Thoughts 15 Min Before Class...

You know those weeks that come to a close and you feel like you should receive some kind of an award just for making it through? Yeah... this is kinda one of those weeks for me. Starting with the car accident on Monday, losing my honor ring, feeling overloaded in school, being around sick kids... just to name a few. But now I've come to Friday afternoon. :-) One class to go, then I'm headed home for the night! I think I'll make myself some dinner, pop in a movie, wrap up in a blanket, and eat some popcorn to relax for a couple hours. The best part is this: even after the trials of this week... I love that at the end of it my heart still says, "You are GOOD, Lord... and I will walk in joy and choose to trust in You." It's so wonderful to know that that is my heart's inclination today... That He is good. And I will trust in Him. And I am confident that He will provide for my every need. So why worry???

Goodbye, Car.

I said goodbye to my car today when I went to the salvage yard that bought it from me to pick up the rest of my things that I forgot in it. I realized today that the last car I was in an accident from (basically the same situation except not as bad) was in a Nissan, too! So I decided that I'm NOT going to buy a nissan and I'm going to make sure that whatever I buy has anti-lock brakes.

I've been using Jamie's car, which is much nicer than mine, to take Channing and Gannon to school in the mornings - they love the "new" car because it has a sun roof. :)

I know it will be okay... and I'm trying to be at peace... but it's all slightly overwhelming while still trying to do BETTER than I was in school... Yeah, I just don't have the energy for that. I need to go to bed earlier, but I can't afford to lose that precious time! Oh well. It will be fine. Let me know if you hear of any good cars for sale in the Boise area. :) Okay - time to get back to my paper! Pressin' on!

Maybe I should join the rest of Boise and get a bike...

Well... before 3:00 yesterday afternoon I had a nice little car that looked like this:

After 3:00 yesterday, well, I don't have a picture of what it looks like now... but you can imagine with me... the front end is smashed in and two of the doors don't even close. The air bags are blown out and the windshield is cracked in a hundred places. I was in a car accident on my way home from school and my car is totaled. I'm fine (and so are the other drivers) - I just jammed and cut one of my fingers (on the air bag? I don't know how it happened...), and I feel a little achey today.

GOOD NEWS: There's a salvage yard here in Boise that is going to pay me $750 for my car. (I only have liability insurance - so that $750 is my starting fund for a new car.)

2nd GOOD NEWS: I live with a pretty awesome family.. As soon as I got out of the car, a guy who stopped to help told me to sit on the curb (probably because I was a little hysterical and my hand was covered in blood - sorry if that was too gross. Don't worry - it didn't hurt at all, at the time.) ... Anyways - As soon as I sat down, about 1 minute after the accident, I called Robbie and said something like, "I was just in an accident *sob* and the air bags blew out *sob* I'm on Fairview St..." He told me to calm down, breathe, and that Jamie was on her way. When the tow truck got there, he talked to the driver for me and then he and Jamie paid the couple hundred dollars for the tow because I couldn't think clearly enough to know if I had enough in my checking account to cover the expense. (I do, and I'm going to pay them back - but it was really nice not to have to worry about that in the midst of everything yesterday) Then, Jamie picked me up and helped me decide what to do with my car at the body shop and spoke for me (as my "sister") to the insurance agent and when we got home Robbie had already figured out an extra car for us to use for the time being. I am incredibly thankful... I really don't know what I would have done had I been completely on my own.

Even though I have two tests and a large paper due at the end of this week, I decided that it would be best if last night I just rested and got a good amount of sleep, rather than pushing myself to get a lot of studying done. I don't like being unproductive... but under the circumstances, it's okay. Jamie, Josiah and I watched a movie and ate popcorn (my comfort snack) and then I TRIED to get a good night's sleep. (I really didn't sleep that well, though...)

I know that wasn't really a coherent story or anything... but I just wanted to update you all on what's happening. As Jamie commented last night, my car is my biggest expense right now... that's why it weighs so heavily, and feels so devastating. I know that the Lord will provide. And I really don't think it's any coincidence that this happened as I'm in the middle of struggling to learn to trust God with my finances. But now you know how you can pray for me. :)

- The Saturday Evening Post -

Hello! I can't believe it's been a whole WEEK since I last posted something. I don't really have a good reason... maybe a few BAD reasons.... lack of inspiration, lack of diligence in writing what I'm learning in my "Lady in Waiting" book, etc, etc... Anyways, I just thought I'd give a little update. :)

I decided that I love photography. I've known this about myself for some time now... but today I was so intrigued by the awesome-ness of the clouds up in McCall that I wanted to capture it. I couldn't stop staring out the windows and I wanted to say, "Hello?! Does nobody else see these huge, amazing clouds?!" But I didn't want Robbie's family to think I was crazy. (I went to McCall with the York's this weekend and we stayed at his parent's house) I used Robbie and Jamie's camera to snap a few shots because I don't have one, and their's is pretty cool. (Well, I got one over 3 years ago when I graduated from High School... but it's a little ghetto.) I sometimes see an image and think, "That would make a great picture." But I have no way to capture it. So I just try to paint it in my memory. Or I forget it, which is such a shame. It could be anything from a tree full of red and orange leaves, Gannon making a silly face, the sun shining through the clouds, Josiah flexing his muscles, Channing's sweet smile and excitment in something like making m&m pancakes, or simply catching a moment in time and holding onto it for a while longer.

