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"... the mind controlled by the Spirit is LIFE & PEACE." -- Romans 8:6

Monday, August 27, 2012

11 Days.... Now!

Anticipation is a good thing. :)

11 days ago I wrote about how I had that many days left until "normalcy" hit again. A normal work schedule - nannying 30ish hours per week. A normal class schedule. A normal workout schedule - back at the rec center on campus. A normal Cru schedule with meetings and events throughout the week. Hopefully a normal sleep schedule. So much normal!

As much as I have a strong love for routine and schedule and order.... I sure hope this semester is anything BUT normal. Normal is simply not enough. (Thank you, ATF Tour '11-'12) I don't want to be normal or average. I don't want to coast by or stay "under the radar." I will go against "normal" and stand out! Not "against" as in, hate those who are, but "against" as in, I don't want that for my own life. 

Though I will likely continue to operate within some kind of stable routine/schedule - that's just who I am, my hope is that I will continue to be bold this semester in living for Jesus and proclaiming truth; to bring a little light into a very dark place. I hope to be a very abnormal college student. I want to do well in school... at least do my best. But I will not let school get the best of me. Reality is, it is not my first priority, and I'm okay with that. I will be intentional in meeting new people and building relationships. I will step out as a leader and not follow the crowd in whatever the trend of the day may be.

I know WHO I am and I know WHOSE I am... I choose to remain confident in those things as I start off this new semester. I will not lose myself, my identity, my dreams in whatever may come my way in the next few months. Fall has been a difficult season the past few years, but this year will be different because I'm more prepared for what is to come. God is doing a new thing. :)

So here's to the first day of school... (my 5th year of college, ouch!) and a very ABnormal year!

I'm excited for what's to come!!!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Titles Are Not Important...

Call it what you may: Quiet Time... Devotions... Sweet Hour of Prayer (my personal favorite)

God desires time with YOU.

And if you've chosen to invest in your relationship with the Lord and spend time in His presence, then you probably have moments where YOU desire time with HIM, too.

In His presence is fullness of joy. [Psalm 16:11]

I love what Bob Goff, the author of Love Does, says: "I used to think I could learn about Jesus by studying him, but now I know Jesus doesn't want stalkers."

[This quote also reminds me of a book by Kyle Idleman called Not a Fan -- Highly recommend reading this book!!!]

The point is, do I want a relationship with God that is equivalent to someone I only know via facebook? Maybe I've read his entire "about me" and "info" section, facts about his background. Maybe I looked through his photo albums so I have a pretty good idea of what he looks like and enjoys doing. Maybe I browsed the comments left on his wall by other people and am inspired by what they say to him. I can make all kinds of judgments and claim a "relationship" with him just by acting as what is commonly referred to as a "facebook stalker." Is that the kind of relationship I want with God?

To me, that seems awfully fake. Shallow. Superficial. Basically, pretty lame.

I would never settle for a "facebook only / stalkerish" relationship with my best friend. I want some face-to-face interaction, quality time. I want to hear from HER what is going on in her life, not anyone else. I want to share my heart with her and tell her what's going on in my own life, too. In fact, it's not just that I want these things; it is important for the survival of our relationship that we communicate in this way and share life together. If I suddenly stopped being open with her, communicating that I care about her, showing her that she is a priority to me, etc.... our friendship would eventually die.

Think about that analogy in regards to your relationship with the Lord.

Maybe a little challenging. Maybe a little convicting. I hope it is for some of you, because it is for me, too!

As I think about what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus -- Yes, reading the Bible is important. Yes, going to church is vital. Yes, I need some strong accountability in my life. But we HAVE to remember that it's about a relationship... not a bunch of rules. If we lose sight of this, then we lose everything. We miss the whole point. Jesus doesn't want a stalker, he wants YOU. The real deal.

It doesn't matter what you call it... titles are not important.
(Although, I think I might start saying, "It's time for my sweet hour of prayer!")

What does matter is your perspective.
Is this quality time with Jesus something that you do like homework and then cross it off your to do list? Does your time with Him consist of reading the gospels like his facebook page - interesting, but mere factual information to read and then be done with? Do you read the Bible like a storybook or the actual words of God written to touch your heart?

