise... I just wanted to use another alliteration. :)

I was seriously blown away when I drove into the gorge on Monday by the many shades of GREEN! It was wonderful! Also - I spent as much time as possible taking the back roads to and from my grandparent's house this week. The rolling hills, vineyards, tall trees, bright blue sky... ah! breathtaking.

Well, as stated above, I've returned to Boise. I left Tigard this morning at 7:45 (after a tasty breakast, made by Lindsay Horne) and made it home by 4:00, which was just enough time to shower and head over to the Miller's to watch Channing and Gannon. What a day. What a WEEK! Unfortunately, I don't have much time to rest in the next week and a half.

-------

Sister - Dawn, Mom, Auntie



I remember Heather, my house leader my second year at Teen Mania, would always tell us that there was a reason why we were all in that house together. (There was 18 of us. For real.) She encouraged us to be INTENTIONAL and not waste the year... we all had something to offer each other. The same is true of family, but probably thought of less often. There is a reason why I have a sister and brothers and nephews and cousins and aunts and parents and grandparents. We all have a special place in each other's lives... for a REASON. I think it's easy to become more disconnected as I grow older and move away, but I do not want that to happen. I need to be intentional with relationships in my family, too. It may be harder... we carry around a different, more personal kind of emotional baggage... but there is purpose. Healthy relationships are so rewarding.

My brother - Kyle and me

Day 3 of Vacation

I was incredibly difficult to get out of bed this morning... but I have so little time in Oregon this week, I don't want to waste a minute! I didn't blog yesterday, I know, but you'll have to have a little grace on this "a post a day" summer goal of mine... I'm on vacation. It's okay - this week is abnormal. Next week I'll be back into the swing of things. (Whatever that even means.)

Today is a beautiful day in the Northwest! I had a wonderful time chatting with my Aunt Terri and drinking coffee this morning. I drove the back roads there and back, wore my sun glasses, and listened to country music. (Clearly, living with Jamie has influenced my music choice... and it just felt right, driving in the country and listening to country music. haha) Yesterday, I went to the beach with my grandparents, mom + brother. We stopped for a minute at the beach, ate a delicious lunch at Mo's, had a very successful shopping trip at the outlet mall (thanks, mom!)... but then it rained... so we got ice cream cones and headed home. Typical Oregon coast! After a pizza dinner at home, I met up with two friends from high school (Lindsay + Taylor - we missed you, Benita!). We went to Rose's Deli for dessert... yummy cheesecake! It was so nice to catch up with such great friends. Today, my mom and I are driving down to Eugene to have a girl's night with my older sister and Aunt. So looking forward to a fun dinner!

Something I've been thinking about since being home: Trusting the Lord requires talking the talk AND walking the walk. It's not just about saying the right things, but actually thinking and acting in a way that reflects truth. God provides, so I'm going to be generous and not anxious. His plans for my future are GOOD, so I'm not going to worry about it or build up my own idea of what I'm supposed to be doing. He has provided things in life for my enjoyment, so I'm going to slow down to enjoy the little things that bless me everyday.

Short + Sweet

This is going to be QUICK because it's 1:53am Portland time, which is 2:53am Boise time, which means I am exhausted! I have been going strong all day... this tiredness really just hit me in the last few minutes.

What an eventful day! I had a safe and unexciting drive to Portland. I was a little surprised to wake up to snow/sleet outside... we checked tripcheck.com and saw there was potentially nasty weather in the mountains... so I borrowed Robbie's truck for the week - just to be on the safe side. I discovered I really like driving a truck, which is not necessarily something I would assume about myself. ha! :) Six hours on the road and I only stopped once for gas. I must take after my Dad in the "we're only stopping for emergencies" sense. Normally, I enjoy stopping at rest stops and getting fun road trip snacks, etc... but for today I was just ready to GET here. I had a delicious dinner at Red Lobster with my Dad, visited with some family friends, then came to my grandparent's house and hung out with my mom and brother until they both fell asleep. Tomorrow we're all going to the beach - my favorite place! I'm so excited!

Well. I'd better get as much sleep as possible to fully kick off my jam-packed 3 days at home.

Packing for Portland Post

(I like alliteration. haha)

It's currently 1:08 in the morning and I'm leaving for Portland in 8 hours. Oh yeah, and I still need to pack. My mom would think this is hilarious - I used to get so excited about traveling I would pack WEEKS in advance. I still get excited; I'm just a little bit more absent-minded. Today after church I was standing with a group of friends and suddenly realized (and exclaimed aloud) that I get to see my MOM tomorrow! :)

Today was a great day, except I'm not sure why the weather turned cold again! It was in the 40s and rainy. I don't doubt that Portland will look like that all week... even at the beach. Oh well. This week at home is going to FLY by... unfortunately, I'll hardly be able to see anyone because I have such limited time! Definitely looking forward to seeing my family, though... I haven't been as homesick as I was a few points this semester since my first year in Texas. I haven't been home since Christmas and I am VERY much looking forward to it.

I'm also looking forward to a nice 6 hr drive through eastern Oregon by myself to think, pray, and sing as loudly as I want. :) I'm introverted and definitely appreciate my "alone time." I've been SO insanely busy the past few weeks wrapping up the semester that I know my "alone time" has been lacking... and it definitely wears on me. So it'll be great to be by myself. That's how I get energy.

I'd just like to end with... God's peace really does pass all understanding, and I'm grateful for that. He understands my heart, even when I don't, and he brings me just what I need at just the right time. Thank you, Lord.