A friend of mine suggested this Canon Camera as something good but cheap: http://www.digitalcamera-hq.com/products/canon-a3100is#article. She suggested this next one as well. Even though it's a little bit more expensive - I like it MUCH better. http://www.digitalcamera-hq.com/products/canon-powershot-sx20is#article. Maybe. Someday. Photography would be SO fun to really get into. Then I could live my life as a writer and a photographer! It just sounds so sophisticated and exciting.

A List.

Here's a nice little list to share the many, many thoughts that have taken root inside my head these past few days... Oh, how I love lists!

1. This is a picture taken from the top of table rock - where Jamie, Josiah and I hiked last weekend. It was SO much fun!

2. I feel so philosophical lately because I keeping thinking, "What in the world is my life supposed to look like?" "Am I filling my life with the right things?" and "Who am I, really?!" Is this normal? I think so. Why won't anybody answer me, though? I'll just keep moving forward and seeking the Lord... and maybe not think about it so hard. ;-)

3. Update on my social life: I finally know people! I know people, but I'm still working on being friends with people. (there's a big difference) I know that it takes time. But I just want to feel a part of the "group". Soon... it will come. (that was me reassuring myself - haha) Relationships are just such a complex concept. I mean, it doesn't have to be, but sometimes it can be... (I know, that wasn't a very intelligent statement... I'll work to develop that thought and maybe share it later. haha)

4. I think I'm going to return those stinkin' boots. I've tried on about 583 pairs of skinny/slim jeans and they just do NOT work for me. Maybe I'm not cool enough for trendy boots... :-) Oh well. I'll try again next year.

5. I decided that I need to be more studious and have some serious, focused study time. I started that tonight by playing ball with Josiah when he wandered into my room. So easily distracted by the baby... I guess I'll start that serious studying another day. :-)

6. My pandora play list is playing ALL my favorite worship songs from Teen Mania. I miss that place and all those wonderful people.

Thoughtful...

I think I have stopped in here to blog at least once a day for the past five days and have just come up empty. I can usually tell when there's a lot going on in my head, because it's harder for me to write. It means there's a lot more to process and weed through, before I get to what I actually want to say. Whatever is at the heart of, well, my heart. It's sometimes not so obvious. My heart tends to get wrapped up in fear, insecurity, and doubt - and it's hard to see what's REALLY in there. A very wise friend (Stephanie Poe) told me this afternoon that it's okay to acknowledge your emotions... just don't let them consume you. I had a lot of disappointment this weekend... just things not working out the way I thought they would (and car trouble - which for some reason, ALWAYS hits a very sensitive nerve with me)... but I need to remember that those things that my heart TENDS to get wrapped up in, and maybe even consumed by at times, are NOT who I really am. Jesus is in my heart and He fills me with the fruits of the Holy Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness & self control. So I can acknowledge my emotions... but then move on, because I serve a God who is much bigger than all of that! I can choose what I will allow to consume me... Jesus, fill me up! He knows & understands my heart, even when I don't.

"Lady in Waiting" - Part 2

Hello, Friends. :)

FYI - These "Lady in Waiting" posts may come sporadically as I don't want to rush my reading through it. I'd much rather take my time, let it all soak in, and all the Holy Spirit to change my incorrect ways of thinking and build upon truth. I don't want to rush that important process. So, thank you kindly for your patience.

Chapter Two - Lady of Diligence

The key to this chapter is: Don't sit around and waste your life! Singleness is not a waiting period where you twiddle your thumbs all day long and listen intently for your name to be called when it's finally time for marriage. No sir! (or, most likely, "No Ma'am!") You may have heard, "These are the best years of your life!" Then thought, "Uh, are you serious?! It can ONLY get better from here!" Well, I (and the authors of this book) would like to suggest that this season is not necessarily any better or worse than other seasons; but it CAN be utilized to serve the Lord with fervor, grow more and more in love with Jesus, and bless others around you.

Ephesians 5:15-17 "Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

--> I know that I've heard this verse thousands of times, but never in this context. I love it! It definitely sheds new light for me on making the MOST of my days... months... years in whatever season God has me in. (This is WISDOM.) Foolishness is doing the opposite of what God's will is. Understanding His will comes as we understand His Word.