"I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room
I want to look right at You, I want to sing right to You..." 
-- Sarah Edwards, IHOP Prayer Room [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmjFg3SvyfU]

Time to rest in His presence is so precious. It looks different for everyone.

For me, this morning is a clear picture of one of my FAVORITE ways to rest in His presence: I picked up a raspberry scone at the Saturday market, then walked to my favorite coffeeshop downtown and got a hazelnut latte "for here" - that means you get a fun mug instead of a paper cup. :). I'm blogging about what is on my heart. I have my Bible and journal out to dive into His Word and be refreshed by truth. I am listening to my worship playlist on spotify so I'm not distracted by the other people in the coffeeshop. (Currently listening to Cory Asbury, "Where I belong" -- loooove this song!!) Where I belong is in His presence... to be with Him.  "Your presence is all I am longing for, here in this secret place. Your nearness is all I am waiting for, here in the quiet place."

Sometimes I go for a hike. Or read on the porch swing.

There doesn't have to be structure or regimented guidelines.

Just quality time.

Just rest and peace and truth.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

"Oh, oh, we NEED each other!"

-- Thank you, Sanctus Real.

Whenever I think of accountability, I think of that fairly recent song by Sanctus Real called "We need each other".

Check out the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPm1sk-utjQ

The band discusses the heart behind the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73OBPYGJoXU

I am very passionate about the topic of accountability because I love relationships! I enjoy sitting down for coffee with an old or new friend and just talking about life - the struggles, joy, pain, passions, dreams, fears, insecurities... all of it. I tend to be very open about life now, but I definitely wasn't always this way. It wasn't necessarily that I didn't want to be vulnerable, it was that I honestly didn't know how. I didn't know what it looked like to share my heart and have a constructive conversation that brought everyone involved closer to the Lord. I tried to be open and real with people who were close to me, but, more often than not, that attempt resulted in frustration on my part for feeling incapable of adequately expressing my thoughts/emotions. My tendancy was to think that, "I don't know how to say what I want to say, and I know I will end up frustrated, so I will just stay quiet." That was the enemy working to keep me from being vulnerable because he knows just how valuable and important it is! He worked hard to keep me silent. "Nobody will understand anyways... Nobody else wants to hear what is really on my heart... It's not that important, I'll just get over it by myself." -- ALL lies! But all very common lies that people believe.

My perspective began to change my first year out of high school as I started a year-long internship in east Texas at Teen Mania Ministries. I lived in a room with five other girls, met with my core advisor once a week and my resident director once a month. I was invited to join an accountability group that met once a week and was led by two amazing leaders who wanted to be involved in my life (and still do!). I worked in a somewhat stressful environment (customer service was a rude awakening for this girl who hates conflict of any kind...) and had a supervisor and manager who were always there for me. I felt like I was pouring out my heart on a daily basis! It was good training... pushing myself to learn what it means to be open. I had a conversation via skype with one of my mentors from that first year in Texas and after I had spent a good forty-five minutes explaining struggles and fears and the current condition of my heart, she stopped me and said, "Kailene, it's pretty amazing to me to listen to you share right now because I remember when we first met and I would ask how you were doing you would clam up and say you didn't even know how to answer that question!" It's so exciting to see the massive amount of growth I've experienced in this area of my life. Praise God!

The Bible touches on the subject of accountability as well:

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

"Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25

"See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:12-13

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

What does it mean to "sharpen" one another? To "spur one another on toward love and good deeds"? What does it look like, practically, to confess sins, pray for and encourage one another?

Vulnerability is a choice. It's a choice to be open about the reality of my sin and the fear in my heart and NOT listen to the voices that tell me to just keep my mouth shut. What do you do when you feel torn between what you feel (fear) and what the Word says? You cling to what you know is true. Every time. If you aren't sure which voice is the voice of truth and which is fueled by fear or lies... it's worth it to find out. Ask a trusted leader and ask God. As we talked about yesterday here, the Bible IS the Truth and can always be trusted. If the voice/urging you hear in your head does not line up with the Bible... then it is not truth. (See Philippians 4:8)

Accountability starts with being vulnerable, and continues to strengthen as you are open to growth and change. Change is hard and often despised. How will we grow if we never change? Change is a necessary part of life... you might as well embrace it now! It's hard to feel like you've just aired all of your dirty laundry and then hear about what needs to change in your life in order to "clean things up a bit." A good friend who seeks mutual accountability will not judge, will seek the Lord on your behalf, and will look for ways to challenge and encourage you.