Summer List

I happen to be a big fan of summer AND a big fan of lists... so I thought I'd combine them and write a list of summer "goals." For lack of a better word. "Goals" for the summer sounds a little nerdy... but, well, maybe I am.

1. Blog more! I'd like to blog everyday. Even if it's short. Writing helps me process a LOT... so I know that it would be good for me to get in the habit of writing everyday. Besides the fact that I love it.

2. Read 10 books. I don't know if that's realistic... but I have 5 books sitting on my nightstand, so that's a start.

3. Exercise at least 5 times/week. I'm going to have SO much more time and it's finally beautiful outside, so this one shouldn't be an issue.

4. Try new things! I've got a few things in mind... there's a greek food festival coming up, Indian food, frisbee, rock climbing.

5. Put a minimum of $600 in savings

... that's all I've got for now, but there's a chance I'll come back to this list. I'm excited for summer! Headed over to the Miller's to watch Channing and Gannon tonight and hoping that those incoming gray clouds will bring me a nice thunderstorm.

School's out... for the SUMMER!

First of all... Shoot, I am SO glad it's summer! I could probably cry. tears of joy. and thankfulness. I slept until almost 10:00 this morning and it felt WONDERFUL! For the most part, it was a great week of finals. I feel very confident about 3 classes and very not confident about 1 class. Worst case scenario, I retake it. Oh well. (wow, my perspective has changed drastically from yesterday.) I applied for a job at a nearby daycare that my friend, Christina, also works at. They hired someone the day after I put in my application and are not planning on hiring anyone else. I'm meeting with Kerinda tomorrow to hash out a summer schedule for nannying. After that I'll decide if I want to keep looking for a 2nd job or just leave it as is. I'm sure I'll be able to fill my time with other things... hiking, soccer, camping, reading, sitting by the pool, etc. I think I'll manage. ;-) I'm driving to Portland on Monday to visit friends/family for the week. I haven't been home since Christmas... which is pretty funny to me. I went home more frequently when I was in Texas. I can't wait to see my Momma!!! I really am just looking forward to the peacefulness of summer. Next semester I'm taking 15 credits and it will be a LOT of work. My schedule is packed. So it's okay to have a time of rest. I have to remind myself that sometimes.

I'm reading a great book right now by Paul Miller called "A Praying Life." I'm getting a lot out of it that I want to process through more and blog what I'm learning... but I'll save that for another time. I'll keep this short and sweet because I'm getting ready to head out to Uswirl - this awesome frozen yogurt place - with my friend, Jake.

Studying pays off. Procrastination, not so much.

Hello there, friends.

I feel like Christmas is coming because I'm going to Virginia in a day and a half to visit two of my best friends (Heather and Emily... pictured on the right side bar.) AND we get to go to ATF and cook together and talk face to face and it's just going to be so wonderful. Possibly better than Christmas. Just a little.

Anyways, that has absolutely nothing to do with what I set out to write... I just wanted to share it because it's probably the cause of my procrastination anyways. You know, you just get too excited to even sit still?! Yeah, that's me. :-)

I learned something very valuable today: Studying pays off, but procrastination costs you. (Oooh, that's some good word choice right there.) I studied this morning for my test in interpersonal communication on Crucial Conversations. (a really good book on "talking when the stakes are high") This "studying" business is something that you would ASSUME that people typically do prior to taking a test. Eh, it's kind of hit or miss for me. My perspective has generally been, "I either know it or I don't." I read the material, look over my notes, attend class, and do whatever else I need to do... but I've discovered that I'm generally a very poor studier. Well, this morning I actually whipped out the study guide and answered all the questions and reviewed the material and then read through my answers multiple times... that's called studying, right? ;-) I took the test tonight and lo and behold it was awesome! I knew the answers and was SO relaxed. (I've dealt with some test anxiety since high school... probably due to a lack of studying. ha!) It was great! What a revelation.

On the other hand... I have a final paper due tomorrow night in my Perspectives of Inquiry class - the really difficult, philosophical one. I've learned a lot through this class... mostly having to do with perseverance, self-talk (positive - I can do it!), being a critical thinker, etc. All I have left to do in the semester (for this class) is write the paper by midnight tomorrow, take the final on Thurs of next week, and attend class tomorrow. So close! I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! For some reason, though, it's not motivation enough because I am practically dreading this paper. (That's probably why I started blogging instead!) I just need to psych myself up for it... almost done! My trip to VA will be that much more refreshing knowing that this is DONE. Yeah! I got this!

Okay, I'm ready to go write now.
Actually, I'll probably make it about 20 minutes until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and fall asleep. Oh well.

Refresh.

Just want to post a few quick thoughts:
I am so incredibly thankful for a little refreshment every now and then. Refreshment looks different to everyone, but I fully believe that God knows each little significant touch that will refresh each of us individually. Today those "touches" for me have been: Obedient kids, Kerinda bought me dinner, time at a coffeeshop, a great deal on something that I've been wanting for a while (Timbuk2 messenger bag on ebay for $20!), a nice phone call with my momma, surprisingly feeling caught up in school (except for reading... but I've kind of lost hope in that area. I've come to terms with that.), and a good attitude. It's just been a great day and having a good attitude and actually recognizing these little "touches" as blessings from God definitely raises the level of refreshment.

It's all about what you choose to focus on. Are your eyes open to see the blessings are are you too focused on what you lack (sleep, time, friends, money, etc)? Just look around. You can see God in it all.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." Psalm 23:1-2

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." Psalm 62:5