"Are you busy serving Jesus in your free time, or do you waste hours trying to pursue and snag an available guy?" Not that you have to be at church 7 days a week or be apart of 5 different Bibile Studies, but you do need to examine: Where DOES your time go? Are you really making the most of EVERY opportunity?

If you find that you are wasting valuable time, which is very common in our generation, don't worry - it's not too late to change that! Think about this: What is stopping you from: Serving the Lord and the church? Becoming involved in an accountability group? Leading a Bible Study or prayer meeting? Reading a book or seeking out a mentor to help you grow in a certain area? I think that something that often stops us from doing these things and more is our own attitude and perspective. Some points from Kendall & Jones:

"You are limited by your own sel-pity and lack of obedience."

"Our Selfish nature tends to focus on what we do not have rather than what we do have." (this is why it's important to be THANKFUL.)

"Self-centeredness will rob you of the JOY of serving."

Don't let your attitude stop you from living a full life NOT and not waiting for what may come around the corner. Choose right now what you will allow your thoughts to center around, and hold to it. Set an internal standard for what you will allow in your mind. (That's where these negative attitudes START - with one little thought.) Once you overcome that - which is no easy task, and requires prayer & accountability - then you are ready to jump in and serve, learn, grow, etc. Be proactive!

I'm kind of in a strange place in my life right now... yes, Boise is kind of strange ;-) .... but my lifestyle and schedule are just very different than they have ever been. I love it - it's just different. And I have a lot of open time that I can choose how to spend. I've jumped in and started helping with childcare needs at church and I just started as a small group leader for the 1st graders on Sunday mornings! I keep reading books... I'm trying hard to seek out friends & build relationships... I check my thoughts and remind myself that there is value in this season and I need to stay on my toes to DILIGENTLY seek & serve Jesus!

"Lady in Waiting" - Part 1

Hello Friends!

I just started reading a book called "Lady in Waiting" by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. The subtitle is "Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right." This struggle of "waiting for Mr. Right" has, for some reason, been on the forefront of my mind recently. Therefore, I am very much looking forward to getting into this book and seeking TRUTH about my life as a godly, single woman. There is more purpose to this time of life than just waiting to get married. I know that to be true, but I want that also to reflect in my thoughts, actions, and motives. I want to be diligent in seeking the Lord and growing as much as possible in this unique season I'm in. So... I'm going to include you on this journey with me and blog about what I learn in each chapter. :-)

I just finished the first chapter: "Lady of Reckless Abandan."

...

Complete Surrender. Whole Devotion.

Undivided Attention. Focused Gaze.

...

Elisabeth Eliott said that "our hearts are lonely 'til they rest in Him." I will not suddenly be complete when I enter into a committed relationship with a man; I am made whole when my heart is fully surrendered to the Lord. "You were not created to complete another, but to complement." When you look to a career, marriage, or motherhood to complete or fulfill you, you will only find disillusionment and dissatisfaction. "Forsake the famililar and comfortable in order to receive God's best for [your] life."

Is your relationship with Jesus one of sacrifice or convenience?

Do you view Him as the ONLY One who will fulfill you completely?

Do all aspects of your life reflect this unwavering devotion that you have in the Lord? (work, school, relationships, thoughts, attitude)

The "It's Not About Me" Epiphany

It is SO incredibly wonderful living with Ms. Jamie York. I know I've said this before... but for real, this woman is such a blessing in my life! It's great not just because we can gang up on Robbie and make fun of him for eating 6 tacos AND all the ice cream (although, that is pretty fun!), but because we just have spontaneous conversations about EVERYTHING.

They've lived in Boise for a little over a year and still don't really feel connected. (That doesn't offer too much hope on this whole "transition" business I've been dealing with!) So we've talked a LOT lately about relationships and making friends. We are both great friends, but neither of us REALLY have many other friends... after hearing an awesome sermon at The Pursuit yesterday about being a missionary where you're at, Jamie had the "It's not about me" epiphany. I remember the first week of my GI year when I had this epiphany for the first time.... it just completely changes your perspective on life when you STOP thinking about yourself and start to focus more on loving and serving others.

So we realized that we both have kind of been living in that mindset of "I need friends because I want to feel comfortable and accepted and loved, etc, etc." When what we REALLY should focus on is "how can I reach out to my neighbors? how can I serve those in my church? How can I show love to the people within my sphere of influence - NOT just to get something out of it?

This doesn't mean that we just shouldn't have friends and we should only focus on other people all the time.... but Jamie and I have each other.... and we both have solid friendships with women all across the country. So we can cherish the friendships that we have - even if they're not right in front of our faces - and still live the life that God has called us to live here in Boise.