I'm so grateful for my friend, Molly, who helps hold me accountable to a biblical standard of truth. We have this great mutual friendship where we can encourage each other and call each other out. I know that she has my best interests at heart and I truly want the best for her. Sometimes that means speaking the truth in love, even when it's hard. There is a deeper level of trust in my relationship with Molly because she has proven worthy of that trust and the deep things of my heart. This morning we met at Starbucks early to have our quiet times together... thank you, Lord, for a friend who desires to know You more and encourages me to do the same.

Accountability isn't about chiding each other when you fall short. We all will fall short. It's not about judging someone else's sin. We all sin. It's about living life together. It's about laughing and crying together; experiencing every aspect of life and supporting each other through it.

Just like that Sanctus Real song says, life ALONE is "bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely." We were meant to live life TOGETHER!


Monday, August 20, 2012

The Foundation

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." John 1:1-5

The Word of God is an obvious place to start on our journey of what it looks like to follow Jesus. The Bible is the Word of God. You've probably heard the anologies that the Bible is God's love letter to His people or our instruction manual for life. Corny or not, both are true. How will you know the heart or intentions of a lover if you never read the love letters? How will you know how to assemble a bike or bake a cake unless you crack open the instruction manual (or recipe book) and follow the directions?

The Bible is TRUTH.
This is not just some story. It's not a legend or myth.

Some recommended resources in studying the validity of the Bible:
http://www.leestrobel.com/channels/Bible.php -- Videos & Articles by Lee Strobel
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/bib-docu.html -- Great article by Jimmy Williams

"[S]o is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it" (Isaiah 55:11).

- God's Word, the Bible, never lacks purpose.

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12).
- The Word of God is ALIVE! It is full of God's power to change a heart of stone to a heart of flesh... to bring comfort in a moment of despair... to challenge and encourage where needed. God works through the Bible - not as a mere book, but as His words - to speak to His people.

 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16).
- The Bible serves to equip us!

The Bible is PEACE + COMFORT.
In a world that attempts to provide peace via a myriad of different facets - whether relationships, chocolate, bubble baths, movies/media, etc. All of these things may act as some kind of "escape" from reality.

One of my favorite authors, Leslie Ludy, speaks to this idea in her book Set Apart Femininity:

"By filling my mind and heart with movies and TV, I was certainly not delighting in the law of the Lord and meditating upon it day and night. Rather, I was meditating on the sights, sounds, and messages of pop culture day and night. I was looking to entertainment to bring the rest, refreshment, and pleasure that was supposed to be found in my relationship with Christ" (73).

Movies and television are not inherently bad, but why would I choose to turn to something in the world when I am in need of peace when the God of the universe has given me this book full of His words of encouragement that will speak directly to my heart and bring all the refreshment and "escape" that I need?!

The Bible is GUIDANCE.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" (Psalm 119:105).
- The Bible lights up my path and directs my course.

Some may argue that the Bible is irrelevant and out-dated. This is definitely not the case as the Bible talks about finances, relationships, marriage, health, leadership, poverty, death, anxiety, doubt, fear, faith, and so much more. ALL of these things are MORE than relevant to life today. They pretty much make up "life today"!

I can turn to the Word of God to find instruction in HOW to live my life and HOW to make decisions. (Unfortunately, I don't necessarily have a personalized life plan  - complete with who I will marry, where we will live, and what our ministry will be - drawn out at the end of the book of Hebrews... I wish. BUT, through the Bible, I've learned that decision making requires an ample amount of trust and confidence and faith.)

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On our last night on one of the islands in Panama, one of the church leaders, Marcelliano, asked me to tell him more about God. I was a little caught off guard... there are so many directions you could go in responding to that! I started out by asking if he owned a Bible - assuming nothing. He smiled proudly and said, "Yes, I do." Then I asked if he reads his Bible. His smile quickly faded and his gaze dropped to the ground as he replied with, "No... not really."

Well, there's the issue right there, my friend! I told him that I could stand there and tell him everything I know about God, but it will mean so much more for him to experience God on His own through studying His words in the Bible. It does no good to treat the Bible like an aged book and allow it to sit on a shelf and collect dust. He needed to open the Bible and read for himself; to allow the powerful words of God to work in his life and change him on the inside.

Marcelliano was hungry for truth. He wanted to grow and learn more about God. He even owned a Bible, he just had not been putting forth the effort needed to pursue his own self-development and learn more about this God that he claimed to truth and live for.

What's your excuse? You probably have access to not only a Bible, but other books centered around truth, or podcasts of sermons/teachings, or a small group/bible study, or a Bible commentary, or the INTERNET (hello!). We have so many resources to learn and study and grow, but how many of us put forth that effort and invest time and energy into studying God's Word and choosing to live by it.

We can't be Christians who just keep our Bible on our nightstands and pick it up only to carry it to church... "[So] if we say we are partakers together and enjoy fellowship with Him when we live and move and are walking about in darkness, we are [both] speaking falsely and do not live and practice the Truth [which the Gospel presents]" (1 John 1:6, AMP).

Don't walk about in darkness.

Choose to live by the truth... and in order to do that, you need to KNOW the truth!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

It's a {heart} Thing.

It's a {heart} Thing.
... not about rules.

What does it really mean to be a follower of Jesus?

What does it mean to "surrender your life" and "live for Him"?

What happens after you pray that little prayer?

One of the things that truly broke my heart while I was in Panama was seeing that the Kuna people we were with knew about Jesus, but didn't really know what it meant to live for Him. They had combined the truth of the Gospel with the lies that they had heard their whole lives. Thus, living in fear and confusion. The saddest part is that the people on this particular island do not have a solid leader in their church who will teach them these things. They may decide to pray the "prayer of salvation," but then what next? Is that all there is to being a Christian?

I realized that my own life was not too far from that. I grew up completely immersed in the church from singing on the worship team to planning youth events to serving on various committees (The Church of God movement is very fond of committees...). It turns out that all of those things to fill my time and add to my resume didn't quite cut it. That's because it's a heart thing. Being a Christian is not about rules.

When I left home after high school I quickly came to the realization that even after all of those things I put my time and energy into at the church, I still did not believe or live by basic, foundational truths of God's love for me. I'm so grateful that the Lord brought this to my attention so I could begin to "be transformed by the renewing of [my] mind" (Romans 12:2b). It was a long process of learning to live by relationship rather than rules. Because it's a heart thing.

My Panamanian friends and I are probably not the only ones who have struggled with this. I don't know that my Panamanian friends even know that they struggle with this issue... maybe you don't know it either. Maybe you know it, but aren't sure what to do about it or where to even start. If so, I guarantee you are not alone!

I'm going to start a series of blog posts related to this question of "what does it mean to truly follow Jesus and live a surrendered life?"

We'll discuss things like:
          - Biblical Standards
          - Reading the Bible
          - Prayer
          - Church
          - Accountability
          - Evangelism/Missions Lifestyle
          - Generosity
          - Grace
          - Purity

Not that I have all the answers, by any means... but I do believe that the Bible has a lot to say about all of these things. So that's where we'll start. :)

Being a follower of Jesus is not about DOING all of those things (reading the Bible, going to church, going on mission trips to foreign countries, etc) - remember, it's a heart thing - but doing those things out of a sincere desire to love God and love people.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

11 Days...

11 Days until the madness that is "normal life" hits this girl!

I was just journaling (on the back patio while eating vanilla bean ice cream w/ frozen blueberries and pureed nectarines -- YUM) and praying that God would help me to embrace these few remaining days of rest, refreshing time with friends, camping, and prep for ministry at BSU with Cru. I feel like I'm just anticipating everything to start back up again... and I'm SO excited for my new nannying schedule, for my classes (especially the writing classes!), for discipleship group/fuel/cru events, and to be able to use the gym at the rec center again. (that's my excuse for the lack of exercise in my life right now - I can't use the rec until classes start... haha)

Reality is, I really do enjoy time with friends and sleeping in and having time to go do all kinds of fun things... but on the other hand, I tend to get restless when I don't have a schedule and something going on every minute of the day. I feel unproductive. Whose standards am I trying to live by anyways?! I have to remind myself that there is purpose in the inbetween times. God can use this time to renew my heart and my mind. I'm recouperating from the amazing two months on missions and preparing for the next season of ministry. Embrace it! Not only are there good times ahead, but there are good times TODAY!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" - Philippians 4:4

This is the day the Lord has made, I will REJOICE & be GLAD in it!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Undivided Devotion

A heart that is undivided.
Surely this is hard to come by.
So many things vie for the attention of a heart:
Whether tangible or intangible... 
human or material... 
superficial or genuinely worthwhile
How does one keep her heart undivided?
Focused on the One that is worthy of it all.
Seeking fulfillment in her Savior rather than things of this world.
A desire to please only Him, not everyone around her.
Completely and wholeheartedly devoted to His will.
Puts selfish desires and comforts aside to serve selflessly.
My heart was made to love Him and the purpose of my life is to live for Him.
The reality of sin and the purpose of the enemy steals devotion, battles for hearts
Remain steadfast until the end.
Devoted.
Passionate.

1 Corinthians 7:34b, "...that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

1 Corinthians 16:13, "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love." 


Saturday, August 11, 2012

A Place of Contentment

This mini-retreat was a great idea... definitely worth it!

Ready for the drive


First Stop: The Fogglifter
Blended Coffee & Blogging

Next Stop: The Lake!!!
Journal... Bible... Water... Beach


Enjoying the sun
Stayed the night w/ some family friends who have a beautiful home...
this is the view from the back porch where I read last night.


...and also where I read this morning.

I feel completely refreshed and energized - even after a week of battling strep throat and a staph infection upon returning from Panama! As I journaled this morning I was just overwhelmed with how my heart is truly content in Jesus. I pray that I would never lose sight of this! My confidence is found in Him and one thing I know I learned this summer is that I am completely capable of making decisions on my own because I am led by the Holy Spirit... not by every person who is around me. I can move forward with confidence!

This "place of contentment" is God's presence.
Nothing else will satisfy.
Our hearts are so flippant and continue searching for love and peace even after we've already been assured of an eternity with the Creator.
Forgive me for searching for love elsewhere!

Friday, August 10, 2012

Perseverance... Worth the Wait!

Some things are worth the extra effort and time. It's probably safe to say that the BEST things are worth the extra effort and time. Sometimes you have to decide to just GO for it and not give up.
Relentless!

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I was reminded of that this morning as I tried to make my way out of Boise for a 24 hr retreat by myself in one of my favorite little mountain towns. First I had to stop at Walmart. Then I realized one of my tires was really low on air, so I went to the gas station. It didn't look like the air I put in made any difference at all, so I went across the street to Oil Can Henry's to have someone else look at it. Once the tire was deemed safe, I started out on HWY 55 only to see a big sign a few miles down that said, "Road Closed at Gardena." I knew that with the constant construction on that road and current fires in the area, I had better check it out... sure enough, the road was closed. So I called my old youth Pastor - and trusty "get me out of any kind of car/travel trouble" (really, trouble of any kind - haha) friend - and he told me about an alternate route.

At that point I was questioning whether or not it was even worth it to go to McCall; it was taking me forever just to get out of town! Robbie said the other route would only add about 30 minutes and it would definitely still be worth it. So I decided to go!

I'm so glad I didn't settle for a local park or river.... that's not what I had my heart set on.

This also reminds me of one of my free days in Panama. It was about a month and a half in to the trip and I was feeling a little homesick/discouraged. I went to bed with a fever and didn't feel too great when I woke up either. Another team leader asked if I was going to stay back for the day instead of going into the city and I said, "No way." I was determined to find the same coffeeshop that my project director, Sarah, and I had found the month before. I wanted to find it because it was peaceful, it reminded me of Sarah :), it was in a really nice part of Panama City, and I just wanted a cup of coffee... something familiar. There's just something about coffeeshops that make me feel comfortable.


Rachel took a picture of me sitting in my favorite coffeeshop in Panama
- Ok, the ONLY coffeeshop I went to :) -
Just ignore the lovely construction equipment out the window
Similar to this morning, my friend, Rachel, and I almost didn't go to the coffeeshop. We went to the internet cafe to connect w/ friends and family from home, we went to the grocery store to get treats for our teams, we found a few random souvenirs and then by the time we were done with that, I wasn't sure we'd have enough time to find the coffeeshop. We would have to get a taxi, and even then, I didn't know the NAME of the coffeeshop or exactly where it was located. I was just getting more and more discouraged. I don't even know why it was such a big deal to me, I was just disappointed thinking that we wouldn't be able to go. Rachel decided that we should at least TRY. So we found a taxi driver who knew the area and agreed to take us close to it. We walked only a few blocks and when I found it I was SO relieved! We ordered the most delicious lunch I had for the whole two months - pesto chicken pasta and a salad, YUM! We enjoyed the air conditioning, the food, the drinks, good conversation, and had time to read our Bibles and relax. It was so wonderful... definitely worth persevering through the frustration of the morning to get there. It was worth the effort.

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I love when I experience something that is perfectly normal and God allows me to learn something through it. :)

What are the things in life right now that I'm not working to pursue, but should be?

Are there things that I am putting effort in that are NOT worth pursuing?

Do I take time to recognize the "small gifts" from the Lord - the reward for persevering?

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I'm so glad I persevered this morning and decided to make the drive up to McCall. I just love it here and I am so thankful for a day to just rest and process and sit by the lake to journal. Ah, my favorite thing!!! Open my heart to receive from You today, Lord. Fill me up. Keep my eyes fixed on You.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Post-Panama: ABUNDANTLY More

Hola! Gloria Dios!

It is SO great to be back home! Two months is a LONG time... literally, it is 1/6 of the year. Plenty of time to brush up on my espanol, meet some pretty amazing people, preach from the Word of God, travel to two different San Blas islands (Nargana + Arritupu) and two different villages in the Darien Jungle (Maje + Meteti), try some delicious food (and discover how much I LOVE fried plantains!!!), run through a few airports (okay, only Miami... insane!)hear the loudest thunder of my life, sleep in a hammock, and so much more.

There are seriously no words to describe my 2-month experience in Panama this summer... In Ephesians, Paul describes God as One who is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph. 3:20, NIV). I have no doubt that God's power was persistently at work in my heart, the hearts of the missionaries, and the hearts of the Panamanians. Not only that, but He surpassed our expectations - as He usually does - and gave immeasurably MORE than I could ask or imagine. Wow!!!


My heart is so full writing this as I keep getting interrupted by a conversation via facebook instant messenger with Diocelina - the sister of the Pastor we worked with in Maje - and by my own research on the history of the church on one of the islands we went to. My heart is full because I see the need. I feel the urgency. I caught just a mere glimpse of the current state of the church in the San Blas and Darien and now it is hard to be HERE in North America. It's hard to be here when I know that so many Kuna people do not have a Bible in their native language, or they may have a Bible but don't understand the importance of reading it, or even if they understand the importance, they don't really know HOW to read/study it. It's hard to be here when I know that there are many who were so close to "getting it." So close. It's hard to be here when I know that the Pastors who are serving the Lord diligently are close to burn out and need support from fellow believers in order to continue reaching the lost.



Send someone to teach them, Lord! Send workers to your harvest field!


I started out saying that it's so great to be home, but I know that if I was called to go back I would pack my bags and go in a heartbeat. The heat, sweat, bugs, crabs, bathroom situation, isolation, etc, etc... it's all worth it! These people need to hear the Gospel. They must know the Truth. They need to be FREE from the FEAR that has gripped their lives so tightly for so long.

The verses that I am holding onto from my experience in Panama --

"Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully."
2 John 8

"Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today and forever."
Hebrews 13:7-8

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrifried because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."
Hebrews 10:39

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."  
Hebrews 10:35-36